Bill Hader movie quotes

View Quote Oh, I wish Joy was here!

View Quote That's it! Until she gets back, we should do what Joy would do!

View Quote Aah! Look out!

View Quote Pretend he's your lil' sista, your lil' sista with a picta, balla dolla dickta!

View Quote Spread your shit!

View Quote Were you violating that girl?! Did you just violate her with your penis?!

View Quote Greetings! From my world! The world of the pigs. [Chuck: What's a pig?] I am a pig!

View Quote [to the birds] We're gonna come in again.

View Quote That guy again! [grunts] Citizens of Pig Island, you spot any birds destroying your neighborhood, please, capture them! There has been a change of plans: We will eat. The eggs. For LUNCH.

View Quote [as they enter Eagle Island base]
Leonard: Oh, my goodness gravy.

View Quote [the team are hiding inside an eagle costume trying to get into the Eagle Island base.]
Leonard: [high voice] Hello, fellow eagle guards.
Carl: Hm?
Jerry: Hm?
Courtney: Oh, no. He’s doing a voice.

View Quote Silver: It didn't work?
Red: I don't get it.
Zeta: [laughs] Of course it didn't work. Laughs even more You all must really love your islands to risk your lives trying to save them. Well guess what - I don't care, because this right here is ICE COLD, BABY!!
Red: NO!
Mighty Eagle: ZETA!!!
Zeta: What?
Mighty Eagle: WAAAAITTT!!!
Zeta: What, what?
Silver: Mighty Eagle!
Mighty Eagle: Yeah! [Every eagle gasps, except Zeta] I'm the cause of all this. I ran out on you on our wedding day, and ever since then, you've been tormented inside!
Zeta: Right now, this is when you choose to do this?
Mighty Eagle: So take me, not these islands.
Zeta: You have got some FLIPPING NERVE!!
Mighty Eagle: I know. I ripped your heartstrings right out!
Red: That's it! Super String!
Silver: What?
Mighty Eagle: Has a burning hole in your sanity!
Zeta: Set yourself free.
Silver: Okay, I'm seeing it! Yeah.
Mighty Eagle: Go ahead! Do your worst to me! I deserve it!
Silver: Chuck!
Zeta: [furiously kicks Mighty Eagle in the face] You think this is about you, Ethan?!
Leonard: Ethan? Oh!
Zeta: That is so hilarious/embarassing/I hadn't thought about your fat butt in 20 years!
Mighty "Ethan" Eagle: Wait, what?
Zeta: You are a lazy, uncoordinated, fish-eyed fool! You ain't worth the salt in your bread. You are nothing! You are nothing to me! I don't think about you AT ALL!! I don't think about your stinky feet! I don't care about your rusty hands! I don't think about your rusty elbows..
Mighty Eagle: [interrupts Zeta] Wait! So you have or you haven't thought about me?
Zeta: News Flash, bro! I am over you, I am over this place, and I'm ready to get that upgrade situation going for me, and my daughter!
Debbie: Hey. [everyone, except for Debbie, gasps]
Zeta: Well... our daughter. [Debbie gasps]
Mighty Eagle: What?
[Everyone else gasps]
Glenn: Dios mio!
Seal: WHAT?!
Debbie: That's my dad!?
Mighty Eagle: I have a daughter?
Zeta: Yes, you do! And I raised her all by myself in this icy wasteland! But now, I'm gonna be sipping Pina Coladas on those warm tropical islands, LIKE I DESERVE TO!!

View Quote Dave: Oh, whoa, wait, what... Why is Rod kissing his sister, man?
Rico: Uh, Denise isn't his sister.
Dave: She's not?
Kevin Powell: No.
Dave: Aw, man. That just shatters my entire universe.

View Quote Dave: [Quietly] Pools are perfect for holding water man.
Rico: [Filling the pool with the water hose] Man, I don't really know about having a girl on the team, man.
Dave: Alright Rico listen. Um, there's an ancient Italian maxim uh, that roughly translates to, uh "He who is resistant to change is destined to perish". So, why don't you try to open up that mind of yours? You know? It's like, look at Kevin, I mean, he... [Rico sprays him in the face with the hose] Real mature, man.
Rico: Yeah, don't you EVER tell me how to live my life again.

