Right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.
[laughs]
Hey, Buck. Welcome back, buddy.
Wait. This half-a-snack is the dinosaur whisperer?
And expert salsa dancer. [scats] Whoo! I have one eye but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth] Ah...
And this must be Nectarine.
Semantics, my dear. I am deeply honored.
Sweet eye patch. Very gangsta.
Thank you. [to Peaches] I like this kid.
Buck. What are you doing here?
Well, I... [stops to stare at Stump for a moment then zips close to it] What? I'm trying! But how do you tell someone they're doomed? [to the mammals] He's stumped.
We're not doomed, Buck. It was just a meteor shower, and the show's over.
[hops close to Manny's face]
Oh, quite the contrary, old chap. It's just beginning. You see, I found a prophecy.
[?] [Crash & Eddie keep drumming all the time until Manny takes the drum sticks away, much to their disbelief]
Do you mind?
Boy, he really sucks the fun out of everything. Doesn't he?
I read this tablet front to back. And the story it tells is very disturbing. Every hundred million years or so, the world gets a cosmic cleansing. Before the dinosaurs, there were these horseshoe crab-looking thingies. Ugh! Yuck. Then, at the bottom of this mountain range, an asteroid hit. Boom! Bye-bye. Next, dinosaurs, mountain range, asteroid. Boom! Bye-bye. And coming up next, mammals. Mountain range, asteroid, boom! Bye-bye.
[chuckles]
Stupid mammals.
Yep, and there she is. The mother of all asteroids screaming towards us. Even going underground won't save us this time.
Hey, that wasn't there before. And look what it's doing to the sky.
No worries. Because I've got a plan.
Really? To stop an asteroid?
[shows the tablets on the prophecy]
Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the Earth in the same spot. And it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.
That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.
Let me get this straight. Instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it?
I know it sounds suboptimal, but the good news is it'll kill us no matter where we went. Well, that's reassuring.
Okay, but even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?
Ah, my cynical friend. The dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate, and we can change ours, too. Who's with me?
[the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]
So, what do you think?
Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.
[in high-pitched voice]
No! Don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [in normal voice] Sorry. I just love playing devil's advocate. And looking fabulous!
Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?
But what if he can't this time?
I don't know what to believe. But I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.
CA Crash and Eddie
[salute in unison chorus.]
Crash and Eddie reporting for duty.
[laughs]
Doody. [he and Crash laugh]
Excellent! And dirty word processed. Now, we better get on the road because time till impact is roughly...2 days, 4 hours, 1 minute and 16 seconds. 15 seconds, 14 seconds...
I think we're all gonna get it.
Whoo! We look so cool. Whoa!
[???] [roaring]
Where is he? When I am through with that one-eyed weasel...he's going to need two eye patches.
I admire your bloodthirstitude, Gertie. But you heard them. An asteroid is coming. This changes things.
Holy freezballs! It's freezing up here. Parts are retracting into other parts.
Would you please stop acting like a parakeet?
It's a good thing you got your mother's eyes... or you'd be totally useless.
Well, that's just hurtful. '[screams]
[sighs]
Nothing. Nothing. Deadly asteroid screaming towards Earth. Wait! There he is. That's too bad. He is really far away. Probably too far to reach by flight. [snaps his fingers] Oh, well. Let's just go home.
We are not retreating! Until that weasel came along, our family made an honest living stealing dino eggs.
An honest living. Stealing. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Besides, why take out the weasel if the asteroid is just gonna take us out?
So much sight. So little vision. If we stop the weasel and his friends from diverting the asteroid... Kablooie! It kills the weasel and everyone else... while we glide safely above it all. It'll be our paradise.
That's seems highly implausible. Just from a scientific standpoint. [Gavin and Gertie growl and glare at him.] Fine. It's a great plan. Dynamite! One of the top three or four species annihilation plans I've ever heard.
That's better. Now let's make sure that asteroid hits.
Why can't we just fear the apocalypse like a normal family?
[crying]
All I wanted is true love. Is that too much to ask? [crying]
Because the world is mourning my loss. [screams]
Ellie? Peaches? Where is everyone?
