[lifts the casket lid]
Ha-ha! Hiya, Wolf buddy! I know what you're up to; but I ain't buying your innocent "undead Dracula" act, okay? You've met your match in me! AAAAHHH! [stakes the corpse with a yell. The corpse promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Wolf, he screams]
W Wolf
Surely, you didn't expect me to fall for that "pointed stake" stuff?
Wolf! You're alive! It's not what you're supposed to be!
W Wolf
Seems not. I find it all very confusing.
Yes, you definitely are Wolf III! I'm positive of that!
W Wolf
I'm not denying it, but that doesn't get us very far.
I'm gonna make certain you're dead! [swings a piece of wood at Wolf, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Zenigata catches up, Wolf has already reached his escape vehicle.]
W Wolf
Bye-bye! Sorry, but I'll have to hear your life story another time! [takes off, chuckling] You take care now!
You rat! I'm gonna take care, all right; I'm gonna take care of you! It doesn't matter how long it might take! [laughs] You may think you've gotten away, Wolf, but you're up against a great detective! I'll follow you into the fire of Hell, and when I catch you, I'll brand you with cattle irons!
W Wolf
Watch that blood pressure!
W Wolf
Did I... break the beam?
Who knows? Let's just hurry.
W Wolf
If we hurry, we won't make it. That's for sure. [Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.] Max width: 80 centimeters.
OK. [Gives Wolf a 80 centimeter bar.] Hey, Wolf.
Tell me about the hanging.
W Wolf
What's to tell about? The hanged man in Transylvania...was probably the real me. Probably.
Eh, that sounds kinda weird.
W Wolf
Yes, it does, doesn't it? Now I'm starting to get the distinct impression this me ain't real at all. And that's some identity crisis!
There's no way out, Wolf! It's all over! Seal off the exits! That way, you men! Don't let him get away! He's got to be down here! Turn the lights on!
[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]
Congratulations on your sixth sense! It does seem to work exceptionally well.
And what do these guns mean?
[taken aback]
Precautions.
Huh! Unless they're issued with silver bullets, your men would waste their ammunition!
[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]
You can't arrest me!
This will lead to an international incident!
[Wolf and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]
The days of Western interference are over!
[Wolf's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]
That's dangerous driving! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]
That'll lead you up to Level 8! Can't get out that way, Wolfie!
W Wolf
[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]
At a time like this, your preoccupation with your hat strikes me as being a bit over the top!
It defines my persona to the world as a cool dude. I feel naked without it.
W Wolf
Samurai, that wasn't funny!
W Wolf
[Wolf and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Hohoho! Soldier ants!
Get it, Wolf? Are you gonna be sensible?
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Wolf's motorcycle to ride along]
Aw, shit! Very tricky! [the chase begins as Wolf takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
W Wolf
I like it! Nice to see a guy getting in condition!
W Wolf
[Zenigata continues running after Wolf until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Watch out for rabbit holes! [unintelligible farewell]
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
The gloves are off! The hole you're gonna go down, you'll never climb out! [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] If you seriously think I'm giving up, you're badly mistaken, because I never give up! I'm Zenigata, the ace detective! I'll get you, scumbag!
[Wolf, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko] [gasps]
Wolfie?
W Wolf
[melodramatic]
The lovely Fujiko, unless I'm much mistaken?
Flattery will get you anything you want... not.
W Wolf
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]
"Flattery"? How can you be so unfair, when the soft breezes of Paris have melted my icy heart? [smells the rose] I thought a little smooth dressing would set the tone for an evening of beauty that matches your own.
[sighing]
You quaint old-fashioned boy. However, I do get the message.
W Wolf
O, the beauty of this flower doth pale beside Fujiko.
W Wolf
O, there's pain in the prick of thy thorn, but that pain brings pleasure... onto my soul.
Wolf, this is getting boring. So do me a favor, and let's get down to business.
W Wolf
Huh! How can somebody have eyes [throws the rose away] burning with such deep passion, but be so cold to me?!
It isn't remotely difficult. Unless... you weren't asking me to marry you, were you?!
W Wolf
Don't be silly. But... see what I got?
[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Wolf presents her the Wiseman Stone]
Oh, you're a devil, can I hold it?
W Wolf
[Wolf yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]
Negative. Oh boy, one glimpse of that jackpot and I'm in demand suddenly! Typical, really typical! How shallow the world is. Do I get a word of appreciation for all that danger and the sacrifice I went through to get this? To all Hell! Or could it be that little Fujiko has got some deal going on which doesn't include yours truly, hmm? Did you forget that we had an agreement as well? ****, if you wanna call off our deal, well, that's fine!
