Jonathan / Johnny-stein [from the trailer]
Hello?
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Hotel Transylvania (2012): in 18 of its 62 quotes
Most scenes with: Count Dracula (13), Mavis (7), Murray (4)
Hey, thanks for saving me back there. That guy was crazy! Trying to eat me? That's only happened to me one other time, this weird dude from a Slipknot concert.
More lines from Jonathan / Johnny-stein
3 quotes Jonathan / Johnny-stein Jonathan / Johnny-stein Whoa, check out these awesome costumes!
Jonathan / Johnny-stein 1 time in Hamburg, I roomed with this dude, who I caught stealing my shampoo, and I said "Whoa, man!" Then he threw a flower pot at me, but he was cool.
Scenes with Jonathan / Johnny-stein
14 scenes
Deviled lizard fingers!? I asked for spleens-in-blankets!
You ugly fool! I told you! He doesn't like the lizard fingers!
Gargoyle Waiter
But you said... [Quasimodo slams the plate on top of his head]
Jonathan
[sees Skeleton Wife and approaches her]
Whoa! Check that costume out! Wow, seriously, I just have to ask - how are you pulling this off? I mean, it looks so real, like I– [reaches his hand through her chest] I could just reach my hand through and... [Skeleton Wife shrieks and slaps him]
Skeleton Husband [appears; angrily to Johnny]
What do you think you're doing?!
Johnny
[frightened with realization]
Uh-- She's... She's real! You're real!
Skeleton Husband Yeah, and I'll give you a real beating! Keep your hands outta my wife! [shoves Johnny and he bumps into Big Foot, then he looks up to see his face and starts shrieking]
[hears Johnny screaming and turns to see he's not behind him anymore]
Oh, no! [heads out to find him]
Johnny
[realizes the monsters around him are real; hysterically]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[Johnny crashes into Mavis, then they look into each other's eyes and they feel a zing… but Drac gets in the way.] [concerned]
Mavis, honey, are you alright?
Johnny [groaning]
Oh, my head hurts…
Johnny [surprised]
"Dad"!?
Yeah, I know. Dracula's daughter. Everybody freaks out at first.
Johnny [hysterical]
Dracula!?
Okay, we gotta go. [quickly takes Johnny away, leaving Mavis completely suspicious. Drac opens the door to his bedroom]
Johnny [screams in horror]
Please, don't kill me! I'm so young! I have so many places I want to see! I've got tickets to 6 Dave Matthews Band concerts! I'm getting out of here! [opens the cellar door and a monster from off screen roars at Johnny potentially to make him scream and forcing him to go back up]
[to Johnny]
Shut up, already. It's impossible for me to think with all your noise. [opens the cellar door] Sorry, Glen! Go back to sleep! [closes in and Glen roars down the bottom in reply]
Johnny Uh, can I just ask, what exactly is this place?
"What is this place?" [goes to the window opens it and speaks in a dramatic manner] It is a place I build for all those monkeys out there lurking in the shadows, hiding from the persecution of human kind. A place for them and their families to come to and free themselves. A place void of torches, pitchforks and angry mobs! A place of peace, relaxation and tranquility.
Johnny Cool, so it's like a hotel for monsters?
[pause; slightly annoyed]
Yes, exactly. A hotel for monsters. Way to sum it up. Okay, hop on my back. We’re leaving. [turns into a bat]
Johnny [Drac, in bat form, is carrying Johnny and heads out the window]
If I put my hand in the Invisible Man's mouth, would it disappear?
[surprised]
Mavey! Wh-what are you doing, my sweet little blood orange? Our friend was just leaving.
Johnny Yeah, he was flying me out the window.
[nervously laughs, then takes Johnny back inside]
This guy is so funny. [turns into human and moves Johnny away from the window] Oh, look there's something on your face. [to Johnny, in a soft tense tone] Play along if you ever want to see your precious backpack. [Mavis flies in through the window and turns back into her human form]
Johnny [amazed]
Whoa. So, wait, you didn't have any clothes on when you were a bat or were they bat-sized?
[whimpers while thinking of a lie, then...]
Honey bat, you see... it's your birthday, and you know, I want you to have the bestest, specialest party of your life, so… well… I... needed some help.
You needed help?
Well, look, I am pretty good, but I thought that it would be even more bestest, specialest if someone closer to your age helped plan the party.
Johnny Sure! Uh, well, how old are you?
118.
Johnny [hysterical]
100 and–!? [Drac elbows him] Ugh! [strained] Yeah, uh… I'm 121.
Johnny [nods]
Mmm-hmmm.
Johnny So, can I ask you a question? Is that real, about the garlic thing?
