Fujiko [Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Lupin. Isn't it Lupin?
[melodramatic]
You are beautiful, Fujiko.
Fujiko Stop joking around, Lupin.
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
Don't be so cruel. The sweet nighttime breeze in Paris may have melted this cold-hearted soul of mine. [smells the rose] I thought I had elegantly transformed myself this evening.
Fujiko [chuckling]
Looks like it. I'm not sure if it's elegantly or not.
Oh, sweet-smelling flower. You are a rose.
Fujiko You are old-fashioned.
The pain from your thorn is giving me pleasure, as well... because I love you.
Fujiko Enough with your acting. Then why don't we close our deal?
That's pretty cold. [throws the rose away] Actually, you have too many thorns.
Fujiko I'm in a hurry. [gasps] Or, Lupin, did you possibly...?
Don't be so hasty. Here it is.
Fujiko [Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher's Stone]
Lupin, you did it!
[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Hold it. Look how much more passion you show now! How disappointing. Disappointing. Really, really disappointing... I had to convince Jigen, and we endured so much to steal this. And look how you act. Or, Fujiko, are you gonna deal with someone else? Well, I promised not to ask why. So you need to keep your promise to go out with me.
[Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Hmph! What the hell? You were seducing me mercilessly. I know I can't be Alain Delon, you know. Oh, how disgusting. I can't stomach that mushy mumbo jumbo. [He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet] Well, I'm done eating. Now I'll resort to more aggressive means!
Fujiko [He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]
Lupin? Lupin! [She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle] I didn't know this medicine was so strong. [She takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on] Lupin, this is all for your own good.
Now why don't we take time and enjoy?
Fujiko Hold on. I have to tell you something important.
Come on, come on. Why don't you?
Fujiko [enjoying it]
No, no.
Fujiko Oh, no! Help me...
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I'm losing control...
Fujiko Ah, I'm gonna tickle you! [tickles Lupin]
I'm ticklish... ticklish! I can't take it anymore, Fujiko! [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] Fujiko. Go along with me...
[finally at the end of his rope]
That's enough!!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends, Lupin.
[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Pops, too? [laughs] Now things are getting wacky!
The fellow he's talking to is the ancient Chinese philosopher.
You mean a paranoid who believes he's...
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Listen carefully. This is my collection from the past 10,000 years. The most brilliant minds from every field... Politics, Philosophy, Religion, Art... I have held in storage. They still exist, as we speak. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Let me prophesize: the world will come to an end within the next few days. But only those chosen by me will continue to live... eternally. Only those who are beautiful and brilliant will be given eternal life.
[apparently deep in thought]
I see. So that's what it was... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
[still chuckling]
Oh, my. Your play is highly artistic. You beat me! First immortality, then the end of the world? You're awesome. Awesome!
Ahh. This lack of intelligence, the stubbornness... Don't you see, Fujiko? This man doesn't deserve eternal life.
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
Fujiko, only you should live forever.
Fujiko If Lupin and I are not together, no thanks.
Fujiko Sure. I want eternal youth. But I don't want to live long and see an old and flabby Lupin.
Fujiko [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
That's awful. Everything was a lie.
Not necessarily. I'm certain that he was doing some research on immortality.
Don't be ridiculous. That's impossible.
It's a recently honed human-manufacturing technology. By taking a cell from someone's hair or any part of one's body, and giving it a little twist, you can create an exact look-alike. If you repeat this process, the same individual could live for an infinite length of time.
If that is true, then the guy who was you and got executed was...
From a single hair, you can make a copy...
Yes. Even cloning has its limitations.
Fujiko Limitations?
The chromosomal data transfer is never 100 percent perfect, just as repeated copying makes the image blurry. Too much repetition of the cloning is distorting the cells. When I reached the 130th generation, I preserved myself as the original by putting myself in the Ringer's Solution. Since then, I've been a copy of a copy.
Then that makes you a defective product of Mamo.
Everything is for immortality. [dies]
[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko, who gasps] [melodramatic, clears his throat]
My love is like a red, red rose!
Fujiko Lupin!
[in a mock English accent]
A rose is a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!
Fujiko What is this, English lit. 101?
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit, clears his throat]
How like a rose thou art! Oh, your beauty dazzles my eyes! Your thorns pierce my heart! [smells the rose, changes back to his normal accent] And that stuff didn't come out of any book, by the way. I made that part up all by myself.
Fujiko Don't give up your day job, okay? Shouldn't we get down to business?
[in an uncharacteristically deep voice]
I long to undress thee Fujiko petal by petal...
Fujiko Great. Now it's getting obscene.
I long to plant thee in my garden of love, water thee with my tears, and fertilize thee with my kisses, Fujiko!
Fujiko Enough of the fertilizer, Lupin. Get that bud out of my face before I plant it.