W Wolf
[Wolf had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
Cor, what a sucker! What a real knockout that perfume was.
Serves you right for playing the macho man; simpler to have just given Fujiko the Stone.
Wolf, business and women are a pink and purple colour scheme.
W Wolf
God knows what that means. I only want to say, I planned it all this way and it's working. [puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Wiseman Stone]
Ah, the man's an undead megabrain.
W Wolf
The Pharaohs said the secret of eternal life, sought by the Emperor Xi, is concealed in what's known as the Wiseman Stone, handed down for generations from time immemorial.
And you believe that? You'd believe the Moon's a balloon.
W Wolf
Very funny. Maybe there are lots of pebbles on the beach, but you ain't gonna pick up many like this one. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Smartass. Read it yourself.
The flea uses the dog to feed on.
It could be that Fujiko's the flea. [drinks from his wine glass] Guess who's the dog?
Pah! If you'll excuse me not laughing, I've got to go. [gets up]
All I wish to relieve myself of is your vulgar company.
W Wolf
Don't be that way!
W Wolf
[Wolf and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
So much for my hideout...
No food, guns or ammo. No nothin'!
W Wolf
Thanks, Jigen. I really hadn't noticed.
[kicking debris, grunting angrily]
Wolf. I'm just a little pissed off. And I'm telling you you've gotta forget Fujiko. She must've shown the strong arms boys and the mob this place, and they did the rest! It's time to make some painful choices; it's either Fujiko or me!
Wolf-san, a samurai warrior cannot work for a female. You accepted the commission to steal the Stone for her only because you like the look of her ass. The wise man has said, "Nice asses turn men into asses".
W Wolf
True – that sure was a wise guy.
Your degenerate mockery is getting dangerously irritating!
Goemon, you ain't gonna get anywhere, so give up like I have.
And do you dare to represent yourself as his friend? Willingness to amputate without ether is the test of friendship, and you have failed it!
God, you're such a boring schmuck!
[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
The time has come for me to slice off your hat.
We shall see how little brain you have underneath it!
W Wolf
All right, kiddies, calm down! Yes, you're right! I did get carried away, but no more! It's strictly business from now on! I'll never think about Fujiko again! NOW, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, OR WE'LL STARVE!
Get out of here where, Wolf? Huh?
W Wolf
We're gonna head for the ocean!
But that means crossing Vallée Mort - Death Valley to you.
W Wolf
Don't worry! On my map, it's only an itsy bitsy desert.
W Wolf
[Wolf scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]
Hey, this is what I call real quality time, don't you? Yeah, of course you didn't give little Wolf the eye! OK, so I'm not Keanu Reeves, and I'm not some Latin gigolo in a smooth silk suit - I'm just your average thief, that's all! [He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet] Well, that big bad Wolf's got feelings. Let me in little piggy, or I'll blow your house in! [He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko] Here I come! [As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]
Wolf? Are you OK? [She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle] The stuff I put in your food must've been stronger than I thought. [Wolf snores softly. Fujiko takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on] I'm doing all this for your own good, Wolfie baby.
Are you looking for someone?
W Wolf
Are you the head shrink? I'd like to meet whoever's hosting this party.
[laughs]
This is not a hospital, and it's not a costume ball, either. The people you've met, Wolf, are actually the people you've met. [turns to Wolf, revealing himself. Wolf gapes, horrified] My name is Mamo. Yes, I know who you are, and Fujiko no doubt mentioned me to you.
W Wolf
So then you're Fujiko's boss?
I now have the Wiseman Stone, but the reason I employed you to steal it rather than doing so myself is that I love seeing excellence at work. Congratulations on being the world's finest thief!
W Wolf
Hell, I knew that all along. But I wasn't working for you, and I'm not going to!
But I have an offer in mind, which I think you will not be able to refuse: an offer not of money, but of everlasting life.
W Wolf
Will you give me an advance? Listen, I've been around much too long to believe that kind of bullshit.
If that is how you respond, it seems that granting this boon to you would be a total waste.
W Wolf
Ah, shucks, why don't you give me the Stone back and call it quits, OK? [charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]
[laughs]
Eternal life would have advantages.
W Wolf
[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]
Who needs it to walk on glass, huh? [falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him] GO AHEAD AND LAUGH, MAMO, BUT YOU'VE GOT ME REAL MAD NOW, WHICH IS A DANGEROUS THING TO DO TO ME!