Yes, I cannot have it. My throat swells.
Johnny Huh. Wooden stake to the heart?
Yeah, well, who wouldn't that kill?
[Drac and Johnny are in the catacombs, and Dracula sees another door]
Oh, boy. I think this is it. [opens the door and it shows the Skeleton Wife having a shower]
Skeleton Wife
[notices them]
Ahhh! What happening?
Skeleton Husband [bursts in]
What is wrong with you people?! [throws a loofah at Dracula and closes the door]
Johnny [Drac and Johnny are still walking in the catacombs trying to find a way out]
Oh, man, this place is amazing!
Okay, I could really use some silence right now.
Frankie
[Frank spots Johnny and threateningly advances toward him, and Drac gets in his way] [points at Johnny]
Who is that?
Johnny [whispering to Drac]
Are these monsters gonna kill me?
Johnny Huh? That's kinda racist.
We'll talk later.
No, no! Of course not, because he's... [stops Johnny from imitating]
He's your cousin, Johnny-stein.
I don't have no cousin.
No, no, you do. He's your 6th cousin, 3 times removed.
Johnny-stein [holds up his right arm]
On your right arm's side.
Frank, if your arm can talk, it would tell you that the original owner of your arm had a brother...
Johnny-stein ...Who married a woman...
...Who was... [makes killing gesture]
Johnny-stein ...For strangling a pig.
I have pig strangling blood in my arm!? That's kinda cool. [to Johnny] Well, Cuz, great to meetcha. [shakes Johnny's hand, but his whole body's shaken multiple times hitting the floor]
Johnny [frightened]
Ahh! What was that?! (Oh, you're the Invisible Man, right?)
Oh, sorry. I should really clear my throat before I speak. (And yes, I am, but... call me "Griffin".) Anyway, what brings you here?
Johnny [nervous]
Oh, uh... Party Planner?
[playing along]
Yes! I've recruited Mister, uh... Stein here to help me with Mavis' birthday party.
Wait a minute. You asked someone to help you?
Captain Control Freak?
It's "Count"… and yes, I thought having a Mavis contemporary would be useful.
Johnny Yeah, he totally needed a fresher perspective. [Dracula glares at him]
Okay, Johnny. Mr. Tight Coffin over here was planning to have these powdered lame-o's play at the party.
Johnny Whoa! You all play? Let's check you guys out!
[Griffin is playing the drums] [singing]
Seems like only yesterday, you were eating mosquitos
All
[singing]
But now your eating frogs and mice
All
[singing]
Tell me, where did the time go, girl?
Johnny Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, guys. Stop. That's cute, but kinda old school.
Yes, thank you, Johnny.
Johnny You got to totally tempo things up. Here let me show you. Werewolf man, give me a jam! [Wayne gives him a "jam".] 2, 3, 4! [singing] Vampire girl with the fangy fangsHair real cute with the bangy bangsLittle princess gonna be a queenLegal bat lady turning 118, say 118!
Audience
118!
Johnny Yeah! Stage dive! [stage dives to the floor] Awesome!
I'm so blown away right now!
I think my cuz is gonna make this the best party ever!
Yeah! Maybe he can find a way to get me some chicks.
Audience
We should do a dance contest.
We're not doing any of that! We've got to stay on schedule, alright?
Johnny I don't know. Is it cool with Dracula?
All
Johnny, come with us.
Johnny [Drac just forced Johnny to leave and then he disappears]
I can't believe I'm leaving, man. I could've been so great! Dude, you ruined everything! Suck my blood? Should've said, "I'm staying, old man!" Give him a Bruce Lee kick. Boom! Right in the f-- [a bat appears and he wails] AH! Oh, my God! Count Dracula, please, don't kill me! I'm leaving, I'm leaving! [looks up and the bat turned out to be Mavis, who is now in human form] Oh.
Johnny Oh... No, no. Mavis, I can't. I have to leave.
You sure? It'll be fun.
Johnny [quickly]
Okay.
Johnny Awesomeness.
[Drac and his friends are relaxing in the sauna talking to each other]
When's that Johnny kid gonna be done party planning? He's a great hang.
Yeah, he's an animal, and it was so nice seeing Mavis laughing and hitting it off with him.
I'm sorry. "His kind"? Are you saying our kind's not good enough for you, "your lordship"?
No, no, no! Frank, I didn't... I meant that she wouldn't be into someone with... uh... such, red, curly hair.
Why are you getting upset?
Well, how was I supposed to know that?! [in a later scene; nervous] Look, settle down, fellas. This is all a moot point, because Johnny... He left.
