Agent J quotes

View Quote First of all, my name is J. Okay? It's not son, it's not slick and it damn sure ain't no Cochise.

View Quote Okay! You know how you're on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you're like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane. Well, [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] this is what we get, that's what happens. It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, then blam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work.

View Quote May I have your attention please... [neuralyzes a crowd] Okay. You know how your kid won the goldfish in that little baggy from the school fair, but you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you told your kid it ran away but what you really did was flush it down the toilet? Well, this what happens. [points to an alien fish towed away] Okay, see what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kids!

View Quote [talking to K at Wu’s restaurant] Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel.

View Quote [looking at an ugly alien fish] Ooh, man, you look like you come from the planet... Damn.

View Quote No, I call ladies "O." To me O is feminine, K is masculine. Y'know, I see a couple, I'm like... OK.

View Quote [from trailer, talking to Marco, a graffiti alien and a graffiti artist] Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it.

View Quote [upon seeing K’s car destroyed by Boris’ motorcycle after Boris captured Griffin] Damn it!

View Quote [To Boris] 'You might wanna get a pedicure if you get a second.'