Little Nicky 2000 quotes, page 3

Todd

I know this is your living room time, but could I maybe finish watching the Globetrotters out here? It's the craziest game I've ever seen!

Ref/Cassius

He's walking! Get him a bus!

Todd

This is the part I don't get.

Announcer

Another terrible call. There's no way that was traveling!

What's up with all the calls? We haven't lost a game in fifty-three years!

Ref/Cassius

Guess what, Cornrows? Technical foul! You're out of here! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Why is the referee being so mean to the Globetrotters, Daddy?
Boy's Father: Hey, I've been watching these guys play since I was your age.
Boy's Mother: It's all part of the show, baby!

Todd

Oh, gross! He just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit!

Beefy

Oh, that turn you on there, RuPaul? Heh heh heh!

Todd

Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit?

Nicky

No.

Todd

It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. Where you from? The South?

Nicky

Yes. The deep South. Hahahaha!

Todd

Why is that funny?

Nicky

I don't know.

Todd

Hey you guys can crash here. I have a futon.

John

Eh, that's a big pass, Elton John.

Todd

You know, I was in love once but she said I wasn't financially reliable and she needed that.

John

Now, by "she", do you mean "he"?

Todd

No.

Beefy

Busted!

Valerie

My dad's an optometrist.

Nicky

My dad's in hell and he's falling apart.

The lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs!

Cardinal

Ma'am I know your son, and believe me, he was better off on the drugs. At least when he was smoking hash he used to make me laugh occasionally.

Valerie

Did you do that?

Nicky

No one calls my girl an evil slut.

I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.

Dan Marino

C'mon, man, I'm just asking — let me win one Super Bowl.

In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.

Dan Marino

You did it for Namath.

Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways.

Todd

Judas!

Peter

Yeah, Judas Priest, maybe.

Todd

Were you about to drink one of my Cokes?

Nicky

No. I was just looking at it. It's beautiful.

Todd

This Coke taste like Pepsi.

Beefy

You changed a Coke..into a Pepsi.. That was your big transformation??

Nicky

Come on man, give it up a little.. I mean it was pretty good for my first try.

Beefy

Do you even care that your brothers are killing your father!?

Nicky

Yes I care! And he is not going to die! (Flames come in Nicky's eyes then a loud explosion is heard. Todd walks out of a smoky hallway.)

Todd

I'm freaked out. My television just blew up.

Nicky

You're damn right it did!! I mean, really?

Beefy

say "Mr. Beefy!" Say it! Say it!

Sigh.."Mr. Beefy"

Beefy

And "I love you".

Beefy

Put it in your mouth. [Nicky puts it in his mouth] Now, move your teeth up and down. [Nicky chews it with his mouth open] Up and down. Good, numbnuts. Now you've got to swallow it. Tilt your head back, and let the meat slide down your throat hole. [Nicky gags] Easy, don't choke!

Nicky

Popeyes Chicken is **** awesome!

Beefy

Mm-hmm! Now, eat up, you're gonna need your energy.

Nicky

I got energy up the yin-yang! Let's go save Dad! [runs out into street with flask] Adrian! Cassius! [gets hit by bus]

Beefy

Oh, boy.

Nicky

Release the evil.

Nicky

Okay, too much evil.

Nicky

Man, that was intense! And it happens every day?

Beefy

Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you got to use a toilet.

Nicky

Yeah? Well, just point me in the right direction next time.

Beefy

Come on. There's like ten million people in this city and the clock is ticking.

Nicky

Well, let's rock and roll, then!