View Quote Cathy: [microphone squeals] 'Voltron?'
Dave: That's me.
Cathy: Oh, hi Dave.
Dave: How you doin Cathy?
Cathy: Why'd you call yourself 'Voltron?'
Dave: I dunno, maybe cos it's SUPER badass
Cathy: ...You're weird.
Dave: Hells yeah I am!
Dave: Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride. [Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream] Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going? Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye? Dave: This? Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax. Dave: Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face. Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave. Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's. Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it. Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything. Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.

View Quote [in the Nonperishables' cave, Frank is still coughing after taking a big hit of Sativa]
Firewater: It's good shit, isn't it?
Frank: [coughs] Okay, okay, I'm super baked, and my friends are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already?
Firewater: [Takes a hit of Sativa from the Kazoo] Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... [blows] We invented it!
Frank: What?!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.
Frank: What are you, crazy? That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods wanna kill us? It makes no sense.
Firewater: Uh, because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives 'em power and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy! I mean, ****.
Frank: OK, you guys are **** nuts. How much of that shit have you been smoking? Too **** much is how much.
Firewater: We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shiting themselves.
Frank: Wait, wait. So, you're telling me you wrote the song?
Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super, super, super baked, like ****-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... ****y. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. **** with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like: "What the **** are you guys saying? I mean, wasn't there a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always have! Juice are hilarious! Who the **** do these guys think they are?!" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
Frank: So that means Carl & Barry are dead?
Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are, but if they went out those doors?
Grits: [smoking Sativa from the pipe] Dead [coughs] as a mother****er. [coughs twice]
Frank: Oh, God. If what you're saying is true, I-I gotta tell everybody.
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Huh yeah, that's a good point. **** me, right?
Frank: Wait! You guys have any proof of this?
[Firewater and Grits turn to Twink who walks up to Frank]
Twink: Go to the dark aisle, beyond the ice.
Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?
Twink: Oh, you'll see. But I warn you: Once you see that shit, it'll **** you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! [Kisses Frank on the lips and runs off laughing]
[Frank then leaves]
Firewater: Hey, Grits, pack another bowl, will ya? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

View Quote [Frank enters Firewater's cave and finds Firewater himself chanting "Hi ya. How are ya?" at a fire. Firewater stops when he sees Frank.]
Firewater: Hi ya. How are ya?
Frank: Hi ya. How are ya? Uh, I'm Frank. Are you... Firewater?
Firewater: Mmm-hmm.
Frank: What are you doing in this cave?
Firewater: I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle, majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn **** crackers!
Frank: Oh, yeah. The crackers. They do have a nice aisle. Uh, okay, anyway, look, I was told that you might have some answers.
Firewater: Answers I have, but first... [throws salt into the fire, conjuring an image of a question mark] I must know the question.
Frank: Okay, well, before I saw him jump to his death, Honey Mustard said that the Great Beyond is bullshit and the gods are monsters, and I always kinda thought that it didn't quite add up. So, I, I, I guess my question is what, what really happens in the Great Beyond?
Firewater: [after smoking a hit in a kazoo] To find that which you seek, all you must do is look deep... into my Bag of Wonderment. [pulls out a large sack]
Frank: Whoa.... [looks into the bag] I don't see anything.
Firewater: Deeper, deeper, deeper... [Frank leans closer into the bag] Put your whole head in the bag there. There you go.
Frank: Just say when, I'm just gonna keep going in.
[Suddenly the bag is closed around Frank, and everything turns pitch black except for his eyes]
Firewater: Guys, get out here! Help me kill this prick!
Mr. Grits: Damn! This mother****er knows too much! We get off his ass!
Firewater: Someone hand me a blade! I'll gut this ****!
Twink: No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods!
Firewater: Oh, he's right. Take off the Bag of Wonderment. [Frank is released from the bag]
Frank: Who are you?
Mr. Grits: We the "None" perishables, mother****er.
Twink: We never expire.
Firewater: We are.... immortal. This here's Twink. And Grits.
Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.
Firewater: Yeah, Mr. Grits. Yeah, whatever.
Mr. Grits: You told him about the crackers?
Firewater: Yeah, I told him about the crackers. [to Frank] You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here. [shudders]
Mr. Grits: **** the crackers. I'm gonna **** them crackers right in the crack of they cracker asses. Crack-ass crackers...
Frank: Well, why were you gonna kill me? All I did was ask what happens in the Great Beyond! Geez! What's the big whoop?
[the Nonperishables huddle up]
Mr. Grits: We can't tell this sausage ass mother****er the truth. We just met his ass.
Twink: He basically knows it already. Maybe it's... it's time to end this.
Firewater: I am tired of all the lies. Prepare yourself, for you're about to learn... the terrible truth. Anybody wanna hit before we get into this? Twink?
Twink: Nah, I'm cool.
Mr. Grits: Shit, if we smokin', I'll hit it.
Firewater: Yeah, that's what I thought.
Mr. Grits: Pass the weed, mother****er. [takes a hit of Sativa] Goddamn. [coughs twice] Whoo, whoo! This indica?
Firewater: Nah, man. Sativa! It's good shit. Clean high.
Frank: [Mr. Grits hands him the kazoo] Oh, no thanks.
Firewater: Trust me. What you're about to hear, you'll want some. [Frank gulps and takes a big hit of Sativa and coughs nonstop]

