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I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry quotes

16 total quotes

CPT Phineas J. Tucker


View Quote Asian Minister: Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle.
View Quote Chuck: I'm not an animal! I'm a whore!
View Quote Chuck: The only thing I'm doing with my eyes is putting a bag over your head, you toothless moron!
View Quote Chuck: What do you got?
Larry: Maxi Pads.
Chuck: What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!
View Quote Eric: What happened to your place?
Chuck: Uh... Roaches. Yeah, big giant roaches. They ate my dog.
Tori: Bas****.
Larry: Language!
Eric: Roaches are so eewwy!
Chuck: Did ya here that? Roaches are eewwy.
Larry: 'Eewwy' is another word not allowed said in this house. Okay?
Chuck: I think eewwys a nice word.
Larry: Shut up.
Chuck: Eewwy!
View Quote Hobo/Witness: The wires are all in place, and they have tapped all of our phones. And the Chinese government is in on it! And Elizabeth Taylor... is Bigfoot.
... There's a microphone in the cake! [Digs into cake] ...They moved it.
View Quote Kevin: Hey, apple dumpling. What's crack-a-lacking?
View Quote Kevin: Yeah, yeah! Gay love!
View Quote Larry: Domestic partnership.
Chuck: Domestic partnership? You mean like ****s?
Larry: No, I mean yeah. But no, not us. Obviously, just on paper.
Chuck: Paper ****s?
Larry: Well, the accepted vernacular is "gay"... but yes.
View Quote [Chuck and Larry are being harassed by homophoic protestors]
Protestor: [to Chuck] ****!
Chuck: What did you call me?
Protestor: ****.
[Chuck punches the protestor out]
Chuck: The accepted vernacular is "gay"!
View Quote [They are both injured from an accident on the job. They are both in hospital beds]
Larry: Chuck. What's going on, man?
Chuck: Brace yourself, Larry. What I'm gonna tell you is pretty rough. They removed your entire body. You're nothing but a head now.
Larry: What?
Chuck: They said that there was enough fat in your head to rebuild you a new body, so they got scientists in the other room working on it. God willing, you're gonna be alright.
Larry: Oh, you know, you're such a dick.
View Quote And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.
View Quote Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.
View Quote If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?
View Quote Whenever, whatever. That's the code.