1 time in Hamburg, I roomed with this dude, who I caught stealing my shampoo, and I said "Whoa, man!" Then he threw a flower pot at me, but he was cool.
Count Dracula
Adam Sandler · 27 quotes
Jonathan / Johnny-stein
Andy Samberg · 18 quotes
Mavis
Selena Gomez · 18 quotes
Wayne
Steve Buscemi · 13 quotes
Frankenstein
Kevin James · 11 quotes
Griffin
David Spade · 10 quotes
Murray
Cee Lo Green · 8 quotes
Elderly Gremlin
3 quotes
Quasimodo
Jon Lovitz · 2 quotes
Most scenes together: Count Dracula & Jonathan / Johnny-stein (13), Count Dracula & Mavis (7), Count Dracula & Frankenstein (7)
Hotel Transylvania quotes
Page 1 of 5THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
[Drac brings Frank, Murray, Wayne, and Griffin along to find Johnny and bring him back before he flies back to America.]
Okay, okay, where am I going?
The human world, before Johnny's gone forever.
But what about the sun?
He just rolls. Rollabilty.
So we follow his boot-prints. When they run out, that's where you come in, Wayne.
There! [picks up Johnny's shirt from the ground and smells it; disgusted] That stinks! [gives the shirt to Wayne] (Here, Wayne.) Work your magic.
Wait, you want me to track the smell? No, no. My sniffing tracking days are way behind me. Do you know how many diapers I've changed? How many number twos have destroyed this thing? But… [whistles and summons his werewolf kids to come to them; trying to get them under control while they roughhouse] Sit! [takes Johnny's shirt from Drac's hand and holds it up] Smell. I said, smell. [Two pups come up behind him and smell his butt.] Not me, the shirt! The shirt!
Do any of your kids still respect you?
Mm. Give me a second. Oh, yeah. Winnie, front and center!
Winnie
[The werewolf kids are still roughhousing with each other and stop abruptly to let Winnie pass through. Once she goes, they go back to their fight.] [spits out her pacifier and then deeply takes a whiff of Johnny's shirt]
He got into a car, an '86 Fiat. It needs a little transmission work, but otherwise, okay. It drove through town to the airport. Flight 497. 8:00 a.m. departure.
That's in 15 minutes!
Winnie
[sniffing]
Seat 23A. He ordered the vegetarian meal.
Okay. Thank you, cutie. [to all the other wolf pups] Now, all of you, go back to your mother!
Imagine if that guy was talking to the real Drac(ula), he'd run for the hills!
[realizes to their advantage]
Hold it now. Hold it now! That sounds spot-on! Well, the only way they'd know the real us is if we show the real us!
This could work.
You mean scare 'em? We haven't scared people in centuries. I don't even think I have it in me anymore! [practices roaring but ends up weakening his voice] I got nothing, I really got nothing.
Let's just move this along. [ignites a match and sets it between Frank's eyes]
[begins to roar monstrously and after climbing to the shoulders of his inflated balloon statue, gives a deafening roar across the town that causes the whole watching crowd to cover their ears]
I'm trying to scare you! The real Frankenstein!
Awesomeness.
Deviled lizard fingers!? I asked for spleens-in-blankets!
You ugly fool! I told you! He doesn't like the lizard fingers!
Gargoyle Waiter
But you said... [Quasimodo slams the plate on top of his head]
Jonathan
[sees Skeleton Wife and approaches her]
Whoa! Check that costume out! Wow, seriously, I just have to ask - how are you pulling this off? I mean, it looks so real, like I– [reaches his hand through her chest] I could just reach my hand through and... [Skeleton Wife shrieks and slaps him]
Skeleton Husband
[appears; angrily to Johnny]
What do you think you're doing?!
Johnny
[frightened with realization]
Uh-- She's... She's real! You're real!
Skeleton Husband
Yeah, and I'll give you a real beating! Keep your hands outta my wife! [shoves Johnny and he bumps into Big Foot, then he looks up to see his face and starts shrieking]
[hears Johnny screaming and turns to see he's not behind him anymore]
Oh, no! [heads out to find him]
Johnny
[realizes the monsters around him are real; hysterically]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
I think... they zinged.
They zinged!?
But I got in the way.
You only zing once in your life. [begins to cry]
Eunice
Oy. Now, you're short-circuiting.
Jonathan! Jonathan, can you hear me?! [sees a Twilight movie on the plane]
Edward
Tell me, do you dream of being a vampire?
This is how we're represented. Unbelievable. Jonathan! Jonathan, can you hear me?!
Huh? Dracula… [on Drac's side] I can't understand you!
What, "my hand's in a tan shoe"?
[on his side]
What, "Japan's eating lamb stew"? [Drac slumps his shoulders and makes an irritated look. This isn't working.] Hey, do you know you're smoking? [Drac flies into the plane's windshield to make an announcement for Johnny]
Pilot
What the heck? How'd a bat get up this high? Folks, I'm gonna turn on the seat belt sign just a precaution while we–[[Drac uses his magic powers to tell the pilot that he wants to take over his voice] While we hear a special announcement for my dear friend, Jonathan.
