Weaver quotes from Antz (1998)

This tastes just like crap.

Really? Let me try some. Hey, it is crap. Not bad.

What if, like, we're just these tiny things... and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe...that's, like, so big we don't even know it exists?

Man, that is so deep.
Bala : Excuse me. I guess you didn't recognize me. My name is Princess Bala. I've been traveling, and I'm all... schlumpy.

Chip

It's worse than I thought. They're Euro-trash.
Bala : Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Z

Well, maybe, then again, maybe not, and then again... yowch.
Bala : That's it. You're the guy from the bar.

Z

Shhh.

Queen

Bar? What bar?
Bala : I... danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker, then.

Queen

What were you doing at a bar?

General Mandible

Precisely what I want to know.
Bala : No. This isn't about me. I mean, Look at this worker. Look what he's done.

Z

I think - I think you're thinking of someone else. After all, I am a soldier.
Bala : Exactly. You WERE a worker, but now you're a war hero.

Queen

He's a worker?

General Mandible

A worker danced with my fiance?

Z

F-fiance? Hey, w-wait a minute. Th-this is not how it looks. I-I can explain this... hey, SHE was the one making all the moves.
Bala : Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic bug in the joint.

Z

You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off.
Bala : I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.

Z

Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?

Z

Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
Bala : I guess I was looking for a little trouble.

Z

Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

Weaver

Z, I've known you for a long time, right?

Z

Definitely; you were born two seconds after me.

Weaver

And ever since I've known you, all you do is complain; what are you bitching about? If you haven't noticed, us ants are runnin' the show. We're the lords of the Earth!

Z

Hey. Don't talk to me about "Earth", 'cause I just spent my day hauling it around.

Weaver

Are you nuts?! You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier! [Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]

Two aphid beers.

Z Marion-4195

Why'd I have to be born a worker? Soldiers get all the glory, plus you get to go out in the world. You meet interesting insects, you get to kill them.

Weaver

Yeah. But you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.

Z Marion-4195

Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. [sighs] I don't think I'm ever gonna meet the right girl for me.

Weaver

Who said a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer?

Z Marion-4195

Call me crazy, but... [clears throat] I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Okay?

Weaver

Suit yourself. Ah, me,? I'm cutting a lose. We got a royal inspection coming up.

Z Marion-4195

Inspection, meaning you're gonna stand around like an idiot while a bunch of blue bloods smirk at you. I don't know how you put up with it, Weaver.

Weaver

Z, I've known you for a long time. Right?

Z Marion-4195

Definitely. You were born two seconds after me.

Weaver

Yeah, and ever since we were little, I've been listening to you complain. What are you b*tching about? In case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show! We're the lords of the earth!

Z Marion-4195

Hey, don't talk to me about earth, okay? 'Cause I just spent all day hauling it around. [he sighs] There's just got to be a better place.

There is. I've been there.

Z Marion-4195

I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?

There is a better place, Insectopia.

Z Marion-4195

Oh, really. Lunatic at 3:00.

You can't understand until you go there and see it yourself. You can be your own ant there. The streets are paved with food. Nobody tellin' you what to do. No wars. No colony. I shoulda never left.

Z Marion-4195

Oh, yeah. Fascinating.

We were on a long-range recon. I got cut off from my unit.

Z Marion-4195

Nothing like post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

Then I saw it, Insectopia!

Hey!

You head towards the monolith. Ten clicks past the great canyons to the land of red and white.

Hey, gramps. You've had enough for one tonight. Come on. Before you get in trouble.

Head for the monolith. Listen to me! The monolith!

Weaver

That guy's got a screw loose.

Cross the lake!

Z Marion-4195

Insectopia. [he scoffs] Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?

Weaver

Yeah. Dream on, Z.

Cross the lake! Look for the land of red and white.

Princess Bala

Wow...This is so...gritty!

Ten minutes and we're out of here, right? I mean, this place is off limits.

Princess Bala

Just blame it on me. Say it was all my idea.