CA Crash and Eddie
Ta-da!
Happy Anniversary, honey!
Anniversary? [realized] Oh, no. That's the thing.
Okay! Now it's your turn, Bro-Dad!
We wanna see what you got, Ellie.
A All
Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny.
Hey, hey. Right. Uh... So, how about another hand for Ellie?
MM Male Molehog
Yeah. Oh.
FD Female Diatryma
He forgot!
FG Female Guest
I feel so bad for Ellie.
MM Male Molehog
He didn't forget. That's how big Manny's love is for her!
MA Manny and Sid
Nice save with the light show. Wait, you didn't do this? Then who did?
Oh, Manny. I was so afraid you'd forgotten. But you lit up the sky for me? How'd you do it?
Uh, well... A magician never reveals his secrets.
I keep picturing our own kid in there. He'd be the best one.
Either way, we've been over this, Diego. Kids are afraid of us.
L Lily
Are they gonna eat us?
DA Diego and Shira
Hi, kids!
Wow, Dad. Best present ever.
You, sir, are an education in marital excellence. I'm really gonna miss you guys when we leave.
Um, actually, I haven't told them yet.
I thought you guys were gonna live with us the first couple of years.
I know. But Julian and I kind of want to roam for a while.
Yeah! Travel, explore, just go wherever. No plan is the best plan. That's my philosophy. Hors d'oeuvres?
That's not a plan, or a philosophy or very safe.
Dad, we're young. We can worry about being safe when we're old and boring. Like you and Mom.
I think we should just...
Excuse me! This is a family discussion.
But aren't I part of your family?
Are you sure you can't come with us?
Oh, Sidney, I wish I could. But we both know this is for the best. You've got your whole life in front of you. Besides, I'll have Granny to keep me company.
Are you kidding? This place is great! Tonight's the big talent show, and tomorrow, naked bingo!
You coming, Gladys? I ain't getting any younger! Whoo!
You'll always be my one true love. [Brooke hands Sid a rock slab with her portrait she drew for him to remember her by] Here.
[Sid turns his back for a moment and then presents Brooke with the same thing, only his drawing is sloppy]
It looks just like you.
Now we'll be with each other forever.
[?]
What you need is more fiber.
He's right. [a small crystal from the asteroid drops into the tub; it sinks onto the cracked spot, making bubbles fill up and to make all of them young again]
(Huh?)
Oh. (What the–?) Ha! Hahaha! Shangri Llama's back on top, baby! [touches his beard while the Geotopia beaver returns to normal] Ooh, ahh, mmm.
[?] [his old man beard is gone, and he returns to normal]
Gladys?
[now becomes young, beautiful and fancy]
Well, hello, Teddy Bear!
[looks surprised, his ears make heart-shaped ears]
Mmm-hmm.
Hot tubbin' just got a whole lot hotter. [Teddy looks at Granny, while the Shangri Llama comes out of the water]
Amazing! It's like some kind of "Fountain of Never Getting Old!" Well, we can workshop the name later. [flowers bloom and turn young again, Brooke also young again too, she sighs]
Mi amor, so many ladies have tried and failed to strap a saddle on Sid the stallion. But I want to share everything with you. You're the wind beneath my fleas, the algae of my eye. Will you be my mate for life?
Francine Sidney? Sidney, where are you?
Francine. I need to ask... Ow! I need to ask you something. Will you marry...
Francine Sid, I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm breaking up with you.
What? But I planned our whole future! Our wedding. Our kids. Mommy. Our burial plots.
GB Gravedigger Beaver
[digging up two holes for their burials]
How you doing?
I even hired a band. [Sid's Mariachi band plays music] No, no. Not yet!
Francine Are you crazy? We've only had one date. It lasted 14 minutes!
Yes, but it felt like 20. [shows her a ring in his seashell]
Francine Ugh! I can't! A ring? I mean, I like the ring, but no. I can't. You're too clingy.
[zoom out to show Francine piggybacking Sid on her back]
How is this clingy?
Francine And by the way, you look nothing like your profile picture. Francine, you gotta start dating outside of your species.
