Lt. Daniel Kaffee This is a sales pitch. It's not going to be won by the law, it's going to be won by the lawyers.
Played by Tom Cruise 
A Few Good Men (1992) · 96 quotes
A Few Good Men (1992) · 96 quotes
Most-quoted character in A Few Good Men (1992): in 69 of its 96 quotes
Most scenes with: Lt. Col. Matthew Markinson (47), Lt. Cdr. JoAnne Galloway (24), Lt. Sam Weinberg (11)
The only thing I have to eat is Yoohoo and Cocoa Puffs, so if you want anything else bring it with you.
More lines from Lt. Daniel Kaffee
15 quotes Lt. Daniel Kaffee Lt. Daniel Kaffee Whatever happened to saluting an officer when he leaves the room? [Dawson stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets]
Lt. Daniel Kaffee Oh, now I see what you're saying! It had to be Professor Plum, in the library, with the candlestick!
Lt. Daniel Kaffee We have softball games and marching bands. They work at a place where you have to wear camouflage or you might get shot!
Lt. Daniel Kaffee Oh, spare me the psychobabble father bullshit.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee That's a relief! I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to use the 'liar, liar, pants-on-fire' defense.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee Why does a Lieutenant junior grade with a track record for plea bargains get handed a murder case? Could it be so it never sees the inside of a courtroom?
Lt. Daniel Kaffee You're a lousy **** softball player Jack.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee [Imitating Jessep]
He eats breakfast three hundred yards away from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill him [in his own voice] and no one's going to tell him how to run his unit, least of all the Harvard mouth in his ****y white uniform.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee And the hits just keep on comin'.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee He's arguing. He's making an argument.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee Is the Colonel's underwear a matter of national security?
Lt. Daniel Kaffee So this is what a courtroom looks like.
Lt. Daniel Kaffee Now, is that 0600 in the morning, sir?
Lt. Daniel Kaffee I want you to know that I think the whole **** bunch of you are certifiably insane. This code of honor of yours makes me want to beat the shit out of somebody.
Scenes with Lt. Daniel Kaffee
53 scenes
Spradling We were supposed to meet in your office 15 minutes ago to discuss the McDermott case. You're stalling on this thing! Now, either we get it done, and I mean now, or no kidding, Kaffee, I'm going to hang your boy from a **** yardarm!
Kaffee Yardarm? [to guy playing 2nd base] Sherby, does the Navy still hang people from yardarms?
Sherby I don't think so.
Kaffee Dave, Sherby said he doesn't think the Navy hangs people from yardarms anymore.
Spradling I'm going to charge him with possession and being under the influence while on duty. You plead guilty, I'll recommend thirty days in the brig with loss of rank and pay.
Kaffee It was oregano, Dave. It was ten dollars' worth of oregano.
Spradling Yeah, well, your client thought it was marijuana.
Kaffee My client's a moron. That's not against the law.
Spradling Kaffee, I've got people to answer to, just like you. I'm gonna charge him.
Kaffee With what? Possession of a condiment?
Kaffee Hi, I'm Daniel Kaffee. I was told to meet with, ah, Lieutenant Commander Galloway about a briefing?
You're the attorney Division assigned?
Kaffee I'm lead counsel. This is Sam Weinberg.
I have no responsibilities here whatsoever.
Lieutenant, how long have you been in the Navy?
Kaffee Going on nine months now.
And how long have you been out of law school?
Kaffee A little over a year.
I see.
Kaffee Have I done something wrong?
No, it's just that when I petitioned Division to have counsel assigned, I was hoping to be taken seriously.
Kaffee No offense taken, in case you were wondering.
Commander, Lieutenant Kaffee is generally considered the best litigator in our office. He's successfully plea-bargained forty-four cases in nine months.
Kaffee One more and I get a set of steak knives.
Kaffee Am I correct to assume that these letters don't paint a flattering picture of Marine Corps life at Guantanamo Bay?