It is all your idea!

Princess Bala

Besides, no one's gonna recognize us. Come on, girls, what do you say? Let's take a walk on the wild side.

Okay, everybody. 6:15. Time to dance.

Weaver

Time to cut a rug, Z.

Z Marion-4195

Oh, no. That's okay. I'm gonna leave the rug just the way it is, Weaver.

Princess Bala

Step back, ladies. I'm gonna ask one of these workers to dance with me.

Z Marion-4195

What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system-

Princess Bala

Hi. Wanna dance?

Z Marion-4195

Absolutely!

Princess Bala

Follow me.

Z Marion-4195

So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?

Princess Bala

Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh...I work over at the palace.

Z Marion-4195

The palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up. [secretively] Of course, they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.

Princess Bala

What?

Z Marion-4195

Yowch! Ya-Ya... Yowch! Yowch. Yowch.

Princess Bala

What on earth are you doing?

Z Marion-4195

Well, actually, to tell you the truth, I'm sort of making it up.

Princess Bala

Really?

Z Marion-4195

You know. Why does everybody have to dance the same way? You know, that's completely boring. It's... It's monotonous.

Princess Bala

It's no fun.

Hey. Watch your step, worker.

Princess Bala

You watch yours, buddy, or you'll be in big trouble.

Z Marion-4195

That's okay. I'll... I'm gonna let him off this time. What? Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble.

Princess Bala

Aren't you even gonna defend yourself?

Hey, buddy. Get back in place.

Z Marion-4195

Me? Uh... Uh...

Princess Bala

What if he doesn't want to?

Z Marion-4195

Yeah. What if I don't like my place?

What's he talking about?

We got us a troublemaker.

Buckle up, Spanky. This one goes out to all the lazy workers.

Weaver

You ought to watch that aggressive behavior, buddy.

He's just a worker.

Princess Bala! Princess Bala! The guards are coming.

Princess Bala

Let's get outta here.

Z Marion-4195

Wait! Princess? You're a princess?

Princess Bala

Uh, I gotta go.

Z Marion-4195

When can I see you again?

Princess Bala

Let me think. Never. [kisses Z] Bye.

Z Marion-4195

No. Wait.

Z Marion-4195

Psst. Weaver. I figured it out. Weaver. Weaver.

Weaver

What? What? [clears throat]

Z Marion-4195

I got a great idea. You gotta switch places with me. Let me go to the inspection instead of you.

Weaver

What time is it?

Z Marion-4195

Weaver. The royal family will be there. This is the only way I can see her.

Weaver

See who?

Z Marion-4195

Princess Bala.

Weaver

Are you nuts? You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talking about impersonating a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talking about impersonating a soldier!

Z Marion-4195

You have to help me. If I can't see her again, my life is just not worth living. Please, Weaver, please. Switch jobs with me just, you know, for a day. Think of all the things I've done for you.

Weaver

Hm. I can't think of any.

Z Marion-4195

Okay, so think of all the things that I'm gonna do for you!

Weaver

Would I meet some worker girls?

Z Marion-4195

Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy! It's like a sport for them! And believe me, they will definitely go for an adorable little insect like you.

Weaver

Mmm.

Z Marion-4195

Weaver, I... I have to see her again.

Weaver

Z, what kind of chance do you have with a princess? I mean, she probably won't even remember you.

Z Marion-4195

I... I know it sounds nuts, but I have to try.

Weaver

Oh, boy. [he exhales]

Weaver

Yeah. [he breaks the wall] Okay, mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big guy comin' through. Love it.

Azteca

Hey. Hey. Hey. Take it easy, muscles. You're makin' the rest of us look bad. What happened to Z?

Weaver

He's takin' a personal day, so I'm fillin' in.

Azteca

You fill in any more, and you'll explode.

Azteca

Eh, you got a problem?

Weaver

No, uh, uh... Nobody told me digging was so much fun. You know, you pick the dirt up. You move it. You pick it up again. You move it again. Lots of reps. You exercise the arms and the thorax.

