Danny McBride movie quotes

View Quote May we take pause for one moment? Look at courtney's new haircut, doesn't it make his head look like the tip of a penis? It's hilarious.

View Quote That thing [Julie] is a dickless traitor.

View Quote I don't like this. Courtney, will you make funny faces to entertain me. [laughs] No! Never triangle face! I hate triangle face! It scares me.

View Quote (To Dale while running away from the hideout)I don't wanna die man, I wanna **** my wife. She will be out of jail soon, I wanna **** her, I wanna have sex with her. I'm not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow.

View Quote "Thug life!" [**** shotgun]

View Quote [When held up by Matheson and Budlofsky] "Matheson's over here with British Knights on. I ain't seen anyone wear those since 1987."

View Quote I'm freakin pumped! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day!

View Quote I don't even cry, and look at me, you're about to make tears come outta my face!

View Quote My balls itch more than a flea on a jack russel terrier!

View Quote Well, no, I literally blow up, okay? I explode, like a bomb. [whistles a bomb falling through the air, comes back up and hits him imitates front purpose, blew up falling and exploding; Chuck gasps] Hence the name!

View Quote [to Red] Rest in peace, my friend.

View Quote Sometimes, when I get upset, I... have been known to... blow up.

View Quote James Franco: Who did this? Who did this?!
Seth Rogen: Did what, what are you talking about?
James Franco: [holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?
Seth Rogen: No.
James Franco: No?
Danny McBride: [raises his hand] It was me, Franco. I ****in' made jizz in your magazine.
James Franco: Why?!
Danny McBride: When I ****in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco: Real **** smart answer, why don't you **** aim, huh?!
Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a ****in' wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!
James Franco: The **** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a **** sock or on a ****in' tissue?!
Danny McBride: No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!
James Franco: I highly doubt they ****in' taught you to ****in' close your eyes and ****in' **** wherever you want!
Danny McBride: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a ****in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with **** iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
James Franco: That's right, man. I like to ****in' read!
Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this ****in' house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco: YOU DON'T **** ON MY STUFF!
Danny McBride: I'll **** wherever the **** I want, James. I'll ****in' **** in your kitchen, I'll **** on your ****in' art, I'LL **** ANYWHERE I WANT!
James Franco: I will ****in' **** right on you! I will **** like a ****in' madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride: Ooh! I ****in' wish you'd **** on me right now, I ****in' DARE YOU TO **** ON ME!
[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Danny McBride: [Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so ****in' hard in here!
James Franco: This, no more, man, all over your ****in' face!
Danny McBride: All over the ****in' floor, all over the ****in' place, I'll ****in' **** anywhere I want, I'll ****in' **** on these walls, I'll **** on the ****in' cabinets, on the ****in' furniture, I'LL **** EVERYWHERE!
James Franco: [points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna **** shoot it off!
Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch!
James Franco: [waving his revolver] No ****in' jerking off in my house, McBride!
[Danny throws the baseball bat to the ground]
Seth Rogen: Come on, man.
Danny McBride: **** this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the ****in' bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up.
[walks out of the living room and leaves Seth behind]
Seth Rogen: Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me!
Danny McBride: It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much.
Seth Rogen: No, you haven't. You could still come back and just ****in' turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel?
[Danny is nowhere to be seen]

View Quote Danny McBride: You stupid. Stupid mother...!
[nearly shoots James, Jonah, Jay, Seth and Craig numerous times which causes them to get scared to death]
James Franco: **** psychopath. It's a prop gun! What, do you think I'd put real bullets in here?
Danny McBride: You were gonna send me out there with a **** gun filled with blanks?
Seth Rogen: Oh, **** you! Don't turn this around on us. You tried to shoot us, you **** dickhead!
James Franco: **** murdering mother****er!
Danny McBride: Whatever. **** civilization is broken down. There's no more reason for this false bullshit. You guys act like you're so **** high and mighty like you've never made a goddamn mistake before. Franco, you're some pretentious **** nerd.
James Franco: **** you.
Danny McBride: Jonah... you **** ****. [Jonah glares at him offensively] Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You **** disappoint me.
Craig Robinson: Bro.
Danny McBride: Seth... you duplicitous taint.
Seth Rogen: What?
Danny McBride: And of course, there's Jay... the self-righteous, ****-sucking, two-faced backstabber.
Jay Baruchel: What the **** are you talking about?
Danny McBride: I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you care about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a shit about us.
Jay Baruchel: No, no, no. That-that's **** twisting that shit around, you're **** lying.
Danny McBride: Am I twisting this? I believe you were in Los Angeles two months ago at the four seasons. I saw you there, and you specifically asked me not to tell Seth, so you could maintain the illusion that you always stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles.
Craig Robinson: Ooh! Jay.
Seth Rogen: ****, man.
Danny McBride: It's not, it's textbook twattage. [opens his hands like a book and closes them] And just for the record, you guys. I'm choosing to leave. You're not kicking me out. You guys had already said that I could come back in, and I'm the one who said that I'm not coming back. Don't be cocky.
[backs out of the double doors]

