Grandma's Boy 2006 quotes

Alex

No, no, that's impossible. We've never missed a payment. Every month, I give Josh hundreds of dollars of my money, and then he writes you a rent check. [to Josh] Right, Josh?

Josh

I love them so much.

Alex

You love who?

Josh

The girls at Madame Kamay's Filipino Palace.

Alex

You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?

Josh

They're not hookers, they're massage therapists.

They'll massage your **** for money.

There's a word for that. I think it's "hooker"?

Josh

YOU'RE A HOOKER!

Alex

Whoa, wait.

Yuri

Listen, Alex. I make you a special deal, huh? I give you five minutes to pack up all your shit you don't want thrown away, and if you take one extra minute, I have my two friends...they take your testicles and remove them through your anus.

Alex

Dude, why don't you pick up your phone? I've been calling for the past half hour!

Dante

Sorry bro, I was putting up my Christmas tree.

Alex

Dude, it's the middle of July.

Dante

Get the **** outta here! It is?!

Alex

Dude, why are you naked?

Dante

Oooh shit, I am naked! Come in.

Alex

Your ass is tanner than my face.

Dante

It's not tan, kid. It's bronzed.

Alex

Dude, your bed's a car.

Jeff

Yeah, but it's a ****in' sweet car.

Alex

Hey Timmy, can I crash at your house?

Why so you can jack off on my mom?

Alex

Jeff's a ****in liar Timmy!

Barry

Hey Dante my girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night...

Dante

No shit And by Girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?

Barry

... yes... [Starts to cry]

Dante

Oh hey Alex, I was just puttin up my Christmas tree.

Alex

Dude, it's July.

Dante

Get the **** outta here, it is?!

Dante

That is pure **** insanity.

Alex

Yeah, he got addicted to hookers.

Dante

No, I'm talking about the guy who threw your bong. You should never throw a bong kid... EVER!

Dante

Where do you get your weed?

Mr.Cheezle

From you Dante!

Dante

Oh yeah! What's up Mr. Cheezle!

J.P.

School, [nerdy snicker] I didn't need school. All I ever cared about were video games, and they've made me a millionaire. So, maybe I don't know what the civil war was, or who invented the helicopter, even though I own one - but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk.

Samantha

Cool.

J.P.

Yeah. I'm thinking of getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

Jeff

So I mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean, you saw a lotta stuff go down. World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac, I mean...

Grace

I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob.

Jeff

No way! Was he silent?

Grace

Not after I got through with him.

Jeff

Just keep your voice down. My roommates are sleeping.

Alex

You mean your parents?

Jeff

Yeah, same thing.

Alex

Nice jammies.

Jeff

Thanks. They're a present from my roommates.

Jeff

So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night.

Barry

For 13 hours.

Jeff

What's up Douche Bigalow?

Alex

Hey Speed Racer. Did you valet your bed?

Jeff

No, I self parked it in your asshole

Josh

I love them so much...

Alex

You love who?

Josh

The girls at Madame Kamay's Philipino Palace

Alex

You've been spending our rent money, on philipino hookers?

Josh

They're NOT HOOKERS! They're massage theripists.

They'll massage your **** for money.

Yea there's a word for that i think its hooker?

Josh

YOU'RE A HOOKER!

Lilly

You know what else you're not gonna get, party pooper? The Colonel! Here you go, sweetie. [gruff voice] Sucks to be you, nerd!