Yes! He decided he didn't like Mavis, or any of us.
Johnny [falls through the roof after having a romantic scene with Mavis, and lands on Drac's lap; Drac is scared at first, then gives him an angry glare; smiles nervously]
Hi…
Hmm. I guess Johnny had second thoughts.
Johnny
[to Mavis, who's approaching him closely so she could kiss him]
Um, Mavis, I'm crazily scared right now.
Drac
[A suit of armor alerts Drac to Mavis kissing Johnny, and he is enraged; then quickly separates them] [whispering to Johnny]
How could you, after I shared my pain with you!?
Johnny
[frightened]
But-- No--
Dad, it was just a kiss.
Drac
No, you're not allowed to kiss!
Dad, I'm allowed to do things. I'm not 83 anymore. I'm allowed to like people or go see the world again.
Drac
What?! You saw it! You-you said you didn't like it!
Maybe I want to give the village another chance. I need to learn, you know, how to roll with it like Johnny does.
Dracu
No, no, you can't go to the village again!
Maybe you can make them see that we can be friends.
Drac
No, that isn't possible!
Well, you can't be sure. It's all in how you present yourself!
Drac
No, that won't make a difference!
How do you know?!
Drac
Because it just won't!
Why?! Why won't it?!
Drac
BECAUSE THAT VILLAGE DOESN'T REALLY EXIST! (OKAY?!) [the music stops, and Mavis and the other monsters are now in a state of shock; a string on Frank's guitar breaks]
What do you mean... it doesn't exist?
Drac
I– [defiantly] I did what I had to do.
Drac
I… I built the town, the staff put it all together, the... the zombies dressed up as the townspeople.
Zombies [grunting]
Uh-oh. [Mavis heart-brokenly wanders]
Drac
[follows her]
Please, i-if you really went out there and something happened to you, I... I just couldn't live with myself!
But you could live with this - lying to me, tricking me, keeping me here forever when you knew my dream was to go?
[Drac opens his mouth to say something, but a muffled noise is heard] [enters the ballroom]
Liar, liar!
Uh-uh-uh! [muffled speech; translation - "Dracula has brought a human into the hotel!"]
Eunice English please. Your voice is really annoying.
Fly Wait, I speak frozen. He says Dracula has brought a human into the hotel.
Gremlin Wife
[The crowd gasps]
A human?
Gremlin Husband
[hugs her]
Stay close, Pookie.
Fly [Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "There is ze human!"]
He says "There is ze human!". He has a French accent.
[Johnny starts to walk out the doors, but they shut and he sees Esmeralda growling like a dog in front of him. Johnny, Dracula and the monsters gasp.]
Johnny's not a human, he's my right arm's cousin. [glares at Quasi] He's lying!
Yeah, and why is he picking his nose?
Fly [Quasi has another muffled speech; translation - "A long story."]
He says it's a long story.
Johnny
[to Esmeralda, who's running amok in his face and hair]
Hey! Wait! No! Get off me! Ah! Ew! [Esmeralda squeaks as she wipes away Johnny's make-up, completely blowing his cover.] (Oh, boy…)
Fly [Quasimodo has another muffled speech; translation - "Behold ze human!"]
He says "Behold ze human!".
[Among the panicking monsters, Mavis walks closer to Johnny, as he gives a worried and regretful expression]
Is it true? Are you a human?
Johnny
[guilty]
Yes… I'm so sorry…
Jonathan
(Really?) [sighs in relief and wants to hug her back until he sees Drac looking really worried, and he remembers what he told him earlier]
Uh... Well, tough! 'Cause I don't want to be with you, because... you're a monster! [Mavis gasps] And I hate monsters! [heads to the door] Goodbye! [as he leaves, he scares Murray by trying to give him a Bruce Lee kick]
Please, don't hurt me!
[Johnny gives Mavis one last stare of hatred and heartbreak and heads out the door. Drac tries to comfort the heartbroken Mavis, but she angrily wheels around and faces him.]
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! [turns into a bat and flees the room, leaving Drac to feel bad about her]
Monster 1
[The other monsters, also angry with Drac for his lies, leave the room as well.]
We're getting outta here!
Monster 2
I am never coming back here!
Monster 3
"Human-free"!? What a rip!
Monster 4
I thought I smelt a human.
Monster 5
Oh, yeah, ice machine? Also broken!
Martha [voice-over]
Two lonely bats crashed in the night…They felt a Zing, love at first sight.They knew right then, they would be husband and wife.For a Zing only happens once in your life.Your Zing will come, my love… Cherish it.Love, Mommy.
Drac
[surprised]
You and Johnny?
