Lee Christmas
[Dressed as a priest]
By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and knife.
A line from Lee Christmas
Hey, I'd hate to break up the bromance. We're twenty seconds late!
More lines from Lee Christmas
1 quote Lee Christmas
Scenes with Lee Christmas
17 scenes
Barney Ross
[Barney and Lee are at a bar in Providence, RI with Lee's wife flirtingly waving to Lee]
Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through with this.
Lee Christmas
Course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her?
Barney Ross
She cheated on you.
Lee Christmas
It was a half-cheat.
Barney Ross
Which is?
Lee Christmas
The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky.
Barney Ross
Murky. I hate to break it to you pal, but your girlfriend over there a the world-class cheating gene.
Lee Christmas
I should stab you in the heart.
Barney Ross
Too late. [Lee's wife comes over]
Lee Christmas
You know, I used to think you had a black heart. Black is too colorful.
...
Lacy
[To Barney]
Promise not to keep my baby way for so long?
Barney Ross
Cross my heart. [Gets up to sit at a table with other colleagues]
Lee Christmas
If he had one.
...
Hale Caesar
[Referring to Barney]
Look whose lost in space.
Gunnar Jensen
Got a pen? [Barney takes out elaborately decorated pen]
Lee Christmas
Hey, you got anything that doesn't have skulls on it?
Barney Ross
Matter of fact, I don't.
Gunnar Jensen
[Writes out physics equation on napkin and holds it up]
Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, only I made it better. [Blows nose in napkin]
Gunner Jensen
[The crew is in the air and Gunner making strange grunting noise to get Maggie's attention despite being seated far apart]
She's into me.
Hale Caesar
She hates you.
Gunner Jensen
Watch this. [Feigns coughing and Maggie just stares at him unimpressed and Hale makes a throat slashing gesture with a razor blade]
Lee Christmas
[To Barney]
You know, if something happens to her, it's coming back on us. Did you ever think to ask for my opinion?
Barney Ross
I told you ten times before, I didn't have a choice, unless you don't mind going to jail.
Lee Christmas
Yeah, well, Church intimidated you.
Barney Ross
Really?
Lee Christmas
Yeah.
Barney Ross
[Lee's phone rings]
Oh, is that the woman you can never fully trust, calling again?
Lee Christmas
[To Barney]
You know, I will stab you one day. [To Lacy] Hey baby. Yeah, course I'm thinking about you. What else to think about? [Makes thumbs-down gesture to Barney]
Barney Ross
[Scoffs]
Hopeless.
...
Maggie
[To Bill]
Hey. You were in the Army, right? I can tell.
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: Yes, ma'am. Three years. Last tour was Afghanistan, Kunar Province.
Maggie
Didn't like it anymore?
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: Uhh... long story.
Maggie
Bill 'The Kid' Timmons: All right. I, uh, I was trained as sniper, and as an instructor, too. But, I actually wanted to mix it up, get in on the action. Uh, this one time, we're stuck out in this hell-hole valley. About 30 Taliban opened up from these house above us. And they got about eight of us pinned down bad. So I called in for artillery support. But; "no way", says the captain. Didn't wanna endanger the locals. So we scattered. Some crawled to a ditch, some... to the dry riverbed and the rest bailed, but... we were still stuck in the kill zone. And we battled for... I don't know, three hours. And finally, an Apache gunship chopper showed up to provide air cover. Scattered the Hadjis, but... smoke clears and four of my squad are dead in the ditch and two in the riverbed. Yeah, I was... mad and sick, all dead for nothing. You know, the most... screwed thing up of all... is when I got back to base that night, I found out that they shot this stray dog I had adopted. Commander's orders to get rid of all animals on the base. I mean, you'd think we had enough damn shooting for one day, you know? And, anyway, I, uh, I figured it was time to move on. I heard these guys were looking for someone, and here I am. [Maggie looks down and back heartfelt]
Pilar
Who you are?
Barney Ross
We're Americans.
Lee Christmas
Since when?
Gunner Jensen
Swedish.
Hale Caesar
Blackfoot.
Maggie
Chinese.
Toll Road
****.
Barney Ross
[To Toll Road]
You done?
Gunner Jensen
I got a plan. Everybody calm down. Phosphate rock.
Lee Christmas
What's he doing?
Barney Ross
Probably making a bomb.
Lee Christmas: You serious?
Barney Ross
Ask him.
Lee Christmas
What you doing, Gunner?
Gunner Jensen
I'm making a bomb. You mind?
Barney Ross
A maniac with brains.
Lee Christmas
Scary.
Lee Christmas
What's the plan?
Barney Ross
Track him, find him, kill him.
Lee Christmas
From one friend to another...
Barney Ross
What?
Lee Christmas
You really need to learn how to fight.
Lee Christmas
[while the Sangs are attacking the Expendables]
Can you hold them off?
