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Agent J: [after knocking out the four-armed alien] Still keep the key under the ashtray.
Young Agent K: Lucky guess. Now, where were we?
Bowling Ball Head: I was just about to tell you to screw off.
Young Agent K: [to Agent J] Hey, slick, you bowl in the future?
Agent J: Absolutely, MIB league champ, three years running.
Young Agent K: Well, let's see it. [walks up to the alien and pulls his head off; Agent J is slightly horrified by this as Young Agent K hands the head to him]
Bowling Ball Head: Uh! You can not just walk into my establishment and rip my head off!
Agent J: My man, look. We don't have a lot of time for this. You really need to tell him something.
Bowling Ball Head: I'll tell him this! [gestures rudely and glares at Young Agent K]
Agent J: Alright, your head. [Bowling Ball Head's face fills with fear as Agent J carries him to a lane; Young Agent K inhales with exasperation]
Bowling Ball Head: Wait... Hey, if you do this, I am gonna hunt you down, and I will make sure that you walk funny for the– [J rolls him down the aisle, knocking over 8 pins, leaving pins 7 and 10 still standing] rest of your miserable last days on Earth! Unh!
Young Agent K: Tough spare, slick. [Agent J groans; the Bowling Ball Head rolls into the ball return]
Bowling Ball Head: You messed with the wrong head!
Agent J: His head is a little... [walks up to the ball return and humorously peers inside]
Young Agent K: You gonna tell us where Dom is?
Bowling Ball Head: [angrily speaking unintelligibly] I'll kill you both. I swear I'll kill both of youse!
Agent J: [as he prepares to roll the alien's head down the aisle again, he accidentally drops it, and it hits the floor] Ooh!
Bowling Ball Head: Ow! Jesus! [Young Agent K grabs a bag for cleaning bowling balls]
Young Agent K: Looks like your hook's a little off. You want me to clean her?
Agent J: [figuring it might make him talk] Oh, yeah, sure thing. [throws the head to Young Agent K, who immediately starts rubbing him with the bag]
Bowling Ball Head: Oh, no, no, no! Aw, come on! I just cleaned the bathroom with this thing! Please, no cleaning! No cleaning! Stop cleaning! Okay! Okay, alright! [Young Agent K stops and removes the head from the bag] Alright, he's in the back. But he's not gonna talk to any Men in Black s**** like you! [while talking, the headless body points at Young Agent K] Now give me back my head! [Young Agent K ignores his demand and throws the head back to Agent J]
Agent J: K, I call this one...
Bowling Ball Head: [as Agent J puts his fingers in his nose] Oh!
Agent J: ...low-hanging-fruit.
Bowling Ball Head: That ain't a finger hole, you sick bastard! [Agent J turns and approaches the aisle and rolls the head between his legs; it bounces slightly towards the pins] Ow! How about I pop your head off and see how you like it?! [Agent J humorously makes it look like he's directing the ball; the Bowling Ball Head rolls right into Pin 7, knocking it into Pin 10] Ow! [the Bowling Ball Head, upside down, seethes with anger at the agents]
Agent J: [satisfied] Ooh! Mmm! [gestures to Young Agent K to go to the back room]
Bowling Ball Head: I'm gonna kill both of you! I'm gonna kill the both of youse! I'll kill you both!
Young Agent K: Lucky guess. Now, where were we?
Bowling Ball Head: I was just about to tell you to screw off.
Young Agent K: [to Agent J] Hey, slick, you bowl in the future?
Agent J: Absolutely, MIB league champ, three years running.
Young Agent K: Well, let's see it. [walks up to the alien and pulls his head off; Agent J is slightly horrified by this as Young Agent K hands the head to him]
Bowling Ball Head: Uh! You can not just walk into my establishment and rip my head off!
Agent J: My man, look. We don't have a lot of time for this. You really need to tell him something.
