[laughs as he lifts the casket lid]
Lupin, are you trying to obtain eternal life, like Dracula? Sorry, but everything has an end! [stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]
Lupin You're ferocious as usual, Pops.
Lupin! Lupin! You're supposed to be dead!
Lupin So they say. I'm a little confused myself.
He was the real Lupin. I swear he was.
Lupin Don't swear so easily! Then what am I?
That's what I've come here to find out! [swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Inspector Zenigata catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]
Lupin Pops, I'll hear your story some other time. [takes off, chuckling] Take care!
He's... He's... He is real! He is alive! He's alive!! [laughs] If you don't die, I don't die, either! This isn't over yet! I will follow you to the pits of Hell. I will carve your posthumous name on your bones with my own hand!
Lupin Did we touch it?
We're in trouble. Let's hurry.
Lupin We can't just hurry through this. [Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.] 80 centimeters ahead.
OK. [Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.] Lupin.
Lupin Huh?
So what about that matter?
Lupin Well, you know what? It looks like the me who got executed was the REAL me.
It sounds pretty fishy to me.
Lupin I agree. I started to feel like I'm not me. Well, I'll do something about it soon.
Give it up, Lupin! You'll never get through this passage! Block the exits! Here! Over there! Why are you lounging around? Lupin's coming this way! Turn on the lights!
[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]
Well, your sixth sense was right.
What are you trying to do here?
[taken aback]
What do you mean?
Do not fire until my order!
[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]
I'm sick of this. It interferes...
If it's Lupin, it becomes...
[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]
It's Lupin!
[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]
Lupin! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]
A-ha! Tricked you, Lupin. That passage only goes to the top.
Lupin [As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]
You are stubbornly traditional. Take the hat off once in a while!
Don't be stupid! I can't change my old trademark that easy.
Lupin Goemon, don't scare me.
Lupin [Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in] [chuckles]
They're coming. They're coming!
Lupin, don't move. You're surrounded!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Ah! Damn! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Lupin Pops, sudden exercise is bad for you.
Lupin [Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Well then, take care!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
Lupin... [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] Lupin! You're mistaken to think I would give up easily. Remember that! Lupin!
[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Lupin. Isn't it Lupin?
Lupin [melodramatic]
You are beautiful, Fujiko.
Stop joking around, Lupin.
Lupin [walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
Don't be so cruel. The sweet nighttime breeze in Paris may have melted this cold-hearted soul of mine. [smells the rose] I thought I had elegantly transformed myself this evening.
[chuckling]
Looks like it. I'm not sure if it's elegantly or not.
Lupin Oh, sweet-smelling flower. You are a rose.
Lupin The pain from your thorn is giving me pleasure, as well... because I love you.
Enough with your acting. Then why don't we close our deal?
Lupin That's pretty cold. [throws the rose away] Actually, you have too many thorns.
I'm in a hurry. [gasps] Or, Lupin, did you possibly...?
Lupin Don't be so hasty. Here it is.
[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher's Stone]
Lupin, you did it!
Lupin [Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Hold it. Look how much more passion you show now! How disappointing. Disappointing. Really, really disappointing... I had to convince Jigen, and we endured so much to steal this. And look how you act. Or, Fujiko, are you gonna deal with someone else? Well, I promised not to ask why. So you need to keep your promise to go out with me.
Lupin [Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
Yikes! She got me! I'm still dizzy.
Pretending to be a playboy? Serves you right! If we caught her right away, this trouble could've been avoided.
Lupin, work and women cannot co-exist peacefully.
Lupin You're too nit-picky. This is all part of my strategy. [puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Philosopher's Stone]
You seem to have incredible brain power!
Lupin The secret of eternal life and immortality, that Pharaoh and The First Emperor of the Qin Dynasty yearned for, are said to be locked inside the Philosopher's Stone. I see.
Huh. Is that the end of your resea...
Lupin You idiot! It's not like I enjoy doing this. I know very well that it is not just an ordinary stone. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] If you think I'm lying, read these yourselves.
I agree. [drinks from his wine glass] Lately Fujiko has been off her rocker.
As usual, it was just a waste of energy. [gets up]
Lupin Bathroom?
I've had it. I'm going home.
Lupin Goemon.
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
Weapons. Food. Everything's gone.
Lupin Yeah, looks like it.
[kicking debris]
Damn! Lupin! Cut your ties with that woman. I can't put up with this any longer! Fujiko must have tipped them off about our hideout. If you don't cut her off, I will cut you off!
Lupin Your joke's not funny.
Joke? I was thinking the same thing! It was a mistake to take a job from her to begin with. And then you and your stupid ego overlooked the hostility she showed to your kindness.
Lupin But then, women are evil spirits, right?
What I cannot forgive is your indecent ulterior motive!
Don't. Nothing could change that!
And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? If you were his true friend, you would have corrected his bad habit a long time ago!
Don't yell so hysterically, you lunatic!
[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
I've always wanted to chop up that hat of yours.
I always wondered if you were hiding a bald spot or something!
Lupin All right. All right! It was my fault. I'll change. I'll throw Fujiko out of my life! Let's change the mood and start over! You don't wanna starve to death here, do you?
Lupin, where do you think you're going?
Lupin If we climb the mountain and follow the border, we'll hit the Atlantic Ocean.
Idiot! Do you know how far that is?
Lupin It's only one hop with my fingers in the World Atlas.
Lupin [Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Hmph! What the hell? You were seducing me mercilessly. I know I can't be Alain Delon, you know. Oh, how disgusting. I can't stomach that mushy mumbo jumbo. [He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet] Well, I'm done eating. Now I'll resort to more aggressive means!
[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]
Lupin? Lupin! [She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle] I didn't know this medicine was so strong. [She takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on] Lupin, this is all for your own good.
Are you looking for something?
Lupin Are you the asylum director? I'd like to meet the party organizer.
[laughs]
This is neither a psychiatric ward nor a costume party. They're who they seem to be, Lupin. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified] I am Mamo. I've received the Philosopher's Stone.
Lupin You're Fujiko's employer?
I didn't steal it myself, so that I could test your ability. I'm satisfied with the result. You're the greatest thief in history.
Lupin So what? I'm not in this business for you.
Not to forget your compensation... I'm thinking about giving you eternal life.
Lupin There you go. Nothing good comes from longevity, old buddy-boy.
