Bruce Willis movie quotes

View Quote [walking up to two bad guys in a truck] Hey fellas! Mickey O'Brien, aquaduct security. Hey listen, we got a report of a guy coming through with err... eight reindeer. [empties his pistol on them] Yeah, they said he was a jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard, cute little red n' white suit! I'm surprised you didn't see him.

View Quote I never knew Canada could be this much fun.

View Quote Say hello to your brother.

View Quote [pointing to a map of Gladys' backyard] There are traps here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here...here, here, here, here, here...big one here, and I think a few over here.

View Quote [pointing to a family saying Grace at a table] That! Is the altar...where they worship the food!

View Quote [walking across the pool on floats] Hey, everybody! This way to the food!

View Quote All right, thats enough of this kung-fu shit!

View Quote Just another day in paradise.

View Quote That's gonna wake the neighbours.

View Quote Ah, man, I can't **** believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How could the same shit happen to the same guy, twice.

View Quote What the **** do you think this is, eh? The safety patrol, here? This is the resume of a professional mercenary, you've got the world's biggest drug dealer on his way here now, what d'ya need, a slide rule to figure this out. Or maybe another body in a zipper bag before we start asking questions.

View Quote Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother****er.

View Quote Water is wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets ... who gives a ****?

View Quote This is the '90s. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first

View Quote Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You’re gonna lose. Smile, you ****!

View Quote Police Officer: Sir, are you classified as human?
Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

View Quote Big Badda Boom.

View Quote [referring to Leeloo's escape from the police] We got lucky. If they don't chase you after a mile, they don't chase ya. [back shot of Korban's taxi, with 4 advancing cops in a diamond configuration] Maybe it's two miles. Hang On.

View Quote If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."

View Quote Hey! Old Man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!

View Quote How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-****-die!

View Quote Open the pig!

View Quote Keep your dress on!

View Quote [to Cooper] If anything happens to Sarah, I will rip everything you love out of your life and then I'll kill you.

View Quote (First line in the movie) There was a time...

View Quote (After being asked about how his flight was and recieving a pat on the back) It was fine. And I kinda have this thing about people touching me.

View Quote (Last lines of the movie) My name's Goodkat. You can call me Mr. Goodkat.

View Quote When it comes to reassuring a traumatized 19-year-old, I'm about as expert as a palsy victim doing brain surgery with a pipe wrench.

View Quote There's wrong and then there's wrong. And then there's this.

View Quote Hell of a way to end a partnership. Hell of a way to start my retirement.

View Quote [after being shot by Vincent Gray] I think I'm okay really. I think it just went in and out. I... It doesn't even hurt anymore.

View Quote Cole Sear: Are you a good doctor?
Malcolm Crowe: Well... I used to be. I won an award once. From the Mayor. It had an expensive frame.
Cole Sear: I'm gonna see you again, right?
Malcolm Crowe: If that's okay with you.

View Quote Cole Sear: Tell me the story about why you're sad.
Malcolm: You think I'm sad?
[Cole nods]
Malcolm: What makes you think that?
Cole: Your eyes told me.

View Quote We win, Gracie!

View Quote The United States government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?

View Quote [After Freedoms Armadillo is destroyed] Get a hold of Truman, and prepare the world for bad news.

View Quote The 007 of Plainfield, New Jersey.

View Quote Me and my boy here, we're gonna put a whuppin' on ya!

View Quote Do you think I understand a word you're saying?!

View Quote Trench: [Church pulls up in a SmartCar My shoe is bigger than this car.
Church: Shoot something!

View Quote Trench: I'll be back.
Church: You've been back enough. I'll be back. [Leaves]
Trench: Yippee-ki-yay.

View Quote Church: I'll be back
Trench: Yippie-ki-yay

View Quote [sneaking up behind the Joes] I'll take 2 boxes of Thin Mints and a box of Chuckle Lucks.

View Quote DOD says I can't come out of retirement. They didn't say anything about re-enlisting.

View Quote It's not like I don't hear what you're saying. But an impostor president?

