Dr. Peter Venkman Back off, man; I'm a scientist.
Played by Bill Murray 
Ghostbusters (1984) · 73 quotes
Ghostbusters (1984) · 73 quotes
Most-quoted character in Ghostbusters (1984): in 47 of its 73 quotes
Most scenes with: Janine Melnitz (24), Dr. Egon Spengler (11), Dr. Raymond Stantz (10)
She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.
More lines from Dr. Peter Venkman
21 quotes Dr. Peter Venkman Dr. Peter Venkman You're right, no... human... could stack books like this.
Dr. Peter Venkman Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Dr. Peter Venkman Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
Dr. Peter Venkman [to Ray after he loses control of his proton beam, knocking down the chandelier]
That's okay. The table broke the fall.
Dr. Peter Venkman [to Egon as he loses control of his proton beam, roasting the bar in the hotel]
Woah...woah...woah...woah...woah...woah...nice shootin' Tex!
Dr. Peter Venkman [after pulling a tablecloth from a table in the hotel ballroom]
...the flowers are still standing!
Dr. Peter Venkman [while taking down Slimer in hotel]
Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?
Dr. Peter Venkman We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Dr. Peter Venkman I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you. I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
Dr. Peter Venkman [to Dana after she answers the door in her provocative Gate Keeper outfit]
Are we still going out?
Dr. Peter Venkman I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people. [pauses] Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...
Dr. Peter Venkman ...human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!
Dr. Peter Venkman If we're wrong, then nothing happens. We'll go to jail. Peacefully. Quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if we're right, and we can stop this thing... Lenny... you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
Dr. Peter Venkman [after seeing Dana turn into Zuul's demonic canine form]
Okay, so, she's a dog.
Dr. Peter Venkman Go get her, Ray!
Dr. Peter Venkman [before attacking Gozer]
Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.
Dr. Peter Venkman What did you do, Ray?!
Dr. Peter Venkman [when under threat from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man]
Hey, this Mr. Stay-Puft is okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York... we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!
Dr. Peter Venkman [After being told by Egon that there is a slim chance of surviving the crossing of the proton beams]
I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it!
Dr. Peter Venkman Alright... This chick is toast!
Scenes with Dr. Peter Venkman
25 scenes
Teenage Nerd
[Venkman has just administered a static electric shock to him]
HEY!! I'm getting a little TIRED of this!!!
Dr. Peter Venkman You volunteered, didn't you?! We're paying you, aren't we?
Teenage Nerd
Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks!! What are you trying to prove here, anyway?
Dr. Peter Venkman I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability.
Teenage Nerd
THE EFFECT?!! I'll tell you what the effect is! IT'S PISSING ME OFF!!!
Dr. Peter Venkman Well then maybe my theory is correct!!!
Teenage Nerd
You can KEEP the five bucks, I'VE HAD IT!!
Dr. Peter Venkman I WILL, Mister!! (Teenage Nerd slams the door behind him on his way out.) You may as well get used to that. That's the kind of resentment your gift is gonna provoke in a lot of people.
Teenage Girl
You really think I've got it, Dr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman You're no fluke, Jennifer.
Dr. Peter Venkman Hey Egon, you know, this reminds me of the time that you tried to drill a hole through your head.
That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Dr. Peter Venkman Have you, or any member of your family, ever been diagnosed schizophrenic...mentally incompetent?
Alice (librarian)
My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.
Dr. Peter Venkman I'd call that a big yes.
Dr. Peter Venkman [later, when the ghost has scared them out of their wits]
'Get her'? That was your whole plan? 'Get her'? Tee hee.
Dr. Peter Venkman Are you guys serious about this catching a ghost?
I'm always serious.
Dr. Peter Venkman (pause)
Egon, I'm gonna take back some of the things I said about you. (Takes out a candy bar and hands it to Egon) Here...you've...you've earned it.
(Ray chuckles at both of them)
Dr. Peter Venkman For whatever reasons, Ray, call it... fate, call it luck, call it karma, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown outta this dump.
For what purpose?
Dr. Peter Venkman To go into business for ourselves. [Takes a swig of schnapps]
This ecto-containment unit that Spengler and I talked about is going to take a load of bread to capitalize. Where are we going to get the money?
Dr. Peter Venkman [Takes another swig]
I don't know, Ray. I don't know.
Dr. Peter Venkman [exiting a bank]
You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages nowadays.
I know, but at 19%? You didn't even bargain with the guy.
That's the bedroom... But nothing ever happened in there.
Dr. Peter Venkman What a crime...
You know, you don't act like a scientist.
Dr. Peter Venkman They're usually pretty stiff.
You're more like a game show host.
Dr. Peter Venkman I know. I'll prove myself to you.
That's not necessary.
Dr. Peter Venkman Then you'll say, 'Pete Venkman's a guy who can get things done. I wonder what makes him tick? I wonder if he'd be interested in knowing what makes me tick.' I bet you'll be thinking about me, after I'm gone.
I bet I will. [shoves him out]
Dr. Peter Venkman [pushes door back open]
No kiss?
Man at Elevator What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut?
Dr. Peter Venkman [chuckles]
No, we're exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelfth [the twelfth floor].