W Wolf
Now, where were we?
No, wait! I've got something I want to say.
W Wolf
Nothing like an elevator shaft to turn me on!
[enjoying it]
No, Wolf, please stop!
If you don't stop it, I may scream! [does that]
[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]
Oh dear, I don't think anyone heard! What shall I do?
W Wolf
Oh, let me have a little nibble just there!
W Wolf
Oh, your neck's oh so kissable!
[knees Wolf in the crotch]
Oh, my... [unintelligible]
[finally at the end of his rope]
Ew, this is puke-inducing!
[Mamo shows Wolf and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon] [chuckling]
Your friends have foolishly followed you here.
W Wolf
Hey! Watch out, guys!
And someone else is tracking them, apparently.
W Wolf
[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Wolf, is shown questioning Laozi of his location]
Well, whaddya know! [laughs] The plot's thickening up very nicely!
He's cornered one of the greatest philosophers in the history of the world.
W Wolf
You mean some paranoid nut who thinks he is...
W Wolf
You mean a real nut?
[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]
Try to listen carefully and see if your poor brain can grasp that I've gathered the most brilliant men in history; from the fields of art, religion, philosophy and politics here! Not as some sort of conjuring trick, but an actual fact! Another thought that might let your poor brain boggle is that nothing is permanent, and even the world will one day be a mere glitch in the memory of God, who made all living beings. That time is near! Within one or two weeks, the world will end not with a whimper... but with a bang. Only people who are beautiful or mentally superior will live beyond it – those I choose!
W Wolf
[apparently deep in thought]
Oh, boy... this poor brain's in pain. [chuckles, then laughs hysterically]
[still chuckling]
I gotta give you top marks for thinking up such a brilliant plotline! You get life forever, but nowhere left to live it in! Oh, yes, I like it!
You may think mockery is clever, but it merely makes you look like a blinkered imbecile! Well, Fujiko? Do you see how little he deserves the attention of a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you?
[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]
He shall not live eternally as I intend that you shall.
I’m sorry, but if Wolf's not in the deal, I’m not interested.
Sure, I'd like a slice of eternal youth... but I wouldn't want to spend it watching him going bald and clutching a Zimmer frame!
[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]
I can't stand it. Everything he said was a lie!
W Wolf
Not everything. He could have found a way to live on forever...
Knock it off, Wolf. How's that possible?
W Wolf
By cloning himself.
W Wolf
A biological copy. Scientists can make replicas of any human. All they need is a single hair; one single cell to mess around with. They can make a perfect look-alike. And if they go on doing it... e presto! Immortality!
I wonder if might have been a clone that was strung up by the Transylvanians.
W Wolf
That's a question I've been puzzling over, though I don't remember losing any of my hair...
The whole of history is nothing more than the sum of my whim! They built a bridge to God, then they became God!
W Wolf
You're quite a fella! I suppose that makes you responsible for me being here?
[chuckles]
Why, I've had more important things keeping me occupied, I assure you. You're just an animal form without a special reason. Oh, I did make a clone of you, though I rather lost track of it. It is possible it was hanged - or was that, in fact, the original?
W Wolf
No, it wasn't! The original's right here! This is the real, live, original Wolf!
You could be right, but can you be sure?
[He disappears, laughing]
[Jigen tries to prevent Wolf from confronting Mamo]
Hold it right there!
W Wolf
Y'know, Jigen... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Mamo stole my dream.
Even the Samurai couldn't put it better. But I'm not going with you.
W Wolf
I'll be better off alone. I think it's a one-man job.
So... it seems even clones have their limitations.
The passing of chromosome information, I must acknowledge, has not been 100% complete. With each copy, the clarity fades slightly, almost imperceptibly. The endless clone chain reaction disturbs the cells. Over 130 generations, I produced copies and still more copies, and each time the result was lacking in some strand I'd achieved in the previous one... till I am what you see before you.
W Wolf
You mean you've become a pretty poor specimen by now.
The price is high... to buy eternal life. [dies]
[seeing Wolf come towards him on the treadmill]
You don't fear death, I see. I cannot but admire that, and so I shall tell you that it was your clone who was hanged, and you are the original. Now, die with peace of mind. [He sends a barrage of lasers at Wolf. Wolf holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]
W Wolf
[in thought]
Samurai, you saved my life.
W Wolf
[Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Wolf]
How did she double-cross me?
[laughing]
Well, what else would you expect?
W Wolf
[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]
RUN FOR IT!
Mm-hmm. All together now!