View Quote Hammy: [throws the boomerang again and it hits him again] You stop that!
RJ: [presses his finger on Quillo's nose, keeping the triplets from laughing] Hey! Easy, giggles! Hold it down from there.
Quillo: Okay, RJ.
RJ: And now, back to our program.

View Quote RJ: [holds up the cardboard piece reading: "RJ's Wide World of Nature Underrated Version"] Okay. Welcome to another episode of RJ's Wide World of Nature. Today, the naked American box turtle!

View Quote Hammy: Ha, ha! [The boomerang hits him] Ow. [picks up a boomerang and throws it away] Ha, ha! [jumps over the boomerang over and over again. He hums and catches the boomerang. Then he throws it away over and over again until he throw a cookie, a cupcake and an ice cream cone] What the...? Huh? [the boomerang hits him again] Oww!
[Hammy climbs up a tree]
Bucky: Shh! You guys, quiet.
[Hammy sighs and the boomerang is behind him]
Hammy: BEGONE! I don't believe in you. [the boomerang disappears and Hammy sighs. But suddenly, The boomerang keeps spinning behind the tree] NO! All right, I believe in you! [grabs the boomerang] I'll go crazy!
[Hammy digs a hole and drops the boomerang into the hole. He covers the hole and the boomerang hits him again]
Hammy: Oww! This stupid...
[Hammy chops the boomerang into pieces with an axe and puts it in a trunk, devilishly burns it with a cigarette lighter then stomps on the hot ashes]
Hammy: Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
[Then steps off before he is continuously hit by the boomerang again]
Hammy: Aww c'mon!
RJ: What do you guys think? Should we tell him?
Spike: [giggles] Oh, come on. We got three more left in the box.

View Quote [In a suite somewhere in the hotel where Terek has been meeting his associates (and killed one after the associate didn't kill any agents involved in Ghazzi Murad's death), the Jackal is watching television and drinking alcohol. The TV is playing a nature documentary.]
TV narrator: Unlike other, less cunning predators, the hyena takes no chances. [during this line, the Jackal drinks] Never attacking unless sure of a kill. Though a consummate killer, he is clearly no gentleman. [The door opens and Terek walks in from his previous meeting]
Terek Murad: I apologize for keeping you waiting. I had some other business to dispose of. [picks up a bottle, opens it and pours himself a drink] So much wasted time, confusing motion with accomplishment. [puts the lid back on the bottle, and shows the bottle to the Jackal] Another drink?
The Jackal: [Russian] If we could get to the point.
[Terek sets the bottle down and switches off the TV, sets his drink on the coffee table, then pulls out a folder, before walking over to the Jackal.]
Terek Murad: The MVD killed my brother. For that, I will see they drown in blood. But to their allies in America, I wish to send a message - a very public message. I wish to strike fear into the marrow of their bones. [opens the folder and shows the Jackal a photograph on a sheet of A4] Can you kill this person?
The Jackal: [silently studying the photograph] Yes. [Terek walks over to an armchair facing the Jackal, on the other side of the coffee table, sits down and runs the photograph through a shredder next to his chair] If I take this job, I'll have to disappear. Forever. So if you want me to do this, you're going to have to pay me.
Terek Murad: [slyly] How much?
The Jackal: [thinking] American dollars, all cash, of course. Half now, half upon completion... [sips his drink] Seventy million.
Terek Murad: [laughs] Why not? [raises his drink] Done. [drinks]
The Jackal: How many people know about this?
Terek Murad: [points at the Jackal] You [points at himself] and I.
The Jackal: Keep it that way. Don't refer to our arrangement by telephone or fax, ever. You should find a place outside of Russia to hide until the mission's completed. If word of this leaks, it will be my choice whether to continue the mission or not. Either way, I keep the initial payment. Agreed?
Terek Murad: [nodding] Okay.