View Quote Jay Baruchel: [after he, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals and everything comes to a halt when Danny comes out of the truck] Danny?
Danny McBride: What the ****?! You guys are still alive?!
Seth Rogen: Yeah!
Danny McBride: Holy shit, I didn't expect that. [tugs on his leash] **** out here. [On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads and a thong coming out of the truck] Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's ****in' crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.
Jay Baruchel: What does that have to do with us?
James Franco: The **** you talking about?
Danny McBride: [laughs] I'm a cannibal hombre! We're gonna **** eat your ass!
Seth Rogen: **** you, you can't eat us, **** that, man!
Danny McBride: I do whatever the **** I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-**** this dude. See that? I ****in' slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.
[The gimp lifts his mask, revealing himself as Channing Tatum]
Channing Tatum: Hey, wassup guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco: That's Channing Tatum!
Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude, what the ****?!
Danny McBride: Channing **** Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum."
James Franco: Hardcore, man.
[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beam disappears and James falls back down on the ground]
Seth Rogen: Oh shit.
James Franco: [horrified] What happened?! What did I do?! Take me back! WHAT DID I DO?!
Danny McBride: I'll tell you what happened, Franco! You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty! Tom Petty. You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.
James Franco: What? NOOOOOO! [Seth and Jay watch in sheer horror and disgust as Danny and Channing bite down on Franco's face and rips off his nose]
Danny McBride: [holding up James' severed nose] HOW **** CRAZY IS THIS?! [shrieks]
James Franco: [last words] DANNY, NOOOOOO!
[the cannibals then eat Franco up to his death]
Danny McBride: SETH! JAY! [three of the cannibals begin to chase Seth and Jay]
Jay Baruchel: Oh shit, they're running after us!
Seth Rogen: Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit, run!
Danny McBride: [last words] BRING THEM TO ME!

View Quote Wolf Boss: I'll tell you what's gonna be yours - my fist in your plush, cuddly, super-soft face! [Monkey and Crane knock out his companions] ...Uh-oh. [flees]

View Quote Wolf Boss: It's almost done, Lord Shen. But we're running out of metal.
Shen: [behind the smoke] Search for the farthest villages! Find more metal! China will be mine.

View Quote Shen: My father's throne. He used to let me play here, beside him. Promising with someday this throne would be mine. A little to the left.
Wolf Boss: But it's so heavy, Master.
Shen: Every thing must be exactly how I envisioned it, and I envisioned it a little to the left. Perfect! With the weapon, by my si.. A little bit more. With the weapon, by my side, all China will bow before me! We move out in 3 days, when the moon is full and the tide is high. Well, Soothsayer, why don't you tell me my...?
Soothsayer: Fortune?
Shen: Future. I was going to say future. Look into your bowl and tell me what glory awaits.
Soothsayer: [peers into her bowl] If you continue on your current path, you will find yourself... at the bottom of the stairs.
[Shen looks down and is annoyed to see he has indeed reached the bottom of the stairs leading to his throne.]
Soothsayer: [still looking] I see... I see... [Shen comes closer] I see... pain.
[She plucks out one of his feathers.]
Shen: OW!
Soothsayer: And anger.
[She chews on the hem of his robe.]
Shen: How dare you! This is the finest silk in the province!
Soothsayer: Followed by denial.
Shen: This is not fortune-telling! You're just saying what's happening right...!
Soothsayer: Now? The most important time is now. But if you really want to see the future...
Shen: What do you see?
[The Soothsayer burns a powder in a dish, creating a vision in swirling smoke.]
Soothsayer: A peacock... is defeated by a warrior, of black and white. Nothing has changed.
[Shen throws a dagger, shattering the dish.]
Shen: [laughs] That's impossible, and you know it.
Soothsayer: It is not impossible, and he knows it.
Shen: Who?
Wolf Boss: [running in] Lord Shen! I saw a panda!
Shen: A panda!? [knocks him to the ground, gripping him by the throat]
Wolf Boss: [nervously] A Kung Fu warrior. He fought like a demon! Big and furry, soft and squishy... uh, kinda plush and cuddly...
Shen: There are no more pandas.
Soothsayer: [taps the Boss's missing eye] Even with his poor eyesight, he can see the truth. Why is it that you cannot?
Shen: [to the Wolf Boss, angrily] Find this panda, and bring him to me! (pushes him away)
Wolf Boss: Yes, sir! [hurries away downstairs]
Shen: [chuckles] So, one panda lives. That does not make you right!
Soothsayer: You're right. Being right makes me right.
Shen: Then I will kill him, and make you wrong! [turns and sees her chewing the hem of his robe again] WILL YOU STOP THAT?!

View Quote It's the perfect woman. Big old set of boobies, no head and a handle.

View Quote Come on, Chaka. Let's work on our mission statement.

View Quote Will: Hey Marshall! You ever get tired of being wrong?!
Marshall: I do! I really do! Bone tired!

View Quote [Momb: Bomb, what was that noise?! You're still grounded!] I'm an adult, mom! [to Red and Leonard] Run!

View Quote I eat dirt.

View Quote Red: Those pigs...
Chuck: ...Are going to pay...
Bomb: ...For our lunches!
Red: Uh, because of our hunger to give them...
Chuck: ...A taste of their own...
Bomb: ...Quesadillas! [Red looks at him] What?

View Quote [after getting licked by Monchi] Dang it, Katie!