Peeper I think Victoria just told me her Secret.
[after sensing Nicky's presence]
You make the Lord very nervous.
C Cardinal
In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to obtain the splendor of heaven...or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat.
BA Basketball audience member
Now that was some straight up David Copperfield shit!
You can do it, Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!
[after hearing Mr. Beefy singing in his sleep]
That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen.
S Scottie
[peeper takes out a cell phone and dials. The son answers.]
Hello?
Peeper Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, alright?
Peeper This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of mommy. Hahahaha.
M Mother
Oh my God, Scottie. Is that a man up our tree?
Peeper No, no! Tell it's just a bird! It's just a big bird!
S Scottie
[Peeper takes out a cell phone and dials; the son, Scottie, answers]
Hello?
Peeper Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't you be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, all right?
Peeper This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of Mommy. Nah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
D Mrs. Dunleavy
[gasps]
Oh my God, Scottie, is that a man up our tree?
Peeper No, no! Tell her it's just a bird! It's just a big bird! [flaps arms] Bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk! Bawwwwwk! Bawwwwwwwwwk! [With an evil grin, Scottie fires a slingshot at him, striking said Peeper in the head]
Peeper [Deleted scene only; the weary Peeper lands on the ground]
Mrs. Dunleavy. Help me! Please... wear a bikini!
D Mrs. Dunleavy
Pervert. [to Scottie] Come on.
Peeper Oh, how are you doing? [Mrs. Dunleavy and Scottie hold a television out the window and throw it to the Peeper] NOOOOOOOOO! [The TV lands, killing him]
Aren't you that horny guy pretending to be a big bird, checking out that beautiful mom?
Peeper Yes I am.
Now, you're going to see what a big, horny bird actually looks like. [Eyes narrow, cruel smile] In Hell!
Peeper [repeatedly as he is chased by a giant bird-man trying to violate him]
I deserve this!
Peeper [later on when said peeper meets Satan] [sarcastically]
Hello…Mr. Devil…I like your cape. [Satan smiles, waves, then summons said giant bird-man who goes to rape said peeper] I deserve this!
