Todd Ingram [During an awkward backstage face-off between Scott and Ramona and Envy and Todd, their respective exes] [to Ramona]
Hey, Ramona.
Hey, Todd.
Todd It's been a while.
Mmm-hmm.
Todd Mmm-hmm?
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): in 11 of its 31 quotes
Most scenes with: Scott Pilgrim (6), Envy (5), Stephen (3)
Scenes with Todd
11 scenes Todd Ingram Todd Todd 
[Envy looks at Todd and nods, Todd stands up and punches Knives in the face, knocking the blue dye out of her hair and sending her reeling to the floor] [stands up, horrified]
Knives!
Todd [nonchalant]
What? I'm not afraid to hit a girl. I'm a rock star.
[shocked]
Oh, my God. [glares at Todd, angrily] You punched the highlights out of her hair. [to Scott; worried] He punched the highlights out of her hair!
You are incorrigible.
Todd I don't know the meaning of the word.
Caption
HE REALLY DOESN'T.
[Young Neil leads a shell-shocked Knives away, as Scott angrily stares at Todd] [changing the subject]
So, uh, you guys doing anything fun while you're in town?
Todd "Fun"? In Toronto?
Ha!
[angrily]
THAT'S IT! [slams fists on table as Envy gasps in horror] YOU COCKY ****! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity! [lunges to attack Todd, but is frozen by psychic energy. Todd, eyes glowing and hair standing on end, levitates Scott into the air] [gasping] My neck. [stunned] Your hair.
Didn't you know? Todd's vegan.
Todd [psychically moves couch out of the way]
It's not really that big of a deal. [kicks and breaks off part of the brick wall]
No kidding. [coughs and stands up] Anyone can be vegan.
Todd Ovo-lacto-vegetarian, maybe.
Ovo-what?
Todd I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum of any creature with a face.
Short answer: Being vegan just makes you better than most people.
Todd Bingo. [punches Scott and sends him, screaming, leaving a trail of A's high into the air and out of sight.]
Hey, man, question. I always wondered, how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers?
Todd Okay, you know how you only use 10% of your brain? That's because the other 90% is filled with curds and whey.
Todd [irritated]
Go ahead and get snippy, baby. If you knew the science, maybe I'd listen to a word you're saying.
Todd Hey, lovebirds. We have unfinished business, I and he.
"He and me."
Todd Don't you talk to me about grammar.
I dislike you, capisce?
Todd Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
What?
Todd Because you'll be dust by Monday.
Todd Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. And the cleaning lady? She cleans up dust. She dusts.
S-so, what's on Monday?
Todd [also confused]
Well, 'cause... it's Friday now, she has the weekends off, so... Monday. Right?
[sighs] [translating for Todd Ingram]
Basically, you can't win this fight, so you're gonna have to give up on this girl, 'cause Todd's gonna kill you.
[offended]
You used to be so NICE! [charges toward Todd in slow-mo, but Todd psychically throws Scott through a brick wall.]
Uh, Scott, we're gonna go to Pizza Pizza for a slice. Call us when you're done.
Oh, he'll be done. Real soon.
Todd [hears a bass note]
Sounds like someone wants to get...funky.
Todd [After exchanging bass riffs in a bass battle, Todd wins, psychically breaks Scott's Rickenbacker Bass, and pushes him through 3 walls, having him fall onto a coffee table. Scott sees Todd walk in and gets two coffees]
I can read your thoughts. [psychically] Your will is broken. [normally] You're through.
What say we drink to my memory? [offering him a cup of coffee, innocently.] Fair-trade blend with soy milk?
Heh. I'm sorry, but that's pathetic.
Todd Dude, I can see in your mind's eye, that you put half-and-half into one of those coffees in an attempt to make me break Vegan-edge. I'll take the one with soy. [levitates the other cup from Scott's hand and brings it to his own] Thanks, tool. [sips the coffee]
Actually, muchacho, I poured the soy in this cup, but I thought real hard about pouring it in that cup. You know, in my "mind's eye" or whatever. [sips his own coffee]
Todd [eyes return to normal, baffled]
What are you talking about?
You just drank half-and-half, baby.
[Sirens; a hole is blown into the wall. Todd drops his coffee cup, Anime-style. Two Vegan Police Officers come in with their De-Veganizing Rays raised at Todd.]
Freeze! Vegan Police!
Vegan Police Officer #2
Vegan Police!
Todd Ingram, you're under arrest for Veganity Violation Code Number 827: Imbibement of half-and-half.
Todd Wh--? That's bullroar!
No vegan diet, no vegan powers!
