Bill Murray movie quotes

View Quote The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah. "As if the natural world's been turned upside down." Lord Mandrake. Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle. Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink.

View Quote Well, I was a little embarrassed at first. Obviously people are gonna think I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick. But then I realized... that's me. I said those things. I did those things. I can live with that.

View Quote Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome.

View Quote I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank Piña Coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...

View Quote It always makes me think of Rome, the way the sun hits the buildings in the afternoon.

View Quote Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on his smiling face a dream of spring.

View Quote [After Peter has gone to visit Dana in her state of being the Gatekeeper] She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.

View Quote ...human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!

View Quote [when under threat from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man] Hey, this Mr. Stay-Puft is okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York... we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!

View Quote Y'know, one day, Tito Puente will be dead, and you'll say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."

View Quote We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts.

View Quote Sergeant, I don't think we should march today. You know it's the cold and flu season.

View Quote Mmmmm. Look at all those steaming wieners. Do you know what they're saying? They're saying, "This is the year that Fink beats 'The Stomach'." [Fink picks up a hot dog and holds it to his ear] No, it's a couple of them over here... but they're saying it.

View Quote [on loudspeaker] Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef." Congradulations, Jeffery. You've just won a brand new Chrylser Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

View Quote [on loudspeaker] Attention campers, afternoon swim schedule is as follows. Advanced dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and I.Q. testing. All senior silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. All junior salmon, trout, and herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. And 6-year-old tadpoles, report to the swamp. And all lobsters, GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE A MENACE!

View Quote For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

View Quote You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"

View Quote I don't get that close to the glass until I'm on the floor.

View Quote [to Oodie] No. Down. Down, dumb dog.

View Quote Hey! Nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that except me!

View Quote Surf's up! Gravity, do your thang!

View Quote [to Ty, about Judge Smails] If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

View Quote Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?

View Quote
I have to laugh because I've often asked myself my foe, my enemy, is an animal. In order to conquer him I have to think like an animal and whenever possible to look like one. I've got to get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who is the gopher's ally? His friend? The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. I'm going to use you guys to do my dirty work for me.

View Quote I'm a stalker in a Taurus.

View Quote [to Lolita] That was quite an outfit you weren't wearing earlier.

View Quote Rita: Daddy, you're not supposed to be smoking.
Winston: Oh, no, no. This is just some assorted herbs, some cheeba.
Don Johnston: Let me see that
[takes a drag of cigarette]
Don Johnston: Yep, it's just cannabis sativa.

View Quote Hello, my name is Bob. Would you knock me out, please?

View Quote [Telling another joke to the hospital staff] Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm a schizophrenic...and so am I. [staff laugh]

View Quote Dr. Marvin: I want some peace, and quiet.
Bob: I'll be quiet.
Siggy: I'll be peace.

View Quote [the Ghostbusters turn on their proton packs and sing]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Do.
Dr. Raymond Stanz: Re.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Egon. [Venkman and Stantz stare at him and he smiles back]

View Quote [Peter Venkman hosts a new episode of his show, World of the Psychic]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Hi, welcome back to World of the Psychic, I'm Peter Venkman. I'm chatting with my guest, author, lecturer and psychic, Milton Anglund. Milt, your new book is called "The End of the World." Now can you tell us when it's going to be or do we have to buy the book?
Milton Auglund: Well I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.
Venkman: This year?
Auglund: Mm-hmm.
Venkman: Well that's cutting it a little bit close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, I mean your book is just coming out, you're not gonna see any paperback sales for at least a year. It'll be at least another year before you know whether you've got that mini-series or movie of the week kind of possibilities. I mean just Devil's Advocate Milty! I mean shouldn't you have said: Hey the worlds going to end in 1992! Or better yet 1994!
Auglund: This is not just some money-making scheme! Alright! I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. [begins to cry]
Venkman: Well, for your sake, I hope you're right. Okay. But I think my other guest may disagree with you. Elaine, now you had another date in mind?
Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14, in the year 2016.
Venkman: Valentine's Day. Bummer. Where did you get your date, Elaine?
Elaine: I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar, alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.
Venkman: So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus.
Elaine: It might have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure about that, Peter.
Venkman: [to audience] Of course not! And that is the whole problem with aliens; is you just can't trust them. Occasionally you meet a nice one; Starman, E.T., but usually they turn out to be some kind of big lizard. That's all the time we've got for this week on 'World of the Psychic'. Next week though . . . hairless pets. [holds up a hairless cat] Weird. Until then, this is Peter Venkman saying [puts a finger to his temple and sends out a thought to his viewers; laughs] See you then!

View Quote [the Ghostbusters study a painting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art]
Dr. Egon Spengler: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 105 years old? He hung in there, didn't he?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.
Venkman: Ouch.
Winston Zeddemore: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Spengler: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Stantz: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door, time is but a window: I'll be back."

View Quote It's all shoveled out. And the hippo's asleep. I'm gonna take Shane to Docky's.

View Quote [after almost dying, but returning to life; to Shane] Your momma says "hi".

View Quote She'll be excited. She'll probably call you.

View Quote I think we're getting into a weird area here.

