This is the respected U.S. Navy?
Unforgivable. This is way too unreal.
It might be us who are unreal.
Stand up! Here is Special Assistant to the President, Mr. Stuckey. [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
He said... this is the guy who is manipulating the highest ranking top-dog in the world. Or so he says. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President Jimmy Carter and the Secretary General]
Mr. President, are the organizations of your country under control? I was blackmailed.
Our orders are to provide all scientific data in the area of biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics. If we refuse, they will attack us with nuclear missiles.
I was blackmailed the same way. We have proof that he's not bluffing. Some of our communication satellites have been destroyed.
That is of no concern, as long as it's not caught.
Mamo That's right. It is I, Mamo... [Stuckey stops the tape]
Stuckey No explanation is needed regarding the two men conversing. What we want to know is who the mysterious blackmailer is who broke into the secure-line conversation. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
Mamo It is I, Mamo, the highest intelligence on Earth. A prophet... Or you can call me God.
Someone claiming to be God making such a strange request?
Mamo Request? This is an order. You would both understand if you knew how the world was made. [Gordon stops the tape]
Stuckey The rest is classified. In any case, we find that his threat is not a bluff.
Is that so? [lights a cigarette] Well, this does not concern us.
Stuckey That's not true. What Mamo is requesting was stolen by Lupin. Let me get to the point. Where is Mamo's home base?
Keeping secrets won't do you any good. You were always with Lupin. [Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] What's this?
It's a clue on Lupin. Handwritten by the woman who has been deceiving him. It says "water," right?
If we knew, we wouldn't be here now.
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Stuckey and Jigen backwards]
Don't talk rubbish! [grabs Jigen by his shirt] There are many ways to torture you!
Is this what you call "democracy"? If that's the case, let me tell you something.
I used to be a fan of Monroe and Humphrey Bogart, but not anymore!
Stuckey Gordon. Looks like they really don't know anything. [whispers to Gordon, who opens a door] We will approach this from a different angle. You will be released immediately.
You'd better appreciate this democracy! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Hmph. I don't need to change my mind now.
Mamo Are you looking for something?
Are you the asylum director? I'd like to meet the party organizer.
Mamo [laughs]
This is neither a psychiatric ward nor a costume party. They're who they seem to be, Lupin. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified] I am Mamo. I've received the Philosopher's Stone.
You're Fujiko's employer?
Mamo I didn't steal it myself, so that I could test your ability. I'm satisfied with the result. You're the greatest thief in history.
So what? I'm not in this business for you.
Mamo Not to forget your compensation... I'm thinking about giving you eternal life.
There you go. Nothing good comes from longevity, old buddy-boy.
Mamo It is unfortunate that you have such an aberrant way of thinking.
Stop your mumbling, and give me back the stone! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
Mamo [laughs]
Don't be shy, Lupin. Come on, catch me.
Crap! [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo] I'm so sick of the trick with reinforced glass. So... [falls through an invisible hole] Ahh! [makes a hard landing on his rear end] Ouch! Ouch! [gets up as Mamo cackles at him] Where are you, Mamo? I'm gonna get you! Remember that!
Now why don't we take time and enjoy?
Hold on. I have to tell you something important.
Come on, come on. Why don't you?
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I'm losing control...
Ah, I'm gonna tickle you! [tickles Lupin]
I'm ticklish... ticklish! I can't take it anymore, Fujiko! [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] Fujiko. Go along with me...
Mamo [finally at the end of his rope]
That's enough!!
Mamo [Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends, Lupin.
Mamo And one more person...
[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Pops, too? [laughs] Now things are getting wacky!
Mamo The fellow he's talking to is the ancient Chinese philosopher.
You mean a paranoid who believes he's...
Mamo He IS the real one!
Mamo [Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Listen carefully. This is my collection from the past 10,000 years. The most brilliant minds from every field... Politics, Philosophy, Religion, Art... I have held in storage. They still exist, as we speak. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Let me prophesize: the world will come to an end within the next few days. But only those chosen by me will continue to live... eternally. Only those who are beautiful and brilliant will be given eternal life.
[apparently deep in thought]
I see. So that's what it was... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Mamo What's so funny?