View Quote Frank: We did it.
Brenda: We did. So... So, what do we do now?
Frank: Whatever we want. [Chuckles] What do you want?
Brenda: Let's just say, what I want involves much more than: [In a singing voice.] just the tips, just the tips, what I want is much more than just the tips... [Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen plays]
Brenda: Oh! Oh, Frank!
[Teresa, Sammy, and Vash watch as Frank and Brenda get it on. Teresa is getting turned on as Sammy struggles on how to view the scene unfolding on front of him]
Sammy: You know, I'm very conflicted about how I'm supposed to feel watching this.
Vash: Then don't just watch. [Pulls Sammy in for a kiss but Sammy pushes away confused]
Sammy: Wait a second. What are you doing?
Vash: I was just told... that I am getting zero bottles of extra-virgin olive oil for eternity!
Brenda: Oh, Frank!
Vash: So, maybe, you know... [It's Your Thing by the The Isley Brothers plays in the background]
Sammy: Kiss me hard on the mouth, why don't you?
Vash: You wanna kiss me, mother****er? Let me tell you a little secret. I'm going to **** the **** out of you.
[Both kiss]
Brenda: Kiss it, Frank. Kiss me there! [Both orgasm as Frank finally slides up inside Brenda] Oh, yeah, Frank, that's it. Oh, yeah, it's dinnertime.
Frank: Yo. I'm actually over here jerking off with these fellas.
[Brenda turns to see Frank, Vash, and Sammy masturbating in a jerk circle. Brenda then gasps as she sees Teresa spreading open her legs]
Teresa: Once you go taco, you never go "back-o!" [Teresa proceeds to eat out Brenda]
[Brenda screams in pleasure as Frank, Vash, and Sammy furiously masturbate to the both of them going at it. Meanwhile, the Non-Perishables and a group of other food items are witnessing the scene from afar]
Mr. Grits: Jesus **** Christ!
Firewater: Hey, fellas. You thinking what I'm thinking?
Twinks: Pretty **** sure I am. [Grabs Grits' arm and swings him around until Grits is now between Firewater and himself]
Mr Grits: Oh, shit. Now it's on.
[All of the food in the store begin to engage in a full-on orgy.]
Meat Loaf: [Two liquor bottle flash him.] Yeah! [The bottles proceed to jump on him]
Squash: Oh!
Barry: Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I get by?
[Notices Sally Bun (she is smushed) in the distance, knowing that he found his mate.]
Barry: Oh, wow. [Walks over to her.] Yeah, I just came over here. I couldn't help but notice... you're a little smushed or something. You have a kind of abnormality. Did you get...? Somebody sit on you?
Sally: Yeah. I got smushed.
Barry: You know, I love the way your face just kind of gives up halfway down.
[Sally then excitedly pulls Barry into a kiss, then onto the floor.]
Mr. Grits: Yeah, cracker! [Grabs a box of crackers and violently humps it as his revenge against the crackers.] Take that Grit dick, bitch! You like Grits in your ass, cracker?
Gum: [As three female gum strips each give him a lap dance.] Say my name! It's Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol...
Frank: [As Brenda chokes him.] I can't breathe! Stop it!
Sammy: What's the safety word? Molasses. Molasses.
Brenda: [As Frank is pulling a chain from her butt.] Oh, yeah. **** you!
[Teresa ties Frank to the front of her (like a strap-on) and then pushes Frank through the back of Sammy's mouth, then through half of Brenda's body, until ending at Vash's groin; as they all begin thrust while in a daisy chain formation.]
Vash: Yeah. That is all right.
Sammy: [Grabs Vash's testicles and rubs them in his own face] Want me to be the Hamburglar? Robble robble! Robble robble!
Barry: I'm filling you! I'm filling you! I'm blowing my **** load. Good God.
Sammy: Oh.
Frank: [Exclaims]
Brenda: Oh!
Teresa: Oh, ****!
[Sammy then punches Vash in the gut and then suddenly, a quick montage of the orgy is shown and the food reach their final orgasms all together.]
Frank, Brenda, Teresa, Lavash and Sammy: Oooooh!
Lavash: My dick is drained.

