John McClane No, don't write it up, don't write it up. Come on, man. This is my mother in law's car. She's all ready mad at me because I'm not a dentist.
Most-quoted character in Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990): in 26 of its 31 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Thornburg (16), Grant (3), Captain Carmine Lorenzo (2)
Ah, man, I can't **** believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How could the same shit happen to the same guy, twice.
More lines from John McClane
7 quotes John McClane John McClane Hey, Carmine. Let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first, the lead in your ass or the shit in your brain?
John McClane I've got an unidentified stiff here.
John McClane What the **** do you think this is, eh? The safety patrol, here? This is the resume of a professional mercenary, you've got the world's biggest drug dealer on his way here now, what d'ya need, a slide rule to figure this out. Or maybe another body in a zipper bag before we start asking questions.
John McClane Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother****er.
John McClane Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a ****in' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this mother****in' tin can!
John McClane Hey, Lorenzo, let me ask you something: what sets off a metal detector first? The dick in your ass or the shit in your ****?
Scenes with John McClane
18 scenes McClane Look, I'm a cop. LAPD. How about a little team spirit, eh?
Car Impounder
Oh, I was in LA once. Hated it.
McClane Honey. What are you doing? Where are you? Did you land yet?
Honey, it's the nineties, remember? Micro-chips, Micro-waves, faxes, air phones.
McClane He, he, he. Okay, well, as far as I'm concerned, progress peaked at frozen pizza.
McClane Captain Lorenzo?
Yeah.
McClane John McClane.
Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You're the asshole that's just broke 7 FAA and 5 District of Columbia regulations, running around my airport with a gun, shooting at people. What do you call that shit?
McClane Self-defense.
Al Well, what is it about?
McClane Oh, just a feeling I have.
Al Ouch. When you get those feelings, the insurance companies start to get bankrupt.
Al Hey, I'm right here partner. Your stiffed ass is coming through right now.
McClane What can you tell me about him?
Al He's dead.
McClane You needed a computer to figure that one out?
Al No, no, no. You don't follow me. According to the department of defense, he's been dead for two years.
Trudeau All right, not a word of this leaves this room. There must 15,000 people in this airport and we don't need panic on our hands. We just bought ourself maybe two hours. After that, those planes with low fuel ain't gonna be circling, they are gonna be dropping on the White House lawn. McClane, is this what you've expected?
McClane No. This is just the beginning.
Hey McClane, I've got a first class unit in here, SWAT team and all. We don't need any Monday morning quarterback.
McClane **** Monday morning, my wife is on one of the goddamn planes these guys are **** with, that puts me on the playing field. And if you had moved your fat ass when I told you to, we wouldn't be hip deep in shit right now...
Samantha Big drug dealer on his way to prison. Gun fired in airport. Every controller and cafe shop getting beeped and hauling ass. And you, rocking the boat. Connection? Come on, McClane. Just a few words.
McClane Ok, just a few words. **** off.
Samantha Thanks, but I already got that from Colonel Stewart.
McClane, you showed some balls out there man.
McClane Yeah.
Now, show some good sense. Let the pros handle this.
McClane Well, looks like the pros are on the wrong team tonight.
Esperanza Who are you?
McClane A cop.
Esperanza A cop?
McClane Yeah, one of the good guys. You see, you're one of the bad guys and now that I've got your sorry ass, I'm gonna trade it for my wife.
You're the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.
McClane Story of my life.
McClane Guess I was wrong about you, you're not such an asshole after all.
No, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole.
Samantha Jesus, you give me the story and I'll have your baby.
McClane Not the kind of ride I'm looking for.
Helicopter Pilot
What's the matter cowboy, the ride too rough?
McClane I don't like to fly.
Helicopter Pilot
Then, what are you doing here?
McClane I don't like to lose either!
Stewart
How is it going? [pushes McClane off the plane] Bon voyage! [McClane pulls off the gas cap as he falls] Happy landing asshole!
McClane [pulls out lighter]
Yippie kai yay, mother****er. [throws lighter onto gas trail, igniting it and blowing up the plane as it takes off]
They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
McClane Yeah, I heard that too.
John McClane I know someone who can help. [uses a Dulles phone to call Los Angeles]
Al Powell LAPD. Sergeant Powell speaking.
McClane Powell, put down that Twinkie and talk to me!
Powell John! How the hell you been?
Stuart How is it going? [pushes McClane off the plane] Bon voyage! [McClane pulls off the gas cap as he falls] Happy landing asshole! [removes the jacket jamming the left flaps and gets back aboard]
McClane [pulls out lighter]
Yippee ki-yay, mother****er. [throws lighter onto gas trail, igniting it and blowing up the plane as it takes off]
