Lt. Sam Weinberg Look at this! Last night he's swimming in Jack Daniels, and now he can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
4th most-quoted character in A Few Good Men (1992): in 20 of its 96 quotes
Most scenes with: Lt. Col. Matthew Markinson (14), Lt. Daniel Kaffee (11), Lt. Cdr. JoAnne Galloway (11)
"I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hmm? "Objection." "Overruled." "No, no. I strenuously object." "Oh. You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider."
More lines from Lt. Sam Weinberg
2 quotes Lt. Sam Weinberg Lt. Sam Weinberg He does think better with that bat.
Scenes with Lt. Sam Weinberg
17 scenes
C.O.
It seems important to Division that this one be handled by the book, so I'm assigning co-counsel. Any volunteers? [Stares at Weinberg]
Weinberg No! Sir, I've got a pile of papers on my desk about a mile high!
C.O.
Work with Kaffee on this.
Weinberg Doing what? Kaffee will have this done in about four days.
C.O.
Doing various administrative things. Backup. Whatever.
Weinberg In other words, I have no responsibilities here whatsoever.
C.O.
Right.
Weinberg My kind of case.
Hi, I'm Daniel Kaffee. I was told to meet with, ah, Lieutenant Commander Galloway about a briefing?
You're the attorney Division assigned?
I'm lead counsel. This is Sam Weinberg.
Weinberg I have no responsibilities here whatsoever.
Lieutenant, how long have you been in the Navy?
Going on nine months now.
And how long have you been out of law school?
A little over a year.
I see.
Have I done something wrong?
No, it's just that when I petitioned Division to have counsel assigned, I was hoping to be taken seriously.
No offense taken, in case you were wondering.
Weinberg Commander, Lieutenant Kaffee is generally considered the best litigator in our office. He's successfully plea-bargained forty-four cases in nine months.
One more and I get a set of steak knives.
What do you want from me?
I want you to let them be judged. I want you to stand up and make an argument.
Weinberg An argument that didn't work for Calley at My Lai. An argument that didn't work for the Nazis at Nuremberg.
Oh for Christ's sake, Sam. Do you really think that's the same as two teenage Marines executing a routine order they never believed would result in harm? These guys aren't the Nazis!
Don't look now Danny, but you're making an argument.
Weinberg You're my witness. The baby spoke. My daughter said a word.
Your daughter made a sound, Sam. I'm not sure it was a word.
Weinberg Come on now, it was definitely a word.
Okay.
Weinberg You heard her. The girl sat here, pointed, and said, "Pa". She did! She said, "Pa".
Sam,she was pointing at a mailbox.
Weinberg That's right. Pointing as if to say, "Pa, look; a mailbox!"
You don't believe their story, do you? You think they ought to go to jail for the rest of their lives.
Weinberg I believe every word of their story. And I think they ought to go to jail for the rest of their lives.
Tell your friend not to get cute down there, the Marines at Gitmo are fanatical.
Weinberg Fanatical about what?
About being Marines.
Weinberg Don't forget to wear the whites. It's very hot down there.
I don't like the whites.
Weinberg Nobody likes the whites, but we're going to Cuba. You got Dramamine?
Dramamine keeps you cool?
Weinberg No, Dramamine keeps you from throwing up. You get sick when you fly.
I get sick when I fly 'cause I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine will help.
Weinberg I got some oregano. I hear that works pretty good.
Lieutenant Kendrick, do you think Private Santiago was murdered?
Commander, I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ, and because I do, I can say this. Private Santiago is dead, and that is a tragedy. But he is dead because he had no code. He is dead because he had no honor. And God was watching.
Weinberg How do you feel about that theory?
Sounds good. Let's move on.
Were you able to speak to your friend in the N.I.S.?
Weinberg Yeah. She said if Markinson doesn't want to be found, we're not gonna find him. She said I could be Markinson and you wouldn't know it.
Kaffee [eyeing Sam suspiciously]: Are you Markinson?
Weinberg No.
I'm not Markinson. That's two down.
We'll go to Randolph in the morning and ask for a continuance--24 hours.
Why?
To subponea Colonel Jessep.
No
Just listen for a second... Just hear me out...
No, I won't listen and I won't hear you out. Your passion is compelling, Jo; it's also useless. Lowden Downey needed a trial lawyer today.
You're chickenshit. You're gonna use what happened today as an excuse to give up.
It's over. What possible good would come from putting Jessep on the stand?
He ordered the Code red on Santiago.
He DID? That's great, and of course you have proof of this, right? Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting you were sick the day they taught law at law school.
You put him on the stand and you get it from him.
Oh, we get it from him, yes! Colenel Jessep, isn't it true that you ordered the Code red on Santiago?