Bowling Ball Head: I'll tell him this! [gestures rudely and glares at Young Agent K]
Agent J: Alright, your head. [Bowling Ball Head's face fills with fear as Agent J carries him to a lane; Young Agent K inhales with exasperation]
Bowling Ball Head: Wait... Hey, if you do this, I am gonna hunt you down, and I will make sure that you walk funny for the– [J rolls him down the aisle, knocking over 8 pins, leaving pins 7 and 10 still standing] rest of your miserable last days on Earth! Unh!
Young Agent K: Tough spare, slick. [Agent J groans; the Bowling Ball Head rolls into the ball return]
Bowling Ball Head: You messed with the wrong head!
Agent J: His head is a little... [walks up to the ball return and humorously peers inside]
Young Agent K: You gonna tell us where Dom is?
Bowling Ball Head: [angrily speaking unintelligibly] I'll kill you both. I swear I'll kill both of youse!
Agent J: [as he prepares to roll the alien's head down the aisle again, he accidentally drops it, and it hits the floor] Ooh!
Bowling Ball Head: Ow! Jesus! [Young Agent K grabs a bag for cleaning bowling balls]
Young Agent K: Looks like your hook's a little off. You want me to clean her?
Agent J: [figuring it might make him talk] Oh, yeah, sure thing. [throws the head to Young Agent K, who immediately starts rubbing him with the bag]
Bowling Ball Head: Oh, no, no, no! Aw, come on! I just cleaned the bathroom with this thing! Please, no cleaning! No cleaning! Stop cleaning! Okay! Okay, alright! [Young Agent K stops and removes the head from the bag] Alright, he's in the back. But he's not gonna talk to any Men in Black s**** like you! [while talking, the headless body points at Young Agent K] Now give me back my head! [Young Agent K ignores his demand and throws the head back to Agent J]
Agent J: K, I call this one...
Bowling Ball Head: [as Agent J puts his fingers in his nose] Oh!
Agent J: ...low-hanging-fruit.
Bowling Ball Head: That ain't a finger hole, you sick bastard! [Agent J turns and approaches the aisle and rolls the head between his legs; it bounces slightly towards the pins] Ow! How about I pop your head off and see how you like it?! [Agent J humorously makes it look like he's directing the ball; the Bowling Ball Head rolls right into Pin 7, knocking it into Pin 10] Ow! [the Bowling Ball Head, upside down, seethes with anger at the agents]
Agent J: [satisfied] Ooh! Mmm! [gestures to Young Agent K to go to the back room]
Bowling Ball Head: I'm gonna kill both of you! I'm gonna kill the both of youse! I'll kill you both!
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Agent J: [having just arrived in 1969] My man, what's today?
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: Tuesday.
Agent J: The date?
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: The 15th.
Agent J: Of?
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: July.
Agent J: Dog, the year!
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: 1969.
Agent J: Thank you! Looking at me like I'm crazy.
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: Tuesday.
Agent J: The date?
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: The 15th.
Agent J: Of?
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: July.
Agent J: Dog, the year!
Man in Chrysler Building elevator: 1969.
Agent J: Thank you! Looking at me like I'm crazy.
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Agent J: K! [O notices Agent J trying to call for his partner] Alright. You got me. I give it to you, it's funny, very elaborate. [to everyone looking at him] Oh, and all of you. Fantastic performances. Can't believe you waited 14 years to develop a sense of humor, but, this is a good one. But, K, I need you to come out here now, 'cause I'm really starting to get a little bit pissed off!
O: Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice down, and telling me who it is you're looking for?
Agent J: I'm looking for K!
O: Who is K?
Agent J: [grunts] You, too? You, too?
O: I mean, who is he to you?
Agent J: My partner! Older gentlemen! 110, maybe 111 years old. Sort of a surly-Elvis thing happening with him. He smiles, like this: [J makes a poker face] Seen him around?!
O: [appearing a bit saddened] I'll take you to K.
Agent J: Thank you!
O: Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice down, and telling me who it is you're looking for?
Agent J: I'm looking for K!
O: Who is K?
Agent J: [grunts] You, too? You, too?
O: I mean, who is he to you?