Yes, among —
Kaffee And am I also right in assuming that an investigation of this incident might cause some embarrassment to the Security Council guy?
Colonel Jessep--
Kaffee Twelve years.
I'm sorry?
Kaffee I'll get them to drop the Conspiracy and Conduct Unbecoming. Twelve years.
You haven't talked to a witness or looked at a piece of paper.
Kaffee Pretty impressive, huh?
You're going to have to go deeper than that.
Kaffee Commander do you have some sort of jurisdiction I should know about.
My job, is to make sure you do you job. I'm special counsel for Internal Affairs, so my "jurisdiction's" pretty much in your face.
Kaffee [pause]
I always forget that part.
Kaffee I've done something wrong again, haven't I?
I'm just wondering why two guys have been in a jail cell since this morning while their lawyer is outside hitting a ball.
Kaffee We need the practice.
That wasn't funny.
Kaffee It was a little funny.
Lieutenant, would you feel very insulted if I recommended to your supervisor that he assign different counsel?
Kaffee Why?
I don't think you're fit to handle this defense.
Kaffee You don't even know me. Ordinarily it takes someone hours to discover I'm not fit to handle a defense. [long pause] Oh, come on! That was damn funny.
It's my feeling that if this case is handled in the same fast-food slick-ass Persian bazaar manner with which you seem to handle everything else, then something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Dawson and Downey to spend any more time in prison than is absolutely necessary because their attorney has predetermined the path of least resistance!
Kaffee Wow! I'm sexually aroused, Commander.
Kaffee What do you want from me?
I want you to let them be judged. I want you to stand up and make an argument.
An argument that didn't work for Calley at My Lai. An argument that didn't work for the Nazis at Nuremberg.
Kaffee Oh for Christ's sake, Sam. Do you really think that's the same as two teenage Marines executing a routine order they never believed would result in harm? These guys aren't the Nazis!
Don't look now Danny, but you're making an argument.
Listen, I came to make peace. We got off on the wrong foot. What do you say, friends?
Kaffee
I, uh--
By the way, I brought Downey some comic books he was asking for. The kid, Kaffee, I swear he doesn't know where he is. He doesn't even know why he's been arrested!
Kaffee
Commander--
You can call me Joanne.
Kaffee
Joanne.
Or Jo.
Kaffee
Jo?
Yes.
Kafee
Jo, if you ever speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Kaffee You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.
Perfectly within my province.
Kaffee Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I could sew the costumes, maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge.
Do you think we were right?
Kaffee I think you would lose.
Kaffee It's not going to win you a place in my heart, I get paid no matter how long you stay in jail.
Kaffee **** you, Harold!
Kaffee You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So please, don't tell me what I know, or don't know; I know the law.
You know nothing about the law. You're a used-car salesman, Daniel. You're an ambulance chaser with a rank. You're nothing. Live with that.
You're my witness. The baby spoke. My daughter said a word.
Kaffee Your daughter made a sound, Sam. I'm not sure it was a word.
Come on now, it was definitely a word.
Kaffee Okay.
You heard her. The girl sat here, pointed, and said, "Pa". She did! She said, "Pa".
Kaffee Sam,she was pointing at a mailbox.
That's right. Pointing as if to say, "Pa, look; a mailbox!"
Kaffee You don't believe their story, do you? You think they ought to go to jail for the rest of their lives.
I believe every word of their story. And I think they ought to go to jail for the rest of their lives.
Kaffee Is this your signature?
Yes, sir!
Kaffee You don't have to call me "sir". [to Downey] Is this your signature?
Downey Sir, yes, sir!
Kaffee And you certainly don't need to do it twice in one sentence.
Kaffee All right, what's the code?
Unit, Corps, God, country.
Kaffee Come again?
Unit, Corps, God, country. Sir.
Kaffee The United States of America wants to charge the two of you with murder & you want me to go before the judge with "Unit, Corps, God, country"?
