F Frankie
[Frank spots Johnny and threateningly advances toward him, and Drac gets in his way] [points at Johnny]
Who is that?
[whispering to Drac]
Are these monsters gonna kill me?
[whispering to Johnny]
Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Huh? That's kinda racist.
[Johnny is imitating Frank] [to Drac about Johnny]
Is… is he making fun of me?
No, no! Of course not, because he's... [stops Johnny from imitating]
He's your cousin, Johnny-stein.
[playing along]
Yes, yes, yes!
No, no, you do. He's your 6th cousin, 3 times removed.
[holds up his right arm]
On your right arm's side.
[to his right arm]
You have a cousin?
Frank, if your arm can talk, it would tell you that the original owner of your arm had a brother...
...Who married a woman...
...Who was... [makes killing gesture]
I have pig strangling blood in my arm!? That's kinda cool. [to Johnny] Well, Cuz, great to meetcha. [shakes Johnny's hand, but his whole body's shaken multiple times hitting the floor]
[Mavis giggles] [approaches]
So, what brings you here, Johnny?
[frightened]
Ahh! What was that?! (Oh, you're the Invisible Man, right?)
Oh, sorry. I should really clear my throat before I speak. (And yes, I am, but... call me "Griffin".) Anyway, what brings you here?
[nervous]
Oh, uh... Party Planner?
[playing along]
Yes! I've recruited Mister, uh... Stein here to help me with Mavis' birthday party.
M Murray
Wait a minute. You asked someone to help you?
It's "Count"… and yes, I thought having a Mavis contemporary would be useful.
Yeah, he totally needed a fresher perspective. [Dracula glares at him]
Okay, Johnny. Mr. Tight Coffin over here was planning to have these powdered lame-o's play at the party.
[Zombies sigh]
So, anyways, we thought we could liven things up a bit.
Whoa! You all play? Let's check you guys out!
[Murray and Frank are singing] [singing]
Girl, I can't believe it's your big night
M Murray
[Griffin is playing the drums] [singing]
Seems like only yesterday, you were eating mosquitos
A All
[singing]
But now your eating frogs and mice
[singing]
Scarfing them down like Doritos
A All
[singing]
Tell me, where did the time go, girl?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, guys. Stop. That's cute, but kinda old school.
You got to totally tempo things up. Here let me show you. Werewolf man, give me a jam! [Wayne gives him a "jam".] 2, 3, 4! [singing] Vampire girl with the fangy fangsHair real cute with the bangy bangsLittle princess gonna be a queenLegal bat lady turning 118, say 118!
Yeah! Stage dive! [stage dives to the floor] Awesome!
I'm so blown away right now!
I think my cuz is gonna make this the best party ever!
M Murray
Yeah! Maybe he can find a way to get me some chicks.
A Audience
We should do a dance contest.
We're not doing any of that! We've got to stay on schedule, alright?
[to her dad]
Alright, Dad! Alright. Johnny, you're coming, too?
I don't know. Is it cool with Dracula?
A All
Johnny, come with us.
[Drac and his friends are relaxing in the sauna talking to each other]
When's that Johnny kid gonna be done party planning? He's a great hang.
Yeah, he's an animal, and it was so nice seeing Mavis laughing and hitting it off with him.
[in denial]
Who's hitting what off? Please! Mavis could never be with... someone of his kind.
I'm sorry. "His kind"? Are you saying our kind's not good enough for you, "your lordship"?
No, no, no! Frank, I didn't... I meant that she wouldn't be into someone with... uh... such, red, curly hair.
[insulted]
Uh... What's wrong with red, curly hair?
Why are you getting upset?
[angrily]
I have red, curly hair!
Well, how was I supposed to know that?! [in a later scene; nervous] Look, settle down, fellas. This is all a moot point, because Johnny... He left.
M Murray
[surprised]
Wait a minute, he left?
Yes! He decided he didn't like Mavis, or any of us.
[falls through the roof after having a romantic scene with Mavis, and lands on Drac's lap; Drac is scared at first, then gives him an angry glare; smiles nervously]
Hi…
Hmm. I guess Johnny had second thoughts.
J Johnny
[to Mavis, who's approaching him closely so she could kiss him]
Um, Mavis, I'm crazily scared right now.
[lovingly]
Maybe that's a good thing. [kisses him]
D Drac
[A suit of armor alerts Drac to Mavis kissing Johnny, and he is enraged; then quickly separates them] [whispering to Johnny]
How could you, after I shared my pain with you!?
J Johnny
[frightened]
But-- No--
D Drac
No, you're not allowed to kiss!
