Calico I'm sure we'll get into the basement lab just fine, right guys? GUYS!
Voiced by Jon Lovitz 
Cats & Dogs (2001) · 48 quotes
Cats & Dogs (2001) · 48 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Cats & Dogs (2001): in 9 of its 48 quotes
Most scenes with: Mr. Tinkles (4)
BRAKE! GAS! GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU LUNATIC!!! BRAKE! GAS! BRAKE! Oh, where did you guys get your license?
More lines from Calico
4 quotes Calico Calico Project 'Dark Cloud' should go down without a, uh, hitch.
Calico You should keep your hair like that, it's very slimmy.
Calico Gas it up down there, step on it!
Scenes with Calico
4 scenes
I want you to stay here.
Calico Why?
Because I hate you.
Mr. Brody [on tape]
Hi. Uh, doctor, the cure for dog allergies? Success, done!
Doctor
[sneezes]
Fantastic. Send it to me tomorrow, and I'll have our guys verify it.
Mr. Brody I will. I'll send it, [Doctor sneezes] first thing in the morning. God bless you.
[stops the tape]
This is unacceptable! If we do not act immediately, that work will be out of my reach forever! You know what that means?
Calico [confused]
Huh? What? Oh. Who, me?
Calico Not really. Are you mad?
YES! I AM MAD!
Calico [ducks from Mr. Tinkles' paw]
Whoa!
Mr. Tinkles You little bug of an imbecile!
As for you, Brody herd, I have a very, very, special...[Reaches into a box on the desk, and pulls out cork gun] gift! [angrily] WHAT?!
Scott
Whoa!
I thought I told you to buy a real gun!
Calico Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Ohh! What possible use could I have for this?! [Throws the cork gun, firing the cork, breaking things and setting the room on fire] Hey. I'm so clever. [Starts to leave] You know this is? Yeah, this is just plain fun, yeah. [to Calico] I want you to stay here.
Calico Why?
Because I hate you. [Closes the door, leaving Calico locked inside]
Calico [Begins pawing desperately at the door]
No! NO! NOOO! HELP! NO! LET ME OUT!
[over the phone, in a taunting "nyah nyah" sing-song]
Meow-meow-me-meow-meow! How many dogs does it take to overthrow mankind? Just one stupid puppy.
Where is my family?!
Oh, they're alive... for now. But it won't matter. You see, I've--
[The limousine Tinkles is riding in swerves, sending him sliding and slamming into the side]
THIS ISN'T NASCAR, YOU IDIOT! [clears throat] I have seized the professor's formula, and in a mere hour I will reverse it, giving me the power to make all humans allergic to dogs!
What?!
[The limousine swerves again, sending Tinkles sliding into the other side]
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GLOAT GLEEFULLY WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING LIKE A CHIMPANZEE?!? I MEAN, REALLY! [clears throat again] Now I will make all of humanity violently allergic to your wretched kind, and when you are all hated and despised by those you protect, you will be CAST OUT, leaving me to lead all of cat-kind in a glorious revolution to conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
What will we do?
"We"? You just handed the world back to the cats and doomed the human race forever! There's nothing left to do.
Is that what I think it is?
What, Butch?
Yep, it's the Cat Tracker 2000.
[A beacon is shown to be planted on the limousine]
Those fleabags must be running for the hills! [chuckles]
Calico Yeah, I... yeah, that's what I was thinking.