Don't forget to wear the whites. It's very hot down there.
Kaffee I don't like the whites.
Nobody likes the whites, but we're going to Cuba. You got Dramamine?
Kaffee Dramamine keeps you cool?
No, Dramamine keeps you from throwing up. You get sick when you fly.
Kaffee I get sick when I fly 'cause I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine will help.
I got some oregano. I hear that works pretty good.
I've got some camouflage jackets in the Jeep, sirs, I suggest you both put them on.
Kaffee Camouflage jackets?
Yes sir, we'll be riding pretty close to the fence line. The Cubans see an officer wearing white, they think it might be someone they'd wanna take a shot at.
Kaffee Good call, Sam.
Kaffee Hold on a sec, we got to take a boat?
Yes sir, just to get to the other side of the bay.
Kaffee Nobody said anything about a boat.
Is there a problem, sir?
Kaffee No, no problem, I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all.
Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud!
Kaffee Nobody likes her very much.
Yes, Sir.
Are you planning on doing any investigating, or are you just gonna take the guided tour?
Kaffee I'm pacing myself.
Kaffee Lieutenant Kendrick, may I call you John?
No. You may not.
Kaffee Have I done something to offend you?
No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go someplace to fight, you fellas give us a ride.
Lieutenant Kendrick, do you think Private Santiago was murdered?
Commander, I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ, and because I do, I can say this. Private Santiago is dead, and that is a tragedy. But he is dead because he had no code. He is dead because he had no honor. And God was watching.
How do you feel about that theory?
Kaffee Sounds good. Let's move on.
So how is your dad, Danny?
Kaffee He passed away seven years ago, sir.
Don't I feel like the **** asshole?
Kaffee Not at all sir.
I'm just wondering if you've ever heard the term "Code Red".
I've heard the term, yes.
This past February you received a cautionary memo from the Commander-in-Chief of the Atlantic Fleet, warning that the practice of enlisted men disciplining their own wasn't to be condoned by officers.
Well, I submit to you that whoever wrote that memo has never faced the working end of a Soviet-made Cuban AK-47 assault rifle. However, the directive having come from the commander, I gave it its due attention. What is your point, Jo?
Kaffee She has no point. She often has no point, sir. It's part of her charm.
My point is that I think Code Reds still go on down here.
You believe that, don't you, Danny? That I'm here to help you in any way I can?
Kaffee Of course.
The Corporal will take you by Personnel on your way back to the flight line, and you can have all the transfer orders you want.
Kaffee [to Weinberg & Galloway]
Let's go.
But you have to ask me nicely.
Kaffee I beg your pardon?
You have to ask me nicely. You see, Danny, I can deal with the bullets and the bombs and the blood. I don't want money and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that ****y white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some **** courtesy! You gotta ask me nicely.
Kaffee Colonel Jessep, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like a copy of the transfer order, sir.
No problem.
Kaffee Joanne, you're coming dangerously close to the textbook definition of interfering with a government investigation.
I'm Louden Downey's attorney. Aunt Ginny; she said she feels like she's known me for years, so I suggested that she might feel more comfortable if I was directly involved with the case. She had Louden sign the papers about an hour ago.
Kaffee I suppose it's way too much to hope that you're making this up just to bother me.
Kaffee Why did Markinson go U.A.?
We'll never know.
Kaffee You don't think I can subpoena Markinson?
You can try, but you won't find him. You know what Markinson did the first seventeen of his twenty-six years in the Corps? Counterintelligence. Markinson's gone. There is no Markinson.
...
Look, Danny, Jessep's star is on the rise. Division will give me a lot of room on this one to spare Jessep and the Corps any embarrassment.
Kaffee How much room?
I'll knock it down to Involuntary Manslaughter--two years. They're home in six months.
No deal. We're going to court.
No, you're not.
Why not?
Because Danny knows that even though he's got me by the balls out here, in a courtroom, he loses this case.
