Beavis I am Cornholio! — You will cooperate with my bunghole! — For there is but one bunghole: the almighty bunghole.
Voiced by Mike Judge 
Beavis and Butthead Do America (1996) · 60 quotes
Beavis and Butthead Do America (1996) · 60 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Beavis and Butthead Do America (1996): in 38 of its 60 quotes
Most scenes with: Butt-head (28), Agent Flemming (4), Agent Bork (4)
I am the great Cornholio! — I'm a gringo! — I have no bunghole.
More lines from Beavis
2 quotes Beavis Beavis Hey Butt-head, this book is pretty cool. There's a naked chick, a talking snake, and this dude wears a leaf over his schlong.
Scenes with Beavis
35 scenes Beavis Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!
Bus Driver Hey, buddy, sit down.
Beavis Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score. It's just not gonna happen! We're just gonna get old like these people... but they've probably scored!
Bus Driver Hey, I'm warning you! SIT DOWN!
Beavis [motioning to Martha]
It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!
Old Guy [nodding]
Oh, yeah.
Beavis But not us. We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!
Bus Driver ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, NUMB-NUTS! ONCE MORE AND I'LL--UNH!
Beavis KICK YOUR ASS!
David VanDriessen
You know, this could be really positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover we don't need TV to entertain us.
Uh-huh huh huh! He said "anus"!
Beavis "Entert-ain us", "ainus". Oh yeah! *laughs*
David VanDriessen
*sigh* Have you guys heard a word I've said?
Uhhh, yeah! Anus! *laughs*
Beavis Yeah! I heard it too! *laughs*
David VanDriessen
You know, this could be a real positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover that we don't need TV to entertain us.
Huh huh huh. He said, "Anus."
Beavis Entertain us, anus. Oh, yeah.
David VanDriessen
Have you guys heard a word I've said?
Uh, yeah. Anus.
Beavis [chuckling]
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I heard it, too.
David VanDriessen
Look, guys, just take the TV back to the AV room right now. And try to be a little more open to life's experiences, okay?
What a dork.
[Beavis and Butt-Head roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks]
That was cool. Huh huh huh.
Beavis No, it wasn't.
Uh, oh, yeah.
Well, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
Cool. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
Beavis Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, um... heh heh. You know.
Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with you? You know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of you. NOW!!
Boy, it sure is hard to score.
Beavis Yeah, really.
Concierge [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room]
I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
Beavis [sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it]
Damn it. This thing is stuck.
Concierge Sir, it's attached to the...
You dumb-ass, let me try.
Beavis [stops]
Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
Beavis Yeah, really.
Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
Beavis Really? Cool! Neat!
[Grabs Beavis and Butthead and holds a gun on them]
Alright who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
Beavis Hey Butthead it's her!
Whoa! Uh, huh huh hey baby are we like, going to do it? Uh,huh,huh huh.
Uh, is that going to be enough time?
Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was going to pay us to do you?
Beavis Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he paying you?
Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas Grimmes mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimmes 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
You want us to do a guy? No way.
Beavis I don't know, Butt-Head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
Beavis I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.
Beavis This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.
[sitting around a camp fire eating beans]
Hey, you want to see something really cool? [farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
Beavis FIRE!
Marcie Anderson
They're here to look at the TV, Tom.
What? The TV ain't broken.
Beavis Uh, yeah it is.
Oh, hello, there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
Beavis Yeah. We're gonna score.
Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Beavis Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Beavis Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Cool.
It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
Well, that's nice.
Beavis Yeah, this is her.
Oh, she looks lovely.
Beavis I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, uh... you know, heh heh, get down.
I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
Beavis Really? I poop too much.
Oh. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
Beavis I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.
Tired? Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. I have just the thing for ya. Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up.
Beavis Thanks. Tastes like crap. What else ya got?
Oh, go right ahead. Help yourself.
So, uh, huh huh... goin' to Las Vegas?
Girl
Hi. We're serving dinner now. Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
Beavis Piccata. Titicaca....
Excuse me? Does the gumbo have corn in it?
Beavis I am Cornholio. I need piccata for my bung-hole.
Girl
You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
Beavis Are you threatening me? My bung-hole will not wait. Bungholio.
Uh, hey, I got a beer. Want some?
Pilot
Get the hell out of the cockpit!
Huh huh, you said...
Pilot
Now!
Beavis Are you threatening ME?
Beavis Check it out, Butt-Head, Porta-potties.
Cool. I gotta take a dump. [they go inside confession booths]
Uh... Where's the toilet? [in a church confession booth]
I'm sorry. How many Hail Marys?
Beavis A thousand. And I want you to hit yourself, right now.
Um, now?
Beavis Yeah. Do it. [the man hits himself]
Beavis Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder.
It's like it's coming out of its ass, but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass.
Beavis It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. Yeah.
This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
Beavis [Arriving at the Hoover Dam]
We're in Washington.
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score.
Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
Beavis No, no. We're in WASHINGTON!
Yeah. WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!
Beavis [starting to hallucinate]
Hey Butt-head I'm starting to feel weird, I think I'm freaking out!
Uh?, Okay.
Beavis This is cool! It's like everything's all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... um like a music video! [hallucinates that Butt-head is melting and demons are crawling out of his body] Woah, what are you doing Butt-head?, stop it you're freaking me out, cut it out!
Beavis [after spitting soda on Mr. Anderson's TV]
Aaaahh! This crap is warm!
Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
Beavis Aaah, no! Dammit!