[still chuckling]
Oh, my. Your play is highly artistic. You beat me! First immortality, then the end of the world? You're awesome. Awesome!
Mamo Ahh. This lack of intelligence, the stubbornness... Don't you see, Fujiko? This man doesn't deserve eternal life.
Mamo [Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
Fujiko, only you should live forever.
If Lupin and I are not together, no thanks.
Mamo Fujiko!
Sure. I want eternal youth. But I don't want to live long and see an old and flabby Lupin.
[Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Oh, this is great. Just terrific! Acting like it's all my fault. 'Scuse me, lady, but you were the one who started it! "Oh, at last, we're all alone together, just you and me." What was I supposed to think, you wanted to play Chinese checkers? [He eats the last of the food, then throws the pan to the ground and grabs a hatchet] Finished dinner... Now I could use a little strawberry tart for dessert.
[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down. He jumps into Fujiko's room, giggling gleefully, and dives out of his underwear, into the air, in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy] Oh... dear.
[He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude]
Lupin? [She gently shakes him] Lupin! Oh, I hope I didn't give him too much. [She picks up a medicine bottle] Boy, these drops work even faster than I thought. [Lupin begins to snore softly] He'll never trust my cooking again.
Mamo [She gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] [over the transmitter]
Fujiko, my lovely. Done so soon?
All this just to bag the two of us. Boy, with the Cold War over, things must be pretty slow.
We can thank Lupin for getting us into this.
Life'd sure be dull without him, wouldn't it?
Stand up! You're in the presence of a very important government official! [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
Me neither, not even for Heinrich Gissinger, Special Adviser to--and the brains behind--the President of the United States. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President Bill Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin]
B Boris
Mr. President, my country's being blackmailed. I hope your government is not at fault.
Now calm down, Boris. That's ridiculous.
B Boris
Whoever it is demands that we hand over all of our secret scientific data on cryogenics and gene splicing. If we do not, he threatens to attack us with nuclear warheads!
Well, he's not one of ours. We've been threatened the same way. In fact, he's already knocked out two of our communication satellites!
B Boris
You do not think that we...
No, no. The Cold War's over, after all. Isn't it, Boris?
B Boris
Oh... why, yes it is. Of course! But who is this madman?
Mamo If I may, gentlemen... I am Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]
The first two voices will remain unidentified. They are of no concern. What we want is the identity of the man who broke in on their top-secret conversation... this blackmailer who calls himself "Mamo". [he fast-forwards part of the tape, and continues playing]
Mamo That's right – Mamo. Some have called me a prophet; others, a God.
That's an understatement. You can't believe that we'll go along with this.
Mamo You have no choice! I know every move you make before you know it yourselves. Why, I even know about that little floozy you keep in the steno pool, Mr. President. How would you like the world to find out about her?
B Boris
Floozy? What is this floozy? [Gordon stops the tape]
Aw... just when it was gettin' good.
The rest of it is immaterial. All that matters is reason to believe that this Mamo character is quite serious in his intentions.
No kiddin'. [lights a cigarette] You haven’t said... what any of this has to do with us.
Don’t be silly. We know your friend Lupin stole some objects at this fellow's request, and that you were with him when he did. Now, then... tell me everything you know about this Mamo person!
Hey, you guys know more about him than I do.
Okay, stop playing games, ya lousy beatnik! We know you're in this with Lupin up to your necks, so start coming clean! [Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin's whereabouts] Hm? What the hell's this?
It's a clue, Sherlock. His double-crossing girlfriend wrote it and dropped it out of a plane. It says "water".
[annoyed]
Yeah, I can read.
I'm impressed. You're clearly overqualified for your job. Next, they'll be hiring guys who can think...
[Growling angrily, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards. He grabs Jigen by his shirt]
Listen! We have ways of getting you to talk!
Is this the way the US Government treats folks?! Well, I got news for you, Charlie!
I've always believed in my patriotic duty to buy US savings bonds, but I never will again!
You pencil-necked little pisshead!
Gordon! It is obvious that these two know nothing. [mutters with Gordon, who opens a door] It appears we shall have to approach this problem from a different angle. In the meantime, gentlemen, you are both free to go.