Dad, I'm allowed to do things. I'm not 83 anymore. I'm allowed to like people or go see the world again.
D Drac
What?! You saw it! You-you said you didn't like it!
Maybe I want to give the village another chance. I need to learn, you know, how to roll with it like Johnny does.
D Dracu
No, no, you can't go to the village again!
Maybe you can make them see that we can be friends.
D Drac
No, that isn't possible!
Well, you can't be sure. It's all in how you present yourself!
D Drac
No, that won't make a difference!
D Drac
Because it just won't!
D Drac
BECAUSE THAT VILLAGE DOESN'T REALLY EXIST! (OKAY?!) [the music stops, and Mavis and the other monsters are now in a state of shock; a string on Frank's guitar breaks]
What do you mean... it doesn't exist?
[he and the others approach Drac]
What did you do?
D Drac
I– [defiantly] I did what I had to do.
[demanding]
What was it? What exactly did you have to do?! Tell me!
D Drac
I… I built the town, the staff put it all together, the... the zombies dressed up as the townspeople.
Z Zombies
[grunting]
Uh-oh. [Mavis heart-brokenly wanders]
D Drac
[follows her]
Please, i-if you really went out there and something happened to you, I... I just couldn't live with myself!
But you could live with this - lying to me, tricking me, keeping me here forever when you knew my dream was to go?
[Drac opens his mouth to say something, but a muffled noise is heard] [enters the ballroom]
Liar, liar!
M Murray
[Drac make an "Uh-oh" face and Johnny sneaks out]
Oil?
Uh-uh-uh! [muffled speech; translation - "Dracula has brought a human into the hotel!"]
E Eunice
English please. Your voice is really annoying.
F Fly
Wait, I speak frozen. He says Dracula has brought a human into the hotel.
GW Gremlin Wife
[The crowd gasps]
A human?
GH Gremlin Husband
[hugs her]
Stay close, Pookie.
F Fly
[Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "There is ze human!"]
He says "There is ze human!". He has a French accent.
[Johnny starts to walk out the doors, but they shut and he sees Esmeralda growling like a dog in front of him. Johnny, Dracula and the monsters gasp.]
Johnny's not a human, he's my right arm's cousin. [glares at Quasi] He's lying!
Yeah, and why is he picking his nose?
F Fly
[Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "A long story."]
He says it's a long story.
J Johnny
[to Esmeralda, who's running amok in his face and hair]
Hey! Wait! No! Get off me! Ah! Ew! [Esmeralda squeaks as she wipes away Johnny's make-up, completely blowing his cover.] (Oh, boy…)
F Fly
[Quasimodo has another muffled speech; translation - "Behold ze human!"]
He says "Behold ze human!".
[The entire crowd screams and runs in panic] [horrified]
I don't believe it.
[Among the panicking monsters, Mavis walks closer to Johnny, as he gives a worried and regretful expression]
Is it true? Are you a human?
J Johnny
[guilty]
Yes… I'm so sorry…
[hugs him lovingly]
I don't care! I still want to be with you.
J Jonathan
(Really?) [sighs in relief and wants to hug her back until he sees Drac looking really worried, and he remembers what he told him earlier]
Uh... Well, tough! 'Cause I don't want to be with you, because... you're a monster! [Mavis gasps] And I hate monsters! [heads to the door] Goodbye! [as he leaves, he scares Murray by trying to give him a Bruce Lee kick]
M Murray
Please, don't hurt me!
[Johnny gives Mavis one last stare of hatred and heartbreak and heads out the door. Drac tries to comfort the heartbroken Mavis, but she angrily wheels around and faces him.]
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! [turns into a bat and flees the room, leaving Drac to feel bad about her]
M1 Monster 1
[The other monsters, also angry with Drac for his lies, leave the room as well.]
We're getting outta here!
M2 Monster 2
I am never coming back here!
M3 Monster 3
"Human-free"!? What a rip!
M4 Monster 4
I thought I smelt a human.
M5 Monster 5
Oh, yeah, ice machine? Also broken!
M Martha
[voice-over]
Two lonely bats crashed in the night…They felt a Zing, love at first sight.They knew right then, they would be husband and wife.For a Zing only happens once in your life.Your Zing will come, my love… Cherish it.Love, Mommy.
[still heartbroken and in tears after Johnny left]
I thought we zinged, Dad.
D Drac
[surprised]
You and Johnny?
I guess it was only me, but you should be happy, Dad. There's no reason for me to leave. I have no more dreams. I'm just like you now.
