Beldar Conehead I find you unacceptable! If I did not fear incarceration by human authority figures, I would terminate your life functions by applying sufficient force to your blunt skull so as to cause its collapse!
Played by Dan Aykroyd 
Coneheads (1993) · 20 quotes
Coneheads (1993) · 20 quotes
Most-quoted character in Coneheads (1993): in 12 of its 20 quotes
A line from Beldar Conehead [to Ronnie]The frightening statistics of young earthlings mangling themselves in internal combustion vehicles on the night of prom ritual makes me insist that you use maximum safety awareness, return at the predesignated time coordinates, and, in fact, take my car. Its reinforced alloy superstructure is far superior to that of your broken down, rusted out shitbox.
More lines from Beldar Conehead
6 quotes Beldar Conehead Beldar Conehead [to Connie, after coming back to Earth]
It is not everyday a father can give the world to his child.
Beldar Conehead [about waiting on his car repairs]
Very well. What choice do I have? It is as if you have seized me at the base of my snarglies!
Beldar Conehead [about being stranded on Earth]
When the High Master hears of this, he will surely cut off my plargh and hand it to me.
Beldar Conehead Maintain low tones with me, maintain low tones.
Beldar Conehead If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench would be great.
Scenes with Beldar Conehead
5 scenes Beldar Conehead AAAHHHH, SENSO RINGS! Where did you GET THOSE?!
Connie Conehead Under your bed?
Beldar Conehead UNACCEPTABLE! YOUR CONE IS TOO YOUNG! Get up! You are coming to Remulak RIGHT NOW!
Connie Conehead I am staying with Ronnie!
Beldar Conehead Maintain low tones. Impossible! Undesirable! Inadvisable!
Otto Beldar, you tryin' to tell me you don't got a social security number?
Beldar Correct.
Otto Why not?
Beldar I am an illegal alien.
Otto I knew you were too good to be true! Every time I make some money, this happens!
Beldar You look handsome, yet uncomfortable in your pubescent ceremonial garb.
Ronnie Yeah... You mean my tux, right?
Beldar An owner's manual to a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable.
Highmaster Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable?
Beldar A personal conveyance named after its inventor, an assassinated ruler, a character from Greco-Roman myth, and a small furry mammal.
Highmaster Ah.
Do you agree that the world is headed for a terrible calamity?
Beldar Conehead Most definitely. In fact, I have direct, personal knowledge that this is so.
Eli Turnbull Great, may we come in?
Other characters in Coneheads
More Dan Aykroyd characters
Elwood Blues
Dr. Raymond Stantz
Yogi Bear
Louis Winthorp III
Mr. Grocer
Joe Friday
Vic
Boolie Werthan