It is unfortunate that you have such an aberrant way of thinking.
Lupin Stop your mumbling, and give me back the stone! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
[laughs]
Don't be shy, Lupin. Come on, catch me.
Lupin Crap! [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo] I'm so sick of the trick with reinforced glass. So... [falls through an invisible hole] Ahh! [makes a hard landing on his rear end] Ouch! Ouch! [gets up as Mamo cackles at him] Where are you, Mamo? I'm gonna get you! Remember that!
Lupin Now why don't we take time and enjoy?
Hold on. I have to tell you something important.
Lupin Come on, come on. Why don't you?
Lupin Come on.
Lupin [The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I'm losing control...
Ah, I'm gonna tickle you! [tickles Lupin]
Lupin I'm ticklish... ticklish! I can't take it anymore, Fujiko! [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] Fujiko. Go along with me...
[finally at the end of his rope]
That's enough!!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends, Lupin.
Lupin Oh, my. Guys...
Lupin [Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Pops, too? [laughs] Now things are getting wacky!
The fellow he's talking to is the ancient Chinese philosopher.
Lupin You mean a paranoid who believes he's...
Lupin Then he's a real nut?
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Listen carefully. This is my collection from the past 10,000 years. The most brilliant minds from every field... Politics, Philosophy, Religion, Art... I have held in storage. They still exist, as we speak. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Let me prophesize: the world will come to an end within the next few days. But only those chosen by me will continue to live... eternally. Only those who are beautiful and brilliant will be given eternal life.
Lupin [apparently deep in thought]
I see. So that's what it was... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Lupin [still chuckling]
Oh, my. Your play is highly artistic. You beat me! First immortality, then the end of the world? You're awesome. Awesome!
Ahh. This lack of intelligence, the stubbornness... Don't you see, Fujiko? This man doesn't deserve eternal life.
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
Fujiko, only you should live forever.
If Lupin and I are not together, no thanks.
Sure. I want eternal youth. But I don't want to live long and see an old and flabby Lupin.
[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
That's awful. Everything was a lie.
Lupin Not necessarily. I'm certain that he was doing some research on immortality.
Don't be ridiculous. That's impossible.
Lupin Cloning.
Lupin It's a recently honed human-manufacturing technology. By taking a cell from someone's hair or any part of one's body, and giving it a little twist, you can create an exact look-alike. If you repeat this process, the same individual could live for an infinite length of time.
If that is true, then the guy who was you and got executed was...
Lupin From a single hair, you can make a copy...
History was created by my constant interference. Do you understand? Cloning was the passage to god status.
Lupin [sarcastically]
Pretty impressive. So do you mean to say that I was born thanks to you?
[condescendingly]
You are just an accidental child born from uncertainty. Now what happened to the copy I created of you for fun, so as to make your job easier? It might be the original you who was executed...
Lupin You bastard! I am me, the original Lupin the Third!
Think real hard...
[He disappears, laughing]
[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo] [raising his voice to a desperate yell]
Don't go, Lupin!
Lupin I had my dream stolen. I have to go get it back.
Your dream is that woman?
Lupin [Lupin turns to Jigen and smiles]
You are so traditional. You really are.
[Jigen's lips part in surprise. He stands in shock and watches Lupin go]
Yes. Even cloning has its limitations.
The chromosomal data transfer is never 100 percent perfect, just as repeated copying makes the image blurry. Too much repetition of the cloning is distorting the cells. When I reached the 130th generation, I preserved myself as the original by putting myself in the Ringer's Solution. Since then, I've been a copy of a copy.
Lupin Then that makes you a defective product of Mamo.
Everything is for immortality. [dies]
[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]
You're not afraid of dying, are you? I'll tell you this: The one executed was the copy. You are, indeed, the original Lupin. Now that you have closure... die! [He sends a barrage of lasers at Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]
Lupin [in thought]
Goemon, you saved me.
[laughs as he lifts the casket lid]
Lupin! Trying to live forever, by doing the same thing as Count Dracula! You've gone too far this time; there are limits to everything! Ah! [stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]
Lupin Mr. Ed Scott, the same old menacing detective!
Lupin! Lupin! Don't you know you're supposed to be dead?!
Lupin So it seems, and that's what's been troubling me.
This man is definitely the real Lupin III! I'm positive of it!
Lupin You make it sound simple. So, what's going to happen to me now?
I want to be sure you're dead! [swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Detective Scott catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]
Lupin Old Man! You'll have to tell me all your troubles some other time! [takes off, chuckling] Take care, now!
That bum! That rat! He's the real one, all right! So he's still alive, really and truly alive! [laughs] I won't die until I get him! I'll never give up! I'll follow you down to Hell, and I'll engrave my name on all your stupid bones!
Lupin You think I touched it?
Lupin How can you hurry through all this? [Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.] 80 centimeter width.
OK. [Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.] Lupin.
Lupin Huh?
What about that execution?
Lupin Well, you see, the one who they executed... was probably the real me.
I don't like to hear weird stories like that.
Lupin Neither do I. This whole thing begins to make me think I'm not real! Anyway, I'll fix that.
Accept your fate, Lupin! You'll never escape from this level! Close off all exits! What are you doing standing here? Ah! Lupin is right down here! Switch on the lights!
[as the lights turn on, Detective Scott is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]
Well, I see your sixth sense really did work.
[taken aback]
What's that?
Unless I give them the order, no one is to do any shooting!
[the Egyptian police chief and Detective Scott start wrestling]
Interfering with the affairs of my country...!
[Lupin and Dan Dunn approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]
It's Lupin!
[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Detective Scott and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]
There goes Lupin! Fire! FIRE!
[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside with a triumphant laugh]
You're trapped, Lupin! That's the only passage leading up!
Lupin [As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Dan Dunn nearly loses his fedora]
You sure are the classic type. Why don't you take that hat off for a change?
Don't be silly! I can't take the hat off, it happens to be my trademark!
Lupin Samurai, don't scare me.
Lupin [Lupin and Dan Dunn notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Hohohoho! Here they come!
Lupin, don't try to escape! There's no way out!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Trying to be tricky, huh? [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Detective Scott giving chase by foot]
Lupin Old Man, strenuous exercise is bad for your health!
Lupin [Detective Scott continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Take good care of yourself!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
Lupin... [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] Lupin! If you think Detective Ed Scott is giving up, you're badly mistaken! I'll fix you! Lupin!