You two clowns better watch your step! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Yeah. Right back atcha, ya big ape.
Mamo Looking for something?
Yeah, whoever's in charge of this loony bin. What is this, Costume Day for the inmates?
Mamo [laughs]
Such wit. This is neither an insane asylum nor a masquerade ball. Those particular individuals you have met are not imitations, Lupin, but the real thing. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified] Oh, yes. I know who you are. And in case you haven't guessed who I am, I am Mamo.
Yeah, you're Fujiko's boss.
Mamo I hired her to bring me the Philosopher's Stone, and now at last it's mine, no thanks to you. Still, I wanted to meet you; you are the greatest thief on the face of the Earth.
Gee, tell me something I don't know. Look, I'm not working for you, if that's what you have in mind.
Mamo Actually, I've been thinking about your compensation for the Stone, and I've decided to give you the greatest gift of all: eternal life.
How thrilling. But, if you don't mind, I'd rather you just gave me back the Stone, you little wacko.
Mamo The prophet is always regarded as a madman by those too backwards to see the truth.
Well, then you must be getting used to it by now. Come on, hand it over! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
Mamo Men like you never trust what they cannot see.
Oh, yeah? [steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo] OK, pal, enough with the sight gags! [falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him] YOU'RE A LUNATIC! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF: I'M THE GREATEST THIEF ON EARTH! I'LL GET THAT STONE! COUNT ON IT!
Now, where were we? [He growls seductively]
Whoa, there, tiger. This is no time for that.
Aw, baby, how can you say that? You're here... I'm here...
[enjoying it]
Stop it now.
Come on. This floor is freezing.
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I can't help it. There's something about an elevator. Must be the up-and-down motion. I lose all self-control. [Fujiko tickles him] Don't do that. Don't get me wrong. [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] It's your mind I love.
Mamo [finally at the end of his rope]
All right, you two, that's quite enough of that!
Mamo [Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]
Ah. Must be friends of yours, if I'm not mistaken.
Yeah, we've crossed paths a couple of times.
Mamo And what's more, there's somebody else...
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] Well, he sure is persistent. I'll give him that.
Mamo The person he's talking to is Laozi, the ancient Chinese philosopher.
You mean a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks he's Laoz...
Mamo No, he's the real one!
You mean a real nut... am I right?
Mamo [Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
I have populated my island with the most brilliant men and women in history. Geniuses from every field–politics, philosophy, religion, art. It has taken me 10,000 years to collect them all. Superior, every one! This thriving community will live on here even after the rest of the world has gone up in smoke, a development which I regrettably foresee happening in the next day or two. Only those fortunate few chosen by me for their brilliance, or their beauty, will survive the coming cataclysm and be assured of immortality.
[apparently deep in thought]
Brilliant. It's so simple... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Mamo You laugh?!
[still chuckling]
When it comes to wackos, you take the cake, Pee-Wee! A post-apocalyptic country club? Now I think I've heard everything!
Mamo Look at this man, Fujiko! This is the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with? This ignorant fool who laughs like a hyena at his own impending doom?
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement] [annoyed]
Okay, there's no need to get personal.
Mamo I refuse to grant the gift of immortality to one so unworthy!
Well, if that's the way you want to be, you can just count me out, too!
Mamo Fujiko!
What's the point of being forever young and lovely? It's no fun if I have to sit by and watch him getting old and shriveled up!
Mamo Do you understand now? It's ironic; in making myself immortal, I made myself into a god.
Give me a break, will ya? What's all that supposed to mean? That you created me as well? In your dreams.
Mamo Not one of my proudest accomplishments, I have to admit. I also created a perfect clone of you. And we know what happened to him. Or perhaps you are he? It's possible the real Lupin died on that gibbet in Transylvania.
Oh, I'm the real one, all right. The genuine article. Don't you worry!
Mamo We'll never be absolutely sure, will we?
[He disappears, laughing]
So, this is how Uncle Sam keeps the world safe for democracy.
All military might is an illusion.
Well, those planes look pretty real to me.
Attention! This is Special Presidential Adviser, Mr. Gissinger. [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
What's special about him?