Todd But-but, I-- It's only my first offence. D-Don't I get three strikes? I mean--
Vegan Police Officer #2
[whips out notepad]
At 12:27 am, on February 1st, you knowingly ingested gelato.
Todd [Scott Pilgrim smugly smiles]
Gelato isn't vegan?
It's milk and eggs, bitch.
Vegan Police Officer #2
[still reading]
On April 4th, 7:30 pm, you partook a plate of chicken Parmesan.
Todd [Envy gasps in shock, then glares at Todd] [feeble]
Chicken isn't vegan?
The De-Veganizing Ray. Hit him!! [both fire De-Veganizing Rays at Todd, stripping him of his powers. Scott tosses his coffee cup behind him, and the Vegan Police Officers step back and blow smoke from their De-Veganizing Rays as Scott steps forward purposefully. Todd's hair sags.]
Todd [shocked]
No. No...
You once were a ve-gone, but now you will be gone.
Todd [incredulous; his last words]
"Ve-gone"?
[Scott headbutts Todd, who bursts into coins, thus earning Scott 3,000 points. Scott holds his forehead and groans in pain. The two Vegan Police Officers exit in slow-mo, high-fiving and exclaiming, "YEAH!" as they do.] [to Envy]
Uh...sorry, I guess.
You kicked my heart in the ass, so, I guess we're even...Natalie.
Maybe they should. [to Ramona] Let's get out of here. [he and Ramona leave and Scott also holds his back.]
I'm not sure there's going to be much of a party. I think a third of the band just went poom.
Yeah, cool bands never go to their own after-parties. Just the desperate people trying to rub elbows with the label guys.
Then why would we--? [realizing] Oh.
You wanna go?
Well...I kind of almost died back there.
I'm not saying I want to go.
Yeah, we can totally go.
I'll do whatever you want to do.
So, let's go.
["ABOUT TO E-X-P-L-O-D-E" appears]
We really don't have to go to this thing. It'll probably be a bad scene all around.
No, I'm fine. It's just--
"It's just"?
Well...have you ever dated someone that wasn't a total ass?
Well, so far, you're not a total ass.
But I'm part ass?
If it makes you feel better, you're the nicest guy I've dated.
Wait, is that good?
It's what I need right now.
But not later?
Scott, I don't have all the answers, okay? I'd just like to try and live in the moment if I can.
I'd just like to live. [he and Ramona arrive at The Clash at Demonhead's after-party.]
Look, I know Todd was bad news, but are you saying Envy wasn't? We all have baggage.
Yeah, well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to make your ex-boyfriends so insane?
Exes.
Whatever.
No breakup is painless; somebody always gets hurt. What about you and that girl, Knives? Who broke up with who?
I believe I broke up with her.
And was she cool with that?
Knives is with Young Neil now; she's totally cool with it.
You're sure about that?
Yeah, she's very mature for her age. We had a very healthy break-up. We're all peaches and gravy.
What about you and Kim?
Me and Kim? I can barely remember. It was high school. She had freckles.
That's it?
Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
That's really the whole story?
Okay, fine. I had to fight a guy to be with her, okay? I fought a crazy, 80-foot-tall purple-suited dude, and I had to fight 96 guys to get to him. He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes, okay? And I kicked him so hard that he saw the curvature of the Earth. Does that make you feel any better?
Well, now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.
I'm sorry; I'm not usually like this.
Hey, don't worry. I don't even know what I'm like anymore.
Exes.
Why do you keep saying that? [gets kicked in the face from behind, slams into the bar counter and falls flat on the floor. He looks up at his attacker.] [stands up, thinking] The girl from earlier?
Roxy?
You know this girl?
Roxy
Oh, boy, does she know me.
Roxy Richter
He really doesn't know?
Roxy
Hmm. [smiles suggestively]
[Inside Scott's head, a lever switches from "NO CLUE" to "GETS IT"] [to Ramona; shocked]
You and her?!
It was just a phase.
Roxy
[incensed]
"Just a phase"?
You had a sexy phase?
It meant nothing. I didn't think it would count.
Roxy
[angrily]
"It meant nothing"?!
I was just a little bi-curious.
Roxy
Well, honey... [cracks knuckles] I'm a little bi-FURIOUS! [performs a slow-mo spinning kick aimed at Scott, but is blocked by Ramona. A pink VS. sign appears between them and Ramona throws Roxy back.]
Do that again, and I will end you!
Roxy
Back off, has-bian! If Gideon can't have you, no one can! [whips off her belt, which turns into a chain-sword.] The League has spoken!
Well, then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here, 'cause I'm about to kick yours out of the Great White North! [pulls a massive stone hammer out of her purse]
