Dr. Egon Spengler
[the Ghostbusters study a painting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art]
Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Dr. Peter Venkman
105 years old? He hung in there, didn't he?
Dr. Raymond Stantz
He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.
Venkman
Ouch.
Winston Zeddemore
Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Spengler
No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Venkman
Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Stantz
And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door, time is but a window: I'll be back."
V Vigo
[Vigo's awesome power has paralyzed all of the Ghostbusters. He holds Oscar aloft.]
Now we become one.
C Crowd
[Suddenly, singing is heard from outside]
'Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and ne'er brought to mind...'
RS Dr. Raymond Stanz
Where's that singing coming from?
Winston Zeddemore
The people outside!
C Crowd
[Vigo begins to roar in pain]
'If auld aquaintance be forgot, remember Auld Lang Syne!'
Dr. Egon Spengler
[They continue to sing. Vigo roars, his form becoming less tangible]
He's weakening! The singing is neutralizing the slime!
Spengler
He's back in the painting!
Dr. Raymond Stantz
[Ray takes out a container full of slime from the microwave]
We've been experimenting with the plasm we found in the subway tunnel. Careful.
Dr. Peter Venkman
Should I get spoons?
Dr. Egon Spengler
Don't bother. [Ray sets the container on the table for everyone to see] Watch this. Go ahead, Ray.
Stantz
[yells at the container]
You! You worthless piece of slime!
Stantz
[Container twitches as the slime bubbles angrily]
You ignorant, disgusting blob! [slime reacts]
Spengler
You're nothing but an unstable, short-chain molecule! [slime reacts]
Stantz
You foul, obnoxious muck! [slime reacts]
Spengler
You have a weak electrochemical bond! [slime reacts]
Stantz
[Winston and Peter looks at one another as the slime continues to bubble angrily]
I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
Winston Zeddemore
[interrupting just before it overflows its container]
Whoa, whoa!
Stantz
You're a – You just –
Zeddemore
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Venkman
[beat]
This is what you do with your spare time?
Stantz
Peter, this is an incredible breakthrough. I mean, what a discovery! A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this stuff is, it responds to human emotional states.
Venkman
[beat]
Mood slime. [to slime affectionately] Oh, baby...
Zeddemore
[Slime reacts]
You mean this stuff actually feeds on bad vibes?
Stantz
Like a cop in a donut factory.
Spengler
We've been running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive reaction.
Venkman
What kind of tests?
Stantz
Well, we sing to it, and, uh, we talk to it, and say...supportive, nurturing things to it...
Venkman
You're not sleeping with it, are you, Ray?
Venkman
[Uncomfortable silence for Ray and Egon; slime bubbles softly] [shakes his head in disbelief]
Oh, you!
Zeddemore
[mutters]
It's always the quiet ones.
Venkman
[chuckles]
You hound!
Dr. Peter Venkman
[The mayor walks in]
Lenny. Big man.
ML Mayor Lenny
The Ghostbusters.
Winston Zeddemore
Mr. Mayor? [holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
ML Mayor Lenny
What is this? A slumber party?
Dr. Ray Stantz
Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
ML Mayor Lenny
Listen, I don't want to hear anything about it. You got two minutes. Make it good.
Dr. Ray Stantz
[getting started]
Well, first of all, Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that almost fifty percent of us voted for you in the last election.
ML Mayor Lenny
I appreciate that.
Dr. Peter Venkman
I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
Dr. Ray Stantz
Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proportions is building up beneath the city.
ML Mayor Lenny
Psycho-what?
Dr. Egon Spengler
Psychomagnatheric.
Dr. Peter Venkman
Big word, big word.
Dr. Egon Spengler
Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
ML Mayor Lenny
Can somebody speak English here?
Winston Zeddemore
Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this sludge. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
Jack Hardemeyer
[to the Mayor; aggravated]
This is insane! Do we really have to listen to this?
Dr. Peter Venkman
[to Hardemeyer]
Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes? [to the Mayor] Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
Jack Hardemeyer
[in disbelief]
Please.
Peter Venkman
I beg your pardon, 3 million and one.
Jack Hardemeyer
Hey.
Dr. Ray Stantz
And what fudgy brain here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
Jack Hardemeyer
[in disbelief]
Yeah, right.
ML Mayor Lenny
[having enough]
What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be nice to each other? [begins to walk off] Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right. Your two minutes are up. Good night, gentlemen. [leaves]
Winston Zeddemore
[Last lines] [sees the Vigo painting]
Hey fellas! You wanna take a look at this?
Dr. Ray Stantz
Wow!
Dr. Egon Spengler
Early Renaissance, I think. Raphael, or Piero della Francesca?
Dr. Peter Venkman
No, I believe it's one of the Fettuccinis.
[The painting now shows the Ghostbusters wearing togas and clustered around Oscar.]