I guess it was only me, but you should be happy, Dad. There's no reason for me to leave. I have no more dreams. I'm just like you now.
Jonathan! Jonathan, can you hear me?! [sees a Twilight movie on the plane]
Edward
Tell me, do you dream of being a vampire?
This is how we're represented. Unbelievable. Jonathan! Jonathan, can you hear me?!
Johnny [notices]
Whoa, bat! Wait, it's talking. Dracula, is that you?
Johnny Huh? Dracula… [on Drac's side] I can't understand you!
What, "my hand's in a tan shoe"?
Johnny [on his side]
What, "Japan's eating lamb stew"? [Drac slumps his shoulders and makes an irritated look. This isn't working.] Hey, do you know you're smoking? [Drac flies into the plane's windshield to make an announcement for Johnny]
Pilot
What the heck? How'd a bat get up this high? Folks, I'm gonna turn on the seat belt sign just a precaution while we–[[Drac uses his magic powers to tell the pilot that he wants to take over his voice] While we hear a special announcement for my dear friend, Jonathan.
Johnny Dracula?
Pilot (Dracula): My dear boy, I have made a terrible mistake. I was trying to keep my baby to myself, because I knew I would always protect her… but I realize now children need to discover things for themselves. They'll stumble and fall, laugh and cry, but such is life. The truth is... you and Mavis are meant to be. You zinged! If she must give her trust to someone else, I'm thankful that it is you, Jonathan. I hope you can hear me, and forgive me.
Plane Crowd
[sees Dracula in bat form outside the window]
AAAHHHHH! [Jonathan sees Dracula outside the window also, and gives him a smile and a thumbs up to show his acceptance of Dracula's apology; Drac smiles also]
Pilot (Drac): Okay, folks, we're going to make a quick turnaround to... refuel, and then we will be back on our way. [the crowd groans angrily] Quit your whining! I'm burning up out here!
You know, Mommy already gave you her birthday present. Can I now give you mine? [shows Mavis a black and pink backpack with the hotel's logo on it]
Oh, it comes with an accessory. [turns the backpack and reveals a smiling Johnny]
Johnny
[lovingly]
You.
Why are you back?
Johnny
'Cause you're my zing, Mavis. (And will you marry me?)
Jonathan
Yeah, well, I was afraid your dad was going to suck all the blood out of my body if I didn't say that. (So, that's why I said I hated monsters.)
Dad!
Johnny Can we try that kiss over again?
[Mavis and Johnny lean to kiss but are interrupted by Dracula snarling with his monkey face and the 2 blankly stare at him] [looking embarrassed]
Sorry! I– I just... I gotta get use to that. Now go. Do... do your thing. [hastily leaves as Mavis and Johnny make their best kiss]
Ending: Zing Song[edit]
Johnny I thought I found a loveBut she was just a flingAnd then I met a girlAnd felt a different thingIt's like you're hit in the ringLike you're pulled by a stringCan't breathe like you're chokingOn a chicken wingIt was a thing called a ZingAnd I wanted to singAnd listen to the balladsOf the man named StingLady looks in your eyesAnd it suddenly springLike when Nala looked at SimbaIn the Lion King
Zinging in the airAnd I don't have a careI'm winging from the zingThat we shared
Zinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain
Murray and Mavis
It's a real time for celebrating
'Cause you're my Zing
Johnny Drac, ready to throw down?
No, no. I just came closer to hear you better.
Johnny Oh, come on, just give it a try!
Alright, maybe just a little bit. [starts to rap] So listen all you zingers from here to BeijingYou better grab a box of strings and get ready to cling cause if love was money, you'd better be yelling "cha - ching",'Cause next to Zing, cupid's arrow's
Drac and Johnny
A little bee sting!
It was a Zing and a Zang and a Zingidy-deeAnd there was only one ladyIn the Zing for me cause when you Zing
Johnny When you Zing
You better know one little thing the only bling you're gonna sling
Johnny and Drac
Is a wedding ring!
Mavis and Murray
[Drac freezes his friends, Mavis and Johnny, The crowd cheers. Drac unfreezes the gang.]
Zinging in the air
[freezes his friends and Mavis again]
Now I don't have a careI'm winging from the ZingThat we sharedZinging in the rainNow I'm feeling no pain [unfroze his friends and Mavis again]
Mavis and Murray
It's a real time for celebrating'Cause you're my Zing
Drac and Johnny
[rapping]
Feel the Zing, y'allBa-da bring, y'allGonna knock you right outta that ring, y'allBetter bring, y'allHappening, y'allPay attention to the undead king, y'allHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
All
HO HOHO HOHO HOHO HOHO HO
