The C.I.T.s
[singing]
We are the C.I.T.s so pity us.
The kids are brats; the food is hideous.
We're gonna smoke and drink and fool around.
We're nookie-bound!...
We are the North Star C.I.T.s!
Tripper Harrison
Bill Murray · 30 quotes
Rudy
Chris Makepeace · 6 quotes
Hardware
Matt Craven · 3 quotes
Roxanne
Kate Lynch · 3 quotes
Spaz
Jack Blum · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Tripper Harrison & Rudy (5), Tripper Harrison & Roxanne (3), Tripper Harrison & Hardware (2)
Meatballs quotes
Page 1 of 3
The Stomach
What? No mustard?
Crockett [after Hardware blows a fuse]
Hardware.
Yeah, Crockett?
Crockett You're a dick.
Another panty raid, Trip?
NO QUESTIONS, DOGFACE!
Interviewer
These children are going to the most glamorus of all summer camps: Camp Mohawk. There's a two year waiting list and every child has to be voted in. On top of that it costs $1,000 a week to to go to Camp Mohawk. The question is, is it worth a $1,000 a week.
It sure is. It's the best darn camp there is.
Interviewer
Well, are you connected with Camp Mohawk?
Well, I think so, I'm the program dircetor; Jerry Aldini
Interviewer
Well, how do you justify a $1,000 a week.
Well, we have some special programs. Uh, we're doing Shakespear in the Round again this year, of course. Uh, our political roundtable, Henry Kissinger will appear. Asser Arafat is gonna come out, spend a weekend with the kids. Just rap with them.
Interviewer That's amazing!
And the kids wanted animals. So this year, each camper will stalk and kill his own bear in our private wildlife preserve.
Interviewer
Are you sure the children can, uh, can hack that?
We'll see. But, the real excitement, of course, is gonna come at the end of the summer, uh, during Sexual Awareness Week. We import 200 hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and $2,000 cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can and the winner, of course, is named King of Sexual Awareness Week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.
Interviewer That's incredible.
What'd you expect for $1,000 a week. Hey, you have a good summer too, huh.
Larry
[talking about Spaz and Jackie]
How did you make out?
Well, we just kind of talked.
Larry
You had her in the woods and you just talked? You didn't do anything. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
I, um, held her hand when we walked home.
Larry
Held her hand? Spaz, you're on your way! Held her hand. In the woods! And it was dark!
Yeah.
Morty Hey, gang, come on! Look it, just `cause we're losing doesn't mean it's all over.
Phil
Cut the crap, Morty. I mean, the Mohawks have beaten us the last 12 years, they're gonna beat us again.
That's just the attitude we don't need, Phil. Sure, Mohawk has beaten us 12 years in a row. Sure, they're terrific athletes. They've got the best equipment that money can buy. Hell, every team they're sending over here has their own personal masseuse. Not masseur. Masseuse. But, it doesn't matter. Do you know that every Mohawk competitor has electrocardiogram, blood and urine tests every 48 hours to see if there's any change in his physical condition. Do you know that they use the most sophisticated training methods from the Soviet Union, East and West Germany, and the newest Olympic power, Trinidad Tobago. But, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter! I tell you it just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
The group
IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...
And Even...and even if we win...if we win... Ha! Even if we win. Even if we play so far over our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days. Even if God in Heaven above comes down and points His hand at our side of the field. Even if everyman woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win. It just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guy from Mohawk cause they've got all the money. It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
The group
IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...
Peter
My dad's buying a camp next summer. Wanna come up?
Uh, no thanks. I, uh, I kinda like it here.
My place, what do you think?
Is it big enough?
It's got a double bed. What's the matter with you, haven't you ever lived with anybody before?
No. Have you?
Pets, you know, a dog, a fish. No, I haven't. I've never asked anybody before.
[They kiss]
Are you going to go see Roxanne tonight after Morty's rally?
[sarcastic]
Could be. After the way she treated me on the overnight I'm a little afraid to be alone with her tonight. And I think you know what I mean.
I think you like her. Really, admit it! You really do like her don't you? [Tripper makes a funny-discusted face]
I saw you dancing with Roxanne.
Oh yeah? Well, she sort'a cornered me and there was nothing I could do without embarrassing her.
Do you like her?
Well, I feel sorry for her, you know. She's got a glass eye. And, uh, I'm one of the few people who knows exactly which eye to look at when they're talking to her, so she's sort of fixated on me.
Well, I like her.
Well you're not exactly known for your taste. I'll probably just use her for the rest of the summer and then throw her on the scrap heap with all the rest of the women that I've destroyed. Uh, I have to go on this overnight. I'm takin' the C.I.T.s on an overnight for the next couple days so you're gonna have to do your own training, son. I want you to run two miles today and two and a half tomorrow.
I've never run that far.
Neither have I but somebody's gotta do it. I can't be expected to do it. Somebody's gotta do it, and it can't be me! Because I'm too busy. I've responsibilities. I'm the entertainment director for the overnight. [holds up a bottle of wine]
I'm going away.
You goin' to Vegas? If you're going to Vegas, I would be up for it because I love that town. I'm a party guy. I love that town.
I don't think they want me around.
You talkin' about the soccer heads back there? Well, that's life in the fast-paced slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death world of junior league soccer.
What's cookin' good lookin'?
Girl Camper
Your fly's undone. [laughs]
Hey Spaz, I was watchin' you out there. Looked like you had a chance there for a second.
[dancing together]
Is that a bra you're wearing, or are you expecting an assassination attempt?
Are those Clorets in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
OK, we're even. 3 years of this. I don't think I have many lines left. Frankly, Roxanne, I'm frightened.
Oh, no. Don't go human on me now, Tripper.
Well, I'm trying.
So keep trying.
Can I have some fries, please? [sees Rudy sitting in a diner both] Hey! Gerner. How's it goin'? This is the best damn food in the whole Two Pines area. Not surprised you found this place. I had you pegged for a gourmet first time I met you. You know, that's a smart move bringing a suitcase. You don't wanna be leaving a lot of valuable socks and underwear around camp where people can wrestle around in them when you're out on the town. [Waiter brings Tripper his French fries] Thank you. [to Rudy] You like ketchup?
I'm going away.
You goin' to Vegas? If you're going to Vegas, man, then I would be up for it cause I love that town. I'm a party guy, I love that town.
I don't think they want me around.
You talking about the soccer-heads back there? Well, that's life in the fast-paced, slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death world of junior league soccer.
I'm serious, I've never played the game before! I tried to tell them.
What? You tried to tell... and they... Who was it? I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em with this Swiss army knife. The Swiss trained me to kill and I will do it; I will grab these guys by the neck, take the toothpick and stick it right in between their teeth! And then I'll slap them around the head a couple of times. They'll go out for just a couple of seconds, they'll be unconscious and what I'll do then, I'll go for the corkscrew. And I'll grap 'em and I will take that corkscrew and I will stick it right into the voicebox. I will twist that mofo, I will twist it, rip it out and he'll talk like this for the rest of his life!
I don't wanna hurt anyone. I just want them to like me.
Why? You make one good friend a summer and you're doing pretty well. Look, if you have trouble, come to me, tell me, and I'll help you.