LO Little Old Lady
Oh, hello, there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
LO Little Old Lady
Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
LO Little Old Lady
Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
LO Little Old Lady
It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
LO Little Old Lady
Well, that's nice.
LO Little Old Lady
Oh, she looks lovely.
I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, uh... you know, heh heh, get down.
LO Little Old Lady
I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
LO Little Old Lady
Oh. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.
LO Little Old Lady
Tired? Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. I have just the thing for ya. Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up.
Thanks. Tastes like crap. What else ya got?
LO Little Old Lady
Oh, go right ahead. Help yourself.
So, uh, huh huh... goin' to Las Vegas?
G Girl
Hi. We're serving dinner now. Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
Excuse me? Does the gumbo have corn in it?
I am Cornholio. I need piccata for my bung-hole.
G Girl
You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
Are you threatening me? My bung-hole will not wait. Bungholio.
Uh, hey, I got a beer. Want some?
P Pilot
Get the hell out of the cockpit!
LO Little Old Lady
[to her husband]
I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Mmph. You got my bad side.
3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
[Arriving at the Hoover Dam]
We're in Washington.
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score.
LO Little Old Lady
Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
No, no. We're in WASHINGTON!
Yeah. WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!
[Getting back on the bus]
Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
LO Little Old Lady
Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.
Dam? Heh heh. I'll be damned.
Do you see what I see, Bork?
I see it. I just don't get it.
You got half the state looking for you. How do you get away?
Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion: terrorists. What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon - a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. It could wipe out 5 states in 5 days. Here's what happened when it was tested on a group army recruits. Look at these guys, Chief. This thing is a veritable Doomsday device.
Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
OK, people, as of right now, these are the most dangerous men in America. I want these faces in front of every fed and 2-bit sheriff within a thousand miles. The orders are dead or alive. Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