Kaffee All right, here's the story. The government is offering Involuntary Manslaughter. Two years. You'll be out in six months. [Dawson and Downey react with stony silence] Wow, Kaffee, you're the greatest lawyer in the world! Ooh, how can we ever thank you? Fellas, you hear what I just said? You're going home in six months.
I'm afraid we can't do that, sir.
Kaffee Do what?
Make a deal, sir.
Kaffee What are you talking about?
We did nothing wrong, sir. We did our job, and if that has consequences I'll accept them. But I won't say I'm guilty, sir.
Kaffee [to Galloway]
Did you — [turns to Dawson] did she put you up to this?
No.
We have a code, sir.
Kaffee Oh, well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah! You and your code plead not guilty, you'll be in jail for the rest of your life. Do what I'm telling you, you'll be home in six months. Do it, Harold. Six months. It's nothing. It's a hockey season.
Permission to--
Kaffee Speak! Jesus!
What do we do then, sir?
Kaffee When?
After six months we'll be dishonorably discharged. Right, sir?
Kaffee Probably.
Well, what do we do then, sir? We joined the Marines because we wanted to live our lives by a certain code, and we found it in the Corps. Now you're asking us to sign a piece of paper that says we have no honor. You're asking us to say that we're not Marines. If a court decides that what we did was wrong, then I'll accept whatever punishment they give. But I belive I was right, I believe I did my job. But I will not dishonor myself, my unit, or the Corps so that I can go home in six months! Sir.
Kaffee Were you able to speak to your friend in the N.I.S.?
Yeah. She said if Markinson doesn't want to be found, we're not gonna find him. She said I could be Markinson and you wouldn't know it.
Kaffee [eyeing Sam suspiciously]: Are you Markinson?
No.
Kaffee I'm not Markinson. That's two down.
Kaffee Maybe if we work at it we can get Dawson charged with the Kennedy assassination.
Are you drunk?
Kaffee Pretty much...yeeaahh.
I'll put on a pot of coffee. We've got a long night's work ahead.
Kaffee She's gonna make coffee... that's nice.
Kaffee Downey wasn't in his room, wasn't even there. That was an important piece of infromation, don't you think?
Danny, it was a set back, and I'm sorry, but we fix it and move on to Markinson.
Kaffee Markinson's dead. You really gotta hand it to those Federal Marshals... boy, it's not like he hanged himself by his shoelaces or slashed his wrists with a concealed butter knife. This guy got into full dress uniform, stood in the middle of that room, drew a nickel-plated pistol from his holster, and fired a bullet into his mouth. Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
I still think we can win.
Kaffee Then maybe you should drink a little.
We'll go to Randolph in the morning and ask for a continuance--24 hours.
Kaffee Why?
To subponea Colonel Jessep.
Kaffee No
Just listen for a second... Just hear me out...
Kaffee No, I won't listen and I won't hear you out. Your passion is compelling, Jo; it's also useless. Lowden Downey needed a trial lawyer today.
You're chickenshit. You're gonna use what happened today as an excuse to give up.
Kaffee It's over. What possible good would come from putting Jessep on the stand?
He ordered the Code red on Santiago.
Kaffee He DID? That's great, and of course you have proof of this, right? Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting you were sick the day they taught law at law school.
You put him on the stand and you get it from him.
Kaffee Oh, we get it from him, yes! Colenel Jessep, isn't it true that you ordered the Code red on Santiago?
Look, we're all a little--
Kaffee [imitates buzzer]
I'm sorry, your time's run out. What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Levenworth, and for Defense Council Kaffee, it's a court martial, yes... After falsly accusing a highly-decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lt. Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maitenance at the rocko club and school for women. Thank you for playing "Now Should We or Should We Not Follow the Advice of the Galactically Stupid?!". [throws a stack of papers off the table]
I'm sorry I lost your set of steak knives.
Kaffee Is your father proud of you?
Don't do this to yourself.
