Rico quotes from Hot Rod (2007)

Rico

I don't even cry, and look at me, you're about to make tears come outta my face!

Rico

My balls itch more than a flea on a jack russel terrier!

Rico

Hahahahahahahaa... I'ma go drop some dumpage.

Rico

Yoohoo sh[*]theads, I just found a bag of fireworks in the men's restrooms; would you guys like to light them off?

Rico

I go to church every goddamn Sunday! You gonna bring the demons outta me?

Rod Kimble

We're gonna jump 15 buses.

Rico

Whoa, come on, Rod. That's nearly as many as Evel Knievel jumped.

Rod Kimble

It's actually one more than Evel Knievel jumped, Rico. I know. I checked. Online.

Rico

I had another weird dream last night; this time it was the one where I am fighting like a thousand wizards and the only way to kill them is to punch them as hard as I can in the face, and after I finally finished the last of them all, their wizard wives came out and just wanted me to have sex with them... which is kinda weird.

Rod Kimble

I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod and I like to party. Alright. Dave, you're up.

Dave

Uh, hi, uh, my name is Dave, and, uh, I like to party.

Rod Kimble

Uh, no Dave. I just said that I party so maybe you could do something different from me.

Dave

My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman.

Rod Kimble

You know what, let's move on. Rico, you're up.

Rico

Uh, hello. I'm Rico and I like to party.

Rod Kimble

Yeah, uh, Rico, what'd I just say to Dave?

Rico

Who?

Rod Kimble

Dave.

Kevin Powell

I like to party, and I'm Rod.

Rod Kimble

No, you're Kevin!

Kevin Powell

Right. Kevin. I party.

Rod Kimble

No. No you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.

Dave

Yes. And we party.

Rod Kimble

No!

Rico

Yeah, just Rod.

Rod Kimble

Yes!

Rico

And me.

Rod Kimble

No! I'm the only one who parties!

Kevin Powell

I'm pretty sure I've partied before.

Rod Kimble

No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay, you do NOT party!

Kevin Powell

You're right. Dave is the party guy.

Dave

Huh-huh, sweet.

Rod Kimble

Oh my god, shut up! Okay, I'm just gonna do it for you. Denise, this is the crew. Dave's the mechanic, Rico makes the ramps, and Kevin is team manager slash videographer. None of them party, right? Got it? Okay. Let's party.

Rico

Oh shit!

Denise

Rod! Are you okay?

Rod Kimble

Ooohhh...the safety word didn't help.

Rico

I hope you enjoy the show.

Frank Powell

I can assure you I won't.

Dave

Oh, whoa, wait, what... Why is Rod kissing his sister, man?

Rico

Uh, Denise isn't his sister.

Dave

She's not?

Kevin Powell

No.

Dave

Aw, man. That just shatters my entire universe.

Rod Kimble

No Way!

Kevin Powell

You're gonna look like a champion Rod.

Rod Kimble

You guys, this thing is NUMBER ONE!!

Kevin Powell

Wait Rod, there's more.

Dave

Ye-ye-yeah uh, we were uh, worried that the moped might not be uh, fast enough to clear the jump so uh, [pulls back curtain to reveal motorcycle]

Rod Kimble

No way. Whoa, Dave, this thing is NUMBER ONE!!

Dave

Now I know she doesn't look like much, but trust me man, shes got some kick, a lot.

Rod Kimble

Alright.

Rico

There's one more thing Rod. I know how you like explosions and showmanship and stuff, so I rigged the whole jump with fireworks.

Rod Kimble

Cool!

Rico

And I got you this rock [presents him with a small rock wrapped in a bow] to represent ALL my hard work.

Rod Kimble

Oh, cool Rico. [grabs rock from Rico's palm] that's number one.

Rico

Yeah, you could pretty much just toss that after the fireworks go off, it's cool.

Rod Kimble

Thanks, thanks all of you.

Dave

Pools are perfect for holding water man.

Rico

Man, I don't really know about having a girl on the team, man.

Dave

Alright Rico listen. Um, there's an ancient Italian maxim uh, that roughly translates to, uh "He who is resistant to change is destined to perish". So, why don't you try to open up that mind of yours? You know? It's like, look at Kevin, I mean, he... [Rico sprays him in the face with the hose] Real mature, man.

Rico

Yeah, don't you EVER tell me how to live my life again.