Goemon We must hurry.
[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in] [chuckles]
They're coming. They're coming!
Lupin, don't move. You're surrounded!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Ah! Damn! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Pops, sudden exercise is bad for you.
[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Well then, take care!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
Lupin... [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] Lupin! You're mistaken to think I would give up easily. Remember that! Lupin!
The secret of eternal life and immortality, that Pharaoh and The First Emperor of the Qin Dynasty yearned for, are said to be locked inside the Philosopher's Stone. I see.
Huh. Is that the end of your resea...
You idiot! It's not like I enjoy doing this. I know very well that it is not just an ordinary stone. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] If you think I'm lying, read these yourselves.
Goemon You're being deceived.
I agree. [drinks from his wine glass] Lately Fujiko has been off her rocker.
Goemon As usual, it was just a waste of energy. [gets up]
Goemon I've had it. I'm going home.
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
Weapons. Food. Everything's gone.
[kicking debris]
Damn! Lupin! Cut your ties with that woman. I can't put up with this any longer! Fujiko must have tipped them off about our hideout. If you don't cut her off, I will cut you off!
Goemon Joke? I was thinking the same thing! It was a mistake to take a job from her to begin with. And then you and your stupid ego overlooked the hostility she showed to your kindness.
But then, women are evil spirits, right?
Goemon What I cannot forgive is your indecent ulterior motive!
Don't. Nothing could change that!
Goemon And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? If you were his true friend, you would have corrected his bad habit a long time ago!
Don't yell so hysterically, you lunatic!
Goemon [a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
I've always wanted to chop up that hat of yours.
Goemon I always wondered if you were hiding a bald spot or something!
All right. All right! It was my fault. I'll change. I'll throw Fujiko out of my life! Let's change the mood and start over! You don't wanna starve to death here, do you?
Lupin, where do you think you're going?
If we climb the mountain and follow the border, we'll hit the Atlantic Ocean.
Idiot! Do you know how far that is?
It's only one hop with my fingers in the World Atlas.
This is the respected U.S. Navy?
Goemon Unforgivable. This is way too unreal.
It might be us who are unreal.
Stand up! Here is Special Assistant to the President, Mr. Stuckey. [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
Goemon What did he say?
He said... this is the guy who is manipulating the highest ranking top-dog in the world. Or so he says. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President Jimmy Carter and the Secretary General]
Mr. President, are the organizations of your country under control? I was blackmailed.
Our orders are to provide all scientific data in the area of biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics. If we refuse, they will attack us with nuclear missiles.
I was blackmailed the same way. We have proof that he's not bluffing. Some of our communication satellites have been destroyed.
That is of no concern, as long as it's not caught.
That's right. It is I, Mamo... [Stuckey stops the tape]
Stuckey No explanation is needed regarding the two men conversing. What we want to know is who the mysterious blackmailer is who broke into the secure-line conversation. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
It is I, Mamo, the highest intelligence on Earth. A prophet... Or you can call me God.
Someone claiming to be God making such a strange request?
Request? This is an order. You would both understand if you knew how the world was made. [Gordon stops the tape]
Stuckey The rest is classified. In any case, we find that his threat is not a bluff.
Is that so? [lights a cigarette] Well, this does not concern us.
Stuckey That's not true. What Mamo is requesting was stolen by Lupin. Let me get to the point. Where is Mamo's home base?
Keeping secrets won't do you any good. You were always with Lupin. [Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] What's this?
It's a clue on Lupin. Handwritten by the woman who has been deceiving him. It says "water," right?
If we knew, we wouldn't be here now.
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Stuckey and Jigen backwards]
Don't talk rubbish! [grabs Jigen by his shirt] There are many ways to torture you!
Is this what you call "democracy"? If that's the case, let me tell you something.
I used to be a fan of Monroe and Humphrey Bogart, but not anymore!
Stuckey Gordon. Looks like they really don't know anything. [whispers to Gordon, who opens a door] We will approach this from a different angle. You will be released immediately.
You'd better appreciate this democracy! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Hmph. I don't need to change my mind now.
Goemon I suggest we hurry.
[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Oh, I see your point.
There's no way out, wise guy! You're surrounded!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Oh no, here we go again...! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Take it easy! You wouldn't want a sunstroke, Detective, not at your age!
