John McClane Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er
Most-quoted character in Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995): in 35 of its 51 quotes
Most scenes with: Zeus Carver (26), Simon Gruber (4)
Hey fellas! Mickey O'Brien, aquaduct security. Hey listen, we got a report of a guy coming through with err... eight reindeer. [empties his pistol on them] Yeah, they said he was a jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard, cute little red n' white suit! I'm surprised you didn't see him.
More lines from John McClane
3 quotes John McClane John McClane I never knew Canada could be this much fun.
John McClane Say hello to your brother.
Scenes with John McClane
31 scenes
[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park in a taxicab.]
Are you aiming for these people?
John McClane No! [pause] Maybe that mime.
Gang member
[pops up]
Nicht schießen!
John McClane [shoots him twice]
...what was that?
Mathias Targo [kicks McClane out from behind]
He said "don't shoot".
Mathias Targo I see you all day, little man. Policeman? [kicks McClane] And you don't go away!
John McClane Yeah, I'm the ****in' energizer bunny. [stabs him in the leg]
[into radio]
Bridgeport coast guard, come in, please. [to McClane] They put you on hold?
John McClane She told me to stay on the line.
John McClane You know, your brother was an asshole.
John McClane [while tied to a large bomb]
Hey ****head. Yeah you; ****head. There's just one thing I gotta know. You got any aspirins? 'Cause I've had a bad ****in' headache all day long.
John McClane Hey, can you pick locks?
Is this one of those black things again?
John McClane I think I made it mad.
McClane There's gold in the Federal Reserve, and they took a shitload of it! They're heading north in dump trucks!
Cobb Have you been drinking, McClane?
McClane No, not since this morning.
McClane Interagatin' him.
...n' whats he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?
McClane Well I a'int gonna know 'til I ask him now, am I?
Cobb John, have you been drinking?
McClane No, not since this morning.
McClane [on the guard's phone]
Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, ****-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
[on the phone]
John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
McClane [on the phone]
Yeah, I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
John McClane [McClane shows up to stop Simon while he's having sex with Katya]
Hey, dickhead. Did I come at a bad time?
[Katya, furious, shoots at McClane's helicopter. Zeus laughs]
Whoa-ho! I think she's pissed at you, McClane! [chuckles]
John McClane [to Jerry after thinking he's one of Simon's men]
Are you a truck driver?
Jerry [sarcastically]
No, I'm a beautician! Of course I'm a truck driver!
Bill Jarvis The first man there is Mathias Targo. Was Hungarian army, explosives expert. Now we believe he's working for the Iranians. Freelance terrorism by contract.
John McClane Who's the girl?
FBI Agent Andy Cross Targo's other half. Rumor is the Israelis slipped a bomb in between their sheets. He wasn't at home, but they think they got her.
Bill Jarvis The second man was an obscure colonel in the East German Army. Ran an infiltration unit, kind of like the Nazis did at Battle of the Bulge. English speaking troops.
John McClane Yeah, yeah. I saw the movie.
Bill Jarvis All we know of him is the GDR medical records show he suffers from migraines. His name is Peter Krieg.
John McClane Well, that is an exceptional report, fellas. Now, do you want to tell me what the hell this has to do with me?
FBI Chief Does the name Gruber mean anything to you, Lieutenant? (John remembers Hans Gruber falling from the Nakatomi building to his death)
John McClane It rings a bell, yeah.
L.A.. That thing in the building in L.A.
FBI Chief Peter Krieg was born Simon Peter Gruber. He's Hans Gruber's brother.
[Having just barely missed a bus thanks to McClane’s reckless driving]
Where the hell are you going, McClane?! I told you 9th Avenue was the quickest way south!
John McClane Stop with that goddamn yelling! I know what I’m doing!
Not even God knows what you’re doing!
How do Catholics do their thing?
John McClane North, South, West, East. [Zeus crosses himself in those directions] How much time?
27 minutes.