Kaffee I'll bet he is, I bet he bores the shit out of neighbors and relatives, Sam's made law review, got a real big case he's making. Arguing, he's making an argument. I think my father would've liked to see me graduate from law school, I think he would've enjoyed that an awful lot.
Did I ever tell you I wrote a paper about your dad in college?
Kaffee Yeah.
One of the best trial lawyers ever.
Kaffee Yes, he was.
And if I were Dawson and Downey and I were given a choice between you or your father to represent me in this case, I'd pick you every day of the week and twice on Sunday. You should've seen yourself thunder away at Kendrick.
Kaffee Would you put Jessep on the stand?
No.
Kaffee You think my father would've?
With the evidence we got, not in a million years. But here's the thing, and there's really no way of getting around this. Neither Lionel Kaffee nor Sam Weinberg is lead defense in the matter of the U.S. vs. Dawson and Downey, so there's really only one question. What would you do?
Kaffee And don't wear that perfume in court. It wrecks my concentration.
Really?
Kaffee I was talking to Sam.
Danny, I--
Kaffee I know what you're gonna say. You don't have to. We've had our differences, I said some things I didn't mean, you said some things you didn't mean, but you're glad I stuck with the case. And if you've gained a certain respect for me over the last three weeks, well, of course I'm happy about that, but we don't have to make a whole big deal out of it. If you like me, I won't make you say it.
I was just going to tell you to wear matching socks tomorrow.
Kaffee Okay. Good tip.
Kaffee [just seconds before the trial starts]
Last chance. I'll flip you for it.
Bailiff
All rise.
Too late.
I have here the Marine Corps Outline for Recruit Training. I'd like you to turn to the chapter on "code reds".
Well, you see, sir, "code red" is a term we use, just down in Gitmo--
Oh, then, we're in luck. Marching Orders/Standard Operating Procedure, Rifle Security Company, Guatanamo Bay, Cuba. I'm sure we'll find it in there.
You won't find it in there, either, sir.
Cpl. Barnes, I'm a Marine. You mean to tell me there's no manual, no set of instructions that tells me, as a Marine, one of my duties is to perform "code reds?"
No, sir. No book, sir.
No further questions.
Kaffee [As Ross returns to his seat, Kaffee gets up and snatches the Rifle Company SOP out of his hand]
Cpl. Barnes, turn to the page in this book that tells me how to get to the mess hall.
Lt. Kaffee, that's not in the book, sir.
Kaffee You mean the whole time you've been at Gitmo, you've never had a meal?
No, sir. Three squares a day, sir.
Kaffee Then how did you find the mess hall if it wasn't in this book?
Well, sir, like everybody else, I just followed the crowd at chow time, sir.
Kaffee No further questions.
Kaffee Lieutenant Kendrick, in your opinion was Private Santiago a good Marine?
I'd say he was about average.
Kaffee Lieutenant Kendrick, you signed three proficiency and conduct reports on Santiago, and on all three you indicated a rating of "Below Average".
Yes, Private Santiago was below average. I did not see the need to trample on a man's grave.
Kaffee Lieutenant, do you recall an incident involving a PFC Curtis Bell, who'd been found stealing liquor from the officers' club?
Yes, I do.
Kaffee Did you report Private Bell to the proper authorities?
I have two books at my bedside, Lieutenant: the Marine Corps Code of Conduct and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I'm aware of are my commanding officer, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, and the Lord our God.
Kaffee At your request, Lieutenant Kendrick, I can have the record reflect your lack of acknowledgment of this court as a proper authority.
Kaffee Colonel, when you learned of Santiago's letter to the NIS, you had a meeting with your senior officers, is that right?
Yes.
Kaffee The Platoon Commander Lt. Jonathan Kendrick, and the executive officer, Lt. Colonel Matthew Markinson
Yes.
Kaffee And, at present, Colonel Markinson is dead, is that right?
Object! I would like to know exactly what the defense council is implying.