View Quote [Inside the bank Jennings and Company, the Jackal is establishing funding and weapons for his assassination job.]
Woolburton: How do you want the accounts handling?
The Jackal: Split the deposit equally between the Macau and the Panama accounts.
Woolburton: And the balance?
The Jackal: Leave it here in dollars. I need you to open me a Luxembourg account. And get me some credit cards. Use an American bank; I'll send you the names this week.
Woolburton: I'll overnight the credit cards to your box in Montreal. [remembers something] Oh, this also came [takes out a piece of paper from inside his jacket] in the draft.
The Jackal: Yes. [takes the paper] I'll need to use your computer, Clive.
Woolburton: Of course. Everything's ready for you.
The Jackal: Good. Thank you. [He walks away. Woolburton follows.]

View Quote Ian Lamont: [seeing the new gun that The Jackal is about to test] Mother**** mother****er... that mother****er is state of the art! Dude, I knew it was going to be big. I didn't know it was going to be the ****in' prototype cannon. It's a ****in' motrol... Damn! Some hairy looking rounds.
The Jackal: Made from depleted uranium. Go through anything. Once they get inside they just spall.
Ian Lamont: Hell yeah. They spall, yeah. They get in there and they just... [imitates spalling noise] That rocks. Look at the friggin' lens on that thing...
The Jackal: Don't touch that.
Ian Lamont: It's got like a 2000 mile zoom lens. That thing is kick ass. Dude, is this thing a prototype, or what? I bet you it cost you a shitload. That rocks. Man, you rock. Do you know what I'm saying? Rooooock! ****in' thing kicks ass. [the Jackal turns on the remote targeting computer, and brings up a visual of the target] Oh, yeah. Bring on the spall, baby. I can't wait to see the shit...
The Jackal: [annoyed] Lamont. Close your mouth.
[The Jackal locks in his pen/control stick, and tests the gun mount's movement]
Ian Lamont: Smooth action, yeah?
[The Jackal aims at the pumpkin target, and zooms in the lens, the crosshairs right on the face drawn onto the pumpkin... then he flips open the cover on the firing button]
The Jackal: Ready?
[Lamont nods and covers his ears, as the Jackal pushes the button, firing one shot, which crashes into the trees - but the pumpkin is unhit.]
Ian Lamont: YEAH! Spall! [the tree hit by the bullet topples, knocking the pumpkin off its stand] Well... it took out the target.
The Jackal: No, it's off... by at least three millimeters.
Ian Lamont: No, dude. That's precision craftsmanship. It ain't off no three millimeters.
The Jackal: So, Lamont... tell me how you sight in this thing automatically.
Ian Lamont: Uh, punch in the windage and the elevation you want and hit Enter.
The Jackal: So you just kinda guesstimate it, huh?
Ian Lamont: Basically guesstimation. [the Jackal inputs the settings, and the gun points right at Lamont] Whoa! Okay, I give up!
The Jackal: Well... I guess the automatic sighting works.
Ian Lamont: Yeah, I thought I was about to sprawl!
The Jackal: Well, Lamont, we're gonna have to speed-test it now.
Ian Lamont: Yep, speed-test.
The Jackal: So... run.
Ian Lamont: [confused] What do you mean?
The Jackal: I mean run. [icily] Now. [Lamont's expression suddenly becomes one of terror, as he runs across the muddy clearing] Run to your right!
[Lamont trips and falls in the water]
The Jackal: [to himself] Get up... [louder] Get up! [Lamont keeps running] Alright, good, stop there! Just stop there! Turn around! [Lamont turns] Hold out that pack of cigarettes! [seeing Lamont is petrified] Don't be afraid!
[Lamont fumbles in his shirt pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes]
The Jackal: Stay very still! [Lamont is shaking, part elements, part terror] Stand still!
[The Jackal looks over at Lamont, then back at his screen, aimed at the cigarette pack, as he fires another shot... which accidentally takes Lamont's right arm off in a bloody shred at the elbow. Lamont cries out in pain]
The Jackal: Told you it was off. [sees a moaning Lamont, without his left arm] Move over by the car! Quick, before you pass out! [Lamont does so, and as The Jackal prepares to fire, Lamont tries to shield himself by the car with his right arm, but it's too late. The car is hit a spray of bullets, as well as Lamont, and the car explodes]

View Quote [First lines of film] You wanna know what this is all about? You can say its about drugs or guns or disaffected youth, or whatever you like. But this whole thing is about parenting. It's about taking care of your children. You take care of yours, I take care of mine.