Have you heard his accent? Apart from that, he masterminds the world's number-one big bang show. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between the US President and the Secretary General]
Mr. President. I want your assurance that the CIA is not responsible – I am being blackmailed.
Eh, how's that, Mr. Secretary?
I am to hand over all secret technical data on biochemistry, cytology and gene technology. If I refuse, my country will suffer a nuclear attack!
Hey, I've been threatened the same way. And to prove they're serious, they’ve already destroyed several of our communication satellites.
Well, it was not us, Mr. President.
I know that, Mr. Secretary. You couldn't hit one of our satellites if you tried.
Choke on your borscht. The important thing is – to find out who's behind this.
Mamo I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]
I cannot reveal who the first voices we heard belong to, but it's the third voice, which is obviously the blackmailer's, that I am interested in, who broke in on this secure hotline conversation. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
Mamo I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. The greatest intellect in the history of the world. Some call me a prophet; you may address me as God.
God?! You must be insane!
Eh, if you're God, I gotta tell you, your requests are pretty unoriginal, not to say, venial.
Mamo Request? I'm giving you and order! And if you care about mainstream, cherry pie and Dynasty as you always say, you'll jump to it! [Gordon stops the tape]
No. You do not have security clearance A-14, without which the material is too sensitive to be communicated to you at this moment in time.
That's tough. [lights a cigarette] But I don’t see... where the two of us come in.
Mamo's established positive links with the criminal named "Wolf", an associate of yours. I need him. He will lead me to this imposter who pretends to be God!
Hey, I wish I could help you, only...
Grr... I’m not putting up with crap like that! We got information which says you and Wolf have been partners for years! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Wolf’s whereabouts] So, what’s this?
That's for you guys to work out. It was written by Wolf's double-crossing girlfriend. Nothing else I can tell you.
Boy, if you're that on the ball, you'll solve this case in no time!
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards]
Don't mess me around! [grabs Jigen by his shirt] Listen! We got ways of making you talk.
C’mon, riff, shouldn’t that be his line? If this is democracy, I've had it.
I used to be a great Bogie fan, and Elvis, Dean and Marilyn... but now, I resign!
So, you really are anti-American...!
Gordon! Restrain your quite mental outrage. [whispers to Gordon] Let's use a more subtle psychological approach. [Gordon opens a door] We are convinced you are telling the truth and that you know nothing. We have therefore decided that we will let you go.
God bless America and democracy! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
This means I needn't give up Bogie!
Mamo Are you looking for someone?
Are you the head shrink? I'd like to meet whoever's hosting this party.
Mamo [laughs]
This is not a hospital, and it's not a costume ball, either. The people you've met, Wolf, are actually the people you've met. [turns to Wolf, revealing himself. Wolf gapes, horrified] My name is Mamo. Yes, I know who you are, and Fujiko no doubt mentioned me to you.
So then you're Fujiko's boss?
Mamo I now have the Wiseman Stone, but the reason I employed you to steal it rather than doing so myself is that I love seeing excellence at work. Congratulations on being the world's finest thief!
Hell, I knew that all along. But I wasn't working for you, and I'm not going to!
Mamo But I have an offer in mind, which I think you will not be able to refuse: an offer not of money, but of everlasting life.
Will you give me an advance? Listen, I've been around much too long to believe that kind of bullshit.
Mamo If that is how you respond, it seems that granting this boon to you would be a total waste.
Ah, shucks, why don't you give me the Stone back and call it quits, OK? [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
Mamo [laughs]
Eternal life would have advantages.
[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]
Who needs it to walk on glass, huh? [falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him] GO AHEAD AND LAUGH, MAMO, BUT YOU'VE GOT ME REAL MAD NOW, WHICH IS A DANGEROUS THING TO DO TO ME!
No, wait! I've got something I want to say.
Nothing like an elevator shaft to turn me on!
[enjoying it]
No, Wolf, please stop!
If you don't stop it, I may scream! [does that]
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
Oh dear, I don't think anyone heard! What shall I do?
Oh, let me have a little nibble just there!
Oh, your neck's oh so kissable!