Kaffee I'm implying simply that, at present, Colonel Markinson is not alive.
Surely, Colonel Jessep doesn't need to appear in court to confirm that information.
Kaffee I just wasn't sure if the witness was aware that 2 nights ago Colonel Markinson took his own life with a .45-caliber pistol.
The witness is aware, the court is aware, and now the court members are aware. We thank you for bringing this to our attention. Move on, Lieutenant.
Kaffee Yes, Sir. Colonel, at the time of this meeting, you gave Lt. Kendrick an order, is that right?
I told Kendrick to tell his men, that Santiago wasn't to be touched.
Kaffee And did you give an order to Colonel Markinson as well?
I ordered Markinson to have Santiago transferred off the base immediately.
Kaffee Why?
I felt his life might be in danger once word of the letter got out.
Kaffee Grave danger?
Is there another kind?
Kaffee These are phone records from Gitmo for September the 6th, and these are 14 letters that Santiago wrote, in 9 months, requesting, in fact begging, for a transfer. Upon hearing the news that he was FINALLY getting his transfer, Santiago was so excited that do you know how many people he called? Zero. Nobody. Not one call to his parents saying he was coming home. Not one call to a friend saying "Can you pick me up at the airport?". He was asleep in his bed at midnight, and according to you, he was getting on a plane in 6 hours. Yet everything he owned was hanging neatly in his closet, and folded neatly in his footlocker. You were leaving for one day, you packed a bag and made three phone calls. Santiago was leaving for the rest of his life, and he hadn't called a soul, and he hadn't packed a thing. Can you explain that? The fact is there was no transfer order, Santiago wasn't going anywhere, isn't that right Colonel?
Object! Your honor, it is obvious that Lt. Kaffee's intentions this afternoon are to smear a high ranking Marine officer with the hopes that the mere appearance of impropriety will win him points with the court members. Now, it is my recommendation that Lt. Kaffee be reprimanded for his conduct and that this witness be excused with this court's deepest apologies.
Judge Randolph Overruled.
Your honor--
Judge Randolph Your objection is noted.
Kaffee Colonel? [Jessep chuckles] Is this funny, sir?
No, it's not. It's tragic.
Kaffee Do you have an answer?
Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe he was an early riser and liked to pack in the morning. And maybe he didn't have any friends. I'm an educated man, but I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the travel habits of William Santiago. What I do know is that he was set to leave the base at 0600. Now, are these really the questions I was called here to answer? Phone calls and foot lockers? Please tell me you have something more, Lieutenant. These two marines are on trial for their lives. Please tell me that their lawyer hasn't pinned their hopes to a phone bill. [Kaffee hesitates, dumbfounded] Do you have any other questions for me, Counselor?
Judge Randolph Lt. Kaffee? Lt.! Do you have anything further for this witness?
Kaffee Excuse Me! I didn't dismiss you.
I beg your pardon?
Kaffee 'm not finished my examination. Sit down.
Colonel.
Kaffee What's that?
I'd appreciate it if he would address me as "Colonel" or "Sir". I believe I've earned it.
Judge Randolph Defense Counsel will refer to the witness as "Colonel" or "Sir."
I don't know what the hell kind of unit you're running here.
Judge Randolph And you will refer to this court as "Your Honor" or "Judge", and I'm quite certain I've earned it. Take your seat, Colonel.
What do you want to discuss now, my favorite color?
Kaffee Colonel, a moment ago you said that you told Lt. Kendrick to tell his men that Santiago wasn't to be touched.
That's right.
Kaffee And Lt. Kendrick was clear on what you wanted?
Crystal.
Kaffee Any chance Lt. Kendrick ignored the order?
Ignored the order?
Kaffee Any chance he forgot about it?
No.
Kaffee Any chance Lt. Kendrick left your office and said, “The old man is wrong”?
No.
Kaffee When Lt. Kendrick spoke to the platoon, and ordered them not to touch Santiago, any chance they ignored him?