[Drac and his friends are driving to the human world to get Johnny back, but they soon run into a lone sheep blocking the road]
Sheep!
[quickly twists the wheel in panic and the car runs off the road, crashing down the hill until it reaches a small mountain freeway]
Whoo! High-5! Don't leave me hangin'.
A All
[sees a flock of more sheep up ahead, freaking out]
Aah! [Griffin stops the car]
I got this one! [gets out of the car, devours the whole flock of sheep in 2 seconds, then comes back in the car, belching a tuft of wool out; The others, looking horrified at the sight, give Wayne a disgusted glare] What? Now there's no sheep in the road. Let's go!
M Murray
[bitter]
That was pretty sick, man.
You eat lamb chops, it's the same thing! We don't have time for this! Come on, let's move it! [they all drive off]
Can we try that kiss over again?
[giggles]
I think we can.
[Mavis and Johnny lean to kiss but are interrupted by Dracula snarling with his monkey face and the 2 blankly stare at him] [looking embarrassed]
Sorry! I– I just... I gotta get use to that. Now go. Do... do your thing. [hastily leaves as Mavis and Johnny make their best kiss]
Ending: Zing Song[edit]
I thought I found a loveBut she was just a flingAnd then I met a girlAnd felt a different thingIt's like you're hit in the ringLike you're pulled by a stringCan't breathe like you're chokingOn a chicken wingIt was a thing called a ZingAnd I wanted to singAnd listen to the balladsOf the man named StingLady looks in your eyesAnd it suddenly springLike when Nala looked at SimbaIn the Lion King
M Murray
Zinging in the airAnd I don't have a careI'm winging from the zingThat we shared
Zinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain
MA Murray and Mavis
It's a real time for celebrating
Drac, ready to throw down?
No, no. I just came closer to hear you better.
Oh, come on, just give it a try!
Alright, maybe just a little bit. [starts to rap] So listen all you zingers from here to BeijingYou better grab a box of strings and get ready to cling cause if love was money, you'd better be yelling "cha - ching",'Cause next to Zing, cupid's arrow's
DA Drac and Johnny
A little bee sting!
It was a Zing and a Zang and a Zingidy-deeAnd there was only one ladyIn the Zing for me cause when you Zing
You better know one little thing the only bling you're gonna sling
JA Johnny and Drac
Is a wedding ring!
MA Mavis and Murray
[Drac freezes his friends, Mavis and Johnny, The crowd cheers. Drac unfreezes the gang.]
Zinging in the air
[freezes his friends and Mavis again]
Now I don't have a careI'm winging from the ZingThat we sharedZinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain [unfroze his friends and Mavis again]
MA Mavis and Murray
It's a real time for celebrating'Cause you're my Zing
DA Drac and Johnny
[rapping]
Feel the Zing, y'allBa-da bring, y'allGonna knock you right outta that ring, y'allBetter bring, y'allHappening, y'allPay attention to the undead king, y'allHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
A All
HO HOHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
[Drac brings Frank, Murray, Wayne, and Griffin along to find Johnny and bring him back before he flies back to America.]
Okay, okay, where am I going?
The human world, before Johnny's gone forever.
M Murray
But what about the sun?
[looks up at the sky]
I don't know. I'll just have to roll.
He just rolls. Rollabilty.
So we follow his boot-prints. When they run out, that's where you come in, Wayne.
There! [picks up Johnny's shirt from the ground and smells it; disgusted] That stinks! [gives the shirt to Wayne] (Here, Wayne.) Work your magic.
Wait, you want me to track the smell? No, no. My sniffing tracking days are way behind me. Do you know how many diapers I've changed? How many number twos have destroyed this thing? But… [whistles and summons his werewolf kids to come to them; trying to get them under control while they roughhouse] Sit! [takes Johnny's shirt from Drac's hand and holds it up] Smell. I said, smell. [Two pups come up behind him and smell his butt.] Not me, the shirt! The shirt!
Do any of your kids still respect you?
Mm. Give me a second. Oh, yeah. Winnie, front and center!
W Winnie
[The werewolf kids are still roughhousing with each other and stop abruptly to let Winnie pass through. Once she goes, they go back to their fight.] [spits out her pacifier and then deeply takes a whiff of Johnny's shirt]
He got into a car, an '86 Fiat. It needs a little transmission work, but otherwise, okay. It drove through town to the airport. Flight 497. 8:00 a.m. departure.
W Winnie
[sniffing]
Seat 23A. He ordered the vegetarian meal.
Okay. Thank you, cutie. [to all the other wolf pups] Now, all of you, go back to your mother!
