Ramona quotes from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Ramona

Uh, Scott Pilgrim?

Scott

Hi, I was thinking about asking you out, but then I realized how stupid that would be. So, do you want to go out sometime?

Ramona

Um, no. That's okay. You just need to sign for this, alright?

Scott

I just woke up and you were in my dream. I dreamt that you were delivering me this package. Is that weird?

Ramona

It's not weird at all.

Scott

It's not?

Ramona

No, it's just that you have this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It's, like, 3 miles in 15 seconds.

Scott

Right, right.

Ramona

I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.

Wallace

Hey! What's up with his outfit?

Yeah. Is he a pirate?

Scott

Are you a pirate?

Matthew

Pirates are in this year.

Scott

You really went out with this guy?

Ramona

Yeah. In the 7th grade.

Scott

And?

Ramona

It was football season, and for some reason, all the little jocks wanted me. Matthew was the only non-white, non-jock boy in town. So the two of us joined forces, and we took 'em all down. We brawled, and scrapped, and fought for hours. Nothing could beat Matthew's mystical powers. We only kissed once. After a week and a half, I told him to hit the showers.

Scott

Dude, wait. Mystical powers?

Matthew

You'll pay for this...Flowers. [singing] ♪ If you want to fight me ♪

What?

Matthew

Ha! ♪ You're not the brightest. You won't know what hit you in the slightest. ♪ [vocalizes and makes Demon Hipster Chicks appear.]

Stephen

This guy's good.

Matthew

♪ Me and my fireballs. ♪ [hisses] ♪ My Demon Hipster Chicks. ♪

Tell 'em, Matty.

Matthew

♪ I'm talking the talk, 'cause I know I'm slick. ♪ [winks]

S-L-ick.

Matthew

♪ Fireballs, take this sucker down. Let us show him what we're all about. ♪

Scott

That doesn't even rhyme! [throws a cymbal which hits Matthew on his head, and makes the Demon Hipster Chicks disappear]

Matthew

This is impossible. How can this be?

Scott

Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see. [flies toward Matthew video-game-style and punches his face]

K.O.!

Scott

Sweet! Coins. [he picks up the coins]

God, did that just happen?

That just happened.

Ramona

Well...it was nice meeting you. Tell your...gay friends I said bye.

"Gay friends"? [shocked and angry] Wallace! Again?!

Get a room, guys!

Oh, my God!

Scott

Oh, man, $2.40? That's not even enough for the bus home.

Ramona

I'll lend you the 35¢.

Yeah, so, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

Knives

Sex Bob-Omb won? [starts whooping, but stops and doesn't see Scott; saddened] Oh.

Scott

So...what was all that all about?

Ramona

Um...I guess... if we're gonna date, you may have to defeat my seven evil exes.

Scott

You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

Ramona

Seven evil exes, yes.

Scott

And I have to fight--

Ramona

Defeat.

Scott

Defeat your seven evil exes if we're going to continue to date?

Ramona

Pretty much.

Scott

So, what you're saying right now is we are dating?

Ramona

Uh, I guess.

Scott

Does that mean we can make out?

Ramona

Sure.

Scott

Cool.

Aw!

Kim

Where's Knives? Not coming tonight?

Scott

No, we broke up. Hey, check it out. I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy II. [strums "Final Fantasy II" bass line.]

Kim

Scott, you are the salt of the Earth.

Scott

Oh, thanks.

Kim

I meant, "Scum of the Earth."

Scott

Thanks.

Young Neil

You broke up with Knives?

Scott

Yeah. But don't worry. Maybe soon, you'll meet my new-new girlfriend.

Young Neil

"New-new"?

Stephen

Okay. From here on out, no girlfriends or girlfriend talk at practice, whether they're old, new, or new-new.

Young Neil

New-new.

Stephen

We were lucky to survive the last round. It's sudden death now, okay?

Scott

Okay. [he and Sex Bob-Omb play "Summertime," but a doorbell ringing interrupts him] [excited] That's for me! That's for me, that's for me. [opens door from Ramona] Hey, you're here. [notices Ramona's hair is blue.]