View Quote Andy Warhol: [referring to J] Who's that guy? Okay, don't tell me he's your new partner.
Young Agent K: Actually, he's my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet...
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

View Quote Andy Warhol: So what are you doin' on my turf, K?
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Boglodite. We have reason to believe he's gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He's gotta be after the Archanan.
Young Agent K: Archanans are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they're not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuit's all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name's Griffin. Griffin The Archanan.

View Quote Young Agent K: Well, how are we gonna find this guy?
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he's here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He's a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time-space probabilities simultaneously.
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Whoa! Whoa! K! K! K! You gotta fake my death, okay? I can't listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can't tell the women from the men!

View Quote [Obliterating all of the hipster henchmen faster than before, Scott rushes towards Gideon. They lunge at each other, Ninja-Gaiden-style with swords drawn, and Scott slashes Gideon across the shoulder, who tumbles to the ground upon impact, making him drop his gum from out of his mouth]
Scott: [landing] How's it going back there?
Gideon: You... dick! [slumps, earning Scott 7,000 points]
Scott: [calling] Knives? I know you're in here. Don't attack Ramona.
Knives: SCOTT!!! [They turn just as Knives flying-kicks Ramona in the head, knocking her to the ground, and unknowingly breaks the chip on the back of her head] Steal my boyfriend, [twirls sai] taste my steel! [lunges to attack Ramona, but Scott blocks her]
Scott: Enough!
Knives: No, Scott! [kicks Scott in the neck] This fat-ass hurt me, and I will have my revenge!
Scott: No, Knives, I hurt you. I cheated on you. [Scott turns to each of the girls. Ramona gets up.] I cheated on both of you. I'm really sorry. [turns to Ramona] And you're not a fat-ass. She didn't mean that. So, are we all good?
[The chip on the back of Ramona's neck shorts out, and powers off]
Ramona: [relieved] Never felt better.
Gideon: Yoo-hoo! [they all turn to Gideon, who is standing directly behind them] Are we done with the hugging and the learning? [puts a new piece of gum in his mouth] I thought we had a fight going on here!
Scott: Oh, you've got a fight, all right. [prepares himself, and a VS. sign appears between him and Gideon]
Gideon: Wrong move, baby. [Gideon summons an 8-bit pixelated katana, and they begin to fight. Scott blocks Gideon's swings, and Scott falls to the floor. Gideon almost kills Scott with his pixelated katana, but Knives blocks and forces Gideon back, causing him to swallow his gum. "2 Player Mode" appears.] You made me swallow my gum. [adjusts his glasses.] It's gonna be in my digestive tract for 7 years! [Scott and Knives fight Gideon, but Gideon kicks Knives off, and Gideon and Scott continue to fight; Scott slashes Gideon's cheek, earning 3,500 points, but Gideon breaks Scott's sword] [to Ramona] Yeah. Still my girl. [Ramona puts her arms around him, and Scott looks up nearly heartbroken.]
Ramona: Let's both be girls. [knees Gideon in the groin causing him to scream in pain. Knives steals the pixelated katana, and Gideon angrily slaps Ramona]