[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he steps into a sand trap in his path]
What the...?! [falls in]
Well, it looks like you found some shade! Catch you later!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
You dirty rat! [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] I know I've said this before, but don't think you've seen the last of me! Wherever you go, I'll track you down, and when I do, it ain't gonna be pretty!
[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
You know, deep down I think that woman is crazy about me.
Yeah, I'm sure that's why she double-crossed you. Good thing we double-crossed her first...
Goemon Lupin, the road to Hell is paved with pretty women.
What's the matter with you, Goemon? Did your mom drop you when you were a baby or something? [puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Philosopher's Stone]
Shut up. I'm trying to pick up the transmitter's signal.
According to ancient Egyptian texts, the Pharaohs believed that the secret of eternal youth was contained in the legendary... Philosopher's Stone, a jewel for which men have searched since time immemorial.
Heh. If you buy that, I've got some Siberian beachfront property on sale.
I know it's nuts, but someone believes it! That's why Fujiko wanted it so bad. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Here, take a look. It's all in there.
Goemon The woman is pulling your leg, Lupin.
He'd rather she pull something else. [drinks from his wine glass]
Goemon This is pointless. We watch sparrows while eagles pass overhead. [gets up]
Goemon This business is unworthy of me.
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
No weapons, no food, no nothing. They must have got here first.
No kidding. So you don't think it was termites?
[kicking debris]
Look. It's obvious what happened. We know who must have told them about this place – a certain redhead with a motorcycle and a skin-tight black leather jumpsuit on! She’s nothing but bad luck; either you dump her or you can count me out.
Will you give it a rest?!
Goemon It is you who should give it a rest, Lupin. This infantile need to prove your virility is humiliating to behold... and dangerous. Your lust for this creature has blinded you to her true nature.
[sighing]
You're jealous. Both of you.
Goemon I warn you – abandon these indecent cravings for the sake of your soul.
Save it. You'll never change him by preaching at him, Goemon.
Goemon And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? You just encourage him. You treat it as some kind of joke. You're worse than he is.
Hey, I don't have to listen to this!
Goemon [a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
Be careful I don't sink my blade into that hat of yours.
Goemon On second thought, I'd probably hit solid rock.
Hey, now! Hold on! Calm down! You're right, you're right! Fujiko is history, okay? I'll drop her, I swear. And that's a fact! No more women, okay? So let's head for the coast. Unless you'd rather stay here and starve to death!
No, but how are we going to get there? Huh? [Lupin ignores him] Lupin, the coast is 100 kilometers from here!
It's a couple of inches on the map, that's all. How long can that take us?
All this just to bag the two of us. Boy, with the Cold War over, things must be pretty slow.
Goemon We can thank Lupin for getting us into this.
Life'd sure be dull without him, wouldn't it?
Stand up! You're in the presence of a very important government official! [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
Goemon I stand for no one.
Me neither, not even for Heinrich Gissinger, Special Adviser to--and the brains behind--the President of the United States. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President Bill Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin]
B Boris
Mr. President, my country's being blackmailed. I hope your government is not at fault.
Now calm down, Boris. That's ridiculous.
B Boris
Whoever it is demands that we hand over all of our secret scientific data on cryogenics and gene splicing. If we do not, he threatens to attack us with nuclear warheads!
Well, he's not one of ours. We've been threatened the same way. In fact, he's already knocked out two of our communication satellites!
B Boris
You do not think that we...
No, no. The Cold War's over, after all. Isn't it, Boris?
B Boris
Oh... why, yes it is. Of course! But who is this madman?
If I may, gentlemen... I am Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]
The first two voices will remain unidentified. They are of no concern. What we want is the identity of the man who broke in on their top-secret conversation... this blackmailer who calls himself "Mamo". [he fast-forwards part of the tape, and continues playing]
That's right – Mamo. Some have called me a prophet; others, a God.
That's an understatement. You can't believe that we'll go along with this.
You have no choice! I know every move you make before you know it yourselves. Why, I even know about that little floozy you keep in the steno pool, Mr. President. How would you like the world to find out about her?
B Boris
Floozy? What is this floozy? [Gordon stops the tape]
Aw... just when it was gettin' good.
The rest of it is immaterial. All that matters is reason to believe that this Mamo character is quite serious in his intentions.
