Dan Aykroyd movie quotes

View Quote [During same car chase inside a shopping mall] The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.

View Quote [To the "Chic Lady", Twiggy, in the Jaguar at the gas station, and affecting fake Chicago accent] You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am?

View Quote I took the liberty of bullshitting you.

View Quote Smells like barbecued dog hair. Oh, Venkman! Oh, Venkman, I'm sorry!

View Quote [to Peter, after being fired from the university] "You don't understand. I've worked in the private sector - they expect results.

View Quote Listen! Do you smell something?

View Quote Did you check the safety manual!

View Quote I wonder if he noticed the pie.

View Quote It's because I'm smarter than the average bear.

View Quote "Hey, hey -- bing bing bing bing bang! POPCORN!"

View Quote "Here's the new stuff, kid: Durazac-15. It makes Prozac feel like a decaf latte. You want a couple? I've got jars."

View Quote "Easy there, chief. I don't see hollow-point wound care on the menu."

View Quote I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605. 10. 20. 22. 24. 26. 50. 70. 80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them.

View Quote [Friday is about to eat a chili dog]
Pep: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and... bug excrement?
[Friday gives a disgusted look]
Joe: I hate you, Streebeck.

View Quote Sylvia: [opens her top] Do these look like the breasts of a 43-year-old woman?
Joe: No, ma'am. They're quite impressive... bordering on spectacular.

View Quote Believe me, I know women - upside down and backwards, which is not a bad way to know 'em, huh?

View Quote Stay here on the outer limits of the dead zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and Empress Ramona. Sorry, folks, but you can color us gone.

View Quote Hey, Earl, want some of your daughter's panties? They come in four flavors; banana, peach, mint and, of course, CHERRY.

View Quote [after Florene storms out when Katie Bell makes a mistake] Don't worry, Katie Bell, it's not quite the end of the world.

View Quote [Calling after Hoke as he drives away with Miss Daisy] Goodbye! Good luck! [To himself] Good God.

View Quote [Hoke walks in, Boolie and Daisy are there to confront him about a missing can of salmon]
Hoke Colburn: Morning, Miss Daisy. I think it's gettin' ready to clear up out there! Oh, 'scuse me, Mr. Werthan!
Boolie Werthan: Hoke, I think we're gonna have to have a little talk.
Hoke Colburn: All right, sir. Just let me get outta my coat. [pauses, then turns to Daisy] Oh, Miss Daisy, yesterday, while you were out visitin', I went and ate a can of your salmon. Now, I know you said eat the left-over pork chops, but they was kinda stiff. So, I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly and got you another can. You want me just to go on and put it in the cupboard?
Daisy Werthan: [embarrased] Yes, that'll be fine... thank you, Hoke. Well, I guess I'd better get dressed now!

View Quote Chip: [to Muffy] Ugh! Please, Muffy, not another crusade.

View Quote Ladybug: This tastes just like crap.
Beetle: Really? Let me try some. Hey, it is crap. Not bad.
Mosquito: What if, like, we're just these tiny things... and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe...that's, like, so big we don't even know it exists?
Ladybug: Man, that is so deep.
Bala : Excuse me. I guess you didn't recognize me. My name is Princess Bala. I've been traveling, and I'm all... schlumpy.
Chip: It's worse than I thought. They're Euro-trash.
Bala : Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Z: Well, maybe, then again, maybe not, and then again... yowch.
Bala : That's it. You're the guy from the bar.
Z: Shhh.
Queen: Bar? What bar?
Bala : I... danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker, then.
Queen: What were you doing at a bar?
General Mandible: Precisely what I want to know.
Bala : No. This isn't about me. I mean, Look at this worker. Look what he's done.
Z: I think - I think you're thinking of someone else. After all, I am a soldier.
Bala : Exactly. You WERE a worker, but now you're a war hero.
Queen: He's a worker?
General Mandible: A worker danced with my fiance?
Z: F-fiance? Hey, w-wait a minute. Th-this is not how it looks. I-I can explain this... hey, SHE was the one making all the moves.
Bala : Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic bug in the joint.
Z: You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off.
Bala : I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
Z: Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?
Z: Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
Bala : I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
Z: Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
Weaver: Z, I've known you for a long time, right?
Z: Definitely; you were born two seconds after me.
Weaver: And ever since I've known you, all you do is complain; what are you bitching about? If you haven't noticed, us ants are runnin' the show. We're the lords of the Earth!
Z: Hey. Don't talk to me about "Earth", 'cause I just spent my day hauling it around.

