Pete
My underwear is so far up my ass, I could taste it!
Scenes with Pete
5 scenes
[to basketball]
I command you not to blow up and go into that metal circle. [throws basketball underhand; at the last second, the ref/Cassius jumps up, catches ball]
Ref/Cassius
Nyah!
Hey!
Ref/Cassius
Get that crap out of here!
I know you're having fun, Cassius, but you've really got to come back to Hell!
Cassius
Look around you, Nicky! We're in Hell. The new Hell! Ha ha ha!
Old Lady
[Nicky looks over at audience, sees two pregnant women with Fitzy 'raising the roof', also sees three shirtless men with the "SIN" painted on their torsos] [swinging a shirt over her head]
Do it! Do it! Do it! Whee-eeee-eeeeeeeeee!
Cassius
Ha ha ha!
I was sent here to take you back, and that's what I'm going to do!
Cassius
Don't make me take out the shovel again, Trick!
Pete
I think we're about to see a devil showdown!
You know, Dad got sick when you guys left!
Cassius : I'm glad he's dying, because it's my turn now.
[while spinning the basketball on his finger]
You're going to wish you never said that. [Cassius and Nicky start playing basketball]
Take him to the hole, Nicky! [Todd looks at Beefy] I mean, "Woof, woof!"
Cassius
Come on, brother, come on! Oh, come on! Ha ha ha ha! [singsongy] Daddy can't help you! Daddy can't help you!
[Nicky jumps in the air, yelling, causing random objects to explode, then makes the basket, shattering the glass] Boy's Father: This show gets better every year!
Boy's Mother: Ah ha ha ha ha!
Cassius
That was sick! Who taught you that shit?
Sorry, Cassius…it must be the Super Devil Juice Dad gave me!
Cassius
Super Devil Juice?! Give me that, little girl!
Don't drink out of it, please! [Cassius drinks out of flask, gets sucked inside]
Boy's Mother: Now that was some straight-up David Copperfield shit!
Cassius
[from inside flask]
Damn you, Nicky! There ain't no Super Devil Juice in here!
Hail, Nicky!
Pete
We are forever your slaves!
Street vendor
[appears while Nicky is sleeping in Central Park]
My man's into deep nocturnal shit. [steals Nicky's flask] Whoo! Mm-hmm, yeah!
Yo, man, I think that guy just stole his stuff!
Pete
Should we wake him up?
Yeah. You do it.
Pete
Rise and shine, Devil Guy! Some dude just stole your shit!
What?! Where?! [exhales fire; John and Pete stare in amazement] Which way did he go?
Uh, that way!
Thanks! Give me back my flask!
Pete
Did you check out the dragon mouth?!
The Dark Prince is here! [they head-butt one another]
Street vendor
Check out my stuff, I got a low price! Uh, I got a pepper shaker! I got a silver doodad from Africa!
Street vendor
See something you like, my man?
Yes, I would like my flask back!
Street vendor
You're calling me a thief, my man?
I'm calling you the guy who has my flask.
Street vendor
How would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?
I don't know.
Customer
[Deleted scene; a customer arrives]
Ooh. How much for the silver flask there?
Street vendor
Ah, my man. Business, business, business. That's a special item selling. The cap alone is one hundred percent pure... plappium.
"Plappium"?
Street vendor
It's valued at over three hundred dollars.
Customer
Really? What's it from?
It was handcrafted in Hell by Satan himself, and its sole purpose is to get the Fireball of Hades burning once again.
Customer
I'm gonna keep looking.
Street vendor
[Theatrical version resumes]
Now, you've done it. You've messed with my business, bitch!
I would appreciate it if you would keep your voice down! [flames appear in Nicky's eyes]
Street vendor
Oh, you're going all crazy eyed on me? I'll show you some crazy eye! [clicks tongue really fast with fists up] Look at this, come on, let's get busy!
Excuse me, sir?
Street vendor
Who?
Does, um, that flask belong to this man?
Street vendor
Now you're going to call me a thief, too?! Damn!
Okay, look. Today, the guy you ripped off just happened to walk by and bust you, so why don't you just…give him the flask back?
Street vendor
What're you going to do if I don't, bite me with your snaggletooth?
No. But maybe that policeman over there might have something to say.
Street vendor
Awwwww, take your dumb-ass canteen, goofy! [turns to Valerie] And you, get your raggedy-ass clothes and find yourself another corner, before I show you what crazy really is!
Fine, I will!
Street vendor
I'm a business man! Blah-blah-blah-blah!
I'll be seeing you in a few years. [street vendor clicks tongue really fast at Nicky as he leaves]
Hey, by the way, Nicky, check this out! [spins Ozzy record backwards, but just makes noise] What's Ozzy trying to say there?
John, absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.
Oh no! Heh heh heh!
Chicago. [plays "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"]
I love this song.
Chicago album spun backwards
I command you in the name of Lucifer, to spread the blood of the innocent!
Pete
Oh, my God! Chicago kicks ass!
That was awesome!
You know, guys, this cake…tastes a little funny.
Pete
Oh, I dumped a fat sack of reefer in the mix. Thought I'd spice up the bash!
Really?!
What's reefer?
About 500 bucks an ounce! Heh heh heh heh!
Pete
Hey, how're you feeling over there, Satan Abdul-Jabbar?
A little strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl, Valerie.
Why? Did she hurt you? Do you need to cry on my shoulder?
Easy, Liberace.
Oh, would you grow up?!
Pete
Ha ha ha! Liberace.
I was having the best day with her, until Adrian made me tell her she had a heart-shaped heinie.
Maybe you love her, but what do I know, I can't even see straight!