John McClane Ha! 72nd and Broadway to Central Park South in three minutes! It's gotta be a ****in' record!
[Zeus and his nephews see McClane across the street from their electronics store sporting a sandwich board that says "I HATE ****"]
Dial 911. Tell the police to get up here quick. Somebody's about to get killed. And get your butts to school, you hear me?
Raymond Carver [casually]
Yeah.
Dexter Carver
Yeah.
[Zeus goes out, notices a black gang across the street, then walks across to speak to McClane]
Morning.
John McClane Good morning.
You having a nice day, sir? You feelin' all right? [A car passing by honks its horn in response to McClane's message] Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I Hate ****" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking. [McClane yawns] Hey, I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do, they will kill you, you understand? You are about to have a very bad day.
John McClane Tell me about it, Sir this is a police matter, for your own safety I'm gonna have... .
You damn right it's a police matter, for you're own safety I suggest you hide your butt in my shop till the police get here.
Black Gang Member
WHAT THE ****?!
John McClane Listen, I'm a cop.
What?
John McClane I'm on a case. Somebody blew Bonwit Teller's an hour ago. Did you hear about that on the news?
Yeah.
John McClane The same asshole that did that said I gotta come to Harlem and do this, or he's gonna blow up somethin' else, do you understand?
John McClane Listen I got a gun.
They got ten guns.
John McClane When you get across the street, you should get across the street.
Look, start acting crazy, alright?
John McClane What?
Like Looney Tunes, you know like Bellevue?
Black Gang Leader
[A black gang has seen McClane with the "I hate ****" sign and is surrounding him and Zeus]
Hey, Zeus. Is he a friend of yours?
He look like a friend of mine? I think this dude has just escaped from some hospital. You know, like Bellevue?
John McClane [McClane and Zeus escape the black gang in a taxi cab]
That cut deep?
How the hell would I know?
John McClane Just keep pressure on it.
Oh, ****!
John McClane Jesús, right? John McClane. I owe you one. Thanks for-
Damn right, you owe me! Do you have any idea what those guys are doing to my shop right now?
John McClane Chill out, Jesús.
Chill out? What the ****? Are you trying to relate to me? Talk like a white man!
John McClane Look, Jesús, I'm sorry you got involved!
Why're you calling me "Jesús"? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane The guy back there called you Jesús.
He didn't say "Jesús," he said "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane Zeus?
Yeah, Zeus! As in Father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? Don't-****-with-me-or-I'll-shove-a-lightning-bolt-up-your-ass Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane No...no, I don't have a problem.
[McClane and Zeus have just carjacked a taxi]
I used to drive a cab. The fastest way to – [yells as McClane speeds off; McClane runs a red light, barely avoiding collision with several cars]
John McClane You were saying?
I was saying, I used to drive a cab, and 9th Avenue is the fastest way south. But we seem to be going east.
Dr. Fred Schiller These people don't like to work anonymously. They want you to know who's doing it to you. So this name Simon is probably not an alias. It's probably Simon or some variation.
Joe Lambert [reads information off of a rap sheet]
Simon, Robert E. Busted in '86. Extortion. Kidnapping. 10 to 15. Did 7 years for good behavior. Released on a state work furlough two months ago.
Inspector Cobb
Check it. [Rick tosses something to McClane]
John McClane Thanks, Rick. Bob Simon was a bankrupt businessman who kidnapped his partner's daughter. He's a ****-up, not a psycho. The guy we're looking for is nuts.
Charles Weiss [comes in]
A nut who knows a lot about bombs. We found this in a playground. Professional. Very cool stuff! You know … [thuds the bomb on Cobb's desk] Boom!
Inspector Walter Cobb
You think you should slam it around like that, Charlie?
Charles Weiss It's unmixed. You can't hurt it. This stuff is cutting edge. It's a binary liquid.
Inspector Walter Cobb
A what?
