Bob quotes from What About Bob? (1991)

Bob

So the psychiatrist has a patient. He draws a circle and says, "What do you think of when you see this?" He says "Sex." [The staff laugh.] That's not the joke yet, wait a second. He draws a picture of a tree and says "What do you think of that one when you see it?" He says "Sex." All right, then he draws a picture of a car, a house: "Sex. Sex. Sex." The doctor says, "You know you're obsessed with sex." And the patient says "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures." [The staff laugh.]

Bob

Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm a schizophrenic...and so am I. [staff laugh]

Bob

Have you ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?

It's exceptionally rare.

Bob

Shit-eating-son-of-a-bitch... bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, bitch!

Why exactly are you doing this?

Bob

If I fake it then I don't have it. You know it's the same with the cardiac arrest.

Are you married?

Bob

I'm divorced.

Would you like to talk about that?

Bob

There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

Bob

Baby step on the bus, baby step on the bus...

Last bus to Lake Winapinasaukee, Bob!

Bob

I know Minh, just give me a moment. Baby step to the stairs.

Would you be able to board today? We have a "baby" schedule to keep.

Bob

Hey! NO, NO! NO! [Calmly] I'm expecting a phone call. [The customer hangs up] Thank You. Thanks a lot. [to everyone else] Thanks everybody, I really appreciate this. Also, uh if I... lose consciousness or black out or something explodes, would you tell Dr. Marvin when he calls that I was here...

Dr. Leo Marvin?

Bob

Do you know him?

Yeah. He bought our dream house. We worked a lifetime to save for a down payment.

And he swooped down with his bag full of money, and grabbed it out from under us. Son of a bitch.

She never says that.

Stay as far away from him as possible.

Bob

Well, that'll be easy. He won't see me, that's why I'm waiting for the phone call.

He won't see you? Well, we'll show you where he lives.

Bob

You will?

The son of a bitch.

She never says that.

You've ruined my life! You've ruined my career! You've ruined my book! You turned a peaceful house into an insane asylum! Get out!

Daddy!

My god, Leo What's gotten into you?

It was a disaster, Fay!

No, it wasn't. You were wonderful, sweetie.

You were fine, dad.

Siggy

Yeah. Why'd you need to kick Bob out of the House?

You think he's gone? He's not gone! That's the whole point, He's never gone! [Opens the door]

Bob

Is this some radical new therapy?

You see?!

Siggy

Goodbye, green-puking pissant.

Bob

Later, barf-breath douche-mouth.

Siggy

I mean, my dad just dropped me in the water. He let me go with no warning. I mean, I nearly drowned. My whole life passed before my eyes.

Bob

Well you're lucky you're only 12.

Siggy

It was still grim.

I want some peace, and quiet.

Bob

I'll be quiet.

Siggy

I'll be peace.