Sam Look, we're all a little--
[imitates buzzer]
I'm sorry, your time's run out. What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Levenworth, and for Defense Council Kaffee, it's a court martial, yes... After falsly accusing a highly-decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lt. Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maitenance at the rocko club and school for women. Thank you for playing "Now Should We or Should We Not Follow the Advice of the Galactically Stupid?!". [throws a stack of papers off the table]
I'm sorry I lost your set of steak knives.
Is your father proud of you?
Sam Don't do this to yourself.
I'll bet he is, I bet he bores the shit out of neighbors and relatives, Sam's made law review, got a real big case he's making. Arguing, he's making an argument. I think my father would've liked to see me graduate from law school, I think he would've enjoyed that an awful lot.
Sam Did I ever tell you I wrote a paper about your dad in college?
Yeah.
Sam One of the best trial lawyers ever.
Yes, he was.
Sam And if I were Dawson and Downey and I were given a choice between you or your father to represent me in this case, I'd pick you every day of the week and twice on Sunday. You should've seen yourself thunder away at Kendrick.
Would you put Jessep on the stand?
Sam No.
You think my father would've?
Sam With the evidence we got, not in a million years. But here's the thing, and there's really no way of getting around this. Neither Lionel Kaffee nor Sam Weinberg is lead defense in the matter of the U.S. vs. Dawson and Downey, so there's really only one question. What would you do?
Why do you hate them so much?
Weinberg They picked on a weakling. That's all they did, all right? The rest of this is just smoke-filled coffeehouse crap. They tortured and tormented a weaker kid. They didn't like him — so they killed him. And why? Because he couldn't run very fast!
Weinberg Why do you like them so much?
Because they stand on a wall. And they say, "Nothing's gonna hurt you tonight, not on my watch."
Danny
Lieutenant Kendrick. May I call you John?
No, you may not.
Danny
Have I done something to offend you?
No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go someplace to fight, you fellas always give us a ride.
Lieutenant Kendrick, do you think Santiago was murdered?
Commander, I believe in God and His son Jesus Christ. And because I do, I can say this. Private Santiago is dead, and that is a tragedy. But he is dead because he had no code. He is dead because he had no honor, and God was watching.
Weinberg [to Danny]
How do you feel about that theory?
Danny
[uneasily]
Sounds good! Let's move on.
Weinberg I strenuously object? Is that how it works? Objection. Overruled! No, no, no... I strenuously object! Oh, I should reconsider then!
I got it on the record.
Weinberg You got the court thinking we're afraid of the doctor. Christ, you even had the judge saying he was an expert! You object once, so we can say he's not a criminologist. You keep after it, our cross looks like a bunch of fancy lawyer tricks. It's the difference between paper law and trial law!
Weinberg They beat up on a weakling. The rest of this is just smoke-filled-coffeehouse crap. They tortured and tormented a weaker kid! They didn't like him. So? They killed him. And why? Because he couldn't run very fast!
Weinberg [...] [turning back to face Galloway]
Why do you like them so much?
[with a confident tone]
Because they stand on a wall and say, "Nothing's gonna hurt you tonight. Not on my watch."
I still think we can win.
Look, we'll go to Randolph in the morning and make a motion for a continuance, twenty-four hours.
Why would we wanna do that?
To subpoena Colonel Jessup.
What?
Listen for a second.
No.
Just hear me out!
No, I won't listen and I won't hear you out. Your passion is compelling, Jo; it's also useless. Louden Downey needed a trial lawyer today!
You chickenshit. You're going to use what happened today as an excuse to give up?
It's. Over.
Why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
What?
In Cuba, why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
What does it matter? I wanted the damn transfer order!
Bullshit! You could've gotten it by picking up the phone and calling any one of the dozen departments at the Pentagon. You didn't want the transfer order, you wanted to see Jessup's reaction when you asked for the transfer order. You had an instinct, and it was confirmed by Markinson. Now dammit, lets put Jessup on the stand and end this thing!
What possible good could come from putting Jessup on the stand?
He told Kendrick to order the Code Red!
[sarcastic]
He did? Well, that's great! Why didn't you say so?! And of course, you have proof of that? Oh! I'm sorry, I keep forgetting, you were sick the day they taught law at law school!
You put him on the stand and you get it from him.
Oh, we get it from him! Yes! No problem! We get it from him! "Colonel Jessup, isn't it true that you ordered the Code Red on Santiago?"
Weinberg Listen, we're all a little--
[imitates buzzer]
EEEGH! I'm sorry, your time's run out! What do we have for the losers, Judge?! Well, for our defendants, it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And for defense counsel Kaffee... That's right! It's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globo School for Women! Thank you for playing! Should we, or should we not, FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF THE GALACTICALLY STUPID?!
