Jon Lovitz movie quotes

View Quote Toaster: We need a longer cord.
Radio: Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.

View Quote Radio: Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I... [pokes Kirby's bags] ...stab at thee!
Kirby: Climb on, you imbecile!
Radio: Oh, it's you!
Kirby: Where's Toaster?
Lampy: He sank!

View Quote Radio: Seems like a nice enough fella. Dingy, but nice.
Hanging Lamp: Heh-heh-heh! Heh-heh-heh! Yes, Mister St. Peters is quite an amusing fellow... isn't he? Oh, ya poor baby. I think your bulb is burned out. Here, you can have one of mine. Use it in good health... while you still can.

View Quote [throwing Fievel off the train] Mouse overboard! I just love the "flying aah"!

View Quote [singing] "The inky dinky spider caught a mouse in his web. The inky dinky spider... BIT OFF THE MOUSE'S HEAD!"

View Quote [talking to self, sarcastically] "Chula do this, Chula do that!" [imitates Cat R. Waul] I'm a good-looking spider, no? There's lots of old women who'd want to marry me!

View Quote BRAKE! GAS! GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU LUNATIC!!! BRAKE! GAS! BRAKE! Oh, where did you guys get your license?

View Quote Project 'Dark Cloud' should go down without a, uh, hitch.

View Quote Gas it up down there, step on it!

View Quote I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!

View Quote Honey, wake up! Third Reich's here! You wanna have a good life, right? Okay, let's see. SS in the parking lot! Not good! Not good!

View Quote Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!

View Quote [dropping off Dottie and Kit at the tryouts] Hey cowgirls, see the grass? Don't eat it.

View Quote [to Marla Hooch, when they are reluctant to board a train] Are you coming? See, how it works is, the train moves, not the station.

View Quote [while being surrounded by chickens] Get these wild animals away from me. Haven't you ever heard of a leash?

View Quote Peeper: I think Victoria just told me her Secret.
Blind deacon: [after sensing Nicky's presence] You make the Lord very nervous.
Cardinal: In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to obtain the splendor of heaven...or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat.
Basketball audience member: Now that was some straight up David Copperfield shit!
Townie: You can do it, Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!
Todd: [after hearing Mr. Beefy singing in his sleep] That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen.

View Quote [peeper takes out a cell phone and dials. The son answers.]
Scottie: Hello?
Peeper: Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, alright?
Scottie: Who is this?
Peeper: This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of mommy. Hahahaha.
Mother: Oh my God, Scottie. Is that a man up our tree?
Peeper: No, no! Tell it's just a bird! It's just a big bird!

View Quote [Peeper takes out a cell phone and dials; the son, Scottie, answers]
Scottie:   Hello?
Peeper:   Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't you be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, all right?
Scottie:   Who is this?
Peeper:   This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of Mommy. Nah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mrs. Dunleavy:   [gasps] Oh my God, Scottie, is that a man up our tree?
Peeper:   No, no! Tell her it's just a bird! It's just a big bird! [flaps arms] Bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk! Bawwwwwk! Bawwwwwwwwwk! [With an evil grin, Scottie fires a slingshot at him, striking said Peeper in the head]
[Deleted scene only; the weary Peeper lands on the ground]
Peeper:   Mrs. Dunleavy. Help me! Please... wear a bikini!
Mrs. Dunleavy:   Pervert. [to Scottie] Come on.
Peeper:   Oh, how are you doing? [Mrs. Dunleavy and Scottie hold a television out the window and throw it to the Peeper] NOOOOOOOOO! [The TV lands, killing him]

View Quote When you bump with the hump, you land on your rump!

View Quote Drac: Deviled lizard fingers!? I asked for spleens-in-blankets!
Quasimodo: You ugly fool! I told you! He doesn't like the lizard fingers!
Gargoyle Waiter: But you said... [Quasimodo slams the plate on top of his head]
Jonathan: [sees Skeleton Wife and approaches her] Whoa! Check that costume out! Wow, seriously, I just have to ask - how are you pulling this off? I mean, it looks so real, like I– [reaches his hand through her chest] I could just reach my hand through and... [Skeleton Wife shrieks and slaps him]
Skeleton Husband: [appears; angrily to Johnny] What do you think you're doing?!
Johnny: [frightened with realization] Uh-- She's... She's real! You're real!
Skeleton Husband: Yeah, and I'll give you a real beating! Keep your hands outta my wife! [shoves Johnny and he bumps into Big Foot, then he looks up to see his face and starts shrieking]
Drac: [hears Johnny screaming and turns to see he's not behind him anymore] Oh, no! [heads out to find him]
Johnny: [realizes the monsters around him are real; hysterically] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!