You ever served in an infantry unit, Son?
Kaffee No, Sir.
Ever served in a forward area?
Kaffee No, Sir.
Ever put your life in another man's hands? And asked him to put his life in yours?
Kaffee No, Sir.
We follow orders, son. We follow orders, or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?
Kaffee Yes, Sir.
Are we clear?!
Kaffee Crystal.
Kaffee Colonel, I have just one more question before I call Airman O'Malley and Airman Rodriguez. If you gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, then why would Santiago be in danger? Why would it be necessary to transfer him off the base?
Santiago was a substandard Marine. He was being transferred because--
Kaffee That is not what you said, you said he was being transferred because he was in grave danger.
That's correct.
Kaffee You said he was in danger, I said "grave danger?" You said "is there another kind?"--
I recall what I said--
Kaffee I can have the court reporter read back to you--
I know what I said! I don't have to have it read back to me like I'm--!
Kaffee Then why the two orders? Colonel?
Sometimes men take matters into their own hands.
Kaffee No, Sir. You made it clear a moment ago that your men never take matters in to their own hands. Your men follow orders or people die. So Santiago shouldn't have been in any danger at all, should he have, Colonel?
You snotty little bastard.
Your Honor, I'd like to ask for a recess!
Kaffee I'd like an answer to the question, Judge.
The court will wait for an answer.
Kaffee If Lt. Kendrick gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, then why did he have to be transferred? Colonel? Lt. Kendrick ordered the Code Red, didn't he, because that's what you told Lt. Kendrick to do!
Object!
Kaffee And when it went bad, you cut these guys loose!
Lt. Kaffee!
Kaffee You got Markinson to sign a phony transfer order! You doctored the log books!
Dammit, Kaffee!
Kaffee You coerced the doctor!
Consider yourself in contempt!
Kaffee Colonel Jessep, did you order the code red?!
You don't have to answer that question!
I'll answer the question. You want answers?
Kaffee I think I'm entitled.
You want answers?!
Kaffee I want the truth!
You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You?! You, Lieutenant Weinberg?! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives! You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall! You need me on that wall! We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said, "Thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
Kaffee Did you order the Code Red?
I did the job I was sent to do--
Kaffee Did you order the Code Red?!
You're god damn right I did!!
The court members will retire to an anteroom until further instructed.
MP All rise!
What is this? I did my job, I'd do it again. I'm gonna get in a plane and go back to my base.
You're not going anywhere, Colonel. MP's, guard the Colonel.
MP Yes, sir!
Captain Ross.
Colonel Jessep, you have the right to remain silent--
What is this? I'm being charged with a crime? Is that what this is? I'm being charged with a crime?! This is funny. That's what this is. This is-- [leaps towards Kaffee, MP's restrain him] I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You **** with the wrong Marine!
Colonel Jessep, do you understand these rights as I have just read them to you?
You ****in' people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That's all you did. You put people's lives in danger. Sweet dreams, son.
Kaffee Don't call me son. I'm a lawyer and an officer in the United States Navy. And you're under arrest, you son of a bitch. The witness is excused.
Kaffee Harold?
Hal Sir?
Kaffee You don't need to wear a patch on your arm to have honor.
Hal Ten-hut! There's an officer on deck! [Hal walks off]
Airmen Cecil O'Malley and Anthony Rodriguez, what exactly were these guys going to testify to?
Kaffee Unless 'm mistaken, they were going to testify under oath that they had absolutely no recollection of anything.
Strong witnesses.
Kaffee And handsome too, dontcha think?
I'll see you around campus. I gotta go arrest Kendrick.
Kaffee Tell him I say hi.
Will do.