Ramona

Yes, like you said. [Ramona enters and Scott closes the door.]

Scott

You know your hair?

Ramona

I know of it.

Scott

It's all blue.

Ramona

I change my hair every week-and-a-half, dude. Get used to it. [Scott stares at Ramona's hair] So...how do you guys all know each other?

Young Neil

Um, high school, I guess.

Stephen

What Neil said.

Young Neil

I'm Neil.

Kim

Believe it or not, I actually dated Scott in high school.

Ramona

Oh, got any embarrassing stories?

Kim

Yeah. [smile disappears] He's an idiot.

Scott

Okay, bye. See you guys tomorrow.

Stephen

What about rehearsal?

Scott

Neil knows my parts. [he and Ramona leave]

Young Neil

I'm Neil. [Kim and Stephen stare at him]

Scott

Wallace?

Wallace

Uh-huh?

Scott

This is happening, right?

Wallace

Oh, yeah. [yelling] Kick her in the balls!

I'm sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces, you slag! [throws the hammer out of the window] Ha! [turns around, Ramona axe-kicks her in the head and she falls to the floor.]

Ramona

I'd rather be dead than go back. He's a creep, you're a bitch, and you all deserve each other.

Give it a rest, Ramona; This is a League game!

Ramona

Meaning?

Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists!

Scott

Uh, I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft.

Ramona

You don't have a choice.

Fight your own battles, lazy ass! [vanishes] [seven seconds later] Lazy ass! [re-materializes, forcing Scott and Ramona apart, and punches Scott into the rafters. He falls and lands in a pile on the ground.] Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey, some sooner than others. [raises her leg in an axe kick] Your BF's about to get F'd in the B! [brings her leg down in slow-mo]

Ramona

Her weak point's the back of her knees.

Scott

Wait, how does that work?

Ramona

Whenever we were making out, I would just--

Scott

Okay, enough!

You'll never... be able to do this... to heeerrr!!!
[She explodes into coins, with an orgasmic moan, thus earning Scott 4,000 points.]

Scott

Oh, man.

Ramona

Sorry. Dying's got to suck.

Scott

You know what sucks? Getting killed by that guy. Why him?

Ramona

It's complicated.

Scott

Well, I'm not going anywhere, so... now might be a good time to get into it.

Ramona

Truth is...it was me who was obsessed. I was crazy about him. But he ignored me. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own. That's why I had to leave. And that's when he started paying attention.

Scott

So, why go back?

Ramona

I can't help myself around him, Scott; He just...has this way of getting into my head.

Scott

Well, that's legitimately disappointing. I really will leave you alone forever now.

Ramona

No, he literally has a way of getting into my head. [shows chip on the back of her neck]

Scott

That is evil.

Ramona

I didn't mean for you to get dragged into this, Scott. I just wanted something simple. I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Scott

Well, I really fought for you.

Ramona

Maybe I'm not the one you should have been fighting for. [turns to dust]

Scott

What? But-- But-- I feel like I learned something. [saddened] Which would be great if I wasn't dead. [collapses to his knees] So-- So alone.

Ramona

You're not alone.

Scott

Right! [uses 1-UP to revive and re-enters the Chaos Theatre from the beginning.] [to one of Gideon's goons] Your hair looks stupid. [Goon gasps in shock and turns into coins, earning Scott Pilgrim 700 points. Two goons block the elevator]

Second password? [Scott defeats both of them, earning 700 points each, and goes down the elevator.]

I mean, I saw it. It's just the comic book is better than the movie. [notices Scott] Hello. [Scott barges past him, earning 350 points per person, to the stage where Sex Bob-Omb, as before, notice Scott and stop playing]

Stephen

Scott! Let it go.

Scott

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You guys sound way better without me. Young Neil, you have learned well. From this point forward, you will be known as... Neil.

Neil

Ohh.