View Quote A drug dealer? No. Did he sell a little weed? Yeah.

View Quote You've **** up your life so bad! And the only way you're gonna UN**** it, is that you come clean now, Johnny, YOU COME CLEAN NOW!

View Quote Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick: I assume you all know why you're here.
Samantha "Sam" Landis: Let me guess. You finally want to start that boy band you've been dreaming about.
Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick: Landis, do I come down to the strip club where you work and knock the dick out of your mouth? Against the wall. You're late.

View Quote [to Bobby Funke] You seem to be a little foggy as to why I'm here, Mr. Funke. From what I understand, you've made a mockery of this entire high school. You seem to think that this is some kind of circus and that I am some kind of clown. I'm not an effing clown. And I'm not here to bring joy and love and light and laughter into your effing heart! Now I'm going to ask you one more time. And this time I expect an answer. Is...that...gum...in your mouth?

View Quote [to a security guard] Alright, Mitch, we're looking for weapons, obviously, anything that can kill a student. Knives, guns. But it's not always obvious. [to a student] Are you kidding me? You know the rule about gum! [to a female student] Raise your arms, please. [to the security guard] With the women, you want to use the backs of the hands. The backs of the hands, Mitch. Last rule. Most important rule. You're gonna wanna **** them. Do not **** the students, do you understand?

View Quote Harry Gruen: Do I have to say the words, Walter?
Walter Davis: I am fired?
Harry Gruen: I only wish this was the army. So that I could have you shot... Twice!

View Quote Nadia Gates: Walter if you will just drop me off at a hotel...
Walter Davis: [cuts off Nadia] What? and bring an end to this glorious evening?

View Quote Nadia Gates: [inspects painting] Oh! This looks Japanese. "Master and Concubines"?
Walter Davis: It's Yakamoto!
Nadia Gates: What is?
Walter Davis: No, no, the reason for this big business dinner tonight is this Japanese industrialist new client of ours. He's old world Japanese and he's got a wife that's more like a slave and he keeps concubines!
Nadia Gates: You gotta be kidding me.
Walter Davis: No, no, his wife knows all about it. It's "traditional" or something.
Nadia Gates: Tell me something, Walter: Are you into those kind of "traditions"? [chuckles]
Walter Davis: No, I'm actually a one-concubine kind of guy.

View Quote Sully: Go home, you jerk. You're married to the best-looking woman in Bath.
Carl: Who was it that said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp?"

View Quote Sully: [about Toby] Don't tell me she's pregnant.
Carl: Knocked up like a cheerleader. Eh, I suppose now you're gonna to want to be godfather.
Sully: Hey... I can't be the father and the godfather. You got to goddamn do something.

View Quote Carl: Sixty years old and still getting crushes on other men's wives. I would hope by the time I'm your age, I'm a little smarter than that.
Sully: Can't hurt to hope. You sure are off to a slow start.