Franny, we can work this out. Is this about the bikini? Ow! I didn't know it was poison ivy. Oh! Uh-oh. Franny. Franny, help! Somebody. Is it the eyes that hurt... or my soul? Ow! Definitely the eyes.
Oh, Brooke. You're so pretty. You take my lisp away.
I bet you say that to all the girls.
I try. But usually they run away too fast.
Oh, you're such a romantic. Hey, I know this is going to sound super forward, but... will you be my mate for life?
Oh, Brooke, I don't know what to say. It's only been twelve minutes. What took you so long? Yes! This has been the best last day on Earth ever. [gasped again; drops Brooke] A diamond! I need a diamond! Where can I find a... Oh! Perfect.
No, no, no. Sid, sweetie, don't do that.
Nonsense. Only the best for my one... true... love.
[Sid removes a crystal, and just like that, Geotopia crumbles]
Whoopsies!
No, no, no! Oaf! Simpleton! Nincompoop!
You talking to her or me?
That wall was the one thing keeping us young. Now we're all doomed! DOOOOOOOOMED! [the crowd gasped] And now, I think I have a fever. Thank you so much, doofus!
Hey! Easy there, Llama! This is the doofus of my dreams. He meant well.
Oh, "he meant well." Who cares?ǃ
300 years of peace and harmony undone by one colossally, incredibly... stupendously stupid sloth! [he turns old.]
[The rest of Geotopians, Teddy, and Brooke instantaneously turn old]
Oh, Brooke.
Wow! You guys got old. Whatever we had, it's over.
OT Old Teddy
That's what happens when you date a cougar. [crying]
I'm really sorry, Mr. Llama.
OS Old Shangri Llama
Sorry. Sorry? Sorry doesn't fix the wall now, does it, you little... [screams crazily like a goat.] I need a bubble bath or a massage. Who knows acupuncture? I need to let my anger out. LET IT OUT!!!! I've been pent up too long. Ahhhhhhhh! I want to hit something. Someone give me their face
That's it! Pent-up energy. Earth's most powerful propulsion device is right in front of us.
[shoves the Shangri Llama to the side]
The volcano! That's our magnet launcher. All we need to do is seal the steam vents around it.
That doesn't even make any sense.
And what are you? A professor of logic? Professor Kitty McWhiskers of the University of Meow Meow Meow Meow... [continuously pokes Diego's nose until he roars] You see? Tremendous pressure leads to a tremendous explosion.
And you call yourself a professor.
Right. We need all the crystals loaded into the volcano, pronto.
SL Shangri Llama (Elderly)
What? No! I'm not giving you my crystals. We need them to rebuild our sanctuary.
[Brooke whistles and everyone quiets] [whistles]
May I remind you, Geotopia is not yours to keep.
SL Shangri Llama (Elderly)
No, you may not.
It came from the sky, and now it's time to give it back.
SL Shangri Llama (Elderly)
Is not!
Is too, you old coot. Change isn't easy, but it's part of life. It's time for us to embrace it again. Whether you like it or not.
SL Shangri Llama (Elderly)
Not!
Listen, Llama, I will go nuts and granola on your butt! So either get on board or go twist yourself into a pretzel and na-ma-stay out of our way. Come on, everybody. Grab every crystal you can find.
A Animal
Totally, let's do it!
And remember, lift with your legs.
TE Teddy (Elderly)
[Teddy hurts his back] [grunts]
Too late.
Uh...Does that look like a problem to you?
A ball of fire heading directly towards us? Why would that be a problem?
What if you fall in a ditch and get amnesia? What then, huh?
Manny, we have a problem.
Not now. I have a problem.
D Digeo
This one's a little bigger.
Uh, okay. Party's over, everybody. Have a good night. And leave right now!
What are you talking about? The party just got started.
Yeah. [yawns] Just getting kind of sleepy. Everyone should go. And duck. Possibly cover!
Hey, what's gotten into you?
MS Male Start
Look! There's more coming!
MM Male Macrauchenia
Meteor shower!
MM Male Molehog
Manny's love is killing us!
I suppose this is all part of your magic show for me?
Can you guys deal with this later?
