Jim Evers quotes from The Haunted Mansion (2003)

View Quote (opening line) It's fantastic isn't it. Sometimes, when you step into a house, you know straight away whether its good.

View Quote (catchphrase) Hello, Jim Evers, of Evers & Evers Real Estate?

View Quote If people see you're scared, they'll use it against you - look, I'm your dad, and I'm not scared!?

View Quote If you want to kill me, kill me. But when I come round the Other Side, I'll just be whippin' your ass for all eternity; so maybe you should read this before you stab somebody!

View Quote Yeah, how do we get out of here?

View Quote The guy is dead, he wants to get jiggy with my wife; of course I'm upset!

View Quote (reading Elizabeth's letter) "Yes, my dear heart, I will marry you. I will love you for all eternity, and tonight at last, we will be together. I do. Forever yours, Elizabeth."

View Quote You're a real cold dude.

View Quote (last lines) Hey, guys, keep it down!

View Quote Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back.
Jim Evers: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out!

View Quote Jim Evers: Hey, honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
Sara Evers: Well, some people have swimming pools, others have private cemetaries. It can happen.

View Quote [about to go over a steep hill]
Jim Evers: Hold on!
Madame Leota: With what?

View Quote Megan: But how do we get out of here?
Jim: Yeah, how do we get out of here?
Ezra: Well... um.... there's always... my way!
(cuts to ghost carriage bursting out the wall)

View Quote [Jim, Megan and Michael, are in the carriage riding past all the ghosts in the graveyard]
Michael Evers: Dad?
Jim Evers: Yeah, son?
Michael Evers: I see dead people.

View Quote [Jim Evers is getting into a carriage when he notices two ghosts already sitting inside]
Jim Evers: Hey!
Ghost 1: Can he see us?
Ghost 2: Of course not!
Jim Evers: Yes, I can, I'm looking right at you!
Ghost 2: Don't listen to him, he's lying!
Jim Evers: Okay, forget this.
[Jim gets back out of the carriage]
Ghost 1: I could've sworn he was looking right at me.
Ghost 2: He's psychic.

View Quote Jim Evers: I gotta help my wife. She'll be...
Singing Busts: [singing] Comin' round the mountain when she comes...

View Quote Jim Evers: [firmly] Why'd you kill her [Elizabeth]?
Ramsley: Because the master would not listen to reason. He had everything in the world, and yet he was willing to throw it all away for love. I did tell him it would end badly.
Jim Evers: You're a real cold dude.
Ramsley: No, Mr. Evers, I am a rational man. It was my responsibility to the house, my duty, sir, to see to it that the boy did not make a foolish error in judgment. Running away with that girl would have destroyed this house. It would have destroyed everything, and I could not stand by and watch it all fall to ruin.
Megan Evers: [encouraging her father] Punch his face in, Dad!
Jim Evers: [angrily] Yeah, but first, I'm gonna talk to his master.
Ramsley: The master must be left alone. Edward and his love will be reunited, and this curse will be broken.
Jim Evers: [shocked] But that's not her. That's my wife.
Ramsley: And what she sees in you, I'll never know. But that is of little importance now. The only thing that matters is that the master's pain must end, and it will end tonight. The curse will be broken, and we can all finally move on.
Jim Evers: [sternly] Alright, that's it, man. Where's my wife?
Ramsley: Getting ready for her wedding, of course.
Jim Evers: What wedding? He can't marry her. He's dead, and she's not.
Ramsley: True, but that can be easily corrected. Life, I'm afraid, is such a delicate state.
Jim Evers: Hey, man, if you put one finger on my wife, I swear, I'll kill you! [Jim launches punches at Ramsley, but passes through the ghostly butler]
Ramsley: How wonderful. You're going to kill a ghost.
Michael Evers: Leave him alone!
Megan Evers: Stop it! [Ramsley locks Megan and Michael inside a small trunk]
Jim Evers: Let them go! [He lunges at Ramsley, but passes through him once again. Jim angrily puts his foot down with Ramsley] You're gonna let my kids out of here, you're gonna take me to my wife, and you're gonna let us out of here right now!
Ramsley: You want out? Fine. Let me show you out. [Ramsley grabs Jim by his throat, and he hoists him up in the air] Now, for the last time, good night, Mr. Evers. [He throws Jim outside of the mansion window, breaking all the glass in the process.]

View Quote Jim Evers: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife.
Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
Jim Evers: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife? And the house isn't really for sale? Yes, I'm upset.

View Quote Master Gracey: [he has just read Elizabeth's real letter] What's the meaning of this?
Ramsley: Must we continue to listen to the ramblings of a lunatic?
Master Gracey: But it is written in her hand!
Jim: Yeah, it's written in her hand. Explain that, Ramsley!
Master Gracey: Well?!
Ramsley: [after a short silence] Your union was unacceptable. I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen.
Master Gracey: So you killed her.
Ramsley: I told you it would be a mistake to run away with that girl.
Master Gracey: But I loved her! Was love my mistake?!
Ramsley: YES!!! I tried to protect you. All these years, I've sacrificed for you. But what would you understand of sacrifice, duty, or honor? You "loved" her. Well, damn you! Damn you all to HELL!!!

View Quote [during the wedding service]
Ramsley: If anybody has objections...
[Jim bursts in]
Jim Evers: Yeah, I got a few objections!

View Quote Megan: They're ghosts, Dad.
Jim: They're not ghosts. We're just having hallucinations from that dinner that we ate. It was that chicken, it didn't taste right.
[Insulted, Emma turns into mist and re-appears right in front of Jim]
Emma: Hey!
Jim: Whoa!
Emma: It's not the chicken!

View Quote [Jim, ignoring the ghosts, just wants to get out of the house]
Megan: But Dad, we have to help them!
Jim: You can't help the dead, honey. They're beyond help. That's the nature of being dead.

View Quote Jim: [to Ramsley, although he's gone] Get away from us! Leave us alone!
Megan: No, Dad. It won't hurt us.

View Quote [last lines]
Madame Leota: Angels in Heaven, together at last. The tale is well ended for those who have passed. Love endures all, no reason, no rhyme. It lasts forever and forever all the time.
Megan Evers: Mom, Leota won't shut up.
Michael Evers: Are we there yet?
Megan Evers: I'm getting pretty hungry.
Michael Evers: Can we stop for pizza?
Jim Evers: Hey, how long before we get there, Sara?
Sara Evers: 20 minutes, tops.
Jim Evers: Nothing takes 20 minutes.