You're wrong - I do know you. Daniel Alistair Kaffee, born June 8th 1964 at Boston Mercy Hospital. Your father's Lionel Kaffee, former Navy Judge Advocate and Attorney General of the United States; died 1985. You went to Harvard Law, then you joined the Navy, probably because that's what your father wanted you to do, and now you're just treading water for the three years you've gotta serve in the JAG Corps, just... kinda laying low so you can go out and get a real job. If that's the situation, that's fine, I won't tell anyone. But it's my feeling that if this case is handled in the same fast-food, slick-ass "Persian Bazaar" manner with which you seem to handle everything else, something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Dawson and Downey to spend any more time in prison than absolutely necessary because their attorney had predetermined the path of least resistance.
Kaffee Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander.
Kaffee It had to be Professor Plum, in the library, with the candlestick.
I'm gonna talk to your supervisor.
Kaffee Go straight up the Pennsylvania Avenue. It's the big white house with the pillars.
Thank you.
Kaffee I don't think you'll have much luck though.
Kaffee Oh, Harold? You see what I'm getting at? If Santiago didn't have anything on you... why did you give him a Code Red?
He broke the chain of command, sir.
Kaffee I'm sorry, he what?
He went outside of his unit.
Kaffee Harold, I can't be hearing this right. He what?
Kaffee You, uh... you don't like me very much, do you? Forget it, don't answer that, it doesn't matter. You know, Downey worships you. He's gonna do whatever you do. Are you really gonna let this happen to him because of a code, Harold?
Do you think we were right?
Kaffee It doesn't matter--
DO YOU THINK WE WERE RIGHT?!
Kaffee I think you'd lose.
You're such a coward. I can't believe they let you wear a uniform.
Kaffee [resigned]
I'm not gonna feel responsible for this, I really did everything I could. You're going to Leavenworth for the better part of your life, and you know what? I don't give a shit. [opens door to leave, then stops] What happened to saluting an officer when he leaves the room?
[Dawson stands and puts his hands firmly in his pockets]
You have proof?
Kaffee I have the defendants.
And I have 23 Marines and a lieutenant with four letters of commendation.
Kaffee Why did Markinson go U.A.?
We'll never know.
Kaffee Wait, I can't subpoena Markinson?
You can try, but you won't find him. You know what Markinson did for 17 years? Counterintelligence. Markinson's gone. There is no Markinson.
Kaffee [drunk]
Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
I still think we can win.
Kaffee [holds back a laugh]
Maybe you should drink a little.
Look, we'll go to Randolph in the morning and make a motion for a continuance, twenty-four hours.
Kaffee Why would we wanna do that?
To subpoena Colonel Jessup.
Kaffee What?
Listen for a second.
Kaffee No.
Just hear me out!
Kaffee No, I won't listen and I won't hear you out. Your passion is compelling, Jo; it's also useless. Louden Downey needed a trial lawyer today!
You chickenshit. You're going to use what happened today as an excuse to give up?
Kaffee It's. Over.
Why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
Kaffee What?
In Cuba, why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
Kaffee What does it matter? I wanted the damn transfer order!
Bullshit! You could've gotten it by picking up the phone and calling any one of the dozen departments at the Pentagon. You didn't want the transfer order, you wanted to see Jessup's reaction when you asked for the transfer order. You had an instinct, and it was confirmed by Markinson. Now dammit, lets put Jessup on the stand and end this thing!
Kaffee What possible good could come from putting Jessup on the stand?
He told Kendrick to order the Code Red!
Kaffee [sarcastic]
He did? Well, that's great! Why didn't you say so?! And of course, you have proof of that? Oh! I'm sorry, I keep forgetting, you were sick the day they taught law at law school!
You put him on the stand and you get it from him.
Kaffee Oh, we get it from him! Yes! No problem! We get it from him! "Colonel Jessup, isn't it true that you ordered the Code Red on Santiago?"
Listen, we're all a little--
Kaffee [imitates buzzer]
EEEGH! I'm sorry, your time's run out! What do we have for the losers, Judge?! Well, for our defendants, it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And for defense counsel Kaffee... That's right! It's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globo School for Women! Thank you for playing! Should we, or should we not, FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF THE GALACTICALLY STUPID?!