No kiddin'. [lights a cigarette] You haven’t said... what any of this has to do with us.
Don’t be silly. We know your friend Lupin stole some objects at this fellow's request, and that you were with him when he did. Now, then... tell me everything you know about this Mamo person!
Hey, you guys know more about him than I do.
Okay, stop playing games, ya lousy beatnik! We know you're in this with Lupin up to your necks, so start coming clean! [Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin's whereabouts] Hm? What the hell's this?
It's a clue, Sherlock. His double-crossing girlfriend wrote it and dropped it out of a plane. It says "water".
[annoyed]
Yeah, I can read.
I'm impressed. You're clearly overqualified for your job. Next, they'll be hiring guys who can think...
[Growling angrily, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards. He grabs Jigen by his shirt]
Listen! We have ways of getting you to talk!
Is this the way the US Government treats folks?! Well, I got news for you, Charlie!
I've always believed in my patriotic duty to buy US savings bonds, but I never will again!
You pencil-necked little pisshead!
Gordon! It is obvious that these two know nothing. [mutters with Gordon, who opens a door] It appears we shall have to approach this problem from a different angle. In the meantime, gentlemen, you are both free to go.
You two clowns better watch your step! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Yeah. Right back atcha, ya big ape.
Samurai, that wasn't funny!
Goemon I suggest you look down.
[Wolf and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Hohoho! Soldier ants!
Get it, Wolf? Are you gonna be sensible?
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Wolf's motorcycle to ride along]
Aw, shit! Very tricky! [the chase begins as Wolf takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
I like it! Nice to see a guy getting in condition!
[Zenigata continues running after Wolf until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Watch out for rabbit holes! [unintelligible farewell]
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
The gloves are off! The hole you're gonna go down, you'll never climb out! [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] If you seriously think I'm giving up, you're badly mistaken, because I never give up! I'm Zenigata, the ace detective! I'll get you, scumbag!
[Wolf had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
Cor, what a sucker! What a real knockout that perfume was.
Serves you right for playing the macho man; simpler to have just given Fujiko the Stone.
Goemon Wolf, business and women are a pink and purple colour scheme.
God knows what that means. I only want to say, I planned it all this way and it's working. [puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Wiseman Stone]
Ah, the man's an undead megabrain.
The Pharaohs said the secret of eternal life, sought by the Emperor Xi, is concealed in what's known as the Wiseman Stone, handed down for generations from time immemorial.
Goemon Hm.
And you believe that? You'd believe the Moon's a balloon.
Very funny. Maybe there are lots of pebbles on the beach, but you ain't gonna pick up many like this one. [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Smartass. Read it yourself.
Goemon The flea uses the dog to feed on.
It could be that Fujiko's the flea. [drinks from his wine glass] Guess who's the dog?
Goemon Pah! If you'll excuse me not laughing, I've got to go. [gets up]
Goemon All I wish to relieve myself of is your vulgar company.
[Wolf and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
So much for my hideout...
No food, guns or ammo. No nothin'!
Thanks, Jigen. I really hadn't noticed.
[kicking debris, grunting angrily]
Wolf. I'm just a little pissed off. And I'm telling you you've gotta forget Fujiko. She must've shown the strong arms boys and the mob this place, and they did the rest! It's time to make some painful choices; it's either Fujiko or me!
Goemon Wolf-san, a samurai warrior cannot work for a female. You accepted the commission to steal the Stone for her only because you like the look of her ass. The wise man has said, "Nice asses turn men into asses".
True – that sure was a wise guy.
Goemon Your degenerate mockery is getting dangerously irritating!
Goemon, you ain't gonna get anywhere, so give up like I have.
Goemon And do you dare to represent yourself as his friend? Willingness to amputate without ether is the test of friendship, and you have failed it!
God, you're such a boring schmuck!
Goemon [a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
The time has come for me to slice off your hat.
Goemon We shall see how little brain you have underneath it!
All right, kiddies, calm down! Yes, you're right! I did get carried away, but no more! It's strictly business from now on! I'll never think about Fujiko again! NOW, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, OR WE'LL STARVE!
Get out of here where, Wolf? Huh?
We're gonna head for the ocean!
But that means crossing Vallée Mort - Death Valley to you.