So typical of the materialistic modern woman. [throws the rose away] All they want is expensive jewelry.
Fujiko All I want is what we agreed to. [gasps] What are you babbling about? Did you find the gemstone?!
Does Santa Claus wear a red suit?
Fujiko [Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]
That's it, all right. Hand it over!
[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko] [tutting]
Fujiko! You cut me to the quick! I can't believe how unromantic you are! I mean, I risked my life to bring you this bauble, not to mention expenses! And what do I get in return for all my toil and trouble? "Hand it over." Tell me, who's the pebble for, anyway? I assume you're acting for someone else, right? So don't tell me. It doesn't really matter. The fact remains that your part of the bargain was to go on a date with me, remember?
[Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Oh, this is great. Just terrific! Acting like it's all my fault. 'Scuse me, lady, but you were the one who started it! "Oh, at last, we're all alone together, just you and me." What was I supposed to think, you wanted to play Chinese checkers? [He eats the last of the food, then throws the pan to the ground and grabs a hatchet] Finished dinner... Now I could use a little strawberry tart for dessert.
[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down. He jumps into Fujiko's room, giggling gleefully, and dives out of his underwear, into the air, in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy] Oh... dear.
Fujiko [He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude]
Lupin? [She gently shakes him] Lupin! Oh, I hope I didn't give him too much. [She picks up a medicine bottle] Boy, these drops work even faster than I thought. [Lupin begins to snore softly] He'll never trust my cooking again.
[She gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] [over the transmitter]
Fujiko, my lovely. Done so soon?
Now, where were we? [He growls seductively]
Fujiko Whoa, there, tiger. This is no time for that.
Aw, baby, how can you say that? You're here... I'm here...
Fujiko [enjoying it]
Stop it now.
Fujiko Come on. This floor is freezing.
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
I can't help it. There's something about an elevator. Must be the up-and-down motion. I lose all self-control. [Fujiko tickles him] Don't do that. Don't get me wrong. [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] It's your mind I love.
[finally at the end of his rope]
All right, you two, that's quite enough of that!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]
Ah. Must be friends of yours, if I'm not mistaken.
Yeah, we've crossed paths a couple of times.
And what's more, there's somebody else...
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] Well, he sure is persistent. I'll give him that.
The person he's talking to is Laozi, the ancient Chinese philosopher.
You mean a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks he's Laoz...
You mean a real nut... am I right?
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
I have populated my island with the most brilliant men and women in history. Geniuses from every field–politics, philosophy, religion, art. It has taken me 10,000 years to collect them all. Superior, every one! This thriving community will live on here even after the rest of the world has gone up in smoke, a development which I regrettably foresee happening in the next day or two. Only those fortunate few chosen by me for their brilliance, or their beauty, will survive the coming cataclysm and be assured of immortality.
[apparently deep in thought]
Brilliant. It's so simple... [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
[still chuckling]
When it comes to wackos, you take the cake, Pee-Wee! A post-apocalyptic country club? Now I think I've heard everything!
Look at this man, Fujiko! This is the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with? This ignorant fool who laughs like a hyena at his own impending doom?
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement] [annoyed]
Okay, there's no need to get personal.
I refuse to grant the gift of immortality to one so unworthy!
Fujiko Well, if that's the way you want to be, you can just count me out, too!
Fujiko What's the point of being forever young and lovely? It's no fun if I have to sit by and watch him getting old and shriveled up!
Fujiko [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
So he's just another rich, dirty old man. It was all lies.
Not completely. Maybe the guy has found the secret of immortality...
Yeah, right. Don’t tell me you believe that rubbish.
C'mon, he has to be. It's the only possibility that makes sense! All you need is a single cell from a living thing in order to make a clone, or perfect copy, of it. And if you repeated the process, over and over, that thing, whatever it is, could conceivably go on living forever and ever!
If this is for real, did you ever think that maybe that guy they hanged in Transylvania…
Wasn't me after all, but a clone of me, yeah! That would certainly explain things!
Yes. Even a clone has its limitations.
Fujiko It does?
The transfer of chromosomal data is never 100% complete. There are always imperfections, unnoticeable at first, but as the cloning is repeated age after age, these distortions become more pronounced. Despite all my efforts, once my original form began to decay, I had to make second generation clones, and then third, and then fourth. What you see is a copy of a copy of a copy.
So you've degenerated into an inferior Mamo.
Eternity... is a long time. [dies]
Fujiko [Wolf, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Wolfie?
[melodramatic]
The lovely Fujiko, unless I'm much mistaken?
Fujiko Flattery will get you anything you want... not.
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
"Flattery"? How can you be so unfair, when the soft breezes of Paris have melted my icy heart? [smells the rose] I thought a little smooth dressing would set the tone for an evening of beauty that matches your own.
