N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

[Bilko has rigged a demonstration of the HTX-1 Hovertank, showing it off to members of Congress, various dignitaries, and an Army general and his staff. MAJ Thorn notices the rigged demonstration and gets up to say something to General Tennyson.]
MAJ Thorn: Wait! The demonstration was rigged!
MSG Bilko: [Hurrying Tennyson away from Thorn] Ah! Do I see politics in your future, sir? Perhaps a run at the Oval Office?
GEN Tennyson: You know, I've never really given that serious consideration-
Thorn: [Catching up with them] Wait! General, he faked it! Didn't you see? The gun was aimed at Target Three, but they blew up Target Four!
Tennyson: Yes, I did.
Bilko: Well, you remember Einstein's theory, sir- space is curved?
Tennyson: Yes.
Bilko: And these are smart weapons. Whoosh! [Makes cutting motions with his hand, indicating the shot changed course.]
Thorn: Oh, cut the crap! He faked it! It's just another one of his scams!
Tennyson: That's a serious charge. Colonel, what about this?
COL Hall: Well, General, I must tell you, in all my years in the service, I have never- not once- publicly berated a fellow officer. But I realize now, from the very first moment Major Thorn set foot on Fort Baxter, he engaged in a personal vendetta against Master Sergeant Bilko. I find his conduct inexcusable, and [walks towards Thorn] I'm going to recommend an Article 32 investigation.
Tennyson: I see.
Thorn: You don't understand. He doesn't know what's going on, he never knows what's going on! This sergeant leads him around by the nose!
Tennyson: [Shocked] Major! You are the most insubordinate officer I have ever met!
MAJ Thorn: I'm telling you... [Grabs Hall] he's a BOOB! He doesn't get it! They faked the whole thing!
Tennyson: I'd like to see just [pinches fingers] one piece of solid evidence, to support these idiotic allegations!
Thorn: Idiotic. How's this for idiotic!? [Pulls a part of the tank's electronics out of his pocket] The Fire Control and Super Elevator Board! I took it out last night; so how can it work? [Tennyson and the rest of the crowd are stunned at Thorn's admission; embarrassed, Thorn tries to hide the board]
Hall: So you deliberately sabotaged this project, Major.
Bilko: [Producing a tape recorder] I got it all on tape. Lucky!
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