Agent J: My partner! Older gentlemen! 110, maybe 111 years old. Sort of a surly-Elvis thing happening with him. He smiles, like this: [J makes a poker face] Seen him around?!
O: [appearing a bit saddened] I'll take you to K.
Agent J: Thank you!
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Agent J: So this is how you see things? This is amazing.
Griffin: It's a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has its moments.
Griffin: It's a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has its moments.
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Agent J: That's not an eye exam, K. That's a big-ass Neuralyzer!
Young Agent K: You sure have a lot of information for a fella who doesn't know anything.
Young Agent K: You sure have a lot of information for a fella who doesn't know anything.
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Agent J: World class serial killer out there and we're having pie
Young Agent K: What you do with your spare time, stretch?
Agent J: Arrrgh....
Young Agent K: You see, I sense you not embracing the concept here. Pie don't work unless you let it.
Agent J: I'ma... I'ma let it.
Young Agent K: Well you said we don't talk, right? Go ahead, ask me any question, anything you want, as long as it doesn't have to do with the case. Just let her rip.
Agent J: What's up with you and O?
Young Agent K: Me and O?
Agent J: Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K: Alright, alright. Alright, this is it: a while back, I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger, he was in this British band, Rolling Stones...
Agent J: Rings a bell...
Young Agent K: We believed he was on the planet to breed with Earth women, so I was in London and that's when I met O. Smart, funny, great smile, and we find ourselves in this pub, Whistlers Bar, warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts 'til the sun came up, neither of us wanted to leave...
Agent J: What the hell happened to you, man?
Young Agent K: I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. What about you, Slick? In the future, you got yourself a girl?
Agent J: I got you!
Young Agent K: What you do with your spare time, stretch?
Agent J: Arrrgh....
Young Agent K: You see, I sense you not embracing the concept here. Pie don't work unless you let it.
Agent J: I'ma... I'ma let it.
Young Agent K: Well you said we don't talk, right? Go ahead, ask me any question, anything you want, as long as it doesn't have to do with the case. Just let her rip.
Agent J: What's up with you and O?
Young Agent K: Me and O?
Agent J: Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K: Alright, alright. Alright, this is it: a while back, I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger, he was in this British band, Rolling Stones...
Agent J: Rings a bell...
Young Agent K: We believed he was on the planet to breed with Earth women, so I was in London and that's when I met O. Smart, funny, great smile, and we find ourselves in this pub, Whistlers Bar, warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts 'til the sun came up, neither of us wanted to leave...
Agent J: What the hell happened to you, man?
Young Agent K: I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. What about you, Slick? In the future, you got yourself a girl?
Agent J: I got you!
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Agent J: You helped Boris the Animal time jump. [****s his weapon]
Jeffrey Price: Whoa, whoa! Ok, I had to! That dude's a freak!
Agent J: He killed my partner! I want to know when and where you sent him.
Jeffrey Price: What, you think I keep, like, a log book?
[He glances down at his log book and winces. Jay flips it open.]
Agent J: [reading] "Target vector: July 16, 1969."
Jeffrey Price: All right, all right. That's a real bummer about your buddy. I'm sure that he was, like, a really great guy, but in terms of the whole space-time continuum, your friend was like a little blip on the historical radar!
[J spins him around to a wall of televisions, seeing a news report on the Boglodites invading Earth.]
Jeffrey Price: Oh... that's a big blip.
Jeffrey Price: Whoa, whoa! Ok, I had to! That dude's a freak!
Agent J: He killed my partner! I want to know when and where you sent him.
Jeffrey Price: What, you think I keep, like, a log book?
[He glances down at his log book and winces. Jay flips it open.]
Agent J: [reading] "Target vector: July 16, 1969."
Jeffrey Price: All right, all right. That's a real bummer about your buddy. I'm sure that he was, like, a really great guy, but in terms of the whole space-time continuum, your friend was like a little blip on the historical radar!
[J spins him around to a wall of televisions, seeing a news report on the Boglodites invading Earth.]