[knees Wolf in the crotch]
Oh, my... [unintelligible]
Mamo [finally at the end of his rope]
Ew, this is puke-inducing!
Mamo [Mamo shows Wolf and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends have foolishly followed you here.
Mamo And someone else is tracking them, apparently.
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Wolf, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Well, whaddya know! [laughs] The plot's thickening up very nicely!
Mamo He's cornered one of the greatest philosophers in the history of the world.
You mean some paranoid nut who thinks he is...
Mamo No I don't, he's real!
Mamo [Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Try to listen carefully and see if your poor brain can grasp that I've gathered the most brilliant men in history; from the fields of art, religion, philosophy and politics here! Not as some sort of conjuring trick, but an actual fact! Another thought that might let your poor brain boggle is that nothing is permanent, and even the world will one day be a mere glitch in the memory of God, who made all living beings. That time is near! Within one or two weeks, the world will end not with a whimper... but with a bang. Only people who are beautiful or mentally superior will live beyond it – those I choose!
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, boy... this poor brain's in pain. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Mamo What's so funny?!
[still chuckling]
I gotta give you top marks for thinking up such a brilliant plotline! You get life forever, but nowhere left to live it in! Oh, yes, I like it!
Mamo You may think mockery is clever, but it merely makes you look like a blinkered imbecile! Well, Fujiko? Do you see how little he deserves the attention of a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you?
Mamo [Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
He shall not live eternally as I intend that you shall.
I’m sorry, but if Wolf's not in the deal, I’m not interested.
Mamo Fujiko!
Sure, I'd like a slice of eternal youth... but I wouldn't want to spend it watching him going bald and clutching a Zimmer frame!
Mamo The whole of history is nothing more than the sum of my whim! They built a bridge to God, then they became God!
You're quite a fella! I suppose that makes you responsible for me being here?
Mamo [chuckles]
Why, I've had more important things keeping me occupied, I assure you. You're just an animal form without a special reason. Oh, I did make a clone of you, though I rather lost track of it. It is possible it was hanged - or was that, in fact, the original?
No, it wasn't! The original's right here! This is the real, live, original Wolf!
Mamo You could be right, but can you be sure?
[He disappears, laughing]
US Navy. They weren’t kiddin'.
Outrageous. They cannot do this to us.
You don't read the newspapers very much, do ya?
Stand up... now! This man is the Special Assistant to the President! [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds] I said, stand!
Look. You guys went to a lot of trouble to get us here. Now why don't we just cut the crap, and get to the point? [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President George W. Bush and Russian Premier Vladimir Putin]
[clears his throat]
Yes, well...
RP Russian Premier
Mr. President, I must protest, in the strongest possible terms, the blackmailing of my administration by yours.
Mr. Premier, I'm afraid I don't...
RP Russian Premier
Please, don't insult us further. We've been threatened with nuclear attack if we don’t hand over all classified research in biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics.
Mr. Premier, we just lost two communications satellites after receiving similar demands, and frankly, the capability for such a strike...
RP Russian Premier
Mr. President, surely you're not accusing us?
Mr. Premier, I don't know what to think.
RP Russian Premier
What has your intelligence turned out?
Mamo Gentlemen, if I may interrupt...
Mamo My name is Mamo. [Starky stops the tape]
S Starky
The identification of that third voice is a matter of the utmost importance. Not only to this administration, but to the entire world. Please, listen carefully now. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
Mamo My name is Mamo. I am the living embodiment of intelligence. A prophet... a God to you.
RP Russian Premier
You’re a madman!
He’s a terrorist! Whoever he is, what kind of a God threatens humanity with universal apocalypse if he doesn’t get his way?!
Mamo I heard you weren’t much of a student in your school days, Mr. President... but apparently, even the Bible you thump so shamelessly is the Reader’s Digest edition. [Gordon stops the tape]
S Starky
The rest is classified. But, as you heard the President himself confirm, this terrorist, whoever he is, clearly has the capacity to carry out his deadly threats.
"Mamo"? [lights a cigarette] You just heard him. So what have you got on him, anyway?