[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Margo] [gasps]
Lupin? It's Lupin!
Lupin [melodramatic]
You're so beautiful, Margo!
[chuckling]
Stop joking now, Lupin.
Lupin [walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
You think I'm joking? The soft breeze of Paris must have melted my callous heart. [smells the rose] I thought I made myself extremely conspicuous tonight.
[chuckling]
I can see that. You look very nice.
Lupin O, the fragrant flower! You are like a rose.
Lupin Even the pain of thy thorns gives great pleasure... to the love in my heart. O Margo!
Enough of that stupid act. Let's get down to business now.
Lupin Can she be so hard?! [throws the rose away] You really do have a lot of thorns, don't you?
I am in a hurry. Or perhaps, Lupin, you mean...
Lupin Don't be hasty. Look here...
[Margo’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Wiseman Stone]
Ah, Lupin, you did it!
Lupin [Lupin yanks the Stone away from Margo]
Hold it! Ah-ah-ah! How come you got all enthusiastic so suddenly? Ah, life is a bore. How worthless and stupid it all is! Talking Dan Dunn into helping me, and going through all kinds of trouble to get it, and look at your attitude! Or maybe, Margo, you made some kind of a deal with somebody else for this? Well, the deal was not to ask you questions, but now you must keep your part of the deal and keep your date with me.
Lupin [Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Margo goes supposedly awry]
She sure floored me that time! I still feel a little dizzy...
Serves you right for being a playboy. If you had grabbed her in the beginning, we wouldn't have wasted our time!
Lupin, women and business are not compatible.
Lupin Stop trying to find fault with me! It was all calculated from the start! [puts on the headphones Dan Dunn had given him as Dunn searches for the signal planted on the Wiseman Stone]
Huh. What a fantastic brain.
Lupin The Pharaohs said that eternal life, the dream of perpetual youth which the Emperor Xi searched for, is concealed in the Wiseman Stone, which has been handed down from time immemorial. Hm, I see.
Have you finished with your history lesson?
Lupin Don't be funny! I'm not studying 'cause I like it! You know that stone is not just a simple little pebble, don't you? [passes the books to Don Samurai and Dan Dunn] Ah, if you don't believe me, read it for yourself.
Someone's pulling our leg.
I guess so. [drinks from his wine glass] Margo's getting smarter.
That's nothing unusual, it's just wasted time. [gets up]
Lupin Toilet?
Don't you try my patience! I'm leaving!
Lupin Samurai...
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
The weapons and food are all gone.
Lupin Thanks a lot; I can see that.
[kicking debris, grunting angrily]
Lupin! Forget that woman. This is it. I've had enough; I've reached my limit! And it must have been Margo who told them about this place of ours! If you don’t drop her, I'm getting out of this deal right now!
Lupin Oh, stop joking.
Joking? I thought you were the one who was joking! It was a mistake to take this job from a female. And then, out of sheer vanity, you decided to accept evil in return for good!
Lupin You mean all females have a wicked nature?
The thing I can't stand is that secret, indecent intention of yours!
Forget it. That's one thing you can never cure.
And just what are you to Lupin? If you were a true friend, you should have cured his immoral habit years ago!
Don't get hysterical, you crazy man!
[a standoff between Don Samurai and Dunn ensues]
I've been wanting to cut that hat of yours.
I want to see if you're hiding a bald head!
Lupin Oh, all right, all right! I realized I was wrong! I'll reform, I'll reform! I promise I'll drop Margo like a hot potato! Now, let's change the mood and leave! You don't want to stay here and starve, do you?
Lupin, where are you going?
Lupin If we go over that mountain along the border, we'll get to the Atlantic Ocean.
Idiot! That's more than 100 kilometers!
Lupin It's just the width of a finger on one of those world maps!
Lupin [Lupin finishes the dinner while Margo (Fujiko) sleeps]
Some fun! Some fun! After leading me into temptation like that! It's just too bad that I'm not Alain Delon! Oh, how disgusting. I didn't know that a girl like you was just all talk! [He finishes the food, then throws down the pan. He grabs a hatchet] I finished eating. Now's the time to appeal to my true violent nature. Here I come!
[He slashes at the door and breaks it down. He looks at Margo with a lecherous expression and bounds in, then jumps out of his underwear. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting hazy. He lands face down on the ground beside Margo, completely naked] [gently shaking him]
Lupin! Lupin, get up! [She realizes she can't wake him up and holds up the medicine bottle] I didn't know that drug was so effective. [Lupin lets out a stertorous exhale. Margo gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] Lupin, I'm doing all this for your sake, you know.
Lupin Uh, excuse me, but could you... huh? [freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face, then bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic] Heil Hitler! [relaxes after Hitler passes him by] Well, now! You never know these days...
And are you looking for something?
Lupin You're the head doctor? I'd like to find the host of this party.
[laughs]
This is not a mental hospital, and we are not having a costume ball, either. These are all the actual people, just as you see them here, Lupin. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified] I am Mamo. I now have the Wiseman Stone.
Lupin You're Margo's client?
The reason I didn't take the Stone personally was that I wanted to know you. I'm satisfied with the result. You are the greatest thief on the face of the Earth.
Lupin I already know that, but I'm not working for you, and I never will!
I haven't forgotten your compensation. I intend to give you the greatest gift of eternal life.
Lupin Oh, come off it! There's nothing good about living so long, you degenerated kid!
I do feel sorry for your foolish extra-un-ordinary conceptions.
Lupin Stop using those big words! Just give me back the stone! [charges at Mamaux and almost falls off the platform]
[laughs]
Don't be so timid now.
Lupin Damn! [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo] This trick with the hard glass is old stuff now! Just give me the... [falls screaming through an invisible hole and makes a hard landing on his rear end] Ouch, that smarts! [gets up as Mamo cackles at him] Where are you, Mamaux? This time, you got me really angry, you know! I'LL FIX YOU!
Lupin Ah, it's time for us to have a little fun!
No, wait, you! I've got something to tell you.
Lupin Come on, you don't mind, do you? The time is ripe.
Lupin Darling...
Lupin [The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamaux's throne room. Mamaux stares at them, outraged]
Oh, I don't think it's possible to behave now! [Margo tickles Lupin] Oh, that's ticklish! Oh, I've gotten to the point of no return, Margo! You've got to do something! [Margo knees him in the crotch] Do something, Margo, come on!
