1979 Waitress Tanqueray and Tab.
Keep 'em comin', sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?
Roy
Will Rothhaar · 7 quotes
Ernie McCracken
Bill Murray · 4 quotes
Ishmael
Randy Quaid · 3 quotes
Roy Munson
Woody Harrelson · 3 quotes
Kingpin quotes
1979 Waitress [On smoking]
You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it's bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.
Is that right? Who's done more research on the subject than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say it's harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.
I don't drink coffee.
Why not?
Because it's a stimulant.
What the hell do you think cigarettes are?
They are?
Mike
Can you get sick from drinking piss?
Yeah, I think you can.
Mike
Even if it's your own?
Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.
Claudia Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.
Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?
Morning! I hope you don't mind; I got up a little early so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. It took a little while to get her warmed up-she sure is a stubborn one! [takes a drink from the bucket]
Mr. Boorg We don't have a cow. We have a bull.
I'll brush my teeth.
Yeah, sure, Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Yeah, well, he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a clue what it is. It's round, it has three holes, and you stick your fingers into it.
I'm talking about bowling! Your future!
McCracken is throwing his final shot and does an awkward approach.
Chris Schenkel
Look at that form! Left arm, way out there.
[Roy Munson is getting ready for his turn to bowl]
It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.
It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.
Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.
The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.
What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, Tiger!
Who you calling psycho?!?!
You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.