Dante I'll smoke it with you bro, we'll go to the looney bin together. I don't give a ****!
Most-quoted role: Dante in Grandma's Boy (2006), 29 quotes
Movies Dante Dante Dude anyone can get past a dog, but nobody ****s with a lion!
Dante So I looked up in my tree, and there was the ****in king of the jungle. So I called the five-O!
Pete My underwear is so far up my ass, I could taste it!
Hey, by the way, Nicky, check this out! [spins Ozzy record backwards, but just makes noise] What's Ozzy trying to say there?
John, absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.
Oh no! Heh heh heh!
Chicago. [plays "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"]
I love this song.
Chicago album spun backwards
I command you in the name of Lucifer, to spread the blood of the innocent!
Pete Oh, my God! Chicago kicks ass!
That was awesome!
You know, guys, this cake…tastes a little funny.
Pete Oh, I dumped a fat sack of reefer in the mix. Thought I'd spice up the bash!
Really?!
What's reefer?
About 500 bucks an ounce! Heh heh heh heh!
Street vendor [appears while Nicky is sleeping in Central Park]
My man's into deep nocturnal shit. [steals Nicky's flask] Whoo! Mm-hmm, yeah!
Yo, man, I think that guy just stole his stuff!
Pete Should we wake him up?
Yeah. You do it.
Pete Rise and shine, Devil Guy! Some dude just stole your shit!
What?! Where?! [exhales fire; John and Pete stare in amazement] Which way did he go?
Uh, that way!
Thanks! Give me back my flask!
Pete Did you check out the dragon mouth?!
The Dark Prince is here! [they head-butt one another]
Street vendor Check out my stuff, I got a low price! Uh, I got a pepper shaker! I got a silver doodad from Africa!
Street vendor See something you like, my man?
Yes, I would like my flask back!
Street vendor You're calling me a thief, my man?
I'm calling you the guy who has my flask.
Street vendor How would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?
I don't know.
Customer
[Deleted scene; a customer arrives]
Ooh. How much for the silver flask there?
Street vendor Ah, my man. Business, business, business. That's a special item selling. The cap alone is one hundred percent pure... plappium.
"Plappium"?
Street vendor It's valued at over three hundred dollars.
Customer
Really? What's it from?
It was handcrafted in Hell by Satan himself, and its sole purpose is to get the Fireball of Hades burning once again.
Customer
I'm gonna keep looking.
Street vendor [Theatrical version resumes]
Now, you've done it. You've messed with my business, bitch!
I would appreciate it if you would keep your voice down! [flames appear in Nicky's eyes]
Street vendor Oh, you're going all crazy eyed on me? I'll show you some crazy eye! [clicks tongue really fast with fists up] Look at this, come on, let's get busy!
Excuse me, sir?
Street vendor Who?
Does, um, that flask belong to this man?
Street vendor Now you're going to call me a thief, too?! Damn!
Okay, look. Today, the guy you ripped off just happened to walk by and bust you, so why don't you just…give him the flask back?
Street vendor What're you going to do if I don't, bite me with your snaggletooth?
No. But maybe that policeman over there might have something to say.
Street vendor Awwwww, take your dumb-ass canteen, goofy! [turns to Valerie] And you, get your raggedy-ass clothes and find yourself another corner, before I show you what crazy really is!
Fine, I will!
Street vendor I'm a business man! Blah-blah-blah-blah!
I'll be seeing you in a few years. [street vendor clicks tongue really fast at Nicky as he leaves]
Murph Hey, look, Deedsy is hanging out with McEnroe!
I love The Beach Boys.
Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?
Jan No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.
Murph Oh! I forgot I was fakin' sick today. [to Cedar and Cecil] You two tricked me into comin' here.
Jan Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand.
Murph [sets to work]
You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!
Is Mrs. Deeds around?
Jan Mrs. Deeds!? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.
We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.
Murph Wow! Is that Deeds' first name?
Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name.
Murph Well, I don't know Deeds's first name. Maybe it's Greg.
Maybe it's Longfellow.
Murph Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?
No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.