View Quote Spike: "Woof! That's right, I said woof!"
Tommy: It's Nigel Strawberry!
Spike: I ate one of Chuckie's diapers once and, let me tell you, that is spicy.
Chaz: [as a 40-foot wave approaches the ship] We're going to need a bigger boat.
Spike: Could you give a dog a little warning? I'm trying to do my business here.
Eliza: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Spike: You know, it's funny. For a minute there, I thought I actually heard you talking to me. You talking to me? Are you talking to me?
Eliza: Yeah, I can talk to animals. It's a long story.
Spike: Hey, chimp boy. Will you stop worrying? I know all about cats with a capital "K". Sit on a window sill, hack up a fur ball... Oh! That is very ferocious!
Eliza: Spike, this isn't your regular housecat.
Spike: They all twich their whiskers. One whisker at a time, just like you and me.
Spike: I am Spike. Full name: Down, Spike. Down! Get off that couch!
Spike: Well, Eliza. As dog as my witness, I will never lose my babies again!
[The Rugrats meet Donnie for the first time. They assume that he's Chucky since he's wearing his clothes.]
Phil: [Confused] Since when did Chucky started talking backwards?
Nigel: Heavens, what a fall. I must get to those babies. [A coconut falls and hits Nigel's head and Nigel falls]
Susie: [echoing] Are you okay, Mr. Strawberry?
Nigel: She called me "mister". Silly Billy. I'm only this... [makes a three] ...many years old.
Eliza: What happened?
Debbie: I was taking care of this island princess and...
Eliza: What's she doing in the bathysphere?
Debbie: [scoffs] I didn't say I was taking care of her *well*.
Howard: You mean we're marooned? With no food? How soon before we all turn cannibal? I have to get out of here!
Betty: Sooo... Swiss Family DeVille, he's not.
Didi: We have to find something to eat. All I saved are a couple of jars of baby food.
Howard: [cheerfully] I never knew strained peas and apricots went so well together...
[after dropping her cell phone into the ocean] Charlotte: [screeches] Phone overboard! Phone overboard!
Drew: [after Charlotte pushes past him] CHARLOTTE, FORGET THE PHONE!!
Charlotte: JOHNATHAN!!!!!! [Charlotte begins to dive in but Betty stops her just in time]
Eliza: Debbie, you are so self-centered.
Debbie: [shrieks] I AM NOT!
Debbie: [suspiciously] You sure know an awful lot for an "island girl".
Angelica: Well, see. A TV washed up on the beach one time, and the island king made the whole tribe watch it.
Debbie: [after a long pause] Cool!
Stu: It's obvious... the first thing to do is build a signal fire.
Drew: You know what else is obvious? You're an idiot.
Howard: Well, I'm going to use the 7 kid-free days to re-shape my physique!
Betty: It could happen. The earth was created in 6.
Howard: Captain Stu, I can't hold the wheel!
Drew: Will you stop calling him Captain?! He has no idea what he's doing!
Stu: I do so!
[pause] Stu: Does anybody know where the brakes are on this thing?
[Marianne Thornberry films oysters spewing water]
Marianne: Well, it's not a clouded leopard, but at least I'll have a film of something.
[Donnie runs past with Howard chasing him.] Marianne: Donnie!
[The grownups stop and see her filming] Marianne: What? This is supposed to be a deserted island.
Charlotte: Oh, thank heavens! We're part of an elaborate television stunt designed to humiliate us.
Marianne: Who are you?
[They all begin talking at once] Marianne: Hold it! My name is Marianne Thornberry. From the nature show?
Didi: We're shipwrecked.
Betty: Can you help us, Marianne?
Marianne: Of course. Our camp is nearby.
Stu: Behold, fellow islanders! I, Stu Pickles, I have built us a radio!
Didi: Stu, who's watching the kids?
Stu: Oh, Angelica said she'd take care of them.
[The grownups gasp in terror and begin scrambling around, looking for their children] Kira: Chuckie?!
Didi: Oh, this is very strange. I feel like this has happened before.
[Eliza and Spike watch them run around in circles] Spike: (sighs) Look at them...chasing their own tails. If only I could tell them that it doesn't work. I know, I've done it. I've chased my tail a million times. It does not work.
[Stu's coconut radio begins to pick up static] Stu: It's getting a signal!
Marianne: I'm very impressed.
Didi: Oh, Stu's an inventor. Runs an ad in the shop-and-buy.
Marianne: (to Debbie and Eliza) Girls, have you seen some children?
Debbie: Just a bossy three-year-old who has delusionals of being a princess.
Charlotte: Angelica!
Angelica: (on radio) I'm the boss of this bathy thing!
Debbie: That's her!
Susie: (on radio): We haven't moved a bit, Angelica.
Didi: That's Suzy!
Debbie: She must've turned on the radio in the bathysphere.
Marianne: A three-year-old's driving the bathysphere?!