[finally at the end of his rope]
NOW, BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!
[Mamaux shows Lupin and Margo surveillance footage of Dan Dunn and Don Samurai] [chuckling]
I believe your friends have arrived.
Lupin Oh, it's them!
Lupin [Detective Scott, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Even the old shamus! [laughs] This is getting crazier and crazier!
The man who's entertaining him right now is an ancient Chinese philosopher.
Lupin You mean he’s paranoiac and thinks he is...
Lupin You mean a real nut?
[Mamaux shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Listen carefully. It took me 10,000 years to collect them. Politics, religion, philosophy, art. I preserved the most brilliant men in history from every field, and right now they still exist here. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Well, here's a prophecy: in but a few more days, the world will come to an end. Only those chosen by me will live... for eternity. Only... beautiful and superior things can obtain eternal life from me.
Lupin [apparently deep in thought]
Now I get it. So that's it... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Lupin [still chuckling]
Oh, very artistic and original drama! I give you credit! The gift of eternal life, followed by the destruction of the world! Oh, that's very good!
Ah, how ignorant and stubborn he is! You see what I mean, Margo? This man does not have the type of brain that should live throughout eternity.
[Margo is put off by Mamaux's statement]
Margo, it will only be you who will have eternal life.
Well, if I can't be with Lupin, then I don't want it.
Oh, I'd like to have eternal youth... but I don't want to stay around and see Lupin as a shrivelled-up old man.
[referring to Mamaux's promise of eternal life]
Oh, terrible! Everything he said was a lie.
Lupin Not all of it. It's true that he's trying to find a way to avoid death.
Don't be stupid. You know that's impossible.
Lupin A clone, you know.
Lupin It's a scientific method used to make an exact copy of a human being. They only need a single hair; anyway, all they need is one cell to fiddle around with; to make a perfect look-alike. If you go on repeating that process, one man could go on living, forever and ever!
If what you say is true, then the one who was executed...
Lupin All you need is a single hair... to make a perfect look-alike...
History was made by my continuous interference. Understand? A clone was the passage to God!
Lupin What a man! So my being born was also some of your doing?
[chuckles]
You are nothing but an animal given birth by an absurdity! And to help make your work easier for you, I made an exact copy of you - and I wonder what happened to it? The man who was executed could have been the original Lupin.
Lupin Don't talk stupid! I am what I am: the genuine Lupin III!
I would think about it if I were you!
[He disappears, laughing]
[Dan Dunn tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamaux]
Don't go, Lupin!
Lupin Well... y'know, he stole my dream. I've got to get it back.
You mean that woman, don't you?
Lupin You sure are the classic type - completely hopeless.
So... even a clone has its limitations.
The transfer of chromosome information has not been exactly 100% complete. As you repeat the copying process, the image begins to fade... the endless clone chain reaction has been disturbing the cell system. For 130 generations, I have preserved my original body in all its exact detail by floating it in a special Ringer's Solution. Since then, my bodies have all been copies of a copy.
Lupin You mean that... you're an inferior quality Mamaux?
All this is for the sake of immortality... [dies]
[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]
It seems you do not fear death. All right, then I will tell you. It was your copy who was executed. You are, indeed, the original Lupin. Now, die with peace of mind! [He sends a barrage of lasers at Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]
Lupin [in thought]
Samurai, you saved my life.
Lupin [Margo has escaped on Dan Dunn's plane instead of Lupin]
Ah, no no no no! This is no way!
[laughing]
Women are all like that!
Lupin [An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]
Old man!
Yeah, let's get out of here!
[chuckles as he lifts the casket lid]
Who do you think you are, Count Dracula? Well, I read the book, and Dracula gets his in the end, just like you're gonna get yours. Here! Let me treat you a nice "stake" dinner! [stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. He recognizes a very alive Lupin] MY!
Lupin Why, Detective Zenigata! Long time no see, Old Man.
Lupin! You're dead! Wait a second, that stiff in the coffin, that was you, right?!
Lupin So they say. I'm a little confused myself.
They guaranteed that you were deader than a doornail! There wasn't a shadow of a doubt!
Lupin It's news to me. Frankly, I've never felt better in my life.
Well, just hold still a second and we can fix that! [swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Zenigata catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]
Lupin Hate to cut this short, but dead or alive, I think it's time I got out of here. [takes off, chuckling] Now don't forget to write!
Ya little...! I'll be writing "rest in peace" on your tombstone when I'm done with you! That lousy little thief, I knew he was still alive! [laughs] You had everyone else falling for it! Not Zenigata; this is one detective you can't shake that easily! This is one guy who's gonna dog your every step to the very gates of Hell!
Lupin Uh, did we touch it?
Afraid so. We better hurry.
Lupin You know you can't just hurry through a setup like this. [Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.] Give me 80 centimeters.
Right. [Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.] Lupin.
Lupin What now?
So who was that guy they hanged in Transylvania anyway?
Lupin Well, it was me. That's what all the evidence says. He had my DNA, my fingerprints, everything.
I hate hearing weird stuff like that.
Lupin You and me both. It's enough to shake a guy's confidence. At the rate we're going, I'm starting to wonder if maybe he was the real Lupin.
Give it up, Lupin! We've got the whole pyramid surrounded! Go that way! Seal the exits! Hop to it! Hit those lights!
[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]
Well, seems you were right after all.
Hey, what's with all the guns?
[taken aback]
What do you mean?
Listen, I want that little rat taken alive! No shooting, is that understood?
[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]
I do not take orders...!
[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]
Who do you think you are?
[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]
What are you waiting for, you sons of goats? FIRE!
[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]
Not so fast, we got him just where we want him! There's no way down from up there!
Lupin [As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]
Too bad. I thought we'd finally seen the last of that mangy fedora of yours.
What are you talking about? The hat's my trademark, kinda like you and your bad haircut!
Lupin What the...? GOEMON!
Lupin [Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Oh, I see your point.
There's no way out, wise guy! You're surrounded!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Oh no, here we go again...! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Lupin Take it easy! You wouldn't want a sunstroke, Detective, not at your age!
[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he steps into a sand trap in his path]
What the...?! [falls in]
Lupin Well, it looks like you found some shade! Catch you later!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
You dirty rat! [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] I know I've said this before, but don't think you've seen the last of me! Wherever you go, I'll track you down, and when I do, it ain't gonna be pretty!
