Hudson Hawk
How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-****-die!
Played by Bruce Willis 
Hudson Hawk (1991) · 36 quotes
Hudson Hawk (1991) · 36 quotes
If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."
More lines from Hudson Hawk
4 quotes Hudson Hawk
Hudson Hawk
Hi, I'm being blackmailed into robbing Vatican City by a psychotic American corporation and the C.I.A..
Hudson Hawk
Hey! Old Man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!
Hudson Hawk
[after decapitating Alfred]
You won't be attending that hat convention in July!
Scenes with Hudson Hawk
12 scenes
Tommy
Did I miss anything?
Hudson Hawk
Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything?" Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything?" I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at Ford's Theatre and said "How was the show? Did I miss anything?"
Hudson Hawk
Don't I know you?
George Kaplan
The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended.
Hudson Hawk
My high school science teacher?
Darwin Mayflower
So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower
That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin!
Hudson Hawk
I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.
George Kaplan
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician.
Hudson Hawk
Why, George, you old softie.
Snickers
Good news Hawk, the Mayflowers have moved up the timetable, you're hitting the Vatican tonight.
Hudson Hawk
Oh, no! No no, hold on, no way! The timing is off, I'm underequipped, and besides that, I've got a date.
Almond Joy
(reading Hawk's shopping list)
Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps? Gee stud, this's going to be some date! No Harvey's Bristol Cream?
Butterfinger
Hey Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.
Hudson Hawk
(imitating BooBoo)
Good, Yogi.
Hudson Hawk
Look, you Eddie Munster-looking mother****er, someone better explain to me what is going on, or I ain't gonna move another muscle. I want to be treated like an adult!
Darwin Mayflower
That's fair. Now go to your room!
Darwin Mayflower
The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter...
Minerva Mayflower
...on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris.
Hudson Hawk
As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?
Darwin Mayflower
Shut up! You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.
Anna
[Hudson finds out Anna is a nun.]
It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Hudson Hawk
Oh, no, you love me! It's your job! You probably love Butterfinger over there.
Anna
Well, yeah, in a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.
Snickers
[Snickers has a time bomb stuck to his head.] (leaping around desperately)
Get this **** thing off my head!
Hudson Hawk
Hey Tommy, look at Snickers.
Tommy Five-Tone
Yeah, he's about to have a bad migraine.
Hudson Hawk
Anna, we're supposed to be saving you.
Anna
I know. I got bored so I saved myself.
Hudson Hawk
You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill!
Tommy Five-Tone
Air bags! Can you **** believe it?
Anna
You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh!
Tommy Five-Tone
Sprinkler system set up in the back! Can you **** believe it?