Charles Weiss Like epoxy. Two liquids. [puts a dab of the clear liquid on Cobb's desk] Now, either one by itself … [hits it with his shoe] you got nothing. But, mix 'em … :[dabs a paperclip in the red liquid, swirls it into the clear] Ricky? [Ricky Walsh moves aside and Charlie throws the paperclip at a chair. The mixture explodes and pops the chair up, startling everyone]
Connie Kowalski [pissed]
Charlie, you're gonna be wearin' that chair up your ass!!
Inspector Walter Cobb
Christ almighty, Charlie!
Charles Weiss [pretending to have not heard them]
Like I said, very cool stuff. Now, with a package like this, you get a warning. Now, the bomb has to arm itself. You'll see the red liquid pump into the clear before it detonates.
John McClane How long before?
Charles Weiss Ten seconds, two minutes, it could be anything. But once it's mixed...be somewhere else.
John McClane You know how to pick this lock?
Is this some black shit again?
John McClane Will you stop with that racial shit?
John McClane Listen, you fail, I cover your ass. I fail, you cover my ass.
And if we both fail?
John McClane Then we're both ****! Go now, drive. Get to that phone booth by 10:20! Go!
[After McClane and Zeus "requisition" of a man's car]
Hey, who was the twenty-first President?
Man
Go **** yourself!
That dude was pissed!
John McClane He'll feel better when he looks in the back seat.
Oh, shit, that was my gold bar!
[While John McClane and Zeus Carver navigates through to the next bomb location]
But Wall Street is south!
John McClane Stop yelling! I got a headache! And the best way south is not 9th Avenue. It's through the park.
[John drives through the gap to see the traffic backed up]
I told you Park Drive is always jammed!
John McClane I didn't say "Park Drive". [turns the cab and drives onto the sidewalk, cutting through Central Park] I said "through the park".
John McClane No, I wasn't!
Yes, you were!
John McClane No!
Then what were you gonna call me?!
John McClane ASSHOLE! How's that, asshole?! What, you got some ****in' problem with me 'cause I'm white, Zeus?! Is that it?! Have I oppressed you?! Have I oppressed your people somehow?! I'll tell you what your ****in' problem is! You're a racist!
John McClane You're a racist! You don't like me 'cause I'm white!
I don't like you because you're gonna get me killed!
McClane Interrogating him.
And what's he gonna tell you? "I'm dead"?
McClane Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, now, am I?
FBI Agent in van
Does the name Gruber mean anything to you, Lieutenant?
John McClane [Flashback to Hans Gruber falling off the top of Nakatomi Tower]
It rings a bell, yeah.
Terrorist in Truck
[Disguised as a workman, McClane approaches two terrorists waiting in their dump truck to ambush him]
Wait until he gets alongside the door. [He and his comrade get their weapons ready]
John McClane Hey fellas! Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. Hey, listen, we got a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer! [empties his gun into the henchmen. McClane opens the bullet-riddled driver's side door and a dead body falls out. McClane inserts another magazine into his weapon] Yeah they said he was a … jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard; cute little red and white suit. I'm surprised you didn't see him! [chuckles]
Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
There's a difference, you know, between not liking one's brother, and not caring when some dumb, Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.
Hey, I didn't even know the mother****er!
Yes, and I never invited you aboard this ship.
No riddle's going to stop this mother****er?
No code, no riddle, no fancy countdown. [Attempts to leave the ship]
John McClane [While tied to a large bomb]
Hey ****-head. [Simon stops instantly and turns around] Yeah, you, ****-head. There's just one thing I gotta know. You got any aspirins? I've had a bad ****in' headache all day long.
If I hadn't have saved your ****in' ass, I wouldn't be sittin' here with you about to blow up with 100 billion dollars in ****in' gold.
John McClane Yeah, well, I got some bad news, you're only gonna blow up with me.
What?
John McClane There's no gold on this boat.
How do you know that?
John McClane 'Cause I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up $100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.