Man at Elevator That's gotta be some cockroach.
Dr. Peter Venkman Bite your head off, man.
Man at Elevator I'll take the next one.
(Inside the elevator.)
You it' just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.
I blame myself.
Dr. Peter Venkman So do I.
Well, no sense worrying about it now.
Dr. Peter Venkman Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
Yeah. Well, let's get ready. Switch me on.
(Egon turns on Ray's pack. It emits a strange sound and begins humming. Egon backs away from it.)
Dr. Peter Venkman [nervously staring down Slimer]: Come in... Ray.
Dr. Rawmond Stantz
Venkman? I saw it, I saw it, I saw it!!
Dr. Peter Venkman It's right here, Ray. It's looking at me.
Ugly little spud, isn't he?
Dr. Peter Venkman I think he can hear you, Ray.
Don't move, it won't hurt you.
Dr. Peter Venkman AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
VENKMAN!!! Venkman!! Venkman!! Pete! Are you okay?
Dr. Peter Venkman He slimed me.
That's GREAT!!! ACTUAL PHYSICAL CONTACT!!! Can you move?
Dr. Peter Venkman I feel so funky!
There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman What?
Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman Why?
It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman I'm a little fuzzy on the whole "good/bad" thing here. What do you mean, "bad"?
Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Total protonic reversal!
Dr. Peter Venkman That's bad. Okay. All right, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
Dr. Peter Venkman Not that I know of. [Door immediately slams in his face]
Dr. Peter Venkman Is this a trick question?
There is no Dana... there is only Zuul.
Dr. Peter Venkman Oh Zuulie, you little nut, now, come on....
Dr. Peter Venkman What a lovely singing voice you must have.
Cold-riveted girders, with cores of pure selenium.
Dr. Peter Venkman [to everyone who's not a Ghostbuster]
Everyone getting this so far?
So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to.
Dr. Raymond Stantz No! Nobody ever made them like this! The architect was either a certified genius or an authentic wacko!
Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hold it! Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian God is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?!
Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Dr. Peter Venkman Yeah. Big difference.
No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.
Everything was fine [with our system] until our power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck
They caused an explosion!
Mayor [To Peter]
Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman Yes, it's true. [slight pause] This man has no dick.
Dr. Peter Venkman [Peck then tries to attack Dr. Venkman but is kept away by others in the room]
Well, that's what I heard!
[Note: Censored version has Venkman saying "This man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which".]
Dr. Peter Venkman This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor What do you mean, "biblical"?
What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling!
Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - MASS HYSTERIA!
Mayor Enough! I get the point! And what if you're wrong?
Dr. Peter Venkman If we're wrong, then nothing happens. We'll go to jail. Peacefully. Quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if we're right, and we can stop this thing... Lenny... you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
Hey. Where do these stairs go?
Dr. Peter Venkman They go up.
Dr. Peter Venkman [Preparing to confront Gozer]
Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us!
Right!
Dr. Peter Venkman Go get her, Ray!
[Ray glares at him]
Gozer the Gozerian? Good evening. As a duly-designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the next convenient parallel dimension.
Dr. Peter Venkman That oughta do it, thanks very much Ray.
Gozer Are you a god?
Gozer Then...DIEEE!!
[Gozer begins shocking the Ghostbusters with lighting]
Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES!!"
Dr. Peter Venkman It's Miller Time.
Dr. Peter Venkman [while seeing Stay-Puft walk towards the building and the Ghostbusters]
Well, that's something you don't see every day.
I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something that I loved from my childhood. Something that would never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay-Puft.
Dr. Peter Venkman Nice thinking, Ray.
We used to roast Stay-Puft Marshmallows, by the fire at Camp Waconda.
Dr. Peter Venkman [looks at Egon]: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left?
Sorry, Venkman. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
Peter Venkman [ EPA agent Walter Peck is visiting the Ghostbusters]
Can I help you?
Walter Peck" I'm Walter Peck, I'm with the Environmental Protection... [Venkman shakes hands with Peck and still has Ectoplasm on his hands] ...Agency, the third district.
Peter Venkman [wipes the Ectoplasm on Peck's Suit]
Great, how's it going down there?
Walter Peck
Are you Peter Venkman?
Peter Venkman Yes, I'm... Dr. Venkman.
Walter Peck
Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman Well, I have a PhD in Parapsychology and Psychology.
Walter Peck
I see. And now, you catch ghosts.
Peter Venkman Yeah, you can say that.
Walter Peck
And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman I'm not at liberty to say.
Walter Peck
And where do you put these ghosts, once you catch them?
Peter Venkman Into a storage facility.
Walter Peck
And would the storage facility be located on these premises?
Peter Venkman Yes.
Walter Peck
And may I see this storage facility?
Peter Venkman No.
Walter Peck
And why not, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman Because you did not use the magic word.
Walter Peck
What is the magic word, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman "Please."
Walter Peck
May I please see the [chuckles] storage facility, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman Why do you want to see the storage facility?
Walter Peck
Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess for any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the presence of noxious, possibly hazardous waste chemicals in your basement. Now you either show me what is down there, or I come back with a court order.
Peter Venkman You go get a court order, and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution.
Walter Peck
You can have it your way, Mr. Venkman.