Barney Ross
Yeah, maybe with a tank. [The Sangs appear with a tank] Oh, shit!
Lee Christmas
What?!
Barney Ross
They've got a tank!
Maggie
I can get him to talk, and without so much effort. [She opens a large manicure/pedicure kit]
Lee Christmas
What's she gonna do, give him a pedicure?
Lee Christmas
[Billy is running up the hill]
Remember when you could do that?
Barney Ross
No, do you?
Gunner Jensen
[A bomb's fuse goes out]
Well, the phosphorus must have been damp.
Lee Christmas
Yeah, right.
Toll Road
Or you suck.
Hale Caesar
There's that.
Maggie
Don't cry, Gunner.
Barney Ross
You almost had an idea.
Barney Ross
[Lee's cell phone rings] [Predicting mockingly]
"Hello, darlin'."
Lee Christmas
Hello, darlin'.
Barney Ross
Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through this.
Lee Christmas
Of course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her?
Barney Ross
She cheated on you.
Lee Christmas
It was a half-cheat.
Barney Ross
Which is?
Lee Christmas
The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky.
Barney Ross
Murky. I hate to break this to you, pal, but your girlfriend over there has a world-class cheating gene.
Lee Christmas
I should stab you in the heart.
Barney Ross
Too late.
Barney Ross
I got an idea. And your ego, I think you're gonna love it.
Lee Christmas
My ego?
Barney Ross
Your ego.
Lee Christmas
What do you mean, my ego?
Barney Ross
You've got a big ego.
Lee Christmas
Well, check your ego out.
Barney Ross
Oh, please. Your ego is like the size of a dinosaur. Huge.
Barney Ross
[Observing Vilain's paramilitary from a mountain]
I see about a dozen guards, light weapons, a couple of bad-ass .50 cals...
Lee Christmas
Worse, anti-tank devices. There's no way our trucks will get through that minefield. Look, I know this is a stupid question but you got any ideas that won't get us killed?
Barney Ross
I got a few I'm thinking about.
Lee Christmas
[Flying in onto Vilain's paramilitary]
Boom time?!
Barney Ross
Boom time! [Lee readies cannon] Target in sight!
Lee Christmas
Baby wants to travel!
Barney Ross
Fire!
Lee Christmas
Rock and roll!
Barney Ross
Fire!
Hale Caesar
Bombs away! [Drops explosives barrel] Tighten up!
Maggie
What's happening now?!
Lee Christmas
Chaos! [To Barney] You're not doing what I think you're doing?!
Barney Ross
Yeah, I am!
Lee Christmas
Let's do it! [Barney intentionally rams and crash lands his plane into the plutonium mine, Maggie nearly falls out and Gunnar saves her] You're gonna need a new plane.
Church
[The crew is in the air and Church is attempting radio contact]
CZ-1492, come on. Requesting a response immediately.
Lee Christmas
Who's this bozo?
Church
CZ-1492, this is a secure air wave. Do you read?
Lee Christmas
What's this about?
Church
What's taking so long, Barney Ross?! This should have been a walk in the park for you guys! Where's the case?!
Barney Ross: Don't have it.
Church
I warned you what would happen to you mutts if you pulled this shit again!
Barney Ross
A good man died trying to get that case.
Church
I'm sorry about that!
Barney Ross
Are you?!
Church
Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! But this sort of situation comes with the territory, wouldn't you say?!
Barney Ross
And so does payback. You know, Church, you're the kind of guy that pulls the strings, and everyone else does your dirty work 'cause you never had the guts to do it yourself. We're done.
Maggie
I'm so sorry.
Barney Ross
I believe you. What was in the case?
Maggie
A computer. Blueprint of a mine.
Barney Ross
A mine? [Shouts] What mine?!
Maggie
The Russians stored nearly 5 tons of weapon-grade plutonium. The mine was abandoned after the Cold War. No one knows it's there. The blueprint shows where the plutonium is stored. We want to stop it before it gets into the wrong hands.
Lee Christmas
I guess that didn't happen, did it? This kid so some dirt-bag can make bombs.
Maggie
I'm so sorry.
Barney Ross
Not as sorry as I am. [Referring to Bill] Let's take care of him.
...
Barney Ross
[Barney is holding an impromptu funeral service for Bill] [Reading letter aloud]
"Dear Sophia, I wish I could find something different to do besides than just miss you, but I can't. The team's treating me good. We got each other's backs. And I want you to know that wherever I end up, I'll be wanting the very best for you. And if some miracle happens, and I come back again, I hope I am still your man. Much love, Billy." [To the crew] Why is it that one of us, who wants to live the most, who deserves to live the most, dies? And the ones who deserves to die, keep on living? What's the message in that?
Lee Christmas
What's the plan?
Barney Ross
Track him, find him, kill him.