Azteca

Yes, I... I see what you mean.

Foreman

Um. Yeah. That is fascinating.

Weaver

Sorry, sir. I was just havin' a chat with my friend, sir.

Foreman

You know, I just had a chat with General Mandible. Anybody who doesn't meet his quota is going to be downsized.

Azteca

Come on. Cut him a break. He's new.

Foreman

Hey. What do you say we help your attitude a little bit by taking away your rations for the day. Thanks for your time.

Azteca

I don't know what came over me. Talking back like that. [he starts cutting] I must be losin' it.

Weaver

Sorry I got you in trouble. But, listen, you can share my rations. Whoa. If you want.

Azteca

Are you askin' me out to dinner?

Weaver

Oh, no. I... Well, if you don't have anything else planned.

Azteca

I'll check my calendar. You know, I'm kinda glad Z's takin' a breather.

Colonel Cutter

We're on schedule. Work is completed on "A" section sir, including a path through "D" section now.

General Mandible

We need to push harder, Cutter. I want double shifts around-the-clock. We can't afford to let up. Is that clear?

Colonel Cutter

Crystal, sir.

General Mandible

Good. What about section...

Excuse me, sir.

General Mandible

This had better be important.

Well, it's about the termite battle, sir. The enemy was destroyed, but I'm afraid it was a disaster for our troops, as well.

General Mandible

Well, that's terrible. Terrible.

There is a better good news, sir. One soldier did make it back.

Colonel Cutter

No kidding.

General Mandible

What did you say?

Word is spreading through the colony. The queen requested a meeting with the war hero.

General Mandible

Damn! [covering his true feelings] Good. damn good. Uh, I'll handle this. [he walks to Z and Ant] Congratulations, soldier. [chuckling] Well, you're a little short for a war hero, aren't you?

Z Marion-4195

A war hero? Sir. I-I don't actually think that I'm a hero.

General Mandible

Good. I don't like heroes.

Z Marion-4195

But, sir. You don't understand. I... I didn't do anything. I mean, it was all horrible. It was just a massacre. A-A massacre upon a massacre.

General Mandible

That's good, soldier. Now, wave.

Azteca

There was nothing you could do, Weaver. You didn't know they were going to war.

Weaver

I just feel horrible. Poor Z. I should have never let him go.

Azteca

Wait a minute. That's no soldier. That's Z!

Weaver

Z? The little guy made it! [he chuckles]

General Mandible

Let's go, soldier.
[the worker ants cheering]

Queen

No more excuses, General. I want my daughter back. Frankly, I'm beginning to doubt your ability to handle this.

General Mandible

Believe me, Your Highness, we will spare no effort to bring her back. Princess Bala is essential to all our plans for the future.

So he kills himself a hundred termites, gets a few medals, then bada-ding, bada-bip, bags himself the princess.

He looks dead in the eye...

And says, "Bite me."

He said that to General Mandible?

Buddy. Hey, hey, buddy. You heard about the war hero named Z? Runs off the the princess, right? When they sent the guards after him, he just looks at 'em and boom! They burst into flames.

Weaver

Z? [chuckling] You talkin' about Z? Hey, I know the guy. He's a friend of mine. I think your information...

You know Z?

Weaver

Yeah. He's a worker. He used to dig around here.

A worker? That's impossible. A worker can't do anything, except work.

Yeah. It's not like we got a choice.

Azteca

We do have a choice. Uh, I mean, look at Z. He decided he wanted something, and he went for it.

Weaver

He's not alone. I used to be a soldier, and I switched places with him.

Wait a second. You're tellin' me, I don't have to be here?

We've got a choice?

The authorities don't want you to know, but we don't have to work on the tunnel any more.

It's the workers who control the means of production.

If Z don't dig, I don't dig.

Foreman

People, what is this? An encounter group? Let's get back to work.

Why?