Announcer: Bad! [Ramona falls to the floor] Bad! [Gideon kicks Ramona down the stairs.] Bad!
[Scott and Knives watch in horror as Ramona falls down the stairs. Gideon turns around to see Scott and Knives staring at him angrily]
Gideon: [cockily] What?
Announcer: Get ready! [Gideon's cocky smile disappears] Here we go! [Scott and Knives charge toward Gideon and beat him up.] Good! Good! Good! Combo! [Scott grabs Gideon by the tie, flips him upside-down, and Knives kicks him.] Perfect! [Gideon is flipped around and is gravely wounded, as he flashes and glitches angrily.]
Gideon: [voice distorted] Who do you think you are, Pilgrim? You think you're better than me? I'll tell you what you are. A pain in my ASS!! Do you know how long it took to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid League? Like, two hours! TWO HOURS! [coughs and hacks out coin] You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero. You're nothing! Me, I'M what's hip! I'M what's happening! I'M blowing up right now!
Scott: You are blowing up. RIGHT NOW! [drop-kicks Gideon in the head]
Narrator Voice: K.O.!
[Gideon turns into a shower of coins, earning Scott 7,000,000,000 points. Coins rain down in slow-mo]
Knives: [voice slowed down] Wow!
Scott: [voice slowed down] Yeah. Wow.
[Normal speed; Sex Bob-omb jump back as the mass of coins land on the stage]
Kim: [deadpan] There goes our deal.
Stephen: We're still getting paid, right?
Kim: There goes our deal.
Neil: Oh.
Stephen: [panicked] Oh, God!
[Stephen scrambles to pick up the coins. Neil picks up a coin, and Kim mimes shooting herself in the head and collapses on her drum kit as Neil puts the coin in his mouth]
Ramona: [gets up and sees Scott and Knives walking down the stairs] You two make a good combo.
Scott: [happily] Yeah?
Ramona: Yeah.
Gideon's Voice: [whispering] Scott Pilgrim. [chuckles] You can defeat me, Scott. But can you defeat yourself?
[Nega Scott, an evil version of Scott Pilgrim, appears]
Knives: Uh-oh. Nega Scott.
Announcer: Nega Scott. [Knives and Ramona prepare to fight]
Scott: [stops Knives and Ramona] No. This is something I have to face. [walks toward Nega Scott] Myself. [tosses Gideon's glasses]
Announcer: Solo round!
[scene cuts outside the Chaos Theater]
Scott: [talking to Nega Scott] They have this incredible French toast with, like, bananas on it, and you get bacon on the side.
Nega Scott: Oh, I'm likin' that.
Scott: Well, let's do it next week.
Nega Scott: Yeah, Tuesday.
Scott: Yeah, all right. Be good.
Nega Scott: Yeah, yeah.
Scott: Hey.
[Nega Scott whistles as he walks away]
Knifes: What happened?
Scott: Oh, nothing, we just shot the shit. He's, he's just a really nice guy. We're gonna get brunch next week. We, uh, we actually have a lot in common.
Knifes: Your hair, it's getting really shaggy.
Scott: [his hat appears in a comedic manner] It is?
Knifes: Yeah. [removes Scott's hat] You should probably get it cut.
Scott: [smiles] Yeah, you're right. I should get it cut.
Knifes: At a salon.
Scott: Salon, yeah. That sounds really nice. [to Ramona] Hey. You're-- You're goin'?
Ramona: I should probably disappear.
Scott: After all that?
Ramona: I still need a new life. I came here to escape, but the past keeps catching up. I'm tired of people getting hurt because of me.
Scott: I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get over it.
Ramona: I don't mean just you.
Scott: [saddened] I understand.
Ramona: I should thank you, though.
Scott: For what?
Ramona: For being the nicest guy I ever dated.
Scott: That's kind of sad.
Ramona: It is kind of sad.
Scott: Well, bye, and stuff.
Ramona: Yeah. And stuff.