[noticing the open door, the stolen T.V., and the broken window]
Whoa. I think just figured something out, Beavis.
Beavis What?
This sucks.
Beavis Yeah. It really sucks.
This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.
Beavis Hey, Butt-head, do you think we're ever going to score?
Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.
Beavis Shut up, dillhole.
Butt dumpling.
Beavis Turd burglar.
Uhhh... ass goblin.
Beavis Shut up, Butt-head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
Uh, yep.
Beavis 'Cause, um, I just need to stop by his toolshed for a few minutes.
Beavis Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
Uh, do you know where Washington is?
Petrified Forest Recording
[Pointing to the desert]
Uh, yeah. About two thousand miles that way.
Beavis Thanks.
Didn't see which way they went. Didn't see their vehicle. I don't suppose you tried to stop them.
Park Ranger
The most dangerous guys in America? No, thank you. I make $9.00 an hour.
National Security is the responsibility of every American. Bork...
Cavity search?
Deep and hard.
Agent Hurly.
They're not gonna get away this time. I want roadblocks every road out of here for 200 miles.
Bill Clinton
In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton
Cool, huh?
Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
Hoover Dam Guide Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
Beavis Yeah, I just have a question. Um, is this a God dam? You know, god damn. You know?
Hoover Dam Guide If you'll follow me this way.
This is dumb. Let's go find that chick.
Beavis Yeah. Enough of this crap. Whoa. Check it out, Butt-head, TV!
Cool.
Man #1
I gotta hit the head. Can you get me some coffee?
Man #2
All right.
Talk to me, Bork.
Chief, we found a witness that says he saw 2 teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived.
Did you give him a full cavity search?
Uh... the witness?
Yes. You can never be too careful, Bork.
Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. Here. Have a look.
What the hell?
They look like a couple of kids, Chief.
Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? Don't you read the papers? What the...?
All they have is these shows about water.
Beavis Yeah, really. Maybe need some shows about fire.
What are you doing, Beavis?
Beavis Something's wrong with my butt.
Your butt sucks.
Beavis Hey, how come there's no sound?
I'll fix it.
[Getting back on the bus]
Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.
Beavis Dam? Heh heh. I'll be damned.
You boys better show up.
Do you see what I see, Bork?
I see it. I just don't get it.
You got half the state looking for you. How do you get away?
Cut to power!
Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion: terrorists. What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon - a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. It could wipe out 5 states in 5 days. Here's what happened when it was tested on a group army recruits. Look at these guys, Chief. This thing is a veritable Doomsday device.
Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
OK, people, as of right now, these are the most dangerous men in America. I want these faces in front of every fed and 2-bit sheriff within a thousand miles. The orders are dead or alive. Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
You guys are late.
Really? Did we miss Baywatch?
[after Beavis and Butt-head enter the motel room]
Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?
Uh, Butt-head.
Beavis Oh, I'm Beavis.
Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.
Uh, do her?
That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?
Beavis Actually, we just want to watch TV.
Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.
Beavis No! I wanna watch TV!
[slaps Beavis]
Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.
Beavis Really? Cool.
Uh, we'll do it, sir.
Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.
Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.
She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.
Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. My wife's got this leather satchel. It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. Sentimental value, you know what I mean? Any questions so far?
Uh, does she have big hooters?
Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...
This is gonna be cool.
Beavis Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.
Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.
Ranger at Old Faithful
There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park. Old Faithful here is one of the largest. During an eruption, the geyser can reach as high as 200 feet.
So?
Ranger at Old Faithful
The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.
Beavis That's not that much, really.
Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Beavis Hey, Butt-head, are we gonna die?
Uh... Probably.
Beavis [over loudspeaker]
Yeah. We are ready to do you now.
Butt-head, Beavis
Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Senators
Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
What in the hell is that damn noise? [goes inside his camper and sees Beavis] What?
Beavis Hey, how's it going?
Pull your damn pants up, boy! I don't want to see that. Damn it, get out of here!
[throws Beavis out of camper]
And if I ever catch you whacking in here again, I'm gonna hogtie you.
Take your damn pants with you!
Hold your fire.
What the hell!
The pants! He's got the unit!
Drop the pants, now!
Now wait a minute. I ain't the one...
Here you go.
Now wait just a minute, mister!
ATF Agent Sir take a look at this.
How do you explain this?
What the hell are you talking about?
So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
Look, I already told you I don't know what the hell this is about.
Take him away.
Hey! Get your damn hands off me! Goddamnit hey damn it You don't know who you're dealing I'm a veteran of two foreign wars! I ain't the one been...
Beavis I always thought there was something wrong with him.
Yeah he had a lot of problems.
Beavis He used to hit me, too.
Hey, does anyone want to see my unit?
President Clinton
Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
Beavis Oh, yeah.
Mötley Crüe Roadie #1 (Butt-head's Dad): [sitting around a camp fire eating beans] Hey, you wanna see somethin' really cool? [farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
Beavis FIRE!
Beavis [starting to hallucinate after taking a bite of a peyote cactus]
Hey Butt-head, I'm starting to feel weird, I think I'm freaking out!
Uh?, Okay.
Beavis This is cool! It's like- everything looks all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... um- it’s like, like a music video! [hallucinates that Butt-head is melting and demons are crawling out of his body] What are you doing Butt-head? Stop it. You're freaking me out, cut it out!
White Zombie’s "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls" plays as an animated music video with the creatures that Beavis is seeing in his hallucination.