...on the tunnel anymore! This guy, Z, he's leadin' the revolution!

Foreman

I'll get back to you.
[the worker ants chattering]

General Mandible

That's enough.

Weaver

I ain't tellin' you nothin'.

General Mandible

Soldier, the princess is vital to the future of this colony. She must be returned to take their place as queen.

Weaver

We already have a queen.

General Mandible

As for your friend, Z, why should I hurt him? [chuckling] He's not important. Now, soldier, we all know that one individual ant doesn't matter. Not you, not Cutter... not even her.

Weaver

Azteca! [struggles, but is restrained]

Azteca

Don't tell that tight-a** anything, Weaver!

General Mandible

Where is Z?!

Weaver

I don't know where he is!

General Mandible

Hmm. That's too bad.

Weaver

Wait! Insectopia! I know it sounds crazy, but that's where he'd be going!

Colonel Cutter

Soldier, you think this is a game? Insectopia does not exist.

General Mandible

As a matter of fact... it does.

Colonel Cutter

Sir?

General Mandible

I'll brief you on the coordinates. You're gonna bring the princess back. And as for Z... kill him.

Weaver

But you said he didn't matter!

General Mandible

It's for the good of the colony. You made the right decision. Gentlemen, now you can see how dangerous individualism can be. It makes us vulnerable.

Let's go.

General Mandible

Take him back to the MegaTunnel. Put him on the front line. Dismissed.

General Mandible

Today is the realization of a dream. A dream of a proud colony. A pure colony. A colony reborn. Moments from now this tunnel will open. The past will be washed away and a new day will dawn.

Queen

A stirring speech, General. I only wish my daughter were here to appreciate it.

General Mandible

Your Majesty, I know how concerned you are about Bala. But my scouts are on her trail and it's only a matter of time...

Queen

General, I don't want to discuss it. Just find her.

General Mandible

Oh, I will, Your Highness. Good-bye. Seal up the doors. Cutter, did you hear me?

Colonel Cutter

Sir, I've been thinking. Do we need to go through with this? Look at what these workers have done. They got the right stuff. Isn't there any other way?

General Mandible

Cutter, you're a fine officer. You have discipline, courage, ability. But you seem to have a certain weakness for the lower orders that I find disturbing. Now, are you with me?

Colonel Cutter

Sir, uh… I apologize.

General Mandible

All right, then. Seal it up.

Colonel Cutter

Yes, sir.

Queen

As I look out on this magnificent tunnel, I am filled with pride.

Z Marion-4195

Jump!

Queen

In these difficult times, it is a great solace to know that you, our workers...

Princess Bala

Mom! Wait!

Z Marion-4195

Every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.

Queen

This tremendous accomplishment is a testimony to the strength...

Foreman

People! Put your backs into it!

Z Marion-4195

Go warn your mother. I gotta get to those diggers before they break through.

Princess Bala

There's not enough time.

Z Marion-4195

Hey, leave the pessimism to me, okay? [Z went to the Tunnel while Bala headed to her mother.] Excuse me! Sorry about that. Excuse me.

Queen

In a few moments, when our expert diggers break through to the surface...

Princess Bala

Mom! Mom, stop.

Queen

...the sun will pour into this... Bala! Where've you been? Are you all right? [hugs Bala]

Princess Bala

I'm fine.

Queen

What happened?

Princess Bala

Mother, we're in terrible danger.

Foreman

Put your backs into it, people.

Z Marion-4195

Wait! Hold... Hey, stop digging!

Weaver

Z? Is that you?

Z Marion-4195

Weaver, stop!

Weaver

Z! You're back! Oh, Z! Oh.

Z Marion-4195

Weaver!

Azteca

Z! What's the matter?

Z Marion-4195

Ho-Hold up, everyone. Stop. Stop digging.

Foreman

On whose authority?

Z Marion-4195

On your own authority. If you break through that wall, we're all gonna...

Princess Bala

Drown! This tunnel is going to flood.

