Elwood Blues We're on a mission from God. [repeated line]
Tied for most-quoted character in The Blues Brothers (1980): in 28 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: 'Joliet' Jake Blues (16)
We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community who have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We do sincerely hope you all enjoy the show, and please remember people that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive there are still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them, everybody, everybody!
More lines from Elwood Blues
10 quotes Elwood Blues Elwood Blues I took the liberty of bullshitting you.
Elwood Blues This is glue. Strong stuff!
Elwood Blues Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now!
Elwood Blues Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some...constructive criticism?
Elwood Blues [To Jake]
I bet those cops have got SCMODS. State County Municipal Offender Data System
Elwood Blues [During a car chase in the parking lot of a shopping mall]
You want out of this parking lot? OK!"
Elwood Blues [During same car chase inside a shopping mall]
The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.
Elwood Blues [On surviving an exploding phone booth]
Hey, Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here.
Elwood Blues [To the "Chic Lady", Twiggy, in the Jaguar at the gas station, and affecting fake Chicago accent]
You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am?
Scenes with Elwood Blues
17 scenes
Elwood What's what?
(pause)
This car. This stupid car. Where's the Cadillac? (Throws cigarette lighter out the window) The Caddy, where's the Caddy?
Elwood The what?
The Cadillac we used to have! The Bluesmobile!
Elwood Traded it.
You traded the Bluesmobile for this peice of shit?
Elwood No ... for a microphone.
A microphone? [Pause] Okay, I can see that. But what the hell is this?
Elwood I picked it up at the Mount Prospect police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving them away.
Well thank you, pal. The day I get out of prison, my own brother comes to pick me up in a police car.
Elwood You don't like it?
Jake (Very long pause) No, I don't like it.
Elwood It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Hit it.
Elwood It's got a cop motor, a 440-cubic-inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. So what do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
Fix the cigarette lighter.
Elwood Shit.
What?
Elwood Rollers. [police car]
No?
Elwood Yep.
Shit.
God-damn it!
Elwood Man, I haven't been pulled over in six months. I'll bet those police cops have got SCMODS.
SCMODS...?
Elwood State County Municipal Offender Data System.
First you trade the Cadilac for a microphone, then you lie to me about the band, and now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!
Elwood Well, it ain't much, but it's home.
How often does the train go by?
Elwood So often you won't even notice it.
How you gonna get the band back together, Mr Hot-Rodder? Mr Motor Head? The cops got your name, your address!
Elwood No, they don't got my address. I falsified my renewal. Put down 1060 West Addison.
1060 West Addison? (pause) That's Wrigley Field!
Mrs. Tarantino
Are you the police?
Elwood No, ma'am. We're musicians.
Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood And some dry white toast please.
Police Officer
Ah, those bums won their court case so they're marching today.
What bums?
Police Officer
The **** Nazi party.
Elwood Illinois Nazis!
I hate Illinois Nazis.
[The Blues Brothers promptly drive through the parade, forcing the Nazis to dive into the river] .
Elwood It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Hit it.
Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if we told you that what we're asking Matthew to do is a holy thing?
Elwood You see, we're on a mission from God.
Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here! This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are gonna turn around and walk right out of here - without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without Matt 'Guitar' Murphy!
Elwood What?
This car. This stupid car. Where's the Cadillac? [tries the cigarette lighter, finds it doesn't work, and throws it out the window] The Caddy, where's the Caddy?
Elwood The what?
The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile.
Elwood I traded it.
You traded the Bluesmobile for this?
Elwood No, for a microphone.
A microphone? Okay, I can see that. But what the hell is this?
Elwood This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect City police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving them away.
[sarcastically]
Well, thank you, pal. The day I get out of prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car.
Elwood [Fog horn and warning bell sounds]
You don't like it?
No, I don't like it.
Elwood It's got a cop motor, a four hundred and forty cubic inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters, so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say? Is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[Later, Jake and Elwood arrive outside of Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud, a Roman Catholic orphanage in which they grew up] [not surprised]
What are we doing here?
Elwood You promised you'd visit the Penguin the day you got out.
Yeah? So, I lied to her.
Elwood You can't lie to a nun. We gotta go in and visit the Penguin.
[Jake and Elwood are meeting with Sister Mary Stigmata, whom they refer to as "The Penguin"]
Forget it! Five grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.
Penguin
No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Well, then, I guess you're really up shit's creek. [the Penguin smacks him with her ruler] Ow!
Penguin
I beg your pardon; what did you just say?
First, I offered to help you.
Penguin
Mmmmm...
Then you refused to take our money.
Penguin
Mmmhmmm...
And then I said, "I guess you're really up shit's creek". [the Penguin promptly smacks him again] Ow!
Elwood Christ, Jake. Take it easy, man.
Penguin
Elwood! [hits Elwood]
Oh shit!
Elwood [The Penguin hits Jake]
Jesus Christ!
Elwood [The Penguin repeatedly hits Jake and Elwood as they keep yelling at her]
Cut it out, you fat penguin! [she breaks the ruler over his head, then chases them from the office while beating them with a pointer rod] **** this noise, man! [runs down the stairs]
Penguin
[Jake falls, with the desk he is sitting in breaking around him]
You two are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you both. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves with filthy mouths, disgusting lies and bad attitudes. Get out! And don't come back...until you've redeemed yourselves.
[While standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock Church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]
The band? The band.
Reverend Cleophus James DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!
THE BAND!
Reverend Cleophus James DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!
Elwood [confused]
What light?
Reverend Cleophus James HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT?!
YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!
Elwood [Mystery Woman starts shooting at Elwood and Jake]
Who is that girl?
Mystery Woman Well, Jake, you look just fine down there, slithering in the mud like vermin.
No problem.
Mystery Woman You're not gonna get away from me this time. [recklessly fires around the tunnel, causing pipes to leak and water to burst out]
Mystery Woman You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
[walks forward a few steps and falls to his knees]
Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you, baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!
Mystery Woman You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
No I didn't. Honest...I ran out of gas! I-I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
Mystery Woman [Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire. Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal] [softens]
Oh, Jake...Jake, honey...
[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss] [to Elwood]
Let's go. [drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]
Elwood [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her]
Take it easy.
Other characters in The Blues Brothers
More Dan Aykroyd characters
Dr. Raymond Stantz
Yogi Bear
Louis Winthorp III
Beldar Conehead
Mr. Grocer
Joe Friday
Vic
Boolie Werthan