Lupin [Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko, who gasps] [melodramatic, clears his throat]
My love is like a red, red rose!
Lupin [in a mock English accent]
A rose is a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!
What is this, English lit. 101?
Lupin [walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit, clears his throat]
How like a rose thou art! Oh, your beauty dazzles my eyes! Your thorns pierce my heart! [smells the rose, changes back to his normal accent] And that stuff didn't come out of any book, by the way. I made that part up all by myself.
Don't give up your day job, okay? Shouldn't we get down to business?
Lupin [in an uncharacteristically deep voice]
I long to undress thee Fujiko petal by petal...
Great. Now it's getting obscene.
Lupin I long to plant thee in my garden of love, water thee with my tears, and fertilize thee with my kisses, Fujiko!
Enough of the fertilizer, Lupin. Get that bud out of my face before I plant it.
Lupin So typical of the materialistic modern woman. [throws the rose away] All they want is expensive jewelry.
All I want is what we agreed to. [gasps] What are you babbling about? Did you find the gemstone?!
Lupin Does Santa Claus wear a red suit?
[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]
That's it, all right. Hand it over!
Lupin [Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko] [tutting]
Fujiko! You cut me to the quick! I can't believe how unromantic you are! I mean, I risked my life to bring you this bauble, not to mention expenses! And what do I get in return for all my toil and trouble? "Hand it over." Tell me, who's the pebble for, anyway? I assume you're acting for someone else, right? So don't tell me. It doesn't really matter. The fact remains that your part of the bargain was to go on a date with me, remember?
Lupin [Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
You know, deep down I think that woman is crazy about me.
Yeah, I'm sure that's why she double-crossed you. Good thing we double-crossed her first...
Lupin, the road to Hell is paved with pretty women.
Lupin What's the matter with you, Goemon? Did your mom drop you when you were a baby or something? [puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Philosopher's Stone]
Shut up. I'm trying to pick up the transmitter's signal.
Lupin According to ancient Egyptian texts, the Pharaohs believed that the secret of eternal youth was contained in the legendary... Philosopher's Stone, a jewel for which men have searched since time immemorial.
Heh. If you buy that, I've got some Siberian beachfront property on sale.
Lupin I know it's nuts, but someone believes it! That's why Fujiko wanted it so bad. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Here, take a look. It's all in there.
The woman is pulling your leg, Lupin.
He'd rather she pull something else. [drinks from his wine glass]
This is pointless. We watch sparrows while eagles pass overhead. [gets up]
Lupin Come again?
This business is unworthy of me.
Lupin Hey, come on!
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
No weapons, no food, no nothing. They must have got here first.
Lupin No kidding. So you don't think it was termites?
[kicking debris]
Look. It's obvious what happened. We know who must have told them about this place – a certain redhead with a motorcycle and a skin-tight black leather jumpsuit on! She’s nothing but bad luck; either you dump her or you can count me out.
Lupin Will you give it a rest?!
It is you who should give it a rest, Lupin. This infantile need to prove your virility is humiliating to behold... and dangerous. Your lust for this creature has blinded you to her true nature.
Lupin [sighing]
You're jealous. Both of you.
I warn you – abandon these indecent cravings for the sake of your soul.
Save it. You'll never change him by preaching at him, Goemon.
And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? You just encourage him. You treat it as some kind of joke. You're worse than he is.
Hey, I don't have to listen to this!
[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
Be careful I don't sink my blade into that hat of yours.
On second thought, I'd probably hit solid rock.
Lupin Hey, now! Hold on! Calm down! You're right, you're right! Fujiko is history, okay? I'll drop her, I swear. And that's a fact! No more women, okay? So let's head for the coast. Unless you'd rather stay here and starve to death!
No, but how are we going to get there? Huh? [Lupin ignores him] Lupin, the coast is 100 kilometers from here!
Lupin It's a couple of inches on the map, that's all. How long can that take us?
Lupin [Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Oh, this is great. Just terrific! Acting like it's all my fault. 'Scuse me, lady, but you were the one who started it! "Oh, at last, we're all alone together, just you and me." What was I supposed to think, you wanted to play Chinese checkers? [He eats the last of the food, then throws the pan to the ground and grabs a hatchet] Finished dinner... Now I could use a little strawberry tart for dessert.
[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down. He jumps into Fujiko's room, giggling gleefully, and dives out of his underwear, into the air, in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy] Oh... dear.
[He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude]
Lupin? [She gently shakes him] Lupin! Oh, I hope I didn't give him too much. [She picks up a medicine bottle] Boy, these drops work even faster than I thought. [Lupin begins to snore softly] He'll never trust my cooking again.
[She gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] [over the transmitter]
Fujiko, my lovely. Done so soon?
Lupin Excuse me, officer... [freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face, then bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic] Heil, mein Führer! [relaxes after Hitler passes him by] First Napoleon, then Hitler? It's gotta be a dream, 'cause none of it's true.
Lupin Yeah, whoever's in charge of this loony bin. What is this, Costume Day for the inmates?
[laughs]
Such wit. This is neither an insane asylum nor a masquerade ball. Those particular individuals you have met are not imitations, Lupin, but the real thing. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified] Oh, yes. I know who you are. And in case you haven't guessed who I am, I am Mamo.
Lupin Yeah, you're Fujiko's boss.
I hired her to bring me the Philosopher's Stone, and now at last it's mine, no thanks to you. Still, I wanted to meet you; you are the greatest thief on the face of the Earth.
Lupin Gee, tell me something I don't know. Look, I'm not working for you, if that's what you have in mind.
Actually, I've been thinking about your compensation for the Stone, and I've decided to give you the greatest gift of all: eternal life.
Lupin How thrilling. But, if you don't mind, I'd rather you just gave me back the Stone, you little wacko.
The prophet is always regarded as a madman by those too backwards to see the truth.
Lupin Well, then you must be getting used to it by now. Come on, hand it over! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
Men like you never trust what they cannot see.
Lupin Oh, yeah? [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo] OK, pal, enough with the sight gags! [falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him] YOU'RE A LUNATIC! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF: I'M THE GREATEST THIEF ON EARTH! I'LL GET THAT STONE! COUNT ON IT!