View Quote [Z and Bala sit with some other bugs around a campfire in Insectopia]
Ladybug: [tasting a brown lump] This stuff tastes like crap.
Fly: Really? Let me try some. [tastes it] Hey, it is crap! Not bad. [continues eating] Somebody needs to feed that fire.
Mosquito: Dude, I did it last time.
Fly: Well, I'm not gonna get it. It's not my job.
Ladybug: What about the new guy? He hasn't contributed yet.
[They observe Z and Bala talking by themselves]
Z Marion-4195: [about Barbatus] And...you know, he just died in my arms like that. I...You know, I don't think he ever once, in his life, made his own choice.
Princess Bala: [moved and saddened] I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace...Well, I guess we just let the General make all the decisions.
Z Marion-4195: Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
Princess Bala: I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
Z Marion-4195: Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but, uh, I don't want you spreading that around.
Princess Bala: [chuckles] You're pretty strange. You do know that, don't you?
Z Marion-4195: Well, [clears throat] "strange" is...not exactly the word I would use, you know-
Princess Bala: [smiling] I like it. You're not like anyone else.
Z Marion-4195: [stammering] Actually, now that you mention it, I...there is a certain strangeness to me. I mean, it's a...you know, kind of a bizarre quality. Some have said "freak". But it's, uh, you know, complimentary.
[Bala keeps smiling, leaning towards him, and they are about to kiss]
Fly: Hey, new guy! We need more wood.
[Bala shrugs disappointedly]
Z Marion-4195: I'll be right back. Just hold that thought - whatever...whatever it is you were thinking. [to the other bugs, as he leaves] Hey, you ever wonder why they call you guys "pests"?
Mosquito: What if, like, we're just these tiny things, and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe that's, like, so big we don't even know it exists?
Ladybug: [chuckles] Man, that is so deep.
Z Marion-4195: Perfect. Nothing like a little manual labor on the most romantic night of my life.
Colonel Cutter: Hi. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop in. This is, uh, very bohemian.
Bug: Aloha, dude. Welcome to Insec...
Colonel Cutter: Sorry for interrupting. You see, our princess has, uh, gone missing, and we're just sick about it. She's about yea tall, fairly easy... [pause] ...on the eyes. Anybody seen her?
Bug: That's her.
[All of the bugs pointed at Bala who tried to get away.]
Colonel Cutter: Don't worry, Princess, you'll be back home soon.
Princess Bala: Listen, Cutter, I'm... I'm not going back.
Colonel Cutter: [sighs] The thing is, Princess, I got orders.
Princess Bala: Orders? Can't you just once think for yourself?
Colonel Cutter: Well, that was very impressive. Where's Z?
Bug: Z? He's, uh...
Princess Bala: Dead. Z's dead. You don't need to worry about him.
Colonel Cutter: Z's dead. Well, he was an ant with ideas. Too bad for him. Princess, your colony needs you.
Princess Bala: Cutter! Stop right now! Let go of me!
Z Marion-4195: Bala! Stop, you... Oh, no. [muttering] What am I gonna do? All right, look. Let's be rational about this. You know, Bala and I, you know, she's a princess, and I'm a... I'm a soil-relocation engineer. So wha... You're no... Whew! On the other hand, uh, I've gotta go back for her.
Chip: I'll-I'll give you a lift. S-S-S... [falls to the ground] It's the least I can do. Besides, it's what my waddly-kittles would want. [he starts crying]
Z Marion-4195: Uh, look... [clears throat] ...how about a cup of joe first?
Chip: Well, old boy, saddle up.
Z Marion-4195: I think I saw a puddle of coffee over there. It... Whoa! Look out!

View Quote And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.

View Quote If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?

View Quote Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.

View Quote Okay, boss, this LTX-71 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo Moon landings. They had the astronauts broadcast around the world from a sound stage at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn't give us too many problems.