Scott

And Kim... [Kim raises an eyebrow] I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about me. [surprised, Kim smiles at him for the first time]

Gideon

Scott Pilgrim! Hey, buddy!

Scott

Save it! You're pretentious. This club sucks. I've got beef. Let's do it. [charges toward Gideon]

Gideon

Wait, wait, w-w-wait! [Scott stops running] You wanna fight me... for her?

Scott

No. I want to fight you for me. [falters back]

Narrator Voice

Scott earned the Power of Self-Respect.

Gideon

Umm--

Scott

KIM!

Kim

WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN!!!! ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!!!! [Sex Bob-Omb starts playing a faster upbeat rock song]

Scott

How's it going back there?

Gideon

You... dick! [slumps, earning Scott 7,000 points]

Scott

Knives? I know you're in here. Don't attack Ramona.

Knives

SCOTT!!! [They turn just as Knives flying-kicks Ramona in the head, knocking her to the ground, and unknowingly breaks the chip on the back of her head] Steal my boyfriend, [twirls sai] taste my steel! [lunges to attack Ramona, but Scott blocks her]

Scott

Enough!

Knives

No, Scott! [kicks Scott in the neck] This fat-ass hurt me, and I will have my revenge!

Scott

No, Knives, I hurt you. I cheated on you. [Scott turns to each of the girls. Ramona gets up.] I cheated on both of you. I'm really sorry. [turns to Ramona] And you're not a fat-ass. She didn't mean that. So, are we all good?

Ramona

Never felt better.

Gideon

Yoo-hoo! [they all turn to Gideon, who is standing directly behind them] Are we done with the hugging and the learning? [puts a new piece of gum in his mouth] I thought we had a fight going on here!

Scott

Oh, you've got a fight, all right. [prepares himself, and a VS. sign appears between him and Gideon]

Gideon

Wrong move, baby. [Gideon summons an 8-bit pixelated katana, and they begin to fight. Scott blocks Gideon's swings, and Scott falls to the floor. Gideon almost kills Scott with his pixelated katana, but Knives blocks and forces Gideon back, causing him to swallow his gum. "2 Player Mode" appears.] You made me swallow my gum. [adjusts his glasses.] It's gonna be in my digestive tract for 7 years! [Scott and Knives fight Gideon, but Gideon kicks Knives off, and Gideon and Scott continue to fight; Scott slashes Gideon's cheek, earning 3,500 points, but Gideon breaks Scott's sword] [to Ramona] Yeah. Still my girl. [Ramona puts her arms around him, and Scott looks up nearly heartbroken.]

Ramona

Let's both be girls. [knees Gideon in the groin causing him to scream in pain. Knives steals the pixelated katana, and Gideon angrily slaps Ramona]

Bad! [Ramona falls to the floor] Bad! [Gideon kicks Ramona down the stairs.] Bad!

Gideon

What?

Get ready! [Gideon's cocky smile disappears] Here we go! [Scott and Knives charge toward Gideon and beat him up.] Good! Good! Good! Combo! [Scott grabs Gideon by the tie, flips him upside-down, and Knives kicks him.] Perfect! [Gideon is flipped around and is gravely wounded, as he flashes and glitches angrily.]

Gideon

Who do you think you are, Pilgrim? You think you're better than me? I'll tell you what you are. A pain in my ASS!! Do you know how long it took to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid League? Like, two hours! TWO HOURS! [coughs and hacks out coin] You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero. You're nothing! Me, I'M what's hip! I'M what's happening! I'M blowing up right now!

Scott

You are blowing up. RIGHT NOW! [drop-kicks Gideon in the head]

Narrator Voice

K.O.!

Knives

Wow!

Scott

Yeah. Wow.

Kim

There goes our deal.

Stephen

We're still getting paid, right?

Kim

There goes our deal.

Neil

Oh.

Stephen

Oh, God!

Ramona

You two make a good combo.

Scott

Yeah?

Ramona

Yeah.

Gideon's Voice

Scott Pilgrim. [chuckles] You can defeat me, Scott. But can you defeat yourself?

