Concierge [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room]
I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
[sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it]
Damn it. This thing is stuck.
Concierge Sir, it's attached to the...
You dumb-ass, let me try.
[stops]
Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
Dallas Grimmes [Grabs Beavis and Butthead and holds a gun on them]
Alright who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
Whoa! Uh, huh huh hey baby are we like, going to do it? Uh,huh,huh huh.
Dallas Grimmes [**** the gun]
You got two seconds!
Uh, is that going to be enough time?
Dallas Grimmes [grabs him and pulls him up to her]
Who sent you?
Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was going to pay us to do you?
Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
Dallas Grimmes Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he paying you?
Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas Grimmes mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimmes 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
You want us to do a guy? No way.
I don't know, Butt-Head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
[to her husband]
I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes Is that a promise?
Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes Mmph. You got my bad side.
3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
[Getting back on the bus]
Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.
Dam? Heh heh. I'll be damned.
Dallas Grimmes You boys better show up.
Do you see what I see, Bork?
I see it. I just don't get it.
You got half the state looking for you. How do you get away?
Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion: terrorists. What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon - a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. It could wipe out 5 states in 5 days. Here's what happened when it was tested on a group army recruits. Look at these guys, Chief. This thing is a veritable Doomsday device.
Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
OK, people, as of right now, these are the most dangerous men in America. I want these faces in front of every fed and 2-bit sheriff within a thousand miles. The orders are dead or alive. Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork.
Dallas Grimmes You don't have anything on us, and you know it.
Oh, I don't, huh? How about lewd conduct? Maybe indecent exposure. Here's what's gonna happen. One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit. The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.
That's where you're wrong, boy. Me and my wife are back together, and you will never...
Dallas Grimmes He stole the unit! Said he put it in some kid's pants.
Why you damn LITTLE FOUR-LEGGED-- HEY! TAKE IT EASY! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR...