Come on. We need to take cover.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Me too! We're smoking hot, baby!
Those are ours! Are you okay? How many tusks do you see?
The cave! Get inside! Move! Move! It's okay, sweetheart. Daddy's...
Hey, it sounds like it's slowing down. Yup, it's definitely over. [chuckling nervously] [A meteor crashes in front of him, which obscures smoke on the screen. The smoke clears. Ellie turns Sid around, revealing him to be half burnt] Except for that one.
We might wanna think about moving underground for a while.
No worries, because I've got a plan.
Really, to stop an asteroid?
[shows the tablets on the prophecy]
Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the earth in the same spot, and it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.
That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.
Let me get this straight: instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it.
I know it sounds suboptimal. But the good news is, it'll kill us no matter where we went!
Okay. Even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?
Ah, my cynical friend, the dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate and we can change ours, too! Who's with me?! [the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]
Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.
[dressed up with a leaf hat, nicking a lady's voice]
No, don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [everyone just stares at Buck severely, and he laughs] Sorry, I just love playing devil's advocate. [singsong] And looking fabulous!!
Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?
But what if he can't this time?
I don't know what to believe, but I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.
[They break up]
Okay...I guess we're in.
CA Crash and Eddie
[salute]
Crash and Eddie reporting for duty!
Haha! "Dooty". [he and Crash laugh]
[she feels nervous to marry Julian]
I don't know. I don't know! What am I gonna do?
Sweetie, listen to me. This is normal. Okay? Everyone gets nervous.
[walks in on-screen]
What's going on? What happened?
It's just… I can't go! How can I go? I don't wanna leave you guys. [slight pause for five seconds]
Hey, fuzzball… remember the first time that we played hockey? You were so afraid to get on the ice because it was slippery. Remember how I held you up while you started to skate? And when I knew you were ready, I let you go.
I know you're ready, now you have to let go.
I always knew it would take someone very special, to match your spirit, and you found him. Just like I did. It's your time, sweetie. See the world, chase your dreams.
And whenever you decide to come back, we'll be here, okay? [they all embrace each other before Ellie gives Peaches a corsage on her head]
I need to ask you something. Will you marry...?
Francine Sid, I'm going to stop you right there. I'm breaking up with you!
What?! But I planned our future! Our wedding, [the camera pans over to a wedding service with empty seats] Our kids, [then shows their "kids" that are made of melons and mud sculptures] "Mommy!" ...Our burial plots...
B Beaver
[digs up two holes for their burials]
How you doin'?
I even hired a band! [Sid's Mariachi Band rise up instrumental notes] No, no! Not yet!
Francine Are you crazy? We've only had one date. It lasted 14 minutes!
Yes. But it felt like 20. [shows her a ring in his sea shell]
Francine Ugh! I can't! A ring? I mean I like the ring, but no. I can't, you're too clingy.
[zoom out to show Francine piggybacking Sid on her back]
How is this clingy?
Francine [takes off Sid off of her back]
And by the way, you look nothing like your profile picture. [walking away and muttering to herself] Francine, you gotta start dating outside of your species...
We can work this out! Is this because of the bikini? [gets a leaf thrown at his face]
What you need is more fiber.
GS Geotopia Shovelmouth
He's right. [a small crystal from the asteroid drops into the tub; it sinks onto the cracked spot, making bubbles fill up and to make all of them young again]
(Huh?)
Oh. (What the…?) Ha! Ha, ha, ha! Shanghai Llama's back on top baby! [touches his beard while the Geotopia beaver returns to normal] Ooh, ahh, mmm.
[his old man beard is gone, and he returns to normal]
Gladys?
'Granny: [now becomes young, beautiful and fancy] Well, hello, Teddy Bear!
[looks surprised, his ears make heart-shaped ears]
Mmm-hmm.
Hot tubbin' just got a whole lot hotter. [Teddy looks at Granny, while the Shangri Llama comes out of the water]
Amazing! It's like some kind of "Fountain of Never Getting Old"! [plants and bushes turn young again] Well, we can workshop the name later. [flowers bloom and turn young again, Brooke also turns young again too, she sighs]