Knives

Uh-oh. Nega Scott.

Nega Scott. [Knives and Ramona prepare to fight]

Scott

No. This is something I have to face. [walks toward Nega Scott] Myself. [tosses Gideon's glasses]

Solo round!

Scott

They have this incredible French toast with, like, bananas on it, and you get bacon on the side.

Oh, I'm likin' that.

Scott

Well, let's do it next week.

Yeah, Tuesday.

Scott

Yeah, all right. Be good.

Yeah, yeah.

Scott

Hey.

What happened?

Scott

Oh, nothing, we just shot the shit. He's, he's just a really nice guy. We're gonna get brunch next week. We, uh, we actually have a lot in common.

Your hair, it's getting really shaggy.

Scott

It is?

Yeah. [removes Scott's hat] You should probably get it cut.

Scott

Yeah, you're right. I should get it cut.

At a salon.

Scott

Salon, yeah. That sounds really nice. [to Ramona] Hey. You're-- You're goin'?

Ramona

I should probably disappear.

Scott

After all that?

Ramona

I still need a new life. I came here to escape, but the past keeps catching up. I'm tired of people getting hurt because of me.

Scott

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get over it.

Ramona

I don't mean just you.

Scott

I understand.

Ramona

I should thank you, though.

Scott

For what?

Ramona

For being the nicest guy I ever dated.

Scott

That's kind of sad.

Ramona

It is kind of sad.

Scott

Well, bye, and stuff.

Ramona

Yeah. And stuff.

Knives

Go get her.

Scott

What?

Knives

You've been fighting for her all along.

Scott

But what about you?

Knives

I'll be fine. [chuckles and kisses Scott's cheek.] I'm too cool for you anyway.

Scott

Ciao, Knives.

Knives

Go.

Scott

Hey! Hey. Mind if I tag along?

Ramona

You wanna come with me?

Scott

Yeah. I thought maybe we could try again. [takes Ramona's hand and they walk through a door with a star on it, and the door closes]

Continue? 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Todd Ingram

Hey, Ramona.

Ramona

Hey, Todd.

Todd

It's been a while.

Ramona

Mmm-hmm.

Todd

Mmm-hmm?

Ramona

I think we should get out of here.

Julie

So how was the tour? You guys play with the Pixies? You're like a superstar now.

Envy

Yeah, it's, uh, not really something I can put into words.

Knives

Um, Envy... [everyone glares at her] I read your blog.

Envy

So, Scott and Ramona, eh?

Ramona

What of it?

Envy

You guys make a cute couple you know. [Todd scoffs] Suit each other.

Knives

You're my role model, Envy.

Envy

Ramona, I like your outfit. Affordable?

Julie

Envy, I was just gonna say, did you get those jeans in New York?

Envy

I'm talking to Ramona right now.

Scott

If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain?

Ramona

It's not raining.

Scott

Oh. Then, why don't you give me the Cliff Notes on how and why you ended up dating this A-hole.

Ramona

Is it really important right now?

Scott

Well, if there's a key element in his backstory that's gonna help me out in a critical moment of not dying, yes.

Ramona

I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. Guess that's not very nice, but I used to be kind of...like that. We hated everyone, we wrecked stuff, nobody cared. He punched a hole in the moon for me. It was pretty crazy. A week-and-a-half later, he told me his dad was sending him to Vegan Academy, so, I dumped him.

Scott

Have you dumped everyone you've ever been with? You've never been the dumpee?

Ramona

Look, I've dabbled in being a bitch. It's part of the reason I moved here. I was really hoping to just...leave it all behind me.

Envy

Oh, my God.

Todd

No. No...

Scott

You once were a ve-gone, but now you will be gone.

Todd

"Ve-gone"?

Scott

Uh...sorry, I guess.

Envy

"Sorry"? You just head-butted my boyfriend so hard he burst.

Scott

You kicked my heart in the ass, so, I guess we're even...Natalie.

Envy

"Natalie"? No one calls me that anymore.