Fujiko [sighing]
You quaint old-fashioned boy. However, I do get the message.
O, the beauty of this flower doth pale beside Fujiko.
Fujiko Wolf, cut the crap, eh?
O, there's pain in the prick of thy thorn, but that pain brings pleasure... onto my soul.
Fujiko Wolf, this is getting boring. So do me a favor, and let's get down to business.
Huh! How can somebody have eyes [throws the rose away] burning with such deep passion, but be so cold to me?!
Fujiko It isn't remotely difficult. Unless... you weren't asking me to marry you, were you?!
Don't be silly. But... see what I got?
Fujiko [Fujiko’s eyes widen as Wolf presents her the Wiseman Stone]
Oh, you're a devil, can I hold it?
[Wolf yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Negative. Oh boy, one glimpse of that jackpot and I'm in demand suddenly! Typical, really typical! How shallow the world is. Do I get a word of appreciation for all that danger and the sacrifice I went through to get this? To all Hell! Or could it be that little Fujiko has got some deal going on which doesn't include yours truly, hmm? Did you forget that we had an agreement as well? ****, if you wanna call off our deal, well, that's fine!
[Wolf scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Hey, this is what I call real quality time, don't you? Yeah, of course you didn't give little Wolf the eye! OK, so I'm not Keanu Reeves, and I'm not some Latin gigolo in a smooth silk suit - I'm just your average thief, that's all! [He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet] Well, that big bad Wolf's got feelings. Let me in little piggy, or I'll blow your house in! [He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko] Here I come! [As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]
Fujiko Wolf? Are you OK? [She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle] The stuff I put in your food must've been stronger than I thought. [Wolf snores softly. Fujiko takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on] I'm doing all this for your own good, Wolfie baby.
Fujiko No, wait! I've got something I want to say.
Nothing like an elevator shaft to turn me on!
Fujiko [enjoying it]
No, Wolf, please stop!
Fujiko If you don't stop it, I may scream! [does that]
Fujiko [The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
Oh dear, I don't think anyone heard! What shall I do?
Oh, let me have a little nibble just there!
Fujiko No. [tickles Wolf]
Oh, your neck's oh so kissable!
Fujiko [knees Wolf in the crotch]
Oh, my... [unintelligible]
[finally at the end of his rope]
Ew, this is puke-inducing!
[Mamo shows Wolf and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends have foolishly followed you here.
And someone else is tracking them, apparently.
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Wolf, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Well, whaddya know! [laughs] The plot's thickening up very nicely!
He's cornered one of the greatest philosophers in the history of the world.
You mean some paranoid nut who thinks he is...
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Try to listen carefully and see if your poor brain can grasp that I've gathered the most brilliant men in history; from the fields of art, religion, philosophy and politics here! Not as some sort of conjuring trick, but an actual fact! Another thought that might let your poor brain boggle is that nothing is permanent, and even the world will one day be a mere glitch in the memory of God, who made all living beings. That time is near! Within one or two weeks, the world will end not with a whimper... but with a bang. Only people who are beautiful or mentally superior will live beyond it – those I choose!
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, boy... this poor brain's in pain. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
[still chuckling]
I gotta give you top marks for thinking up such a brilliant plotline! You get life forever, but nowhere left to live it in! Oh, yes, I like it!
You may think mockery is clever, but it merely makes you look like a blinkered imbecile! Well, Fujiko? Do you see how little he deserves the attention of a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you?
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
He shall not live eternally as I intend that you shall.
Fujiko I’m sorry, but if Wolf's not in the deal, I’m not interested.
Fujiko Sure, I'd like a slice of eternal youth... but I wouldn't want to spend it watching him going bald and clutching a Zimmer frame!
Fujiko [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
I can't stand it. Everything he said was a lie!
Not everything. He could have found a way to live on forever...
Knock it off, Wolf. How's that possible?
A biological copy. Scientists can make replicas of any human. All they need is a single hair; one single cell to mess around with. They can make a perfect look-alike. And if they go on doing it... e presto! Immortality!
I wonder if might have been a clone that was strung up by the Transylvanians.
That's a question I've been puzzling over, though I don't remember losing any of my hair...
So... it seems even clones have their limitations.
Fujiko Like what?
The passing of chromosome information, I must acknowledge, has not been 100% complete. With each copy, the clarity fades slightly, almost imperceptibly. The endless clone chain reaction disturbs the cells. Over 130 generations, I produced copies and still more copies, and each time the result was lacking in some strand I'd achieved in the previous one... till I am what you see before you.
You mean you've become a pretty poor specimen by now.
The price is high... to buy eternal life. [dies]
Fujiko [Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Lupin?
[melodramatic]
Alas... only what’s left of him.
Fujiko Hm. What exactly is that supposed to mean?
