3rd most-quoted character in Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995): in 10 of its 51 quotes
Most scenes with: Zeus Carver (6), John McClane (4)
Simon Gruber Bridgeport coast guard, come in, please. [to McClane] They put you on hold?
She told me to stay on the line.
Simon Gruber Oh, God, I love this country.
You know, your brother was an asshole.
Simon Gruber He was an asshole! You-you got his number?
Hey ****head. Yeah you; ****head. There's just one thing I gotta know. You got any aspirins? 'Cause I've had a bad ****in' headache all day long.
Simon Gruber Must be your lucky day. Keep the bottle!
Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, ****-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
Simon Gruber John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
Yeah, I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
Simon Gruber How colorful.
I have to answer that phone.
Get 'em up!
Look, if you have to shoot me, then you go ahead, and you shoot me! But I have to answer this phone, alright?!' [picks up the receiver] I'm here.
Simon Gruber And McClane?
He's on his way. Uh, you know, he's a little slow. He's kinda outta shape.
Simon Gruber The rules applied to both of you. I'm afraid this is noncompliance. Goodbye. [hangs up. The screeching of wheel flanges can be heard from inside the tunnel]
Trust me guys. Duck. [He immediately assumes the brace position. The downtown #3 train that the bomb has been planted in enters the station. At the back of the tenth car, McClane smashes the panel on the door and throws the bomb out onto the tracks. As he does that, the front wheels of the first car pass over a trip wire over the inner rail that activates the detonator. The bomb goes off in midair, causing the last car to separate from the wheel bogies. The carbody slides along the island platform, taking out the station columns and signs, emitting a large plume of dust at the station entrances on the street. The transit cop stands still, petrified at the scene]
Get down! [He pulls the transit cop under the stairs. The derailed car hits the stairway and turns on its side]
Come on, Pamela, look at your watch! It's coming up on shift change! The bean counters are worried about overtime, so we're sending everybody back to the precinct to punch out! The next shift's gonna be here in a minute.
You are so full of shit, Walsh!
Thank you. [He hears a low rumble and walks over to the corner, trying to find out what the noise is] What the hell?
Hey, whoa! Whoa-whoa! [Simon approaches him]
Simon Gruber Detective! [flashes his identification] Bob Thompson. City Engineer's office. We'd like to get an idea of the damage. [Mathias Targo jumps onto the next passing truck]
Man, you guys really got here fast!
Simon Gruber Well … it's Wall Street, sir. A lot of money here. Lot of opinion makers--the mayor doesn't want to piss off, you know. Is this it?
Simon Gruber Holy Toledo! Somebody had fun! [turns to Walsh] I'd appreciate it if you'd show my associates the way down. [smiles and exchanges eye contact with Walsh. After a pause, Walsh gives in]
Yeah! Yeah, sure. [turns to two cops by the police barricades] Jimmy! You got the flashlight? Murphy, come on, you too! [Two cops are waved over to lead two of Simon's thugs and Otto down the stairs into the wreckage]
Front desk.
Yes, call the police! Get your ass down here right now! I'm under attack!
Hey, just relax mate! Maybe you'll live through this!
[The guard, not trusting Mischa, grabs a shotgun and starts firing towards the door behind which Simon and his men are standing, calmly waiting. As he fires with no success, he fails to see Katya pull out a long curved knife, and she slashes it through his neck. As he begins to fall, she slashes a second time through his neck, spins around, and stabs him in the chest. As he doubles over, she stabs him in the back. Before she can stab the guy any more, Simon grabs her, twists her hand, and pins her against the wall, restraining her. He glares disapprovingly at her]
Simon Gruber I think he's dead, my dear.
Simon Gruber One hundred forty billion dollars! Ten times what's in Kentucky! Fort Knox? HA! It's for tourists! [tosses a gold brick to one of his comrades, who nearly drops it because of the weight]
Simon Gruber Oh, the Samaritan.
Gimme the goddamn code!
Simon Gruber Code? [realizes what Zeus is talking about] Oh, you mean for the school. I'm sorry, I can't do that.
You call in that code right now, or I'll blow your sick ass into the next world!
Simon Gruber If that's what you gotta do.
Simon Gruber You forgot to take the safety catch off. [shoots Zeus in the leg]
Argh! God!
Simon Gruber See, that works. Now, where's McClane?
Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon Gruber There's a difference, you know, between not liking one's brother, and not caring when some dumb, Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.
Hey, I didn't even know the mother****er!
Simon Gruber Yes, and I never invited you aboard this ship.
No riddle's going to stop this mother****er?
Simon Gruber No code, no riddle, no fancy countdown. [Attempts to leave the ship]
Hey ****-head. [Simon stops instantly and turns around] Yeah, you, ****-head. There's just one thing I gotta know. You got any aspirins? I've had a bad ****in' headache all day long.
Simon Gruber Must be your lucky day. Keep the bottle.
Simon Gruber Yesterday...Yesterday we were an army with no country. Tomorrow we have to decide which country we want to buy! And remember, this is all due to the g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gullibility of the New York Police Department!