View Quote Crease: Now what are you saying, the NSA killed Kennedy?
Mother: No, they shot him but they didn't kill him. He's still alive.

View Quote [Carl and Whistler try out Jannek's black box and they surprisingly break into some secure mainframes]
Liz: [upon seeing the data for the Air Traffic Control System] Oh, my God.
Mother: How is this possible?
Whistler: Cryptography systems are based on mathematical problems so complex they cannot be solved without a key.
Liz: Jannek figured out a way to solve those problems without the key and he hard-wired it into that chip.
Martin Bishop: Turn it off.
Whistler: Want to crash some passenger jets?
Bishop: I said turn it off. Turn it off. [shuts down computer]
Carl: [contemplates] So, it's a code-breaker.
Bishop: No, it's The code-breaker. No more secrets. [leaves]

View Quote Pontoon boat? What are you going to do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?

View Quote You know what the gourmet here wanted? Hot dogs! You know what they're made of, Chet? Huh? Lips and assholes!

View Quote Chet is going to shit a solid gold brick when he sees us.

View Quote Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaction. That's the 'roids talking. Douglas, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juice! It'th a protein shake!

View Quote Dr. Keats: Doug, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.

View Quote Dr. Keats: Tom was in a hunting accident and he lost part of his brain. His memory lasts only ten seconds.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you'll totally get over it in about three seconds.

View Quote [the Ghostbusters study a painting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art]
Dr. Egon Spengler: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 105 years old? He hung in there, didn't he?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.
Venkman: Ouch.
Winston Zeddemore: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Spengler: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Stantz: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door, time is but a window: I'll be back."

View Quote [two ghosts in electric chairs are attacking the court room as Judge Wexler admonishes the Ghostbusters over their work on First Avenue]
Judge Wexler: Oh my god! The Scoleri brothers!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler: I tried 'em for murder! Gave 'em the chair! You've gotta do something!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

View Quote [Ray and Winston show up as children's party entertainers]
Dr. Raymond Stantz and Winston Zeddemore: [singing] If there's something strange in your neighborhood / who you going to call?
Kids at party: He-Man! He-Man!
Stantz and Zeddemore: [singing unenthusiastically to each other] If there's something weird, and it don't look good...
Stantz: Wanna go get a beer?
Zeddemore: Yeah.

View Quote Ray Stantz: Ray's Occult, and we're closed.
Phoebe: Wait! I only get one phone call. I'm... in prison.
Ray: The slammer, huh? Heh, been there myself. I'm no lawyer, but I'm listening.
Phoebe: Are you Ray Stanz, the Ghostbuster?
Ray: And now, I'm hanging up.
Phoebe: Hang on, please! I'm calling about Egon Spengler.
Ray: [pauses] Egon Spengler can rot in Hell.
Phoebe: He died last week.
Ray: Oh, man... No kidding.
Phoebe: Weren't you two friends?
Ray: That was a long time ago.
Phoebe: What happened to you guys?
Ray: Well, when we started, busting ghosts was a gas. The economy was good. Reagan years. People believed in us, then things got slow. Hauntings got thin. Venkman thought we did our job too well. Oh, we could barely keep up our mortgage. Some actor bought up most of Tribeca, and we lost the firehouse. It's a Starbucks now.
Phoebe: So, then you all just walked away?
Ray: Peter went back to academia. He's in SUNY Cortland now, he's a Professor Emeritus, he teaches advertising and promotion. Winston went into finance, he worked hard, coined a fortune. And I'm... here.
Phoebe: Well... what about Egon?
Ray: Well, he wasn't helping. We went from ten calls a week, to one, if we were lucky. Then Egon started to tell people their little ghost problems didn't matter because the world was coming to an end. He got spooky, freaked me out! One morning, I go to work, and Ecto-1, our old Cadillac, is gone. His neutronophone and collider pack, all the traps! Sixteen ounces of fuel isotope! All gone! He cleaned us out! Now we were the dead ones.
Phoebe: Don't you think he might have had a reason?
Ray: He phoned me, about ten years later. Some small town in Oklahoma. Kept rambling on about the rising storm. A huge psychic tornado that was going to consume humanity in darkness forever. And, kid, I wanted to believe him-
Phoebe: You don't understand, there was this mountain, and it had these ancient carvings, and-
Ray: Kid, kid, kid, there are a lot of mountains out there with ancient carvings. Take a little advice: don't go chasing ghosts.
Phoebe: Egon Spengler was my grandfather.
Sheriff Domingo: [hangs up the phone] Time's up.
Ray: Hello?