Dracula?
Pilot (Dracula): My dear boy, I have made a terrible mistake. I was trying to keep my baby to myself, because I knew I would always protect her… but I realize now children need to discover things for themselves. They'll stumble and fall, laugh and cry, but such is life. The truth is... you and Mavis are meant to be. You zinged! If she must give her trust to someone else, I'm thankful that it is you, Jonathan. I hope you can hear me, and forgive me.
Plane Crowd
[sees Dracula in bat form outside the window]
AAAHHHHH! [Jonathan sees Dracula outside the window also, and gives him a smile and a thumbs up to show his acceptance of Dracula's apology; Drac smiles also]
Pilot (Drac): Okay, folks, we're going to make a quick turnaround to... refuel, and then we will be back on our way. [the crowd groans angrily] Quit your whining! I'm burning up out here!
You know, Mommy already gave you her birthday present. Can I now give you mine? [shows Mavis a black and pink backpack with the hotel's logo on it]
Oh, it comes with an accessory. [turns the backpack and reveals a smiling Johnny]
Johnny
[lovingly]
You.
Why are you back?
Johnny
'Cause you're my zing, Mavis. (And will you marry me?)
Jonathan
Yeah, well, I was afraid your dad was going to suck all the blood out of my body if I didn't say that. (So, that's why I said I hated monsters.)
Dad!
Frankenstein's Monster
Drac.
Yes, Frankie?
Hey, buddy, what you been doing?
We wanted to practice our big number for Mavis' party, and then these losers wouldn't get off the bandstand.
Okay. Put down Zombie Mozart, Bach and Beethoven this instant. [Frank and Wayne throw them] Did you get to rehearse at all, Zombie Beethoven?
Zombie Beethoven
Eh eh eh eh.
Listen, Drac, we wanted to play something, like old times. We even thought maybe you'd sing with us.
Come on, fellas. You know that I haven't sung in public since Martha…
Yeah, but we just thought how much, you know, Mavis would love it.
I said, no! [roars with his monster face] Don't ask me again! Okay. Now, let's hug the zombies. Let's all make up.
Frank(ie)
I wasn't scared. I was being polite, okay?
Johnny
[to Mavis, who's approaching him closely so she could kiss him]
Um, Mavis, I'm crazily scared right now.
Drac
[A suit of armor alerts Drac to Mavis kissing Johnny, and he is enraged; then quickly separates them] [whispering to Johnny]
How could you, after I shared my pain with you!?
Johnny
[frightened]
But-- No--
Dad, it was just a kiss.
Drac
No, you're not allowed to kiss!
Dad, I'm allowed to do things. I'm not 83 anymore. I'm allowed to like people or go see the world again.
Drac
What?! You saw it! You-you said you didn't like it!
Maybe I want to give the village another chance. I need to learn, you know, how to roll with it like Johnny does.
Dracu
No, no, you can't go to the village again!
Maybe you can make them see that we can be friends.
Drac
No, that isn't possible!
Well, you can't be sure. It's all in how you present yourself!
Drac
No, that won't make a difference!
How do you know?!
Drac
Because it just won't!
Why?! Why won't it?!
Drac
BECAUSE THAT VILLAGE DOESN'T REALLY EXIST! (OKAY?!) [the music stops, and Mavis and the other monsters are now in a state of shock; a string on Frank's guitar breaks]
What do you mean... it doesn't exist?
Drac
I– [defiantly] I did what I had to do.
Drac
I… I built the town, the staff put it all together, the... the zombies dressed up as the townspeople.
Zombies
[grunting]
Uh-oh. [Mavis heart-brokenly wanders]
Drac
[follows her]
Please, i-if you really went out there and something happened to you, I... I just couldn't live with myself!
But you could live with this - lying to me, tricking me, keeping me here forever when you knew my dream was to go?
[Drac opens his mouth to say something, but a muffled noise is heard] [enters the ballroom]
Liar, liar!
Uh-uh-uh! [muffled speech; translation - "Dracula has brought a human into the hotel!"]
Eunice
English please. Your voice is really annoying.
Fly
Wait, I speak frozen. He says Dracula has brought a human into the hotel.
Gremlin Wife
[The crowd gasps]
A human?
Gremlin Husband
[hugs her]
Stay close, Pookie.
Fly
[Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "There is ze human!"]
He says "There is ze human!". He has a French accent.
[Johnny starts to walk out the doors, but they shut and he sees Esmeralda growling like a dog in front of him. Johnny, Dracula and the monsters gasp.]
Johnny's not a human, he's my right arm's cousin. [glares at Quasi] He's lying!
Yeah, and why is he picking his nose?
Fly
[Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "A long story."]