View Quote I don't like when somebody comes up to me the next day and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play. It touched me; I cried." I like it when a guy comes up to me a week later and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play... what happened?"

View Quote That is one nutty hospital.

View Quote You know, they say an elephant never forgets. But what they don't tell you is that you never forget an elephant.

View Quote I must be in love, I just lied about my sign.

View Quote I'm a motivator, not a physical therapist.

View Quote If anything happens to that kid, I'll never forgive myself.

View Quote [To Bagheera] If you send him back to the Man-Village, they'll ruin him. They'll make a man out of him!

View Quote Relax, kid. No need to get worked up, okay?

View Quote Raleigh: [Into tape recorder, softly] Dudley suffers from a rare disorder combining symptoms of amnesia, dyslexia, and color-blindness, with a highly acute sense of hearing.
Dudley: [from adjoining room] I'm not colorblind, am I?
Raleigh: [softly]I'm afraid you are.

View Quote Raleigh: [after reading a private investigator's research on Margot background, which includes being adopted, a previous marriage, several one-night stands with other men, and a lesbian affair] So, she smokes.

View Quote Raleigh St. Clair: You don't love me anymore, do you?
Margot Tenenbaum: I do, kind of. I can't explain it right now.
Raleigh: Are you ever coming home?
Margot: Maybe not.
Raleigh: Well, I wanna die.

View Quote You got a lot of nerve! Coming back here, crawling back to me. We could have been the most spectacular power couple, you know. My sense of fun, and your personality. But, no: you always had to vanquish! Conquer! You always had to maim somebody!

View Quote Peter: Hi, there. Pete Venkman, from the home office. Thanks for pitching in.
Phoebe: You're welcome.
Peter: I like your style. Who's that one?
Callie: Callie. [pauses] Callie Spengler.
Peter: Spengler? Heh, weird name. Try to make the best of that. Alright, we're gonna have cocoa inside. Some of us will have rum with it.

View Quote [Dana Barrett and Peter are playing with Peter's ESP cards]
Dana: Do you know what this is?
Peter: Lines. Two… No, three… wavy lines.
Dana: [reveals the card] That's amazing.
Peter: You're amazing, with your ability to... flood my psychic powers.
Dana: [holds up another card] I can't believe you used to shock your students.
Peter: Between us, I only zapped the guys. [Dana zaps him, causing him to yell in pain]
Peter: For science. I know that now. I admit that.
Dana: Ready? Try this one.
Peter: Uh…
Dana: Take a moment.
Peter: Uh… It's a five-pointed star… yes?
Dana: [reveals the card] How are you doing that?
Peter: Some believe that true love imbues the subject with the ability… [Dana shocks him again]
Dana: Did you mark the cards?
Peter: Haha... no.
Dana: You did, didn't you?
Peter: [nods] Yeah. [Dana shocks him once more] Aah!
Dana: It works well.

View Quote [mentions Oracle] She sees the future.

View Quote I was the lead mascot for an undefeated high school baseball team [sneeze]. I lost all my spirit, I'm depressing.

View Quote Wow.

View Quote [Dr. Tom is practicing to be Bela Lugosi's "double".]
Dr. Tom: I vant to suck your blood! I vant to suck your blood!
Bunny Breckinridge: Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a ****.

View Quote Bunny Breckinridge: How about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always loved it when I sparkled.
Ed Wood: No.
Bunny Breckinridge: Cat's eyes?
Ed Wood: No!
Bunny Breckinridge: Well, I'm gonna need some antennae.
Ed Wood: No! You're the ruler of the galaxy. Show a little taste!

View Quote Minister: Welcome, brother! Do you reject Satan and all his works?
Bunny Breckinridge: Sure.
[Sputtering, newly baptized Bunny joins Ed at poolside.]
Bunny: How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptized, just so you can make a monster movie?
Ed Wood: It's not a monster movie, it's a supernatural thriller.

View Quote You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

View Quote It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.

View Quote 1979 Waitress: Tanqueray and Tab.
Ernie McCracken: Keep 'em comin', sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?

View Quote Sam: I was, until yesterday, a guidance counselor at Blue Bay High School. A student there is accusing me of rape.
Kenneth Bowden: Male or female?
Sam: The student is Kelly Van Ryan.
Kenneth Bowden: As in Sandra Van Ryan?
Sam: As in I'm ****.

View Quote Sam: [Bwoden is wearing a neck brace] What do you do to your neck?
Kenneth Bowden: Oh, this? I don't have to wear it all the time. [looks out the window and takes it off] There was an insurance guy around here earlier.

View Quote Kenneth Bowden: [Passing Sandra Van Ryan's limo and honking the horn] Hey, look who we've got here. Hey, Sandra!
Sandra Van Ryan: I want you to nail that shyster's balls to the wall!
Tom Baxter: Well, that might have been possible if miss not-so-bright here hadn't started throwing things in court.
Kelly Van Ryan: **** off!
Sandra Van Ryan: I can't believe you're going to let them, get away with this... shit!
Tom Baxter: I don't think you understand, Sandy. Your little princess here committed perjury. It will be all I can do to keep her **** little ass out of jail.
Sandra Van Ryan: Well... what are we going to do?