S Starky
Very little, apart from the fact that your friend, Mr. Lupin, appears to have been running some errands for him lately... which is where you come in. Tell us the location of Mamo's operation!
Hey, how in the hell should we know?
Well... I'd suggest you think very hard! We're able to lock people up without a trial these days, you know! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] Hm? What the hell is this?!
Here's all I've got for ya. Broad who's been playing him dropped it from a plane. It's her handwriting.
It means you're not completely clueless anymore.
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Starky and Jigen backwards]
Mess with me... [grabs Jigen by his shirt] aaannd... you're messing with America!
Oh yeah? Is that so? And which America would that be, exactly?!
Yeah. The beacon of freedom and democracy, or the bastion of... blind arrogance?!
S Starky
Gordon. I believe him. [whispers to Gordon] I suggest we check our other leads. [Gordon opens a door] Your country thanks you for your cooperation, Mr. Jigen. We will be in touch if we require anything further.
You keep your nose clean in the meantime! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Hm! Call me a Democrat, will ya?
Mamo Are you looking for something?
Are you the hospital director, or just another one of the inmates?
Mamo You seem to be under the misapprehension that this is some sort of an asylum for the insane. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth, Mr. Lupin. [turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]
Mamo Yes, I am Mamo. I have obtained the Philosopher's Stone now.
You're the big scary bad guy?
Mamo Of course, I could have done it myself, but I simply wanted to test your mettle. Your reputation is well-deserved; you may indeed be the greatest thief ever.
Yeah, but it's not good for business when people rip me off!
Mamo What would you say if I told you that by way of compensation I was prepared to make an offer of eternal life?
I'd say that when it comes to living, more ain't necessarily more!
Mamo I see you personify the type of genius that's incapable of rational thought.
All I want is that Stone back! Now, just...! [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
Mamo [laughs]
Something the matter, Mr. Lupin? No? Well, come along, then.
[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]
I was giving you more credit than you deserve! [falls screaming through an invisible hole and makes a hard landing on his rear end] Oh, me and my big mouth...! [gets up as Mamo cackles at him] Hey, Mamo! You think that's so funny? Well, you'll be laughing on the other side of your mouth, you hear me?
Mamo [Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Friends of yours, Lupin?
How the hell did they get here?!
Mamo Ah, but wait. There's more!
[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] He always said he'd follow me into the depths of Hell!
Mamo Look. He’s interrogating Laozi, the great ancient philosopher.
Or some fruitcake who thinks he's Laozi...
Mamo It is Laozi!
Mamo [Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Laugh if you will, but this is the work of 10,000 years. A masterwork, if I say so myself. The leading lights of science, philosophy, art. All under one roof, and all are perfectly real!
Hm! So, sort of a Noah's Ark?
Mamo Let's just say that if you've never given any thought about the world, starting now would either be a particularly good idea, or a pathetically pointless one, if you catch my drift, Mr. Lupin.
Mamo Because the time is nigh, Mr. Lupin, but sadly the guest list is... quite short. Only the elite of history's most brilliant and beautiful people!
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, uh... I'm sorry to hear that. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
Mamo I imagine you are.
[still laughing]
No, I mean, it's just after all that work – an ugly, demented gnome like you isn't even eligible!
Mamo Huh. Quite annoying. That's exactly what I’m talking about, my dear Fujiko. Obviously, eternal life would be wasted on a vulgarian like that man there.
[put off by Mamo's statement]
Hm.
[mistaking 'vulgarian' for 'vegetarian']
That's not true. I eat meat!
Mamo He's not even in our class. In fact, he's barely in our species!
Well, if Lupin can't come along, I'm not interested.
Mamo Fujiko!
He's hard enough to take now. Imagine him all grumpy and flabby!
Mamo What you call history is nothing more than my restless self-diversion. Cloning was my entrée to godhood.
Are you saying I owe my very existence to you?
Mamo [chuckling]
Lupin, you're nothing but a random byproduct of my whim. And yet, being an idiot has its advantages. A smarter man than you might be tempted to wonder what really happened last spring. Was it the copy that was executed... or the original?
Why, you son of a bitch! I know who the hell I am!
Mamo You see, it's a philosophical riddle.
[He disappears, cackling]