He says it's a long story.
Johnny
[to Esmeralda, who's running amok in his face and hair]
Hey! Wait! No! Get off me! Ah! Ew! [Esmeralda squeaks as she wipes away Johnny's make-up, completely blowing his cover.] (Oh, boy…)
Fly
[Quasimodo has another muffled speech; translation - "Behold ze human!"]
He says "Behold ze human!".
[Among the panicking monsters, Mavis walks closer to Johnny, as he gives a worried and regretful expression]
Is it true? Are you a human?
Johnny
[guilty]
Yes… I'm so sorry…
Jonathan
(Really?) [sighs in relief and wants to hug her back until he sees Drac looking really worried, and he remembers what he told him earlier]
Uh... Well, tough! 'Cause I don't want to be with you, because... you're a monster! [Mavis gasps] And I hate monsters! [heads to the door] Goodbye! [as he leaves, he scares Murray by trying to give him a Bruce Lee kick]
Please, don't hurt me!
[Johnny gives Mavis one last stare of hatred and heartbreak and heads out the door. Drac tries to comfort the heartbroken Mavis, but she angrily wheels around and faces him.]
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! [turns into a bat and flees the room, leaving Drac to feel bad about her]
Monster 1
[The other monsters, also angry with Drac for his lies, leave the room as well.]
We're getting outta here!
Monster 2
I am never coming back here!
Monster 3
"Human-free"!? What a rip!
Monster 4
I thought I smelt a human.
Monster 5
Oh, yeah, ice machine? Also broken!
Martha
[voice-over]
Two lonely bats crashed in the night…They felt a Zing, love at first sight.They knew right then, they would be husband and wife.For a Zing only happens once in your life.Your Zing will come, my love… Cherish it.Love, Mommy.
Drac
[surprised]
You and Johnny?
I guess it was only me, but you should be happy, Dad. There's no reason for me to leave. I have no more dreams. I'm just like you now.
Can we try that kiss over again?
[Mavis and Johnny lean to kiss but are interrupted by Dracula snarling with his monkey face and the 2 blankly stare at him] [looking embarrassed]
Sorry! I– I just... I gotta get use to that. Now go. Do... do your thing. [hastily leaves as Mavis and Johnny make their best kiss]
Ending: Zing Song[edit]
I thought I found a loveBut she was just a flingAnd then I met a girlAnd felt a different thingIt's like you're hit in the ringLike you're pulled by a stringCan't breathe like you're chokingOn a chicken wingIt was a thing called a ZingAnd I wanted to singAnd listen to the balladsOf the man named StingLady looks in your eyesAnd it suddenly springLike when Nala looked at SimbaIn the Lion King
Zinging in the airAnd I don't have a careI'm winging from the zingThat we shared
Zinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain
Murray and Mavis
It's a real time for celebrating
'Cause you're my Zing
Drac, ready to throw down?
No, no. I just came closer to hear you better.
Oh, come on, just give it a try!
Alright, maybe just a little bit. [starts to rap] So listen all you zingers from here to BeijingYou better grab a box of strings and get ready to cling cause if love was money, you'd better be yelling "cha - ching",'Cause next to Zing, cupid's arrow's
Drac and Johnny
A little bee sting!
It was a Zing and a Zang and a Zingidy-deeAnd there was only one ladyIn the Zing for me cause when you Zing
When you Zing
You better know one little thing the only bling you're gonna sling
Johnny and Drac
Is a wedding ring!
Mavis and Murray
[Drac freezes his friends, Mavis and Johnny, The crowd cheers. Drac unfreezes the gang.]
Zinging in the air
[freezes his friends and Mavis again]
Now I don't have a careI'm winging from the ZingThat we sharedZinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain [unfroze his friends and Mavis again]
Mavis and Murray
It's a real time for celebrating'Cause you're my Zing
Drac and Johnny
[rapping]
Feel the Zing, y'allBa-da bring, y'allGonna knock you right outta that ring, y'allBetter bring, y'allHappening, y'allPay attention to the undead king, y'allHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
All
HO HOHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
So, can I ask you a question? Is that real, about the garlic thing?
Yes, I cannot have it. My throat swells.
Huh. Wooden stake to the heart?
Yeah, well, who wouldn't that kill?
Uh, can I just ask, what exactly is this place?
"What is this place?" [goes to the window opens it and speaks in a dramatic manner] It is a place I build for all those monkeys out there lurking in the shadows, hiding from the persecution of human kind. A place for them and their families to come to and free themselves. A place void of torches, pitchforks and angry mobs! A place of peace, relaxation and tranquility.
Cool, so it's like a hotel for monsters?
[pause; slightly annoyed]
Yes, exactly. A hotel for monsters. Way to sum it up. Okay, hop on my back. We’re leaving. [turns into a bat]
Skeleton
N-27.
Old Gremlin
N-27.
Skeleton
G-61.
Old Gremlin
G-61.