View Quote [After Lucky is possessed by the Gatekeeper, Gozer goes to shock Callie and Phoebe]
Man: [offscreen] Hey, flat-top!
[Gozer looks over her shoulder. She, Callie and Phoebe find the original Ghostbusters]
Peter Venkman: Have you missed us?
[From inside Ecto-1, three tiny Stay Puft Marshmallow Men gasp and cheer]
Ray: Gozer the Gozerian! In the name of the county of Summerville, state of Oklahoma, the US Fish and Wildlife Service, all the members of Ducks Unlimited, the Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons. I command you under the National Invasive Species Act to depart this world immediately.
Peter: Bravo.
[Gozer growls]
Winston Zeddemore: I think she remembers us.
[Gozer gazes at them]
Gozer: Are you... a god?
[Ray pauses]
Winston: Ray?
Peter: Oh, come on, Ray!
Ray: ...Yes.
Winston: Yeah, we're all gods.
Peter: Yeah, I mean, we're all pretty dang special out here. On a personal note, I thought that we had busted up for good. I mean, it wasn't working for me. My friends didn't think so, I know yours didn't.
[The Gatekeeper goes to attack, but Gozer signals for it to stop]
Winston: Okay, playtime's over. Let's toast this muffin.
[The Ghostbusters unholster their proton wands]
Peter: Light 'em up! [laughs as they energize their proton packs]
Winston: Man, I love that sound!
Peter: On the count of three. Go on two. One, two!
[The Ghostbusters blast their proton streams around Gozer's body. Callie and Phoebe watch in amazement]
Ray: Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron-volts!

View Quote [Gozer has just been defeated, the ghost of Egon stands besides his former colleagues]
Peter: I thought you might show up.
[They gaze at their late friend]
Ray: I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
[Egon smiles acceptably, then nods as if to say, "That's OK."]
Winston: You should have called. I miss you, my friend.

View Quote We've all had experiences and encounters with the unknown. And the unexplainable. Here we pay top dollar for your possessed possessions.

View Quote The parables tell of an unimaginable evil commanding an army of ghosts, with the power to kill by fear itself.

View Quote Your veins turn to rivers of ice. Your bones crack. And the last thing you see is your own tear ducts freezing up.

View Quote Shelley: I have a wonderful disposition, I put people right at ease.
Harry: Uh, Miss Devoto, there people are already at ease. This is not a beauty parlour. It's a funeral parlour.
Shelley: They're dead?
Harry: Yes they are.
Shelley: Stiffs?
Harry: Deceased.

View Quote Phil: Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry. I told you to use fewer briquettes, and now look what you've done. you've cremated them.
Harry: Thats what i do.

View Quote [The day of Thomas J.'s funeral. Vada has locked herself in her room.]
Shelley: She won't come out! It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry!
Harry: The funeral's starting!
Shelley: Open your eyes! She's 11 years old! Her only friend in the world is dead!
Harry: I know that, but what do you want from me?
Shelley: Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw that a family lived here, I thought if I'm living without a family, then at least I can work with one and maybe, once in a while, be invited in for supper.
Harry: Yeah - and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or there's a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive!...
Shelley: I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people! But life isn't just death, Harry! Don't ignore the living... especially your daughter.

View Quote [Repeated line] If there's one thing I can't stand seeing, it's Americans fighting Americans.

View Quote Sergeant Foley: Now, Sarge. What is the loading and firing procedure for the 75-millimeter cannon?
Frank: [delirious] There are five basic components...
Sergeant Foley: This is it, pay attention.
Frank: ...to the new General Electric refrigerator: 1. The freon compressor, 2. The freon tube...

View Quote [The last lines.]
Frank: You know, this year wasn't the big year of the war, '41. I think the really big year is going to be 1942.
Joseph: [sighs] It's going to be a long war.

View Quote Hey... you wanna see something really scary?