View Quote [Last lines; After the Rugrat and Thornberry families save and reunite with their children and Nigel from underwater...]
Stu Pickles: Where's Tommy?
Nigel Thornberry: And who does this little chap belong to?
Stu Pickles: He's ours. [Nigel sets Tommy down; As Tommy starts to walk over to his family, he offers Nigel to take his hand and bring him over] Come here, champ.
Marianne Thornberry: Honey, I'd like you to meet Stu Pickles. He made the coconut radio that saved your lives.
Nigel Thornberry: [honored] Terribly grateful, Mr. Pickles. I have a feeling I wouldn't be here without this little chap, either.
Angelica Pickles: [last words] Pickles, you might grow up to be just like Nigel Strawberry after all.
Tommy Pickles: Thanks, Angelica. But I think I'll grow up to be just like my daddy.
Drew Pickles: Well, bro, I got to hand it to you...
Chaz Finster: I'm so proud of you, Stu.
Marianne Thornberry: Oh, Nigel, I was so worried.
Nigel Thornberry: I confess, I was, too. I hated the thought of our last family meal being shortchanged because we had to go find a leopard.
Marianne Thornberry: Your father's right. We lost sight of what's important: Spending time together. Okay, everyone. Let's pack up. We're going on vacation!
[Debbie cheers excitedly and starts running around]
Charlotte Pickles: How about...
All: The Lipschitz Cruise!
Debbie Thornberry: We're leaving to go on vacation. Oh, yeah, right on.
[Cut to all the families having a great time on the cruise]
Spike: Well, Eliza, as dog is my witness, I'll never lose my babies again!
[The kids laughing uproariously]

View Quote Darwin Thornberry: Eliza! You'll never believe what I just saw! There's a little girl at camp, and she's a miniature Debbie! In every way. She's bossy, she's loud… she's hideous!
[They hear Spike sneezing]
Eliza Thornberry: [sees him down below] Darwin, look!
Darwin Thornberry: A dog?
Eliza Thornberry: What's he doing here?
Darwin Thornberry: Oh, spreading his fleas on an unsuspecting world. [shudders and groans]
Eliza Thornberry: Come on!
[They each grab a vine and swing down towards Spike]
Spike: [startled] Hey, hey, hey! Could you give a dog a little warning? I'm trying to do my business here!
Eliza Thornberry: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Spike: [chuckles] You know, it's funny. For a minute there, I thought I actually heard you talking to me. [realizes] You talking to me? Are you talking to me?
Eliza Thornberry: Yeah, I can talk to animals. It's a long story. Should we come back?
Spike: Ah, no problem; I'm done. I was just marking. Spike was here! Uh, sorry. I know...Where are my manners? I am Spike. Full name: Down, Spike. Down! Get off that couch!
Eliza Thornberry: [giggles] I'm Eliza, and this is Darwin.
Darwin Thornberry: [smiles, before Spike sneezes] Spike was here too.

View Quote It's been proven by history: all mankind makes mistakes.

View Quote Sam: I admit we knew we'd get in trouble. That part's true. We knew people would be worried, and we still ran away, anyway. But something also happened, which we didn't do on purpose. When we first met each other, something happened to us.
Captain Sharp: That's very eloquent. I can't argue against anything you're saying. But then again, I don't have to, 'cause you're 12 years old. Look, let's face it, you're probably a much more intelligent person than I am. In fact, I guarantee it. But even smart kids stick their finger in electrical sockets sometimes. It takes time to figure things out. It's been proven by history. All mankind makes mistakes. It's our job to try to protect you from making the dangerous ones, if we can. [offering him beer] We want a slug?
[Sam pours out his milk and holds his glass up to be filled]
Captain Sharp: What's your rush? You've got your whole life in front of yourself. Ahead of you, I mean.
Sam: Maybe so. Anyway, you're a bachelor.
Captain Sharp: So are you.
Sam: That's true. Did you love someone ever?
Captain Sharp: Yes, I did.
Sam: What happened?
Captain Sharp: She didn't love me back.
Sam: Ah.
Captain Sharp: I'm sorry for your loss. Anyway, that's what you're supposed to say.
[pours him some more beer]