Muddy Grimmes quotes from Beavis and Butthead Do America (1996)

Muddy

You guys are late.

Butt-head

Really? Did we miss Baywatch?

Muddy Grimmes

Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?

Butt-head

Uh, Butt-head.

Beavis

Oh, I'm Beavis.

Muddy Grimmes

Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.

Butt-head

Uh, do her?

Muddy Grimmes

That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?

Beavis

Actually, we just want to watch TV.

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.

Beavis

No! I wanna watch TV!

Butt-head

Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.

Beavis

Really? Cool.

Butt-head

Uh, we'll do it, sir.

Muddy Grimmes

Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.

Butt-head

Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.

Muddy Grimmes

She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.

Muddy

Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. My wife's got this leather satchel. It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. Sentimental value, you know what I mean? Any questions so far?

Butt-head

Uh, does she have big hooters?

Muddy Grimmes

Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...

Butt-head

This is gonna be cool.

Beavis

Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.

Muddy Grimmes

Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.

Agent Flemming

Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork.

Dallas Grimmes

You don't have anything on us, and you know it.

Agent Flemming

Oh, I don't, huh? How about lewd conduct? Maybe indecent exposure. Here's what's gonna happen. One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit. The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.

Muddy Grimmes

That's where you're wrong, boy. Me and my wife are back together, and you will never...

Dallas Grimmes

He stole the unit! Said he put it in some kid's pants.

Muddy Grimmes

Why you damn LITTLE FOUR-LEGGED-- HEY! TAKE IT EASY! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR...