Barney Ross quotes from The Expendables 2 (2012)

Barney Ross

Looks like somebody had a bad day.

Barney Ross

Why is it that one of us who wants to live the most, who deserves to live the most dies, and the ones that deserve to die keep on living? What's the message in that?

Barney Ross

That's how we deal with death. We can't change what it is, so we keep it light until it's time to get dark. And then we get pitch black.

Barney Ross

Rest in pieces.

Barney Ross

You know how to carve a turkey?

Barney Ross

You got guts... No common sense...

Barney Ross

I've heard another rumor, that you were bitten by a king cobra?

Booker

Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.

Barney Ross

This guy is good. Your good.
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: Appreciate it sir.

Barney Ross

Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through with this.

Lee Christmas

Course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her?

Barney Ross

She cheated on you.

Lee Christmas

It was a half-cheat.

Barney Ross

Which is?

Lee Christmas

The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky.

Barney Ross

Murky. I hate to break it to you pal, but your girlfriend over there a the world-class cheating gene.

Lee Christmas

I should stab you in the heart.

Barney Ross

Too late. [Lee's wife comes over]

Lee Christmas

You know, I used to think you had a black heart. Black is too colorful.
...

Promise not to keep my baby way for so long?

Barney Ross

Cross my heart. [Gets up to sit at a table with other colleagues]

Lee Christmas

If he had one.
...

Hale Caesar

Look whose lost in space.

Got a pen? [Barney takes out elaborately decorated pen]

Lee Christmas

Hey, you got anything that doesn't have skulls on it?

Barney Ross

Matter of fact, I don't.

Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, only I made it better. [Blows nose in napkin]

Gunner Jensen

She's into me.

Hale Caesar

She hates you.

Gunner Jensen

Watch this. [Feigns coughing and Maggie just stares at him unimpressed and Hale makes a throat slashing gesture with a razor blade]

Lee Christmas

You know, if something happens to her, it's coming back on us. Did you ever think to ask for my opinion?

Barney Ross

I told you ten times before, I didn't have a choice, unless you don't mind going to jail.

Lee Christmas

Yeah, well, Church intimidated you.

Barney Ross

Really?

Lee Christmas

Yeah.

Barney Ross

Oh, is that the woman you can never fully trust, calling again?

Lee Christmas

You know, I will stab you one day. [To Lacy] Hey baby. Yeah, course I'm thinking about you. What else to think about? [Makes thumbs-down gesture to Barney]

Barney Ross

Hopeless.
...

Maggie

Hey. You were in the Army, right? I can tell.
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: Yes, ma'am. Three years. Last tour was Afghanistan, Kunar Province.

Maggie

Didn't like it anymore?
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: Uhh... long story.

Maggie

Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: All right. I, uh, I was trained as sniper, and as an instructor, too. But, I actually wanted to mix it up, get in on the action. Uh, this one time, we're stuck out in this hell-hole valley. About 30 Taliban opened up from these house above us. And they got about eight of us pinned down bad. So I called in for artillery support. But; "no way", says the captain. Didn't wanna endanger the locals. So we scattered. Some crawled to a ditch, some... to the dry riverbed and the rest bailed, but... we were still stuck in the kill zone. And we battled for... I don't know, three hours. And finally, an Apache gunship chopper showed up to provide air cover. Scattered the Hadjis, but... smoke clears and four of my squad are dead in the ditch and two in the riverbed. Yeah, I was... mad and sick, all dead for nothing. You know, the most... screwed thing up of all... is when I got back to base that night, I found out that they shot this stray dog I had adopted. Commander's orders to get rid of all animals on the base. I mean, you'd think we had enough damn shooting for one day, you know? And, anyway, I, uh, I figured it was time to move on. I heard these guys were looking for someone, and here I am. [Maggie looks down and back heartfelt]

Who you are?

Barney Ross

We're Americans.

Lee Christmas

Since when?

Gunner Jensen

Swedish.

Hale Caesar

Blackfoot.

Maggie

Chinese.

Toll Road

****.

Barney Ross

You done?

Trench

I need a weapon. Something big. [Eyeing Caesar's gun] Yours.

Hale Caesar

Whoa, whoa, whoa. My big weapon's hangin' right where it is.

Barney Ross

Come on, Caesar. You got a backup.

Hale Caesar

If I don't get this back, your ass is terminated.

Trench

In your dreams.

Gunner Jensen

I got a plan. Everybody calm down. Phosphate rock.

Lee Christmas

What's he doing?

Barney Ross

Probably making a bomb.
Lee Christmas: You serious?

Barney Ross

Ask him.

Lee Christmas

What you doing, Gunner?

Gunner Jensen

I'm making a bomb. You mind?

Barney Ross

A maniac with brains.

Lee Christmas

Scary.

Lee Christmas

What's the plan?

Barney Ross

Track him, find him, kill him.

Lee Christmas

From one friend to another...

Barney Ross

What?

Lee Christmas

You really need to learn how to fight.

Toll Road

Oh. This tastes like shit. [To Caesar] How's yours?

Hale Caesar

Can't complain about rigatoni. Plan ahead, fellas. That's all I have to say. Y'all, what if you knew you were going to die tomorrow? What would your last meal be? One choice.

Toll Road

One choice?

Hale Caesar

It'd probably be cereal for you, huh?

Toll Road

What the hell's wrong with cereal?

Gunner Jensen

It's cliché.

Hale Caesar

You gotta be original. You know, if you were an original, broad-thinking man, you'd probably come up with some special cereal, like Earios. You know, just like your ear. You know, pour milk on them suckers, they just lay there and you don't hear shit.

Toll Road

For the record, my hearing is 20/20.

Hale Caesar

Barney?

Barney Ross

Donuts and most food that kills ya.

Hale Caesar

That's deep, man.

Barney Ross

You think so?

Hale Caesar

Maggie?

Maggie

Crispy aromatic duck with plum sauce. Very sexy. [Pauses] But I like Italian, too.

Hale Caesar

I'm starting to think Italian's overrated. [Everyone laughs]

Gunner Jensen

Hey. What about me? My favorite Swedish dinner would be, baby seal, and whale ass, in the summer. [To Maggie] But I'd really die for some Chinese.

Barney Ross

Then you're gonna starve to death. [Everyone laughs]

Lee Christmas

Can you hold them off?

Barney Ross

Yeah, maybe with a tank. [The Sangs appear with a tank] Oh, shit!

Lee Christmas

What?!

Barney Ross

They've got a tank!

Vilain

Over so soon? I want my money's worth! Come on! Get up!

Barney Ross

Coming right up.

Vilain

Going back down.

Gunner Jensen

Booker. You're the one people call the Lone Wolf?

Booker

I've been called that. But I have mellowed.

Barney Ross

Not that much.

Barney Ross

I thought you were the Lone Wolf.

Booker

Sometimes, it's fun to run with the pack.

Vilain

You must want to hurt me bad.

Barney Ross

I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna take your life.

Lee Christmas

Remember when you could do that?

Barney Ross

No, do you?

Gunner Jensen

Well, the phosphorus must have been damp.

Lee Christmas

Yeah, right.

Toll Road

Or you suck.

Hale Caesar

There's that.

Maggie

Don't cry, Gunner.

Barney Ross

You almost had an idea.

Barney Ross

"Hello, darlin'."

Lee Christmas

Hello, darlin'.

Vilain

You wanna kill me like a man? Or you wanna kill me like a sheep? So. What's it going to be? Man or sheep?

Barney Ross

You wanna man up? I'll man you up.

Barney Ross

Trench?

Trench

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Barney Ross

Yeah, it sure is.
Lee Christmas: What's he doing here?

Trench

Saving this Chinese billionaire.

Barney Ross

Oh, yeah? That's funny. So are we.

Trench

Well, then we have a scheduling problem, don't we? [To Gunner] Cut me loose, Frankenstein.

Barney Ross

Don't get nuts, Gunner. Do it.

Barney Ross

Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through this.

Lee Christmas

Of course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her?

Barney Ross

She cheated on you.

Lee Christmas

It was a half-cheat.

Barney Ross

Which is?

Lee Christmas

The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky.

Barney Ross

Murky. I hate to break this to you, pal, but your girlfriend over there has a world-class cheating gene.

Lee Christmas

I should stab you in the heart.

Barney Ross

Too late.

Barney Ross

I got an idea. And your ego, I think you're gonna love it.

Lee Christmas

My ego?

Barney Ross

Your ego.

Lee Christmas

What do you mean, my ego?

Barney Ross

You've got a big ego.

Lee Christmas

Well, check your ego out.

Barney Ross

Oh, please. Your ego is like the size of a dinosaur. Huge.

Maggie

Can I ask you something?

Barney Ross

Sure, go ahead.

Maggie

Why are you so nervous around me?

Barney Ross

I don't get nervous, Maggie.

Maggie

Then what is it?

Barney Ross

I just like keeping a distance.

Maggie

Is it because you don't want to know anymore people?

Barney Ross

Let's just say bad things have happened to people I've gotten close to.

Maggie

Not a good way to live.

Barney Ross

I know.

Barney Ross

I see about a dozen guards, light weapons, a couple of bad-ass .50 cals...

Lee Christmas

Worse, anti-tank devices. There's no way our trucks will get through that minefield. Look, I know this is a stupid question but you got any ideas that won't get us killed?

Barney Ross

I got a few I'm thinking about.

Lee Christmas

Boom time?!

Barney Ross

Boom time! [Lee readies cannon] Target in sight!

Lee Christmas

Baby wants to travel!

Barney Ross

Fire!

Lee Christmas

Rock and roll!

Barney Ross

Fire!

Hale Caesar

Bombs away! [Drops explosives barrel] Tighten up!

Maggie

What's happening now?!

Lee Christmas

Chaos! [To Barney] You're not doing what I think you're doing?!

Barney Ross

Yeah, I am!

Lee Christmas

Let's do it! [Barney intentionally rams and crash lands his plane into the plutonium mine, Maggie nearly falls out and Gunnar saves her] You're gonna need a new plane.

Church

CZ-1492, come on. Requesting a response immediately.

Lee Christmas

Who's this bozo?

Church

CZ-1492, this is a secure air wave. Do you read?

Lee Christmas

What's this about?

Church

What's taking so long, Barney Ross?! This should have been a walk in the park for you guys! Where's the case?!
Barney Ross: Don't have it.

Church

I warned you what would happen to you mutts if you pulled this shit again!

Barney Ross

A good man died trying to get that case.

Church

I'm sorry about that!

Barney Ross

Are you?!

Church

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! But this sort of situation comes with the territory, wouldn't you say?!

Barney Ross

And so does payback. You know, Church, you're the kind of guy that pulls the strings, and everyone else does your dirty work 'cause you never had the guts to do it yourself. We're done.

Vilain

Ironic. Here we are, you and I. And your knife. You're going to die. Like him. What his name? What did you call him? What does it matter?

Barney Ross

Come on, Vilain. Somebody's dying. Come on, Vilain. Come on, Vilain. Come on! [Whips Vilian with a large chain then beats him. Barney picks up his knife] Get up, Vilain. Get up. Now turn around. Turn around, sheep.

Vilain

Now what?! [Barney throws the chain around Vilain's neck, pulls him toward his knife and stabs it into Vilain's stomach]

Barney Ross

His name was Billy.

Vilain

Respect is everything. Without respect, we are just people. Common, shitty people.
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: [to Ross] I'm sorry, sir.

Barney Ross

It's not your fault... Now what?

Vilain

We are both fighting men. And I respect that. But fighting men, they don't deserve to be killed like sheep. But, respect... must be taught.