Lupin Now, where were we? [He growls seductively]
Whoa, there, tiger. This is no time for that.
Lupin Aw, baby, how can you say that? You're here... I'm here...
[enjoying it]
Stop it now.
Lupin It's kismet!
Come on. This floor is freezing.
Lupin [The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I can't help it. There's something about an elevator. Must be the up-and-down motion. I lose all self-control. [Fujiko tickles him] Don't do that. Don't get me wrong. [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] It's your mind I love.
[finally at the end of his rope]
All right, you two, that's quite enough of that!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]
Ah. Must be friends of yours, if I'm not mistaken.
Lupin Yeah, we've crossed paths a couple of times.
And what's more, there's somebody else...
Lupin [Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] Well, he sure is persistent. I'll give him that.
The person he's talking to is Laozi, the ancient Chinese philosopher.
Lupin You mean a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks he's Laoz...
Lupin You mean a real nut... am I right?
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
I have populated my island with the most brilliant men and women in history. Geniuses from every field–politics, philosophy, religion, art. It has taken me 10,000 years to collect them all. Superior, every one! This thriving community will live on here even after the rest of the world has gone up in smoke, a development which I regrettably foresee happening in the next day or two. Only those fortunate few chosen by me for their brilliance, or their beauty, will survive the coming cataclysm and be assured of immortality.
Lupin [apparently deep in thought]
Brilliant. It's so simple... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Lupin [still chuckling]
When it comes to wackos, you take the cake, Pee-Wee! A post-apocalyptic country club? Now I think I've heard everything!
Look at this man, Fujiko! This is the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with? This ignorant fool who laughs like a hyena at his own impending doom?
Lupin [Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement] [annoyed]
Okay, there's no need to get personal.
I refuse to grant the gift of immortality to one so unworthy!
Well, if that's the way you want to be, you can just count me out, too!
What's the point of being forever young and lovely? It's no fun if I have to sit by and watch him getting old and shriveled up!
[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
So he's just another rich, dirty old man. It was all lies.
Lupin Not completely. Maybe the guy has found the secret of immortality...
Yeah, right. Don’t tell me you believe that rubbish.
Lupin He's a clone.
Lupin C'mon, he has to be. It's the only possibility that makes sense! All you need is a single cell from a living thing in order to make a clone, or perfect copy, of it. And if you repeated the process, over and over, that thing, whatever it is, could conceivably go on living forever and ever!
If this is for real, did you ever think that maybe that guy they hanged in Transylvania…
Lupin Wasn't me after all, but a clone of me, yeah! That would certainly explain things!
Do you understand now? It's ironic; in making myself immortal, I made myself into a god.
Lupin Give me a break, will ya? What's all that supposed to mean? That you created me as well? In your dreams.
Not one of my proudest accomplishments, I have to admit. I also created a perfect clone of you. And we know what happened to him. Or perhaps you are he? It's possible the real Lupin died on that gibbet in Transylvania.
Lupin Oh, I'm the real one, all right. The genuine article. Don't you worry!
We'll never be absolutely sure, will we?
[He disappears, laughing]
[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo] [firmly]
You're not going, Lupin.
Lupin He stole something that belongs to me. Now I want it back.
All this because of some damn woman.
Lupin Buddy, I feel sorry for you. You're completely hopeless.
[Jigen's lips part in surprise. He stands in shock as he watches Lupin go]
Yes. Even a clone has its limitations.
The transfer of chromosomal data is never 100% complete. There are always imperfections, unnoticeable at first, but as the cloning is repeated age after age, these distortions become more pronounced. Despite all my efforts, once my original form began to decay, I had to make second generation clones, and then third, and then fourth. What you see is a copy of a copy of a copy.
Lupin So you've degenerated into an inferior Mamo.
Eternity... is a long time. [dies]
[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]
Feeling suicidal, are we? I don't blame you. Just to show there are no hard feelings, I will tell you. It was your clone they hanged in Transylvania. So you're the real Lupin. Now, you may die with peace of mind.
Lupin [Laughing maniacally, he sends beams of lasers to home in on Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the beams back at Mamo] [in thought]
Goemon, I owe you one.
Lupin [Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Lupin]
Thanks a bunch.
Well! Man, I tell you, pal, they're all alike!
Lupin [An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]
Whaddaya say?
Mm-hmm. Let's get out of here!
[Mamo shows Wolf and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends have foolishly followed you here.
And someone else is tracking them, apparently.
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Wolf, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Well, whaddya know! [laughs] The plot's thickening up very nicely!
He's cornered one of the greatest philosophers in the history of the world.
You mean some paranoid nut who thinks he is...
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Try to listen carefully and see if your poor brain can grasp that I've gathered the most brilliant men in history; from the fields of art, religion, philosophy and politics here! Not as some sort of conjuring trick, but an actual fact! Another thought that might let your poor brain boggle is that nothing is permanent, and even the world will one day be a mere glitch in the memory of God, who made all living beings. That time is near! Within one or two weeks, the world will end not with a whimper... but with a bang. Only people who are beautiful or mentally superior will live beyond it – those I choose!
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, boy... this poor brain's in pain. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Lupin [still chuckling]
I gotta give you top marks for thinking up such a brilliant plotline! You get life forever, but nowhere left to live it in! Oh, yes, I like it!
You may think mockery is clever, but it merely makes you look like a blinkered imbecile! Well, Fujiko? Do you see how little he deserves the attention of a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you?
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
He shall not live eternally as I intend that you shall.
I’m sorry, but if Wolf's not in the deal, I’m not interested.
Sure, I'd like a slice of eternal youth... but I wouldn't want to spend it watching him going bald and clutching a Zimmer frame!
[chuckles as he lifts the casket lid]
Give it a rest, Lupin, will ya? All right, now let's see just how far you're willing to take this little "charade", ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE! [stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. The Inspector is showered in rubble] Ow. [He hears familiar laughter coming from the ceiling. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]
Lupin Yeah. The old "exploding Lupin" trick, and you fell for it!
Lupin! [gasps] You're alive! Ah, ah! But... you died last spring!
Lupin Yeah, I know. I heard that rumor, too.
Huh! So, you're telling me you had "nothing to do with it", huh?!
Lupin I'm really just as mystified as you are, Pops.
What kind of fool do you think I am?! [swings a piece of wood at Lupin]
Lupin [dodges]
Whoa! Hey! Take it easy!