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
It means, my dear Fujiko, that you are a rose, and I have been pricked by the thorn of your indifference…
Fujiko The thorn of my indifference? Oh, brother...
[smells the rose]
Fatally pricked, and now, almost completely wasted away, my darling.
Fujiko [chuckling]
Fatally pricked, huh? You gotta love karma!
Yet, there is still one thing that could save me.
Fujiko What might that be?
If your petal-like lips would but caress my own unworthy sad ones, I might yet survive, my love.
Fujiko I would, but you know you’d just prick yourself all over again.
Boy, you’re all thorns. [throws the rose away] And after all I went through to get you that damn Stone!
Fujiko Now, don’t try to make me feel all... [gasps] are you saying you actually did it, Lupin?!
Why, of course. Here you are.
Fujiko [Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]
Wow, you really did it!
[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Hey! My God, look at you! You're not so indifferent right now, are you? I must say, I don't know why I bother. You know, Fujiko, at least I held up my end of the bargain. Well, didn't I? I got the thing for you, and no questions asked: like who you're in business with or anything, and what did I ask for in return? A little human consideration, just the pretense that you care about me; but apparently, it's too much to ask.
[Lupin finishes the food while Fujiko sleeps]
Typical! You all want to be the center of a guy's universe. But as soon as he actually acts like it, it's "Oh, I didn't mean like that. I mean, adoring me is fine, but wanting me's kind of icky." [He finishes the food and throws down the pan, grabbing a hatchet] Well... we can drivel about love vs. desire all night. But I think... we can both agree that you drive me crazy! [He slashes at Fujiko's door]
Fujiko Lupin, what are you...? [Lupin breaks the door down completely and springs inside, laughing maniacally] Lupin, now just...! [Lupin throws off Fujiko's cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him] Lupin? Lupin! [She picks up a medicine bottle] I didn't know this stuff was so damn potent. [Lupin begins to snore softly. Fujiko gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on] This is all for your own good, lover.
Fujiko Hold on, Lupin. I have to tell you something.
It can wait! Come on now...
Fujiko [enjoying it]
No, please, I'm serious!
Fujiko No, stop! Ooh...
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
It's all right, baby, we're all alone. [Fujiko tickles him] No fair! Cut it out! Resistance... [Fujiko knees him in the crotch] ...is futile!
[finally at the end of his rope]
IF YOU TWO ARE QUITE FINISHED!
[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Friends of yours, Lupin?
Fujiko Huh?!
How the hell did they get here?!
Ah, but wait. There's more!
[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Zenigata! [laughs] He always said he'd follow me into the depths of Hell!
Look. He’s interrogating Laozi, the great ancient philosopher.
Or some fruitcake who thinks he's Laozi...
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Laugh if you will, but this is the work of 10,000 years. A masterwork, if I say so myself. The leading lights of science, philosophy, art. All under one roof, and all are perfectly real!
Hm! So, sort of a Noah's Ark?
Let's just say that if you've never given any thought about the world, starting now would either be a particularly good idea, or a pathetically pointless one, if you catch my drift, Mr. Lupin.
Because the time is nigh, Mr. Lupin, but sadly the guest list is... quite short. Only the elite of history's most brilliant and beautiful people!
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, uh... I'm sorry to hear that. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
[still laughing]
No, I mean, it's just after all that work – an ugly, demented gnome like you isn't even eligible!
Huh. Quite annoying. That's exactly what I’m talking about, my dear Fujiko. Obviously, eternal life would be wasted on a vulgarian like that man there.
Fujiko [put off by Mamo's statement]
Hm.
[mistaking 'vulgarian' for 'vegetarian']
That's not true. I eat meat!
He's not even in our class. In fact, he's barely in our species!
Fujiko Well, if Lupin can't come along, I'm not interested.
Fujiko No, Mamo. I'm sorry.
Fujiko He's hard enough to take now. Imagine him all grumpy and flabby!
Fujiko [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
I can't believe it. It was all a lie!
Maybe it wasn't. I think he was researching immortality...
He's just another wacky old rich guy.
You said it yourself. The guy had the bucks to pull anything off! Technologically, it's not a big deal anymore. Just a little dab of DNA'll do ya, and theoretically, if you repeat the process over and over again, you – or, successive copies of you – could live forever.
Well, it certainly would explain the mystery of your dear departed doppelganger...
And a single strand of my hair is really all anybody would have needed to do it.
Anybody with a few billion dollars to play with...
Yes. The process has its limitations.
Fujiko Limits?
The transfer of the chromosomal data is never accomplished with complete fidelity. There are… anomalies, infinitesimally small in each case, but the cumulative effect of such - chaotic - pollution... can be observed after only a dozen or so generations, and what you see before you is a 130th generation facsimile. I am but a faint, distorted echo of myself.
But you were always distorted by your obsession.
But is it not... everyone’s obsession? [dies]