Scott

Maybe they should. [to Ramona] Let's get out of here. [he and Ramona leave and Scott also holds his back.]

Julie

For the record, I am so pissed off for you, right now.

Envy

Shut the [bleep] up, Julie.

Julie

Okay.

Stephen

We're still going to the after-party, right?

Kim

I'm not sure there's going to be much of a party. I think a third of the band just went poom.

Stephen

Yeah, cool bands never go to their own after-parties. Just the desperate people trying to rub elbows with the label guys.

Kim

Then why would we--? [realizing] Oh.

Stephen

Neil, you down? [to Scott] Scott, you're in, right?

Ramona

You wanna go?

Scott

Well...I kind of almost died back there.

Ramona

I'm not saying I want to go.

Scott

Yeah, we can totally go.

Ramona

I'll do whatever you want to do.

Scott

So, let's go.

Ramona

We really don't have to go to this thing. It'll probably be a bad scene all around.

Scott

No, I'm fine. It's just--

Ramona

"It's just"?

Scott

Well...have you ever dated someone that wasn't a total ass?

Ramona

Well, so far, you're not a total ass.

Scott

But I'm part ass?

Ramona

If it makes you feel better, you're the nicest guy I've dated.

Scott

Wait, is that good?

Ramona

It's what I need right now.

Scott

But not later?

Ramona

Scott, I don't have all the answers, okay? I'd just like to try and live in the moment if I can.

Scott

I'd just like to live. [he and Ramona arrive at The Clash at Demonhead's after-party.]

Ramona

Look, I know Todd was bad news, but are you saying Envy wasn't? We all have baggage.

Scott

Yeah, well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to make your ex-boyfriends so insane?

Ramona

Exes.

Scott

Whatever.

Ramona

No breakup is painless; somebody always gets hurt. What about you and that girl, Knives? Who broke up with who?

Scott

I believe I broke up with her.

Ramona

And was she cool with that?

Scott

Knives is with Young Neil now; she's totally cool with it.

Ramona

You're sure about that?

Scott

Yeah, she's very mature for her age. We had a very healthy break-up. We're all peaches and gravy.

Knives

No!

Ramona

What about you and Kim?

Scott

Me and Kim? I can barely remember. It was high school. She had freckles.

Ramona

That's it?

Scott

Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.

Ramona

That's really the whole story?

Scott

Okay, fine. I had to fight a guy to be with her, okay? I fought a crazy, 80-foot-tall purple-suited dude, and I had to fight 96 guys to get to him. He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes, okay? And I kicked him so hard that he saw the curvature of the Earth. Does that make you feel any better?

Ramona

Well, now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.

Scott

I'm sorry; I'm not usually like this.

Ramona

Hey, don't worry. I don't even know what I'm like anymore.

Scott

I think this ex-boyfriends thing is messing with my head.

Ramona

Exes.

Scott

Why do you keep saying that? [gets kicked in the face from behind, slams into the bar counter and falls flat on the floor. He looks up at his attacker.] [stands up, thinking] The girl from earlier?

Ramona

Roxy?

Scott

You know this girl?

Oh, boy, does she know me.

Scott

What is she talking about?

He really doesn't know?

Scott

Wait.

Hmm. [smiles suggestively]

Scott

You and her?!

Ramona

It was just a phase.

"Just a phase"?

Scott

You had a sexy phase?

Ramona

It meant nothing. I didn't think it would count.

"It meant nothing"?!

Ramona

I was just a little bi-curious.

Well, honey... [cracks knuckles] I'm a little bi-FURIOUS! [performs a slow-mo spinning kick aimed at Scott, but is blocked by Ramona. A pink VS. sign appears between them and Ramona throws Roxy back.]

Ramona

Do that again, and I will end you!

Back off, has-bian! If Gideon can't have you, no one can! [whips off her belt, which turns into a chain-sword.] The League has spoken!

Ramona

Well, then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here, 'cause I'm about to kick yours out of the Great White North! [pulls a massive stone hammer out of her purse]