Queen

So we've got to get everyone out of here.
[the worker ants murmuring]

Foreman

Look, I got orders, and those orders say "dig."

Z Marion-4195

What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? Oh, brother, I'm asking the wrong guy here. Look, think for yourselves!

Foreman

Give me that! I've enough out of you. Get back to work.

Weaver

What's that noise?

Foreman

Uh-oh...

Weaver

Let's get outta here!

Z Marion-4195

Run!

Weaver

Run! Keep going!

Queen

Everyone, listen to me. We've all been deceived. We need to calmly head toward the exits.

Run for your lives! It's gonna flood!

Queen

No. Don't panic. Don't panic!

Every ant for himself!

All the exits are blocked!

We're trapped!

Princess Bala

What are we going to do?

Foreman

There's nothing we can do!
Worker Ant: Oh Ueh!
Worker Ant: Ah!
Worker Ant: Go Go Go! Dark!

Z Marion-4195

Yes, there is. Weaver, give me a leg up. [climbs on Weaver] Everyone, listen to me!

Who the heck are you?

Princess Bala

He's Z!

Z Marion-4195

Listen, we gotta help each other get outta here before we all drown.

How?

Z Marion-4195

By making a ladder.

A ladder!

Z Marion-4195

Hey, if we built this, we can do anything. [jumps off Weaver] Okay, let's move it!

Weaver

I'm on it. All of you, gather around. You, start climbing.

Grab my arm.

All right. Here I go.

Come on.

Go, go, go!

Right!

Azteca

Excuse me, Your Majesty. [holds up the Queen, by climbing up]

Princess Bala

Z, I've gotta help my Mom.

Z Marion-4195

Don't worry. I know almost exactly what I'm doing. [hugs Bala] I'll see you at the top.

General Mandible

Gentlemen, there comes a time, in the evolution of a perfect colony, when the strong are meant to rise above the weak. Now is that time. Below us right now, the weak elements of the colony, are being washed away.

Z Marion-4195

Oh, my God, we're not gonna make it! We need more ants.

Weaver

You two better get up there.

Azteca

Weaver, you can't hold it alone.

Weaver

GET GOING!

Z Marion-4195

Hang in there, buddy.

Z Marion-4195

Got it!

Azteca

Hurry up! Go, go, go, go!
[Z began to dig his way to the top]

General Mandible

Our princess is secured, and our glorious future is at hand. We can all stand proud. It is time for a new beginning.

General Mandible

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Colonel Cutter

I think that's the "weak elements", sir.

Z Marion-4195

Gimme a hand!

General Mandible

Z! YOU?! LET GO! [grabs a spear] DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF THE COLONY!

Z Marion-4195

What are you saying?! We are the colony!

General Mandible

Cutter, what are you doing?

Colonel Cutter

Something I should have done, a long time ago. This is for the good of the colony, sir. :[grabs onto Z's hand to pull him up]

General Mandible

YOU USELESS, UNGRATEFUL MAGGOT! I AM THE COLONY! [charges at him]

Z Marion-4195

Look out!

Princess Bala

Z!

Colonel Cutter

Men, let's move it! Get these ants up here.

Queen Ant

Thank goodness we made it.

Princess Bala

Wait here.

Azteca

Okay. Weaver.

Thank you.

Princess Bala

Where's Z? Oh, no.

Weaver

Back up, everybody, back up! Give him some air. Back up.

Princess Bala

Z, oh, Z. Please wake up.

Azteca

Oh, no. [sobbing]

Z Marion-4195

Huh! [coughs]

Z Marion-4195

Yowch!

Azteca

You know, Weaver, you still owe me that dinner.

Weaver

Babylove.

Azteca

We made it, Z!

Weaver

You da ant! [congratulates him]

Princess Bala

You did it.

Z Marion-4195

We did it. [the ants grab Z and Bala] Fellas, fellas, please. This is very embarrasing for me, I...

Z Marion-4195

On the other hand, I probably could get used to this.