[starts chasing Lupin]
Get back here! LUPIN! [by the time he catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle] What the hell are you up to?
Lupin [Lupin chuckles and kicks a switch which activates a pair of bat wings. Zenigata exclaims]
Oh, I'd say... [He jumps onto the escape vehicle] ...at least several hundred feet, with any luck. See ya! [takes off]
What the hell?! Hey! HEY!
Lupin [chuckles]
Bye! Catch you later!
Dammit! Listen here! You can run all you want, but you can't hide forever! Oh, I knew it! I knew you were alive! [laughs] Nobody understands you the way I do, Lupin, not nobody! And I'm gonna catch you if it takes every last damn breath in my body! You hear that?!
Lupin Did I do what...I think I did?
Oh, yeah. We're screwed now.
Lupin It's just at the end of this passage. [Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.] 80 centimeters.
OK. [Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.] So Lupin.
Lupin Hmm?
That guy they executed last spring.
Lupin Hm-hmm?
Who the hell do you think it was really?
Lupin It looked like me. Our fingerprints were identical. He even had my DNA, supposedly.
Lupin Look, I don't know. This whole thing is weird and extremely creepy. Maybe we should just drop it for now.
Give it up, Lupin! Don't even think about it! Hey! Get back here! Dammit! What are you all waiting for? Move! Out of my way! Turn them on now!
[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]
Well, it appears I owe you an apology.
Hey, what's with the guns, Chief?
[taken aback]
Now, calm down...
Look, this Lupin has to be taken alive! I thought I explained that?
[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]
You insolent...!
[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]
Here he comes!
[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot him! FIRE!
[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside with a triumphant laugh]
There's no escape, Lupin! That passage goes right to the top!
[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]
Whoops! Dammit!
Lupin Ah, let your hat go, Jigen! It's time you started to look a little hipper anyway!
Yeah, like I'm gonna take fashion tips from a guy who dresses like a circus ringmaster!
Lupin Hm? Goemon, what are you doin'?!
Lupin [Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Wow! I guess you're right!
Surrender, Lupin! It's over!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Ah! Ah, son of a bitch! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Lupin Hey, Pops! Take it easy! Exercise can be awfully dangerous at your age, you know!
Lupin [Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Well, I warned you!
Lupin Catch you later!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
Lupin! I... D'OH! Grr... [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] You rotten little bastard! Get back here right now, you! Crap! Crap! Crap! I had you this time! Ugh!
[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Lupin?
Lupin [melodramatic]
Alas... only what’s left of him.
Hm. What exactly is that supposed to mean?
Lupin [walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
It means, my dear Fujiko, that you are a rose, and I have been pricked by the thorn of your indifference…
The thorn of my indifference? Oh, brother...
Lupin [smells the rose]
Fatally pricked, and now, almost completely wasted away, my darling.
[chuckling]
Fatally pricked, huh? You gotta love karma!
Lupin Yet, there is still one thing that could save me.
Lupin If your petal-like lips would but caress my own unworthy sad ones, I might yet survive, my love.
I would, but you know you’d just prick yourself all over again.
Lupin Boy, you’re all thorns. [throws the rose away] And after all I went through to get you that damn Stone!
Now, don’t try to make me feel all... [gasps] are you saying you actually did it, Lupin?!
Lupin Why, of course. Here you are.
[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]
Wow, you really did it!
Lupin [Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Hey! My God, look at you! You're not so indifferent right now, are you? I must say, I don't know why I bother. You know, Fujiko, at least I held up my end of the bargain. Well, didn't I? I got the thing for you, and no questions asked: like who you're in business with or anything, and what did I ask for in return? A little human consideration, just the pretense that you care about me; but apparently, it's too much to ask.
Lupin [Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
Hm... ah, now that feels a lot better!
So if we'd done things my way to start with...
Lupin Hm?
Oh, what the hell, never mind!
Right. Don't forget that Lupin is a masochist, Jigen.
Lupin Come on. That's not true. I do not enjoy being made a fool of.
[trying to get a signal on the hidden transmitter]
Well, you sure do fake it pretty good.
Lupin Eternal life! Immortality! That's got to be it--mankind's most fervent desire! The Pharaohs, Emperors of China, they were all obsessed with finding the Philosopher's Stone! Look, that was supposed to be the key!
So Professor, is all this stuff gonna be on the test?
Lupin Fine! Be that way! I just thought you might wanna know why people are gonna be trying to kill ya! [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Look--here!
It is just a colorful myth.
Absolutely. [drinks from his wine glass] Of course, Fujiko wants to believe in it.
A major waste of effort for all of us again! [gets up]
Lupin Hitting the can?
No. I'm out of this. I'm going home.
Lupin Goemon...!
Apparently, somebody didn't get the joke.
Lupin Yeah. Luckily, we're only about ten miles from the safe house we just bought.
[looks at Lupin incredulously]
Yeah?
[Lupin returns a defensive look]
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
Food, weapons... whoever the hell these guys are, they're real thorough.
Lupin Yeah, this wasn't any accident.
[kicking debris]
Son of a bitch! Look, I'm just gonna spit it out. There's no other possible explanation. Somebody had to have tipped them off, and there's only one person that that can be. This is it, man; you're just gonna have to choose between us and her!
Lupin Aw, c'mon, Jigen...
No, he’s right. Bad enough that your infantile addiction to this woman has consistently rendered you an unreliable business partner. But even now, as she conspires with others to have us killed, you continue to defend her! It shows that...
Lupin Please. Go on. Shows what?
...that you are a weak man of no conviction and no honor!
Lupin [scowling]
Hm!
Come on. You're being a little too harsh, aren't you, Goemon?
It is only natural for you to defend the actions of Lupin, especially since you are responsible for some of his sins as well.
What? Why, you pious jerk!
[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
Hm!
I've always wanted to slash that ridiculous hat of yours!
Lupin Guys, come on!
It's probably hiding a bald spot as big as your ass!
Lupin Hey, wait! Come on! Look! You're right, okay? I'll turn over a brand new leaf. The woman is... history! Word of honor! Now shake hands, and let's move on, okay? I said let's go, alright, guys?
One little question: where are we going?
Like water, Lupin always gravitates towards the ocean.
Damn it, Lupin! Do you have any idea how far that is?
Lupin Hey, it's only a little inch on the atlas! Sheesh...