Jeffrey Price: Oh... that's a big blip.
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Agent J: You need to turn the electricity down on that damn thing. Can't taste my fricking tongue, K!
Young Agent K: How do you know my name?
Young Agent K: How do you know my name?
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Agent K: I promise you the secrets of the universe, nothing more.
Agent J: [on phone] So what, there's some secrets out there that the universe don't know about?
Agent J: [on phone] So what, there's some secrets out there that the universe don't know about?
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Agent K: There are things out there you do not need to know.
Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me.
Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me.
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Agent W: GOD DAMN IT K! What, are you trying to blow my cover?!
Agent K: Agent W, your cover is safe.
Agent J: Woah, Andy Warhol's one of us?!
Agent W: Safe? Are you out of your mind? I'm so out of ideas, I'm painting...soup cans and bananas for Christ sakes.
Agent J: Uh, actually, Mr Warhol, I'm a huge fan of your work.
Agent W: Oh thank you. Who's the dumbass?
Agent J: Woah, how about a little professional courtesy.
Agent W: What's that dumbass?
Agent J: Say it again.
Agent W: You want me too?
Agent J: I dare you.
Agent W: Dumbass.
Agent K: Agent W, your cover is safe.
Agent J: Woah, Andy Warhol's one of us?!
Agent W: Safe? Are you out of your mind? I'm so out of ideas, I'm painting...soup cans and bananas for Christ sakes.
Agent J: Uh, actually, Mr Warhol, I'm a huge fan of your work.
Agent W: Oh thank you. Who's the dumbass?
Agent J: Woah, how about a little professional courtesy.
Agent W: What's that dumbass?
Agent J: Say it again.
Agent W: You want me too?
Agent J: I dare you.
Agent W: Dumbass.
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Andy Warhol: [referring to J] Who's that guy? Okay, don't tell me he's your new partner.
Young Agent K: Actually, he's my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet...
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
Young Agent K: Actually, he's my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet...
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
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Andy Warhol: So what are you doin' on my turf, K?
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Boglodite. We have reason to believe he's gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He's gotta be after the Archanan.
Young Agent K: Archanans are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they're not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuit's all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name's Griffin. Griffin The Archanan.
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Boglodite. We have reason to believe he's gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He's gotta be after the Archanan.
Young Agent K: Archanans are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they're not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuit's all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name's Griffin. Griffin The Archanan.
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Boris the Animal: Hello, K.
Agent K: Boris the Animal.
Boris the Animal: It's just Boris!
Agent K: You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is... still shot off.
Boris the Animal: Yes... my arm. [caresses his pet] We've thought about that moment every day for the last forty years.
Agent K: Well, that's just not living a full life.
Boris the Animal: I can promise you it will be longer than yours.
Agent K: Lonelier, too, since you're the last Boglodite standing.
Boris the Animal: We'll see about that. But first, I wanted the pleasure of killing you...
Agent J: [arrives on the roof] Yo, K. [Boris starts shooting spikes at J and K, who use the door that J came through as a shield]
Agent K: Where the hell have you been?
Agent J: Fishing! [Boris continues to shoot spikes until J and K fall off of the roof]
Boris the Animal: You don't know it, K, but you're already dead.
Agent K: Boris the Animal.
Boris the Animal: It's just Boris!
Agent K: You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is... still shot off.
Boris the Animal: Yes... my arm. [caresses his pet] We've thought about that moment every day for the last forty years.
Agent K: Well, that's just not living a full life.
Boris the Animal: I can promise you it will be longer than yours.
Agent K: Lonelier, too, since you're the last Boglodite standing.
Boris the Animal: We'll see about that. But first, I wanted the pleasure of killing you...
Agent J: [arrives on the roof] Yo, K. [Boris starts shooting spikes at J and K, who use the door that J came through as a shield]
Agent K: Where the hell have you been?
Agent J: Fishing! [Boris continues to shoot spikes until J and K fall off of the roof]
Boris the Animal: You don't know it, K, but you're already dead.