Don't worry! On my map, it's only an itsy bitsy desert.
So, this is how Uncle Sam keeps the world safe for democracy.
Goemon All military might is an illusion.
Well, those planes look pretty real to me.
Attention! This is Special Presidential Adviser, Mr. Gissinger. [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]
Goemon What's special about him?
Have you heard his accent? Apart from that, he masterminds the world's number-one big bang show. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between the US President and the Secretary General]
Mr. President. I want your assurance that the CIA is not responsible – I am being blackmailed.
Eh, how's that, Mr. Secretary?
I am to hand over all secret technical data on biochemistry, cytology and gene technology. If I refuse, my country will suffer a nuclear attack!
Hey, I've been threatened the same way. And to prove they're serious, they’ve already destroyed several of our communication satellites.
Well, it was not us, Mr. President.
I know that, Mr. Secretary. You couldn't hit one of our satellites if you tried.
Choke on your borscht. The important thing is – to find out who's behind this.
I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]
I cannot reveal who the first voices we heard belong to, but it's the third voice, which is obviously the blackmailer's, that I am interested in, who broke in on this secure hotline conversation. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. The greatest intellect in the history of the world. Some call me a prophet; you may address me as God.
God?! You must be insane!
Eh, if you're God, I gotta tell you, your requests are pretty unoriginal, not to say, venial.
Request? I'm giving you and order! And if you care about mainstream, cherry pie and Dynasty as you always say, you'll jump to it! [Gordon stops the tape]
No. You do not have security clearance A-14, without which the material is too sensitive to be communicated to you at this moment in time.
That's tough. [lights a cigarette] But I don’t see... where the two of us come in.
Mamo's established positive links with the criminal named "Wolf", an associate of yours. I need him. He will lead me to this imposter who pretends to be God!
Hey, I wish I could help you, only...
Grr... I’m not putting up with crap like that! We got information which says you and Wolf have been partners for years! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Wolf’s whereabouts] So, what’s this?
That's for you guys to work out. It was written by Wolf's double-crossing girlfriend. Nothing else I can tell you.
Boy, if you're that on the ball, you'll solve this case in no time!
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards]
Don't mess me around! [grabs Jigen by his shirt] Listen! We got ways of making you talk.
C’mon, riff, shouldn’t that be his line? If this is democracy, I've had it.
I used to be a great Bogie fan, and Elvis, Dean and Marilyn... but now, I resign!
So, you really are anti-American...!
Gordon! Restrain your quite mental outrage. [whispers to Gordon] Let's use a more subtle psychological approach. [Gordon opens a door] We are convinced you are telling the truth and that you know nothing. We have therefore decided that we will let you go.
God bless America and democracy! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
This means I needn't give up Bogie!
Hm? Goemon, what are you doin'?!
Goemon There is no time. Look!
[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]
Wow! I guess you're right!
Surrender, Lupin! It's over!
[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]
Ah! Ah, son of a bitch! [the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]
Hey, Pops! Take it easy! Exercise can be awfully dangerous at your age, you know!
[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]
Well, I warned you!
[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]
Lupin! I... D'OH! Grr... [finally explodes in a rage after a moment] You rotten little bastard! Get back here right now, you! Crap! Crap! Crap! I had you this time! Ugh!
[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]
Hm... ah, now that feels a lot better!
So if we'd done things my way to start with...
Oh, what the hell, never mind!
Goemon Right. Don't forget that Lupin is a masochist, Jigen.
Come on. That's not true. I do not enjoy being made a fool of.
[trying to get a signal on the hidden transmitter]
Well, you sure do fake it pretty good.
Eternal life! Immortality! That's got to be it--mankind's most fervent desire! The Pharaohs, Emperors of China, they were all obsessed with finding the Philosopher's Stone! Look, that was supposed to be the key!
So Professor, is all this stuff gonna be on the test?
Fine! Be that way! I just thought you might wanna know why people are gonna be trying to kill ya! [passes the books to Goemon and Jigen] Look--here!
Goemon It is just a colorful myth.
Absolutely. [drinks from his wine glass] Of course, Fujiko wants to believe in it.
Goemon A major waste of effort for all of us again! [gets up]
Goemon No. I'm out of this. I'm going home.
[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]
Food, weapons... whoever the hell these guys are, they're real thorough.