Lupin [Lupin finishes the food while Fujiko sleeps]
Typical! You all want to be the center of a guy's universe. But as soon as he actually acts like it, it's "Oh, I didn't mean like that. I mean, adoring me is fine, but wanting me's kind of icky." [He finishes the food and throws down the pan, grabbing a hatchet] Well... we can drivel about love vs. desire all night. But I think... we can both agree that you drive me crazy! [He slashes at Fujiko's door]
Lupin, what are you...? [Lupin breaks the door down completely and springs inside, laughing maniacally] Lupin, now just...! [Lupin throws off Fujiko's cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him] Lupin? Lupin! [She picks up a medicine bottle] I didn't know this stuff was so damn potent. [Lupin begins to snore softly. Fujiko gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] This is all for your own good, lover.
Lupin Uh, excuse me, could you...? [freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face] Huh... [bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic] Heil, mein Führer!
Lupin [Lupin relaxes after Hitler passes him by]
Hm? Hm, no way. It can't be true.
Are you looking for something?
Lupin Are you the hospital director, or just another one of the inmates?
You seem to be under the misapprehension that this is some sort of an asylum for the insane. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth, Mr. Lupin. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]
Lupin Uh...
Yes, I am Mamo. I have obtained the Philosopher's Stone now.
Lupin You're the big scary bad guy?
Of course, I could have done it myself, but I simply wanted to test your mettle. Your reputation is well-deserved; you may indeed be the greatest thief ever.
Lupin Yeah, but it's not good for business when people rip me off!
What would you say if I told you that by way of compensation I was prepared to make an offer of eternal life?
Lupin I'd say that when it comes to living, more ain't necessarily more!
I see you personify the type of genius that's incapable of rational thought.
Lupin All I want is that Stone back! Now, just...! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
[laughs]
Something the matter, Mr. Lupin? No? Well, come along, then.
Lupin [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]
I was giving you more credit than you deserve! [falls screaming through an invisible hole and makes a hard landing on his rear end] Oh, me and my big mouth...! [gets up as Mamo cackles at him] Hey, Mamo! You think that's so funny? Well, you'll be laughing on the other side of your mouth, you hear me?
Lupin Now, where were we?
Hold on, Lupin. I have to tell you something.
Lupin It can wait! Come on now...
[enjoying it]
No, please, I'm serious!
Lupin Come on!
Lupin [The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
It's all right, baby, we're all alone. [Fujiko tickles him] No fair! Cut it out! Resistance... [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] ...is futile!
[finally at the end of his rope]
IF YOU TWO ARE QUITE FINISHED!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Friends of yours, Lupin?
Lupin How the hell did they get here?!
Ah, but wait. There's more!
Lupin [Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] He always said he'd follow me into the depths of Hell!
Look. He’s interrogating Laozi, the great ancient philosopher.
Lupin Or some fruitcake who thinks he's Laozi...
Lupin Okeydokey!
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Laugh if you will, but this is the work of 10,000 years. A masterwork, if I say so myself. The leading lights of science, philosophy, art. All under one roof, and all are perfectly real!
Lupin Hm! So, sort of a Noah's Ark?
Let's just say that if you've never given any thought about the world, starting now would either be a particularly good idea, or a pathetically pointless one, if you catch my drift, Mr. Lupin.
Lupin Uh?!
Because the time is nigh, Mr. Lupin, but sadly the guest list is... quite short. Only the elite of history's most brilliant and beautiful people!
Lupin [apparently deep in thought]
Oh, uh... I'm sorry to hear that. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Lupin [still laughing]
No, I mean, it's just after all that work – an ugly, demented gnome like you isn't even eligible!
Huh. Quite annoying. That's exactly what I’m talking about, my dear Fujiko. Obviously, eternal life would be wasted on a vulgarian like that man there.
[put off by Mamo's statement]
Hm.
Lupin [mistaking 'vulgarian' for 'vegetarian']
That's not true. I eat meat!
He's not even in our class. In fact, he's barely in our species!
Well, if Lupin can't come along, I'm not interested.
Lupin Hm?!
He's hard enough to take now. Imagine him all grumpy and flabby!
[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
I can't believe it. It was all a lie!
Lupin Maybe it wasn't. I think he was researching immortality...
He's just another wacky old rich guy.
Lupin Or a clone.
Lupin You said it yourself. The guy had the bucks to pull anything off! Technologically, it's not a big deal anymore. Just a little dab of DNA'll do ya, and theoretically, if you repeat the process over and over again, you – or, successive copies of you – could live forever.
Well, it certainly would explain the mystery of your dear departed doppelganger...
Lupin And a single strand of my hair is really all anybody would have needed to do it.
Anybody with a few billion dollars to play with...
What you call history is nothing more than my restless self-diversion. Cloning was my entrée to godhood.
Lupin Are you saying I owe my very existence to you?
[chuckling]
Lupin, you're nothing but a random byproduct of my whim. And yet, being an idiot has its advantages. A smarter man than you might be tempted to wonder what really happened last spring. Was it the copy that was executed... or the original?
Lupin Why, you son of a bitch! I know who the hell I am!
You see, it's a philosophical riddle.
[He disappears, cackling]
[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo]
Don't be a friggin' idiot!
Lupin That's just it... I'd be an idiot if I didn't go!
The world is full of women, Lupin.
Lupin It's lousy with women... but not with love.
Yes. The process has its limitations.
The transfer of the chromosomal data is never accomplished with complete fidelity. There are… anomalies, infinitesimally small in each case, but the cumulative effect of such - chaotic - pollution... can be observed after only a dozen or so generations, and what you see before you is a 130th generation facsimile. I am but a faint, distorted echo of myself.
Lupin But you were always distorted by your obsession.
But is it not... everyone’s obsession? [dies]
[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]
You are so brave. Very well. If that's what you want, I'll grant you a hero's death. And since I'm feeling magnanimous, I'll even reveal to you, that it was your clone who died last spring! Now, REST! IN! PEACE!
Lupin [Laughing maniacally, he sends beams of lasers to home in on Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the beams back at Mamo] [in thought]
Thanks, Goemon... wherever you are.
Lupin Uh, well, what if I told you that the real Lupin was the guy that got executed last spring?
Yeah? You can die a hundred more times for all I care, it doesn't change a thing! As long as there's even one of you left, I'll keep following you straight through the gates of Hell!