View Quote Scott: [after being fatally stabbed in the heart and killed by Gideon; moaning] Oh, man.
Ramona: Sorry. Dying's got to suck.
Scott: You know what sucks? Getting killed by that guy. Why him?
Ramona: It's complicated.
Scott: Well, I'm not going anywhere, so... now might be a good time to get into it.
Ramona: Truth is...it was me who was obsessed. I was crazy about him. But he ignored me. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own. That's why I had to leave. And that's when he started paying attention.
Scott: So, why go back?
Ramona: I can't help myself around him, Scott; He just...has this way of getting into my head.
Scott: Well, that's legitimately disappointing. I really will leave you alone forever now.
Ramona: No, he literally has a way of getting into my head. [shows chip on the back of her neck]
Scott: [shocked] That is evil.
Ramona: I didn't mean for you to get dragged into this, Scott. I just wanted something simple. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
Scott: Well, I really fought for you.
Ramona: Maybe I'm not the one you should have been fighting for. [turns to dust]
Scott: What? But-- But-- I feel like I learned something. [saddened] Which would be great if I wasn't dead. [collapses to his knees] So-- So alone.
Ramona: You're not alone.
Scott: [notices a video game 1-UP; determined] Right! [uses 1-UP to revive and re-enters the Chaos Theatre from the beginning.] [to one of Gideon's goons] Your hair looks stupid. [Goon gasps in shock and turns into coins, earning Scott Pilgrim 700 points. Two goons block the elevator]
Right Goon: Second password? [Scott defeats both of them, earning 700 points each, and goes down the elevator.]
Comeau: [chatting to partygoers.] I mean, I saw it. It's just the comic book is better than the movie. [notices Scott] Hello. [Scott barges past him, earning 350 points per person, to the stage where Sex Bob-Omb, as before, notice Scott and stop playing]
Stephen: Scott! Let it go.
Scott: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You guys sound way better without me. Young Neil, you have learned well. From this point forward, you will be known as... Neil.
Neil: [pleasurably] Ohh.
Scott: And Kim... [Kim raises an eyebrow] I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about me. [surprised, Kim smiles at him for the first time]
Gideon: [from the other side of the club] Scott Pilgrim! Hey, buddy!
Scott: Save it! You're pretentious. This club sucks. I've got beef. Let's do it. [charges toward Gideon]
Gideon: Wait, wait, w-w-wait! [Scott stops running] You wanna fight me... for her?
Scott: No. I want to fight you for me. [falters back]
Narrator Voice: Scott earned the Power of Self-Respect.
[Scott pulls out the samurai sword from his chest, leveling up even higher.]
Gideon: [confused] Umm--
Scott: KIM!
Kim: [extremely enthusiastically] WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN!!!! ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!!!! [Sex Bob-Omb starts playing a faster upbeat rock song]

View Quote [Scott enters the Chaos Theatre.]
Stephen: [notices Scott] Scott! Let it go. Don't give him the satisfaction.
Scott: What if I want the satisfaction?
Gideon: Scott Pilgrim! He-hey! Buddy, welcome to the Chaos Theatre. Somebody get this man a drink. A Coke Zero, right?
Scott: [knocks drink away] I'm not here to drink.
Gideon: Whoa. I've got no beef with you.
Scott: [angrily] Well, what if I have a beef...with you?
Gideon: Are you still mad about the whole thing with The Guild?
Scott: You mean The League?
Gideon: The Guild, League, whatever. It's ancient history.
Scott: I'll show you how ancient of history it is! [charges at Gideon]
Gideon: Wait, wait, w-w-wait! [Scott stops running] There's no use crying over spilt Coke, buddy. The lady made her choice, and we're all just gonna have to...move on.
Scott: Well, I ain't movin', buddy.
Gideon: You wanna fight me... for her?
Scott: [arch] Was that not clear? [to the members of Sex Bob-Omb] Was that not clear?
Sex Bob-Omb: [they shrug] I don't know.
Gideons: Now, why on Earth... would you want to do... that?
Scott: Because I'm in love with her. [gasps and falters back]
Narrator Voice: Scott earned the Power of Love.
[Scott sees a flaming samurai sword emerge from his chest; he grabs hold of the sword and pulls it out, leveling up.]
Gideon: Aw, I think this deserves a song. Kimberley!!
Kim: [unenthusiastically, subtly giving Gideon the finger] We are Sex Bob-Omb. We are here to make money and sell out and stuff. One-two-three-four!

View Quote We're Americans. We don't plan, we do!

View Quote [after defeating Kahmunrah]
Custer: The Battle of the Smithsonian. The greatest battle the world will never know.
Larry: We'll know.