Lt. Sam Weinberg
"I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hmm? "Objection." "Overruled." "No, no. I strenuously object." "Oh. You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider."
Lt. Sam Weinberg
Lt. Sam Weinberg
Look at this! Last night he's swimming in Jack Daniels, and now he can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Lt. Sam Weinberg
He does think better with that bat.
Lisa
No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.
Jack Riley
[chuckles]
Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.
Lisa
Actually--
Maya
Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.
Judge B. Duff
Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?
John
Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
Maya
Dr. Dolittle.
Judge B. Duff
[spectators murmuring]
Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
John
Yes, I do, Your Honor.
Judge B. Duff
In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.
John
Thank you, sir.
Judge B. Duff
And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.
Lisa
Thank you, Your Honor.
Reporter #1
[gavel bangs]
Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!
Reporter #2
Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?
John
Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]
Reporter
And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year, Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild. In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction. It's Darwin versus Dolittle.
Jack Riley
Oh, get over yourself.
Joe Potter
Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.
Governor
I understand, Joe, but it's complicated. Especially if that endangered bear survives.
Joe Potter
I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.
Jack Riley
Now, now, J.P., not to worry.
Governor
That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.
Jack Riley
And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.
Joe Potter
And I've got just the place to put him.
Joe Potter
Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
Jack Riley
Of course.
Joe Potter
This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
John
Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
Joe Potter
That's the other offer.
Jack Riley
The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
John
[sighs]
I need to run this by my favorite wife.
Jack Riley
Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
John
Excuse me.
Jack Riley
Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Joe Potter
Yeah.
Keaton
His name is Verbal. Verbal Kint.
McManus
Verbal?
Keaton
Yeah.
Verbal
Roger, really. People say I talk too much.
Hockney
Yeah, I was just about to tell you to shut up.
Cop
I can put you in Queens on the night of the hijacking.
Hockney
Really? I live in Queens. Did you put that together yourself, Einstein? Got a team of monkeys working around the clock on this?
Fenster
[after being strip-searched]
I had a finger up my asshole tonight.
Hockney
Is it Friday already?
Chicago
Honey, I'm home!
Jericho Cane
I was just pulling myself together.
Chicago
It's gonna take a lot more pulling. [opens the curtains as Jericho shields his face] You are looking very sharp this morning.
Jericho Cane
Thanks.
Chicago
You're welcome. You got about five minutes to get ready. Here. There's enough caffeine in this to kill an elephant. Oughta get you started.
Jericho Cane
So what's today?
Chicago
Transport.
Jericho Cane
Anyone special?
Chicago
No, just some Wall Street scumbag.
Jericho Cane
Why the hell does he need all this protection?
Chicago
Well, I guess he **** with some people that didn't like being **** with.
Jericho Cane
Personally, I like scumbags. They pay better.
Jericho Cane
Oh, it's us.
Marge Francis
Jesus! How the hell did you two find this place.
Jericho Cane
Lucky guess. So what did you find out?
Marge Francis
His name's Thomas Aquinas. He's a priest.
Jericho Cane
Why don't you tell us something we don't know?
Chicago
A homicidal priest. That's good.
Marge Francis
Yeah? Well, it gets better. He studied at the Vatican. He was one of their alleged visionaries. Came here in '81 to St. John's Church downtown. Six months ago, he disappeared. Priest there say he was having a spiritual crisis.
Chicago
Oh, yeah. That's what this is about. Spiritual crisis.
Jericho Cane
Doesn't make any sense. What's a priest doing shooting at a Wall Street banker?
Marge Francis
A Wall Street banker, by the way, who suddenly disappeared.
Chicago
Maybe we should ask the girl.
Marge Francis
What girl?
Chicago
Uh, the guy. The guy, priest guy.
Jericho Cane
[somewhat surprised]
You're bleeding!
Chicago
Of course I'm bleeding! You **** shot me!
Jericho Cane
I just needed to find out!
Chicago
Well, you found out, okay?!
Jericho Cane
Stop being such a pussy!
Chicago
Pussy? Come on!
Jericho Cane
It's just a scratch.
Chicago
Oh, Christ.
Jericho Cane
Does it hurt?
Chicago
Yeah, what do you think? Jesus. What the hell's matter with you? What's going on?
Jericho Cane
I can't explain it.
Janni
I vant you to understand, when it comes to Yimmy Tudeski, we're not talking about a human being. We're talking about a rodent! We're talking about wermin! [pause] Where was I?
Oz
Wermin, I think. Wermin.
Janni
We're talking about someone - **** THAT! - some THING that doesn't deserve to be breathing. The AIR!
Janni
You know I have this same car?
Oz
Really?
Janni
No.
Janni
Expecting a call?
Cynthia
Explain to me how that's any of your business.
Rool:
[Meeting Fin Raziel, who has been turned into a muskrat]
That's Raziel?
Franjean:
I don't know, I expected something more grand, less...
Rool:
Fuzzy.
Franjean:
Fuzzy.
Rool:
We'll never catch up with those horses!
Franjean:
Then we will have to track them.
Rool:
That would take forever. Besides, even if we find them, they'd only capture us, stick us in cages, torture us and finally devour us!
Franjean:
Are you suggesting we go home?
Rool:
Nah, this is more fun.
Franjean:
All right, fine then. Come on!
Madmartigan
Well, looks like I got ya here.
Franjean
You? What did you do?
Rool
All you did was hang around, and eat our eggs! Eh?
Willow
I found a boat, we're all set!
Madmartigan
Good. Take these lizards out and drown'em!
Franjean
Lizards?!? Who're you calling lizards?!? (Franjean and Rool growl threateningly)
Rool
You're mother was a lizard!
Lorne Daniels
[after seeing Jamal in the team mascot's costume]
A third career.....Where do u find the time?