Maggie

I'm so sorry.

Barney Ross

I believe you. What was in the case?

Maggie

A computer. Blueprint of a mine.

Barney Ross

A mine? [Shouts] What mine?!

Maggie

The Russians stored nearly 5 tons of weapon-grade plutonium. The mine was abandoned after the Cold War. No one knows it's there. The blueprint shows where the plutonium is stored. We want to stop it before it gets into the wrong hands.

Lee Christmas

I guess that didn't happen, did it? This kid so some dirt-bag can make bombs.

Maggie

I'm so sorry.

Barney Ross

Not as sorry as I am. [Referring to Bill] Let's take care of him.
...

Barney Ross

"Dear Sophia, I wish I could find something different to do besides than just miss you, but I can't. The team's treating me good. We got each other's backs. And I want you to know that wherever I end up, I'll be wanting the very best for you. And if some miracle happens, and I come back again, I hope I am still your man. Much love, Billy." [To the crew] Why is it that one of us, who wants to live the most, who deserves to live the most, dies? And the ones who deserves to die, keep on living? What's the message in that?

Lee Christmas

What's the plan?

Barney Ross

Track him, find him, kill him.

We're even now, right?

Barney Ross

Right. I'll be seeing you around Trench, thanks alot.

Relax, it's not over yet.

Barney Ross

What?

That's right. [Mr. Church pulls up]

Church

How ya doing pal?

Barney Ross

I was doing pretty good, Church. What are you doing here?

Church

I heard there was a part in town.

Barney Ross

Yeah, but it's my party.

Church

Has he always been this selfish?

Always.

Barney Ross

Thanks.

Church

You wanna kick Vilain's ass or not? [Walks past them] Don't forget the little rascals!

Church

Barney Ross.

Barney Ross

What do you want from me, Church?

Church

Not too good in the memory category, are you, Barney? You made me a deal with me. You gave me your word. And you end up blowing up half of Vilena, punching holes and a bowie knife through a fellow CIA agent, even if he was a dirtbag. But what breaks my heart is that you stole $5 million from me. And for all this male pattern badness, I could've put you in the deepest, darkest hole in Gitmo. No sunlight. But I kept you out.

Barney Ross

Great.

Church

Because I knew the day would come when you were gonna pay me back. Today is that day.

Church

Did you win?

Barney Ross

I think so.

Trench

Well, where's the proof?

Barney Ross

Heads up. [Throws head onto the ground]

Trench

Nice touch.

Barney Ross

Mm-hm.

Church

It is a nice touch. A little extreme, but nice.

Trench

Mm-hm.

Church

As much as I hate to say this, bam-bam, now that we got control of the plutonium, that makes us even.

Barney Ross

Good.

Church

So Maggie, you'll be coming with us? [She's silent] When you're ready. [He and Trench walk away and then stop to observe, with Maggie still watching]

Barney Ross

So, I just want... [Barney realises Maggie is still watching Church and Trench and he makes a go-away-gesture to them]

Church

Wow. [They walk to helicopter]

Barney Ross

They're okay, just a little immature.

Maggie

I don't have to go. If you want me to stay, I'll stay. And I did save the babysitter's life.

Barney Ross

That you did do.

Maggie

Maybe I'm good luck for you.

Barney Ross

But I could be bad luck for you, and I can't allow that.

Maggie

If you ever want help... call me, or you're dead.

Barney Ross

I'll do that. [They walk to helicopter]

Barney Ross

What are you doing here?

Booker

Moving on. You killed all my business.

Barney Ross

I thought you were the lone wolf.

Booker

Sometimes its fun to run with the pack.

Barney Ross

Sure, you got a point. You take care Maggie.

Church

Oh, I almost forgot, as a token of gratitude my violent friend, I got you and the little rascals a ride home. [Motions head] Behold. Consider it a gift.

Barney Ross

That thing belongs in a museum.

Trench

We all do.

Church

Hey, fun, right?

Barney Ross

Yeah, fun.