Yeah, this wasn't any accident.
[kicking debris]
Son of a bitch! Look, I'm just gonna spit it out. There's no other possible explanation. Somebody had to have tipped them off, and there's only one person that that can be. This is it, man; you're just gonna have to choose between us and her!
Goemon No, he’s right. Bad enough that your infantile addiction to this woman has consistently rendered you an unreliable business partner. But even now, as she conspires with others to have us killed, you continue to defend her! It shows that...
Please. Go on. Shows what?
Goemon ...that you are a weak man of no conviction and no honor!
Come on. You're being a little too harsh, aren't you, Goemon?
Goemon It is only natural for you to defend the actions of Lupin, especially since you are responsible for some of his sins as well.
What? Why, you pious jerk!
Goemon What?
[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]
Hm!
Goemon I've always wanted to slash that ridiculous hat of yours!
Goemon It's probably hiding a bald spot as big as your ass!
Hey, wait! Come on! Look! You're right, okay? I'll turn over a brand new leaf. The woman is... history! Word of honor! Now shake hands, and let's move on, okay? I said let's go, alright, guys?
One little question: where are we going?
Goemon Like water, Lupin always gravitates towards the ocean.
Damn it, Lupin! Do you have any idea how far that is?
Hey, it's only a little inch on the atlas! Sheesh...
US Navy. They weren’t kiddin'.
Goemon Outrageous. They cannot do this to us.
You don't read the newspapers very much, do ya?
Stand up... now! This man is the Special Assistant to the President! [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds] I said, stand!
Goemon Yes, we heard you.
Look. You guys went to a lot of trouble to get us here. Now why don't we just cut the crap, and get to the point? [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President George W. Bush and Russian Premier Vladimir Putin]
[clears his throat]
Yes, well...
RP Russian Premier
Mr. President, I must protest, in the strongest possible terms, the blackmailing of my administration by yours.
Mr. Premier, I'm afraid I don't...
RP Russian Premier
Please, don't insult us further. We've been threatened with nuclear attack if we don’t hand over all classified research in biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics.
Mr. Premier, we just lost two communications satellites after receiving similar demands, and frankly, the capability for such a strike...
RP Russian Premier
Mr. President, surely you're not accusing us?
Mr. Premier, I don't know what to think.
RP Russian Premier
What has your intelligence turned out?
Gentlemen, if I may interrupt...
My name is Mamo. [Starky stops the tape]
S Starky
The identification of that third voice is a matter of the utmost importance. Not only to this administration, but to the entire world. Please, listen carefully now. [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]
My name is Mamo. I am the living embodiment of intelligence. A prophet... a God to you.
RP Russian Premier
You’re a madman!
He’s a terrorist! Whoever he is, what kind of a God threatens humanity with universal apocalypse if he doesn’t get his way?!
I heard you weren’t much of a student in your school days, Mr. President... but apparently, even the Bible you thump so shamelessly is the Reader’s Digest edition. [Gordon stops the tape]
S Starky
The rest is classified. But, as you heard the President himself confirm, this terrorist, whoever he is, clearly has the capacity to carry out his deadly threats.
"Mamo"? [lights a cigarette] You just heard him. So what have you got on him, anyway?
S Starky
Very little, apart from the fact that your friend, Mr. Lupin, appears to have been running some errands for him lately... which is where you come in. Tell us the location of Mamo's operation!
Hey, how in the hell should we know?
Well... I'd suggest you think very hard! We're able to lock people up without a trial these days, you know! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] Hm? What the hell is this?!
Here's all I've got for ya. Broad who's been playing him dropped it from a plane. It's her handwriting.
It means you're not completely clueless anymore.
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Starky and Jigen backwards]
Mess with me... [grabs Jigen by his shirt] aaannd... you're messing with America!
Oh yeah? Is that so? And which America would that be, exactly?!
Yeah. The beacon of freedom and democracy, or the bastion of... blind arrogance?!
S Starky
Gordon. I believe him. [whispers to Gordon] I suggest we check our other leads. [Gordon opens a door] Your country thanks you for your cooperation, Mr. Jigen. We will be in touch if we require anything further.
You keep your nose clean in the meantime! [closes the door]
[straightening his jacket]
Hm! Call me a Democrat, will ya?
